Friday, March 2, 2012

Housewives Hunter

So, this week on the Real Housewives of Orange County, it wasn't all laughs. Frankly, it was awkward chuckles at best. Wow. Vicki and Tamra discuss Gretchen, Alexis and Heather meet for lunch, Gretchen and Slade do their comedy routines, Eddie wants to move in with Tamra, and Briana has a serious talk with Vicki. There's so much going on, I think I need a Valium.

Here we go.

Gretchen: Well, I gave you and Slade the benefit of the doubt and you proved me wrong. So wrong. Your set was confusing because you weren't setting up the jokes correctly. I wish you would have just focused on being charming and being a good host for the evening. It really wasn't expected that you had to be funny. You're a fun girl, you would have done better just chatting with the audience. Instead you pulled the whole bikini stunt, and it just seemed forced and uncomfortable. Slade's set was awful. I was willing to give him a chance, but damn, it was so bad. I know he had some bright spots, but I think he was too harsh on the other ladies. He took his anger out on them on stage, which was not a smart move. He should have been more self-deprecating and maybe slipped in a few digs, but that should have been the extent of it. He went way over the line. If he would have talked about himself and poked fun at himself, he would have gotten a much bigger laugh. The unflattering pictures were in poor taste. You had every right to be mad at him for doing his set that way after you asked him not to. And you're right, the sh*t is going to hit the fan now. Hopefully you can make the distinction that it wasn't you saying those things and that you were against it from the beginning. Gretchen's grade for the week: C.

Tamra: Your talk with Vicki about your friendship with Gretchen was almost painful to watch. I swear, how old is Vicki again? Maybe she just needs to be reassured that she's still your favorite. Which, again, is so childish, it's not even funny. Plus, you're enabling this idiotic behavior by babying her so much. I don't get it. Eddie talks about moving in, something most ladies would be absolutely ecstatic about, but you're not so sure. I totally understand your hesitation. You're not even officially divorced yet. And I totally agree - you need to find out who you are by yourself before you move forward with your relationship with Eddie. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be independent. I'm glad Eddie is supportive of you right now. Appreciate that and make sure you use this time wisely. Open up that business and grow as much as you can so you can be a better person and partner in the future. Tamra's grade for the week: B.

Vicki: Good God, get a grip, gurl (Trademark: Latrice Royale). Why are you so insecure about Tamra being friends with Gretchen? Seriously. I really don't understand why you're so upset about it. I concede that it is a little odd, maybe even strange, but here's the thing. You're overreacting about it. You should be happy Tamra is over the negativity and she's actually doing something positive for a change. But you're not. Is it because you are happiest when you're around negativity? I hope that's not true, but your little tantrum in your kitchen pretty much confirms it. On a much more positive note, your dinner with Briana was very touching. I really hope she's doing better. She's a great girl, I really like her. A voice of reason if there ever was one. Vicki's grade for the week: D.

Heather: I loved your frozen face at the stand up show. That expression of pure shock and cringiness was so priceless. I could watch your Botoxed mug all day. And those eyebrows are truly works of art. I love that you have lunch with Alexis and grill her about her "anchor" job, oh and then you totally bash her in your interviews. So wrong. It was so hilarious. But you are one b*tchy queen. Heather's grade for the week: C.

Alexis: I think you need to do some research and find out what an anchor actually does. You're more like a correspondent. I can't even get mad at you, you're so simple minded. You said you laughed all the way through Slade's set, probably because he was targeting the lowest common denominator of comedy. That's not a compliment. Alexis' grade for the week: F.

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