Friday, January 25, 2013

RHOA - You Damn Lyin' - Kandi Burruss

Happy Friday and thanks again for starting your weekend with my judgmental ass! Now, my ass has a say in this blog (when does it not?), because this week on RHOA we had the battle of the booties. Yes, this argument was on broadcast television nationwide. Thank you, Bravo. The question remains: would you rather have a donkey booty or a stallion booty? Here's my take on it. Donkey booty is Phaedra's thing - she made it into her trademark of sorts. She's been talking about her donkey booty since she arrived on RHOA and it's a running joke that's garnered a lot of attention and love from the viewers. She owns that. Kenya, on the other hand, is still brand new here. We don't know her. We really don't know her because she's made it so difficult to like her with all of her extra behavior. So, we're not exactly ready for her to come at us with any sort of product, to be perfectly honest. Plus, the name Stallion Booty or Stallion Work Out, whatever it is, is a direct attack on Phaedra's original product. Why on Earth would Kenya come for Phaedra with that name? More on this later, but if I had to choose, I'd have to go with the original, the Donkey Booty, because I appreciate originality and taking something that belongs to you and capitalizing on it. The word stallion never came out of Kenya until this week's show. Just saying. Enough about that. Let's start the weekend and give these girls their grades for the week.

Cynthia: I LOVED the scene where you were rehearsing with the kids for the fashion show!!! That was such a great scene and all those kids were awesome. Not many people know this, but I was in a fashion show when I was little - probably like 7 or 8 - and it was so much fun. Alas, that's where my modeling career began and ended, but enough about me. The fashion show was a complete success, which is a great reflection on your business, so I'm super happy for you. When you and Phaedra were talking in spell-talk I was cracking up, you two are way too good at that! Hilarious! Cynthia's grade for the week: A (I'm so proud of her modeling agency's success!).

Kenya: I understand you couldn't just let a juicy distribution deal go to waste, but seriously, you came for Ms. Parks with your Stallion work out video. Let's be all the way real, you wanted to take her idea and top it. Which didn't necessarily need to be a bad thing, but you turned it into a bad thing with your approach, your attitude, and your whole demeanor. Once again, your negativity ruined any good you could have accomplished. Why not call it the Miss USA Work Out? Something that has to do with YOU??? But like I said before, you did it to spite Phaedra and you will learn that the majority of the viewers do not like that sort of behavior. Really, spite doesn't get you far with us. Kenya's grade for the week: F (despite the fact that she clearly had a good distribution deal, she did not have to go after Phaedra so hard, it was ugly).

Phaedra: I like the way you handled yourself, and more than anything, how you reacted on the phone with Kandi! That was hilarious! That's the Phaedra I want to see/hear all the time!!! I think I'm more on your side now because you made it clear that you're not going down without a fight and you will take Miss Kenya to task for trying to bite your idea. I like that. Phaedra's grade this week: A (she is sassy and I love it!).

Kandi: I was going to tell you that calling Phaedra right after Derek J told you about Kenya's video was kinda childish, but you explained on Watch What Happens Live that you felt like you owed it to her to give her the scoop, since you're closer to her than you are to Kenya. Fair enough. Your scene with Kenya was hilarious, because you kept trying to explain to Kenya where she was wrong and she just kept missing the point over and over again. Talk about exhausting. I just want you to put her in her place one good time! Kandi's grade for the week: B (once she explained why she called Phaedra right away, it made a lot more sense to me).

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RHOBH - I'm Closing for Jennifer Lopez - Paris Hilton

Happy Friday! Now, let me know if you disagree, but wasn't this week's RHOBH really boring? This show is going downhill fast. I will go ahead and give them grades, but I feel like we've already talked about all this stuff before. So it's just getting really repetitive to talk about the same bullshit every single week. We need to move on, ladies! And gentlemen! Can I just shout out Paris Hilton and her "closing" for J.Lo? Yeah. She actually said that. Here are the grades!

Kyle (and Mauricio): Thank you, Kyle for telling Mauricio to can it at the dinner. Were you tipsy, Mauricio? That's the only reason I can think of that you wouldn't just shut up after all the chaos died down. Kyle, you were actually pretty tame this week, but I was disappointed you didn't make one Mannequin joke the whole time you were at that store. LOL! At the gallery, you definitely werked that headband/hippie look. I'm not saying it was the best fashion choice you ever made, but you werked it. Mauricio, I liked the bottle of gin as a peace offering, but you are too damn sensitive! Lisa made it clear they had to leave and it had nothing to do with you. It was awkward because you and Kyle are clearly on Adrienne and Paul's side - but you chose that side! You can't be mad when you get a little static because of it. Kyle and Mauricio's grade for the week: C (Kyle was alright but Mauricio got on my last nerve).

Lisa (and Ken): I loved that you both were so unbothered by the whole Mauricio thing, to the point where his bottle of booze barely registered! Hilarious! But still, it was a nice gesture so maybe a bigger thank you was in order. You two just make me laugh and I love that you defend Brandi but you also back off when necessary. You two have bigger things to worry about than this drama. Lisa and Ken's grade for the week: A (I love them, so sue me!).

Adrienne (and Paul): It's hard to really relate to you (both of you) right now because of the secrecy, because of the divorce, and because of the whole dating Rod Stewart's son thing. I'm just saying. But based on the brief appearance you made on this episode, you're standing united against Brandi's statement, which we still don't know what that even was, but ok, you're not going down without a fight. We get it. It's just hard for me to sympathize with people who won't even give us the story from their own perspective. How am I supposed to be on your side when I don't know what your side is? Adrienne and Paul's grade for the week: Pass (I can't grade them because I feel like there's too much I don't know).

Brandi: Thank you for finally getting up and walking away from that shit show of a dinner. You had to put a stop to all the back and forth about something that is ultimately your move to make. You are speaking to your lawyer - who is talking to Adrienne's lawyer. End of story. At the gallery, I liked how you were being very friendly to everyone and inviting everyone to Vegas. Nice gesture, absolutely. About Marisa, I can see where you're coming from, but you have to stop blurting out what you think about other people's relationships. It's ok to not state every single opinion you have (says the blogger who hands out imaginary report cards to reality stars every week). Brandi's grade for the week: B (she has to be careful with expressing herself and maybe work on getting a filter as soon as possible).

Taylor: Taylor, Taylor, Taylor. You always have to make it about you. Put down the wine and pick up the phone and call your therapist. This is just getting crazy. You have such animosity towards Yolanda because you can't stand that she has her shit together. How dare you comment on her marriage, which you know nothing about, and furthermore, who are you to imply anything based on David's marriage to your friend? That whole scene was ugly and you came across as a crazy, jealous nutcase. Please, focus on yourself and do not spout off your sob story to get the spotlight back on you ... with that said, you were totally fine at the gallery where ... you were drinking water! Stick with water, hun. Taylor's grade for the week: D (she made a complete ass out of herself at the dinner but was ok at the gallery).

Yolanda: It takes a certain kind of person to work so well with their ex, so I give you lots of credit. I have to bring this up, even though I know you won't care, but your comment to the construction guys at Mohammed's house was a little out of line. You aren't the first to say they need to learn English, and you won't be the last, but let's be real. It's not for you to tell anyone what they need to do. You're in California (so am I) and the whole bilingual thing is a sore subject that maybe you're not aware of. A lot of these guys just want to go to work, do a good job, and leave it at that. They're not trying to get approval or English lessons from you. In a sense, who are you to tell them what to do? They're doing their job. And if you want English speaking workers, that's who you should hire. Just saying. I loved the finished product, by the way. Yolanda's grade for the week: C (her comments about learning English didn't sit well with me, but that has more to do with my background and history than it has to do with what she said).

What did you think of this episode? Tweet me!

Shahs of Sunset - Sorry, Not Sorry - Mercedes Javid

Happy Friday, my friends! I'm so excited to do these blogs that by Friday, I'm like bursting with energy, so I hope that comes through in today's posts. Let's talk about Shahs of Sunset - I loved this episode. Everyone was getting along for the most part and we got a lot of quality family time, which is always great. I forgot to mention Omid's hair feathers last week, but thank the fad gods, there they were again this week! Is this a thing for guys? I didn't think so. GG, fix that, please. Anyway, the episode was a lot of fun so let's judge these reality stars!

GG: Thanks to Twitter, we know you and Omid have slowed down and you're not marching down the aisle any time soon. I have to wonder if his player ways haven't subsided? I liked the scene with you and MJ because you two were able to listen to each other and air your grievances without getting crazy. Which is awesome. I agree with you, it is annoying for someone to uninvite you to a trip and then bug you about how bad the trip is going. I hope you ignored her texts! At least for a few hours! Honestly, you were right to not want to hear about anything that happened on the trip at all. Now, you know I'm gonna flip out on you next week for waving that knife around (watch the preview here), but don't worry, this week's grade won't reflect that. GG's grade for the week: A (for actually COMMUNICATING!!!).

MJ: It's hard to watch these episodes with you and Reza getting along because we know things are not ok in real life right now. When you were on Watch What Happens Live, you spilled all the tea and let us know - especially on the Aftershow - that you feel wronged by Reza and his crew. And I honestly don't blame you. So, forgive me if I can't separate what's on the episode from what's happening now. With that being said, you were an awesome friend to Reza on this episode and it made me wish that you two would work out your issues and make up for good already. You were hilarious in the go kart race, by the way! As for your conversation with GG, you were wrong to blow up her phone about the trip and Asa and all of the Cabo stuff because it was insult enough to uninvite her in the first place. You just added insult to injury, so to speak, when you decided to give her the play by play of a vacation that she was so unceremoniously excluded from. However, you stated your case to GG and communicated with her - which, in my book, counts for a lot. MJ's grade for the week: B (she was a good friend this week and had an honest exchange with GG).

Mike: Congratulations on your girlfriend meeting your family, it went well! That's awesome! I have to ask, what's the deal with the teeth whitening? Isn't that dangerous? Anyway, you were very good with Reza's family and it looks like you got along with everyone in New York. No surprise there. Mike's grade for the week: B (I like Mike, but damn, those teeth are white enough!).

Reza: I'm so glad everything went well with your family and especially with your grandmother. There seems to be so much secrecy going on, so that definitely doesn't help you to make peace with all these things that happened when you were younger. I love that you forgave your dad and also, your grandmother, because you're absolutely right. You can't hold on to that stuff. You weren't there for all the problems between your grandparents, and no one is going to reveal what happened, so you just have to leave all of it in the past and trust that the love you have for your family is enough to move things forward from now on. You were on good terms with MJ this week on the show, but like I told MJ, it sucks that we know you two are on the outs again. You guys really need to work this out. Reza's grade for the week: A (the family stuff really spoke to me).

Asa: Ok, I hate saying this, but ... I'm a little tired of this whole diamond water thing. I'm not saying it's not a good idea, because it is. But you really just go overboard with this whole energy thing. I'm pretty sure the diamond was beautiful but you tried it when you said it was vibrating and giving you energy. Come on, gurl. Then, you had this whole ceremony thing in the warehouse ... I was just over it. I like you and respect you but that just got on my nerves. Having said that, if you like it I love it, do your thing. It's just not for me. And ... I have to point out that your Harlem comment was a little inappropriate. Just saying. Asa's grade for the week: D (I am over the diamond water at this point, sorry).

Lilly: Oh my God. You are the blind date from hell. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??? Lilly's grade for the week: FAIL (that date was terrible! Come on!)

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Mob Wives - I'm Gonna Pop a CapUllary - Karen Gravano

Happy Friday!!! I am so happy to be blogging - this Friday thing is exactly what the Dr. ordered. I have time to ruminate and marinate on these shows and give you a more rounded out opinion, versus my snap judgment. I do want to address something I forgot last week: at the botox party, I need to point out that Renee was the one that assumed Carla didn't come to the party because she didn't want to see Love, which was total bullshit and then Renee told Love that fairytale. I just needed to get that out there. This week, we saw the ladies each dealing with men - Renee and Junior, Carla and her ex, Drita and Lee, Karen and Dave, Ramona and her boyfriend, Love and all the men she's tried to kill ... I actually really enjoyed this episode and all the drama that's unfolding. This may be my favorite season of Mob Wives yet. So let's hand out some grades, kids!

Karen: First of all, I have to say, I friggin' loved you on this episode. I got my life when you said "I'm gonna pop a capUllary" ... Oh my God ... that was hilarious. But seriously, the situation with your ex has got to change. There is no way that he's gonna stay in your house for free and have some girl leaving her undies in your daughter's room. There is so much wrong with that sentence it's mind boggling. I can't wait till next week to see you confront him. Also, you're smart to talk to a financial planner and try to figure out a way to make your money grow for you and your daughter. On another note, I wonder if your trips down memory lane while you're talking to every single person in the episode are necessary at this point. We truly do get it, you grew up in the "lifestyle". I still love you, though. Karen's grade for the week: B (all kidding aside, she is doing great this season).

Ramona: This is gonna surprise you, but I agreed with you 100% when you were talking to Karen and when you were talking to Renee. You gave them both great advice, and I loved it. As for your situation, you're doing the best you can, and I respect that. Ramona's grade for the week: A (I can't believe it, either!).

Drita: Seeing Lee again is going to be sooooo crazy for you, but I have a feeling you and the girls are going to get through it. And hopefully, Lee will not be going back to jail once he does get out. I think I do want you and Lee to try to be a family and I think you do too, for the girls and for yourself as well. You are still my favorite, by the way. I liked that you tried to sort things out between Love and Carla but damn, Love isn't playing around. You better tell Carla to keep it cute and smooth this out because it would be a shame for those two to go at it for something Renee made up/assumed. Drita's grade for the week: A (she is so fun and laid back this season, I'm loving it).

Renee: Congratulations, first and foremost, on deciding to go to rehab. That's a major step, and I'm super happy for you. I'm glad AJ finally came around and supported your decision, because at first, that conversation was not going well at all. Regarding Junior, whoever he's talking to knows your son. That's the only way he would know that you're having this issue with him about his dad. So, it's definitely a good thing you moved and hopefully, that's the last you'll hear from Junior. I wish he would just leave you alone so you can heal. The fact that he's the one that started over-medicating you to make sure you didn't realize what he was doing is just disgusting. I'm so sorry that happened to you, but you're already a lot stronger now. Maybe that's the lesson here. I do have to give you a little grief about the whole Love/Carla thing. You know you were wrong for that. As for burning all of the Junior memorabilia, I totally agree - get that toxic presence out of your life for good. And just know, we support you in your sobriety. Renee's grade for the week: C (she really has to stop creating issues between other people and focus on getting herself back together).

Love: The scene with your mom was so good! I loved it, and yes, you describing what a terror you were cracked me up. I can't help but be super curious about why you would try to kill all those men??? Do tell!!! Your scene with Drita scared me a little bit, only because you're going off of what Renee said - which is never a good idea - when you should really make sure Carla feels that way first. I mean, before you break her face, and all. Love's grade for the week: C (I think she's jumping the gun with this whole Carla thing, but other than that, she makes me laugh).

Carla: I can definitely see where you're coming from with the whole Joe/girlfriend thing. And it is kind of a slap in the face that he's created this little family atmosphere and you're not a part of it. However, I think part of the reason he's not including you is because your first reaction IS to hate his girlfriend and shit all over his relationship. And he knows that, so why tell you anything or let you in on anything, you know? Anyway, I think if you find a way to talk to his girlfriend and make an arrangement with her that you will be involved and respected, all of you can coexist and give the kids a good example. You know, adults working together and all that jazz. With Love, just let her know you didn't start any of this mess and you didn't go to the botox party for your own reasons - none of which have anything to do with her. Carla's grade for the week: B (she needs to sort things out with Joe and with Love and I hope she does so we can move on to other storylines).

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Friday, January 18, 2013

RHOBH - "Shut the Fuck Up" Part 2 - Brandi Glanville

Happy Friday, kids! Just letting you know, all blogs will be posted on Fridays from now on, so start your weekends with me and my judgmental grading system for reality stars! Cool? Cool! Now, let's get into this week's RHOBH. There was a Moroccan dinner which turned into a shouting match, big surprise with that was Mauricio and Ken getting into it, which I'll dissect a little later. And Kim and Kyle had a really nice moment there, which was lovely. Brandi is still the center of attention/controversy and Taylor did her best to change that - didn't work but, nice try. And shout out to Marisa for wearing the same dress as Kyle does in her confessionals! Holla! It's time to hand out the grades ...

Taylor: What exactly was your point at the dinner? Because it went from your lawsuit, to your finances, to Adrienne, to dating, then back around to not walking away and you sort of rallying Brandi and Camille to join you in an army of ladies who aren't married at the moment ... it was all sort of bizarre. And what's with you calling Lisa "Leeeza"??? I'm just confused. Taylor's grade for the week: D (I couldn't make sense of anything you were saying!).

Lisa: That swing set area was ADORABLE!!!!! I friggin' love Ken!!!! I loved that you reminded everyone that Adrienne came after you and no one had anything to say about it when it was you being attacked. However, you stood up for yourself and didn't blurt out any personal business of hers so she really couldn't go after you much after that. And good for you for reigning Ken in because he was about to spill some more tea on Adrienne and Paul, which we would have loved, but wouldn't be good for you and Adrienne going forward and being civil with each other. Lisa's grade for the week: A (I loved how you stated the facts and left it at that). 

Brandi: I don't think you were saying that you couldn't talk to Adrienne, I think you were saying you FELT like you couldn't because she got lawyers involved. I would be scared, too, shit! And you may not want to keep talking about how Adrienne started it if you're not going to spill all the tea about everything she's done and said, because at this point, I'm ready to hear it. Tell us everything, or don't say anything. I can see why you got upset with Mauricio, because he was really spewing out unsolicited advice, and you just really didn't want to hear it. You're dealing with it your way and it wasn't his place to tell you what to do. And honestly, it's too late anyway. Ken was sweet to defend you, and I think he did that because he knows you and knows that you already admitted you were wrong, making the whole lawsuit thing unnecessary. You probably shouldn't have let Mauricio get to you so much, but I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't have gotten pissed off if I were you in that situation. Brandi's grade for the week: C (you keep talking about this stuff with Adrienne but then you get pissed off when people weigh in on it - you have to just stop talking about it).

Kyle: You're still disappointed with Kim, although you two had a really great moment at dinner before Mauricio started his manifesto about what Brandi should do about Adrienne. I don't blame you for staying quiet while Mauricio said what he needed to say but damn, you could have told him to wrap it up a lot sooner. It really was unnecessary for him to get all worked up about it. About Kim, I've told you this a million times, when you stop expecting so much from her, you can just appreciate what she does do. She showed up, she apologized, just be happy with that. Kyle's grade for the week: C (the stuff with Kim is getting so old).

Kim: I was dying when you kept saying in your confessional, "when was I supposed to go to your house?" LOL! You clarified on Watch What Happens Live that you never had definite plans with Yolanda, but let's be real, you could have just blown off whatever plans you two had. Which isn't a crime! But we all know you're not good for keeping appointments. I loved that you apologized to Kyle but you two have a long way to go. Maybe you two need some distance because whenever you get too close, you start to provoke each other. You have a lot of issues piled up between you and your sobriety is the most important thing for you right now. But it was nice to hear you say on WWHL that you and Kyle are doing good right now. Your advice to Brandi was accurate - she shouldn't blurt out stuff about people - so I'm not mad at you for contributing to the discussion in that way. Kim's grade for the week: A (I loved the lifecoach, I loved the apology, and I wasn't mad at your candor at the restaurant). 

Yolanda: You're so out of place with these lunatics, but yet, you tell them exactly like it is. "Drink this juice." "Do this cleanse." "Call her." "Keep calling her." It's very school teacher and I like it! It just makes me laugh that you try to help these ladies out when they couldn't be more inclined to do the exact opposite. You get this week's Honorable Mention! 

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Mob Wives - "Boop Boop Boop Boop Boop" - Big Ang

Happy Friday! As you know, all blogs will be up on Fridays from now on, so don't forget to start your weekend with me. And grades! Grades for everyone! Well, mostly everyone. Now, let's talk about this week's Mob Wives. I was a little disappointed, especially because the drama at the botox party was a dud. All of Renee's scenes pretty much were leading up to this letter that Junior sends her - we'll see the drama unfold about that on Sunday night. This might be a short blog, but I'm still loving this season! These are my girls and I'm actually enjoying all of the storylines. So let's give out some grades! Reminder, if your favorite Mob Wife didn't get a grade this week, she just didn't grab my attention, that's all.

Renee: I don't blame you for wanting to move, but when you say you want to be in a high rise, you really should have told your real estate agent that because he was showing you anything BUT high rises. I say, move into the city and get yourself a nice penthouse or something like that. I can't say I understand the fear and anxiety you're going through on the show right now, but I can empathize with you and see that all you want and need is support and protection. I know we probably aren't going to see the support system that you have on the show right now, but hopefully, it's there and it's helping you. You're definitely still over the top and it's still funny to me. I loved that the whole build up of supposed drama between you and Love turned out to be nothing. But you were so happy when the conversation turned to Carla ... just ... hilarious. Renee's grade for the week: B (you're doing your best to keep it together but you just can't resist bashing Carla and that brings you joy like a kid in a candy store).

Carla: The situation with Joe is tough because your kids are around Raquel a lot. And they like her, so that's a plus. I don't think I totally believe you when you say you don't care if she lives with Joe, because you totally do care. What mother wouldn't? But don't get too excited, I don't think Raquel is in this for the long haul. No shade but shade, Joe looks like he's her father. Not her boyfriend. She's an infant. Carla's grade for the week: B (just keep cool, and don't worry about Raquel, I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about).

Drita: Watching you talk to Lee on the phone was like watching a teenager talk to her crush. The smile on your face was humongous. I just want you and Lee to work to make things better if you're thinking of getting back together. We can't have any fights like we've seen in the last two seasons. Your girls are so adorable and I love that you're building a company that they can take over when they grow up. And how awesome is it that you found the space for your business across the street from the Drunken Monkey (although that looked totally staged, but whatever, it was cute). Drita's grade for the week: A (I love that you're making progress and you look so incredibly happy).

Big Ang: You are the life of the party - even a fucked up botox party. Ugh, I would NEVER!!!!! I hate needles. But anyway, you are the Honorable Mention this week! Boop boop boop boop BOOP!!!!

What did you think of this episode? Tweet me!

Shahs of Sunset - "Better to Be a Red Hot Mess" - Reza Farahan

Happy Friday, everyone! I just want to let you all know that all blogs will be posted on Fridays from now on, so check in with me on Friday for all your reality tv happenings and of course, grades and rants. I really enjoyed this week's Shahs of Sunset episode, partly because I now feel like I know what it is to have a Cabo vacation, which I've never had. I also now realize I've never been on a yacht or anything resembling a yacht and now I can say I lived vicariously through my Persian princes and princesses on the show. But it wasn't all fun and games, so let's give out some grades.

MJ: I love that you proved that you're the life of the party and you don't care what anyone thinks of it. That just made me love you more. I love that you hugged it out with Asa, but the look on your face told me you do not trust her. It was hilarious when you said in your interview "I win" when Lilly left. Is that what it was about, really? That you can hang with Reza (and vice versa) and she can't? I'm just wondering why you were even threatened by Lilly in the first place. You know she is not going to take anything away from you. But then again, I know what it's like to be wary of new people, so I'm just going to leave it at that. And you're right, being a skinny bitch ain't everything. I do want to know why you had your dog's pills with you in Cabo, though? WTF? MJ's grade for the week: B (you did your thing and had fun, but I can't help but worry about those pills ...)

Reza: You are a shit-talker, but I can't stay mad at you. You definitely talk shit about everyone, so I'm thinking you're one of these equal-opportunity offenders. Not that it makes it any better. But this thing with MJ is really blowing up in your face. Really? Showing her ID and taking those pills out? Her reaction was great, because she really couldn't care less, but it just sucks that you air her personal info like that and really for no reason. I'm sure that because you're so close to her and you love her so much, you think it's ok, but it really isn't. I was happy to hear you admit that Lilly is indeed a buzzkill. She is. Was your statement that it's better to be a red hot mess than fake perfect directed at Lilly, perhaps? Because Bravo sure made it look that way. Reza's grade for the week: D (I love you, but you really embarrassed your best friend and I can't be ok with that).

GG: Congratulations on the event going so well. Even your sister had to admit that it was great, and she said she was proud of you, which really made me happy for you. That's awesome. I wasn't into all the games with Omid and Alex, but hey, whatever floats your boat. GG's grade for the week: A (you pulled the launch party off and you seemed genuinely happy).

Asa: I think you're on to something when you say MJ will not be cool with you because of your friendship with Reza - although she accepted your apology and really didn't do anything to you after that, even after the purse thing. I appreciate you apologizing for saying those things about her and for admitting that you don't even know if it's the truth. So, at least you came clean, and that's worth a lot in my book. I love that you laughed off all the jokes about your ass in that tiny bikini. Hey, that's a normal size ass where I'm from! I don't know what those people were talking about! But, then again, next to Lilly, my ass probably looks like a planet. Ya feel me? Speaking of Lilly, I'm with you. I want to see what's beneath the mask and the facade. Asa's grade for the week: B (you apologized and had a great time but there's still tension with MJ).

Lilly: I've been so on your side all these weeks, but this week, I cannot cosign you on this episode. Wow. How many times can you say you're grossed out? Why the fuck would you take a Birkin to a club? Why are you talking about your thighs and laser treatments and then asking Asa to go with you (that was the real shade)? We get it, you don't like drunk people. But seriously, you should have left Cabo after the second night if that were the case. MJ said on Watch What Happens Live that you USED to party but now you don't because you're on the show. I understand not wanting to be on camera all tipsy, but damn, you set yourself up now. It's just like when the Countess (Luann) started all that etiquette bullshit on RHONY. She painted herself into a corner and then she couldn't be herself. Don't let that happen to you. I like you but I don't ever want to hear you talk about how gross drunk people are ever again. And believe me, having a drink isn't going to make you look bad. It's how you handle it. Lilly's grade for the week: F (it pains me to do this, but you were a total vibe killer this week).

Mike: You made me laugh the entire episode. You were right on the money with your analysis of Lilly and your MJ impression was hilarious. You get the Honorable Mention this week!

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RHOA - "Ladies, Gentlemen, Girls, and Queens" - Kenya Moore

Happy Friday! As most of you know, I will be posting ALL blogs (about all shows) on Fridays from now on. So, just think of it as your weekly recap of all things ridiculous and reality show related. If there are any show you want me to watch/blog about, please let me know!

So, this week's RHOA centered around, what else, the donkey booty workout dvd. I love that Phaedra keeps calling it a "tape". That's a throwback and it makes me laugh. Anyway, I would just give my take on the Kenya vs. Phaedra mess, but of course I have to give my two cents on some of the other ladies who were featured in this episode. Reminder time, if your favorite gal is not in the blog this week, it just means she didn't make an impression on me.

By the way, is it just me or does every single episode start with Nene? I think Bravo is making sure she stays on for another season!

Nene: I love the Hollywood storyline and especially the behind the scenes look at what it's like to work on a sitcom. I've been very vocal all season about how much I like you on the show this season and that has not changed. I do think it's a wise decision to delegate some things to Gregg, but he's right, you've got to let go of the control so he can prove to you that he can actually take care of things. I learned that from the movie Date Night. Nene's grade for the week: A (keep working hard and PS I LOVED your Golden Globe outfit, courtesy of Carolina Herrera).

Kenya: Besides the whole Walter is gay thing, which I have no idea whether to believe or not, I really like your cousin!!! She needs to be on the show! I need to get to know her better. Anyway, let's just jump into the Phaedra/Donkey Booty debacle. First of all, we get it! You secured a distribution deal! No need to keep repeating yourself. Having said that, I agree with you. You deserve some compensation for securing that deal. However, did you really do all that work without securing a contract for yourself first? I'm just not sure why you would jump into all this work for a "friend" and not cover your ass before doing so. Seems a little naive to me. Especially because you claim to be such a business savvy professional. I'm just saying. Secure your check first before you go doing anyone any favors. But I'm sure you've learned that lesson by now. I have to clock you for approaching Todd about this bullshit at his birthday party. No, no, no. Kandi was right to shut that conversation down asap. You shouldn't have even bothered with that at that moment. You should have told Phaedra, "Ok, work with Todd. I'll cancel this distribution deal and we'll forget this ever happened." But no, you had to make another scene at the Bailey Agency (by the way, I am LOVING that you and Cynthia are good girlfriends now) and tell Phaedra that this made you sick and you're out. I think what's exhausting about you is that you are just a DRAMA QUEEN. Everything has to be a huge production with you! Hun, it's not that serious. You could have dealt with all this in a much more mature manner, because frankly in this episode, you were whiney as hell. And what sucks is, you were actually right! But your attitude made me forget that! I must give you credit for your exit from the Bailey Agency, which gave me the perfect title for this week's blog, so thank you. Kenya's grade for the week: C (you were right about the distribution deal - now you got me repeating it - but you really needed to let it go and stop talking about it).

Phaedra: Here's the issue. You think you're doing Kenya a favor, and she thinks she's doing you a favor. Take a page from my book: "THERE ARE NO FAVORS!" You are absolutely right about not asking for a fee to connect one person to the other, and I agree, you did not actually partner with Kenya in any way, shape, or form. But, you did accept her help and you did tell her that money was no object. So, WHY would you freak out over her budget? You should have told her that since no contract had been signed, you wanted to shop around, and that her distribution deal could still be on the table if she wanted to wait and see what other offers you got. The whole thing was just handled completely wrong from what we saw on the show. Furthermore, if you were going to talk to Todd and get a bid from him, you should have made it crystal clear to Kenya from the beginning that you were entertaining other offers. Or was that implied? It's so hard to tell on the show what other conversation have taken place before the drama. I actually respect the fact that you want to negotiate, but you needed to clue Kenya in because she actually thought she was the only game in town. You were absolutely right when you said you had defended Kenya in the past and that's why it's so odd to me that you wouldn't let her know that she wasn't your only choice. Phaedra's grade for the week: C (I feel the Kenya thing was mishandled and there was a lot of miscommunication because you said money was no object in last week's episode).

Kandi: I mentioned Riley this week, so I feel compelled to compliment you on letting her know how LUCKY she is and how out of touch she is with how most kids live. I think it would be good for her to do some charity work with underprivileged kids, homeless kids, etc so she can have that appreciation for everything she has. At any rate, I thought you put her in her place and I had to give you credit for that. Todd's birthday surprises were great, and I could tell he really appreciated all of the sweet things you did for him. And that dress! Those shoes! The hair!! You looked amazing!! I'm so happy you found your teammate, we're all so happy for you. Now, let me just give you a digital high five and YES GAWD! for shutting Kenya down when she wanted to talk about the Donkey Booty bullshit. I was LIVING for you telling her to basically get lost and get her life and have several seats all at the same time. YAAAASSSSS!!!!!! Kandi's grade for the week: A (you were giving me LIFE this week!)

Cynthia: Kudos to you for cancelling the casting call and putting Phaedra in her place for advertising something she didn't pay for. LOL! I just had to give you a shout out for that. I also respect the fact that you can be cool with Kenya and actually be impartial about the whole Donkey Booty situation. Cynthia gets an Honorable Mention instead of a grade this week!

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Friday, January 11, 2013

Vanderpump Rules - Persona Non Grata AKA Stassi

I just finished watching Vanderpump Rules, and my ruling is ... this show is not for me. I think it's definitely aimed at a younger crowd - ugh, let me pick myself up off the floor now, I'm officially old - but seriously, this is for the 18-24 year olds who can't relate to the drama on Housewives. Am I wrong?

Let's just call out the elephant in the room - Stassi. Super unlikable, super annoying. I can't really feel anything but irritated watching her boss everyone around or listen to her proclaim that she's descendant from royalty. Yeah, bitch, we all are. Get over yourself.

Scheanna, I can somewhat tolerate, just because she doesn't treat anyone like shit on this show. I also want to commend her for standing up to Stassi, because she's taken a lot of abuse from her. And this is only the first episode. I'm not so keen on her pop star hobby because some of us who actually can sing and want to sing (ahem ahem) would love for someone to hand us (cough cough) a chance at a music career on a silver platter, but of course, that doesn't happen for me ... I mean "us". Anyway, Scheanna seems like a good person and I'm sure she'll have more run-ins with the Stassinator. I just won't be watching.

Katie and Kristin are actually really likable and seem really cool. I'll miss them.

The men are all hot and I appreciate that. But the eye candy isn't enough to make me endure Stassi. Sorry 'bout it. But, sidenote, Jax - honey, run for your life.

Lisa's role on the show is great, and if she were on it more, I'd probably be all in. But I understand what's going on. It's the sidepiece to Housewives and the stars are the ensemble of hotties working at Sur. By the way, the show should have been called Sur. Because that's how I think of it and remember it, it's the show about Sur. Just saying.

I think this show is very reminiscent of the old Real World, which I loved when I was younger, so that'll definitely resonate with the "kids". Mama feels like an extremely old broad at this point and needs a Vodka-Metamucil.

What do you think of Vanderpump Rules? Will you watch? Tweet me!

RHOBH - We're All Human

Hi, friends! I finally watched RHOBH and ... it was just ok for me. I don't know if I'm just growing out of it or if we're just in reality tv slump, but this episode wasn't super entertaining to me. I'm sure next week will have a lot more excitement, including a blow up between Ken and Mauricio. So, I will cool my proverbial jets until then. In the meantime, let's hand out some grades. Again, if your favorite lady didn't get a grade, she didn't make enough of an impression on me one way or another.

Lisa: I thought it was very nice of you to make sure Brandi was ok after leaving Kyle's dinner, and then you orchestrated the sit-down with Scheanna to a T. I think your role in this episode was pretty much to introduce us to Sur and your new show Vanderpump Rules, and you succeeded. Lisa's grade for the week: A (she was a good support system for Brandi in this episode).

Kyle: I appreciated the fact that you didn't necessarily take sides at your dinner between Faye and Brandi. You let Brandi leave but you showed her you were worried about her, and then you joined the rest of your guests. I will say, watch out for Faye. She wants the spotlight and she chose your dinner to show out and embarrass Brandi. Don't think she won't do it again. About Kim being at a cigar bar, you know, you can't really react to it. All you can do is ask her about it and hope that she's honest with you. You're still hurt about not being invited to Kim's son's birthday, which is understandable, but not surprising. We are talking about Kim here. I really liked the scene with you and Marisa doing yoga - you both were really funny together. Kyle's grade for the week: B (she handled the dinner party as best she could in spite of Faye).

Taylor: I know you got a lot of heat for this week's episode, but - you're gonna be shocked - I wasn't at all bothered by your behavior this week. You got upset about settling your lawsuit with some of your possessions, which I can sort of understand. My only issue is, if you're that hard up for money, meaning you thought you had a trust and it was empty, wouldn't you sell some of your possessions just to survive? I've never been in your situation, but when I was extremely broke at one point, I pretty much sold every piece of jewelry I had, which I totally regret now. But I had to do what I had to do. So, it's a little hard for me to feel sorry for you when you say you have no money, yet you have designer bags and probably a lot more in the way of tangible assets that you could use to live. Does that make sense? I'm just saying, if I were you, I would have sold all my shit a long time ago to pay for bills and settle lawsuits, and the only tears I would have shed would have been grateful tears - grateful to have the good fortune to have all that good shit to sell in the first place. Again, I'm just saying. Taylor's grade for the week: C (she's doing what she thinks is best even though I don't understand it).

Yolanda: It was great to see you with your family, but ... you gotta watch what you say. I'm sure you got flack for the lesbian comment. I understood what you meant about sports changing your daughter's body and that probably wouldn't be good for her modeling career. No problem there. But to say that you thought she was a lesbian because she wore basketball clothes to school everyday was not cool. In my experience, sometimes girls wear clothes that cover up their changing bodies because they're still not comfortable with what's happening physically. It certainly doesn't mean they're lesbians. And if she were a lesbian, I'm sure you wouldn't have a problem with it. Your comment was an off the cuff joke of sorts and I can see where you were going, but as you probably already know, some will rake you over the coals for that kind of statement. Yolanda's grade for the week: C (I don't think she realizes how some of the things she says come across to viewers).

Adrienne: It was nice to see you and Paul working on your skin care line. It was a nice scene overall, with the typical bickering we've come to expect from the two of you. When you said you were taking a break from the "girls" I honestly thought that was a great move on your part. It looked like you were focusing on your family and letting the smoke clear before jumping back in to the drama. And I believe you when you say the comments Brandi made stirred up trouble in your marriage. However, the trouble was there all along. Adrienne's grade for the week: B (she's laying low this week, which is smart).

Brandi: I thought it was cool of you to talk to Camille before meeting with Scheanna, since you both had similar experiences with ex-husbands. And Lisa was there for you in a major way, which I love as well. The talk with Scheanna was actually very productive and almost uplifting. I'm sorry that you had to find out some not so pleasant things about people that you thought were your friends, but honestly, they were probably covering for Eddie and thinking they were somehow protecting you. Or they just didn't want to get involved. I was proud of you for showing Scheanna a little kindness at the end by touching her shoulder - it showed you're not a vindictive person. It was almost as if once you heard her side and she acknowledged what she did was wrong, you could see her as a person and not this monster that ruined your life. She was human, finally, in that moment and you could really just communicate with her and leave the past behind. Brandi's grade for the week: A (she had the conversation no one wants to have and ended it with class).

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Thursday, January 10, 2013

RHOM Lost Footage - Pocketbooks and Coffee, Courtesy of Mama Elsa

The Lost Footage episode of RHOM was almost like a complete episode from this season. There weren't nearly enough scenes from the reunion - and no manila folder, dammit! So I'll just give my thoughts about each scene we did get.

1. Animal Shelter - really great cause and I was happy to see Joanna, Marta, and Lisa helping out the puppies and dogs. Nice!

2. Karent reveals she's 39 (Rodolfo is 40, see? She's not older than him!) and talks about her charity. We see an event where she does free dentistry for children and it was a cute scene overall. By the way, Karent clarified she has a publicist because she was an actor before becoming a dentist and she uses the PR for her charity as well. Point for Karent.

3. Adriana's movie debut - I'm not one for gory horror movies but I'm happy for Adriana for getting the part and taking it so seriously. And kudos to her for getting her kid a role, too! We get to see Joanna allege that the producer approached her and ask her if she wanted to work with him. We're all sick of this beef between Joanna and Adriana, so that bit wasn't needed at all. Then, we see Adriana's rehearsals and run throughs with the fake blood. Again, not my style, but good for her.

4. Lea and Frieda - I really like their bond, even though Frieda pretends she can't hear Lea, which is actually really funny.

5. Andy asks the ladies how they tan - I mean, did we really waste film on this question?

6. Lea says she's moving the penis pool to Lisa's house. JUST KIDDING!!!

7. Lisa hires models for her lingerie party, yawn.

8. Adriana tells her son about the bees and the birds and it is probably the funniest mother/child conversation I've ever heard.

9. Napoleon the dog is doing just fine, thank you very much!

10. Elsa can't predict if Joanna and Adriana will make up, but it's very clear whose side she's on. Hint: Not Joanna or her machete. Andy then asks Elsa what makes her crystals and sand mixture work and Elsa is quick to remind him that she can't reveal that! Of course not, Dandy! Mind ya business!

11. Adriana shoots the movie that I'm already sick of hearing about.

12. Karent gets her portrait done by a famous artist and don't judge me I didn't catch his name. Was it the same one from the "She Beat Me to the Tweet!" episode?

13. Havana Elsa Coffee is here and it is awesome! That was the funniest segment of all, just Elsa, the driver, her coffee, and lots of unsuspecting Miami-ans. So cool. We got a little piece of the reunion re: Elsa hitting people with her pocketbook, which just sounds so funny coming out of her mouth because it's so ridiculous. We go back on the road with Havana Elsa Coffee and I want some right now. Marysol is hilarious as well, cracking jokes about the truck and making sure she's in place as the Havana Elsa heiress. Too cute! And at the cheetah print top lunch, Elsa does serious business, and I couldn't be more proud.

Thank you, Ladies of Miami, for giving us a great season!

Shahs of Sunset - Let the Girl Apologize

This week's Shahs of Sunset made me really sad, I don't like seeing this group fracture off into cliques. It's not cool and although I understand where everyone is coming from, it's not fun to watch. This week, the gang (minus GG) heads to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico and even though GG is not there, a fight erupts between MJ and pretty much everyone else. Sammy was there to back MJ up, at least. The issues within this group of friends are getting deeper and deeper, and each one is getting more and more entrenched in their own point of view. The communication skills on display this week were atrocious.

Let's get into the grades and brace ourselves for next week's episode.

Asa: Ok, hun, I gotta call you out. You know I love you. But it was a weak move not going to speak to GG and MJ. You had no idea where the conversation would go, and you could have always gotten up and walked out if the situation got out of control. When GG attacked you at the pool party, you laughed it off, but now, you seem to use it as an excuse to blacklist her from every event you go to. I'm not saying to give her a free pass, but you could have let her apologize to you, and THEN kept your distance. I see what you're saying about consequences, but seriously, not being a part of MJ's birthday party really shook GG up. Now, let's move on to Cabo. I'm hoping you're the victim (one of many) of shitty Bravo editing (probably not), but tell me that scene where you were laughing while MJ was talking wasn't as bad in real life as it looked on TV. Because it looked really bad. You may not have thought it was a big deal to laugh MJ's speech off, but it was kinda rude. And then, when she starts to get pissy with you, you pull out the big guns and out her for being a pill popper. I really don't know what you were trying to accomplish with that accusation, but it only made matters worse. You were supposed to be the calm, rational one! Asa's grade for the week: D (didn't agree with her not showing up to talk to GG and the way she treated MJ at dinner was uncalled for and unnecessary).

GG: I give you a lot of credit for wanting to apologize to Asa and for going back to therapy. It shows you're growing and learning from your mistakes. When Mike told you over the phone that you were uninvited to Cabo, you were upset but you didn't freak out, and that spoke volumes to me. It means you CAN control yourself, and therefore, sometimes you just don't want to. One of those times being when you attacked Asa. You were absolutely right when you said your friends should support you, not exclude you. At least not forever! Once or twice to prove a point, ok, but you wanted to apologize and Asa couldn't be bothered to even hear you out. Believe it or not, I'm with you on this one, and you know how hard I've been on you in the past. About the business meeting with your sister, you were once again more in control of yourself and didn't blow up at her when she made her rather nasty comments about you and the business. The problem is, you two don't agree on what your role is. If you're advertising and marketing, she should let you do that. She needs to back off and let you do this party and if she's so worried about it, she should work with you instead of against you. I was proud to see you preparing for the launch party and wish you well with it. I can't wait to see how it turns out. GG's grade for the week: B (she's trying to get better and no one is really giving her credit for that).

MJ: You were straight up with GG and told her like it was and that's why I feel you are a good friend to her at this point. You did not agree with Asa not showing up and you told her so. You did not agree with uninviting GG to Cabo and you made your opinion known. Some might say you shouldn't have gone to Cabo to show GG some solidarity, but hey, that was your choice to make. You immediately objected to having Lilly on the trip, but as usual, you were overruled. I totally agreed with you when you asked who made Asa and Reza the bosses of this group! What the hell? I don't see Lilly quite the same way you do, but not everyone has to like each other. It's not the end of the world as long as you're able to be civil and not cause problems. Speaking of Lilly, I do think her gifts were sincere. That white bathing suit didn't do you any favors at the pool party and it still didn't in Cabo. Lilly told you to wear the other suit in a very kind way and she was VERY kind to you. She could have been MUCH cattier and she wasn't. So, don't be so suspicious of her. Those gifts were given from a positive place. Now, regarding dinner, I could see where you were going with the conversation and it went terribly wrong because that group was not about to listen to your therapy breakthroughs. Just like you were annoyed with Lilly for not drinking on the trip, the rest of the group was annoyed with your chosen topic of conversation because it was ... for lack of a better term, killing their buzz. Now, when you started mocking Asa and her pop priestess persona, she fired back harder than you anticipated. You lashed out and cussed her out. It wasn't even about whether or not you said those things about Lilly anymore. PS - we all know now that you have talked shit about her. So, although I reprimanded Asa for bringing up the pill thing, you went after her first and she retaliated. It was harsh and we don't know if it's true or not, but you really went off on her and I didn't like that it went to such a bad place so fast. MJ's grade for the week: C (she was great with GG but the fight with Asa escalated way too quickly and got way too ugly).

Reza: I'm so disappointed in the way things have gone down on this episode. You and Asa have become like the Mean Girls in the sense that you feel you can pull rank and force people to do what you want no matter what. That's just not cool with me. It was so sad to hear you make Mike choose between you and GG, because you knew that wasn't a fair choice. Of course, Mike's going to choose you, and you win and GG loses. Not only that, but then, you have to order Mike to call GG and "do it", "uninvite her". I just don't understand why you couldn't have a conversation with GG and let her apologize and see how you felt after that. I have to address the "dark" comment about how you don't like your men dark. Look, you're attracted to what you're attracted to and that's no one's business but your own. Which is why you shouldn't make jokes like that when there's a camera in your face. Just saying. It was fun watching you have a good time with MJ and I really hope she doesn't mind you crowning her as the reigning expert on penises. At dinner, you did ask her to lighten up the conversation but when she wouldn't you joined in with the others and outed her for talking shit about Lilly. Yes, you were telling the truth, and yes, you have a point - MJ should address her issues with Lilly to Lilly's face - but you know MJ was not about to do that and especially not after being antagonized. Reza: D (I don't know why he's being so mean at certain times during this season, but I don't like it. I don't mind him being feisty, but the whole vibe I'm getting from him right now is very negative).

Mike: I so have an issue with you appeasing Reza and Asa. Again, if GG was allowed to apologize, things would have been different, but Asa didn't give her the opportunity. Why did you let Reza run over you like that? You could have said, "This is my trip and everyone is invited. Whoever wants to come can come." You should have totally taken yourself out of it at that point. If Reza and Asa weren't going to go, that's on them. In Cabo, you had a drunken blast but you clearly paid for it the next day. And I was dying laughing when you stared straight into Lilly's boobs. Hilarious! Another funny moment was you referencing the fact that MJ was lucky it wasn't warm when she saw your "business". LOL! Mike's grade for the week: C (I didn't agree with how he handled the whole Asa/Reza/GG thing, but he's hilarious and I can't stay mad at him).

Lilly: Gurl, I love you, but why on Earth would you go on a vacation with people that like to drink (you knew this going into it) when you aren't about that? Don't get me wrong, I totally respect you for not drinking and not needing to drink to have fun. I actually love that. And you're right, alcohol makes people do stupid things. Absolutely. But why would you put yourself in a place where that's all you're going to be surrounded by? Doesn't quite make sense, unless Reza ordered - I mean, asked - you to go. I feel like you were pretty miserable the whole time and uncomfortable to say the least. I loved that you gave the girls gifts, though. That was a really nice gesture and I think you were sincere about it. You were totally nice to MJ and didn't say anything mean to her when she was asking about her bathing suit. I mean, if you wanted to be mean to her at that moment she left the door wide open for you to do so, but you didn't. That says a lot. You toasted to MJ and encouraged her to open up to you even though you two have had your differences, and unfortunately, that's when other people got involved in the conversation and blew it up out of proportion. You did speak up and let MJ know that you realize that she just doesn't like you, but I didn't think you were being mean about it. You were just stating facts and letting her know it doesn't bother you. I did think it was funny when you said MJ told you she took an Ambien, I have to admit that. Lilly's grade for the week: C (she should have never went on this trip, but she tried to be cool with MJ and I give her credit for being honest at dinner).

What did you think of this episode? Tweet me!

RHOA - Who Mistakes Kenya for Beyonce?

This week’s RHOA was another snooze-fest. Honestly, I don’t even think it warrants a blog, but I’m going to give you one anyway, just because I promised you I would. I don’t like to break my promises. But, Bravo, seriously, this show is getting BORING. I don’t want these girls at each other’s throats but damn. I want some excitement. Some laughs! A little drama at the very least! Let’s grade these ladies (who made an impression on me this week) and get on with our lives, shall we?

Kenya: Walter, Walter, Walter. That’s all you’re about and it’s also what’s killing you on this show. Yes, he was a dick to you on the fishing trip. So much so that I wanted you to hook that fishing line right in his eyeball. But I digress. I’m not sure if you’re loving that Walter is making you look like the victim right now, or if you’re just pissed because he’s not playing along with your engagement storyline. Either way, it’s old. Your Beyonce comment was hilarious and while I’m sure someone has told you that you resemble her (I want to meet this person and get them some glasses), I highly doubt that EVERY DAY there is someone mistaking you for her. Please. I also have to call you out for recycling Nene’s buzzing re: Bedroom Kandi. You really need someone to help you be original on this show. Kenya’s grade for the week: C (only because Walter made her look sympathetic – for now).

Kandi: I know I may get into trouble for saying this, but if I spoke on an adult’s relationship like Riley did in this episode when I was her age, I would have had my ass handed to me. Now, I know I grew up in a different time and kids are heard AND seen nowadays, but when I was a kid, I was NEVER heard (hence, why I’m in therapy). But seriously, Riley is clearly comfortable enough to express herself with you and Todd, and that’s great, but I would say, in the future, it should NOT happen on camera. Riley is a sweet girl and very smart but it just came across a little disrespectful for her to tell you about your relationship in such a blunt manner. Moving on, I totally agree with you about your choice to have a prenup, especially in your case. You are so smart for thinking ahead about that kind of stuff. I gotta shout out my girl Issae Rae (“Awkward Black Girl”) because when I saw your outfit at Nene’s party I instantly thought of her song “Booty Shawts”! Glittery ones, at that! It was so cool to see you be sincerely happy for Nene and Gregg. I liked that a lot. Kandi’s grade for the week: B (she’s still fun and positive and I really do appreciate that).

Nene: Congratulations on becoming a Glam-Mother! LOL, I love that expression. And your Glam-Baby is so adorable. I really loved that you said even though you’re going to Hollywood, you’re a Georgia Peach forever. Nene’s grade: A (she’s doing great and I love it).

Porsha: I gotta clear up one thing, Tina kept Ike’s last name. Ok, now that I got that out of my system, I love that you don’t look at price tags when you shop. I would love to be that way, but me and Kandi are on the same page – gotta look at the price tag. I don’t even mind your stance on prenups. In your situation, you and your husband came to an agreement that you didn’t need one, and that’s perfectly fine. And no one else’s business, by the way. Your facial expression when Kenya said she gets mistaken for Beyonce was PUH-RICELESS. And when you said you look like Solange, I was like Yeah! You do! But that was a great way to bring everyone back from Kenya’s wacky comment. Still loving you on the show! Porsha’s grade for the week: B (other than mixing up the What’s Love Got to Do With It reference, it was all good this week).

Cynthia: It was really nice of you to give Nene a goodbye party and I’m sure she appreciated it. I almost fell off the couch laughing when you asked her if she was going to have a Sip & See for the baby! LOL! You were full of quips this episode, which was great – for example, when you said Walter won’t put a ring on it with Kenya/Beyonce and then flashed YOUR ring. YAAASSSSS!!!!! And who knew Peter dated Nia Long back in the day? Speaking of Peter, it was hilarious when you two reenacted the Phaedra/Apollo makeout scene, funny but still gross. Cynthia’s grade for the week: A (she made me laugh, and you know what that means!).

What did you think of this episode? Tweet me!

Mob Wives - Season Premiere

Well, kids, Mob Wives is back, and I feel like a part of me is in Staten Island heaven. Seriously, I love these ladies so much – even the ones I don’t particularly like. Here’s why. They don’t care what anyone thinks of them. They do their own thing and stay true to themselves. Sometimes that gets them into trouble (especially with each other). But it doesn’t matter. The level of personal integrity just makes me happy. What can I say? I love their attitudes and senses of humor.

Now, I won’t be grading anyone because the season just started and besides, the whole season premiere episode was about Carla and Renee anyway. So I’m just going to give my take on this beef between them.

Let’s just put it out there, Renee admitted she is addicted to pills, but she’s dealing with it. From the season preview, it looks like she enters rehab, which is great. I totally applaud her for doing that (if that’s the case and VH1 isn’t playing tricks on me). So, does that justify Carla calling Renee a junkie every five minutes? No. This is what I have a problem with. If Carla was truly concerned about Renee, she wouldn’t address her pill popping in that manner. Carla is only using Renee’s addiction to prove that she’s crazy and can’t be taken seriously. But, we all know Renee is over the top. We all know she exaggerates and blows things out of proportion (it’s kind of what I love about her). I don’t think it’s right for Carla to trivialize Renee’s problem just to discredit her entirely.

Carla may or may not have been with married men and may or may not be a husband stealer. We don’t know. If she is, she’s hidden it pretty well (at least I haven’t stumbled across any evidence). If Renee’s only evidence is this one party and a rumor about Carla and Junior, I’m inclined to not believe it. The truth is, Renee has always had a problem with Carla, including who she dates. They came to blows over Carla’s last boyfriend, for crying out loud. I definitely think Renee needs to take a step back at least until she’s in a better state of mind, and stop judging anyone else’s personal life. If Carla wants to date married men, the karma for that will be enough. No one likes a mistress.

I do want to mention Love Majewski, the newest addition to the Mob Wives cast. I gotta be honest, I’m on the fence with her right now. I’m not a big fan of people who have shot and stabbed other people, but I want to know more about her before I make a decision.

As usual, my girl Drita was a sweet heart and so was my adopted mother (in my head) Big Ang. I even liked what I saw from Karen and Ramona on this episode! By the way, Karen, your hair looks great! I love the new color.

As far as Carla vs. Renee, we’ll have to see where the season takes us, but as of now, I’m not on anyone’s team. I feel like both ladies need to back off and just let each other live, which is sort of what they agreed to at the brunch. And it’ll last all of ten minutes, I imagine! Love you ladies!

What did you think of this episode? Whose team are you on? Tweet me!

Friday, January 4, 2013

RHOM - Build Me Up Just to Let Me Down

Well, here we are. Done with RHOM and the Reunion (only 2 parts? WTF?). I mean, after all those blogs came out after Part 1 about how Ana put the smackdown on Lea with her big ass manila folder, I was hoping we'd at least get a 3rd part of the Reunion. But alas, the Reunion ended just like the Atlantic Sea - cold and choppy. These ladies are nowhere near resolving their issues with each other, and while that may make for a stormy season 3, we can enjoy all the shadiness in Part 2 for now. And there was a ton of it going back and forth. This blog may get a little lengthy, but stick with me, I swear I have some good points to make.

Adriana: I'm so glad you said you regret getting physical with Joanna/HOanna. LOL! I can't stop laughing about that, sorry. You even apologized to Karent and Lisa! You obviously can't stand the sight of Joanna but at least you were able to take responsibility for your actions and admit that you were wrong. About the whole Romain thing - not kissing him on the cheek - I could see you were making a joke about the whole situation and Karent blew it out of proportion as usual. You were sweet to Alexia and defended her when Karent and Joanna were making fun of her crying. You're a very loyal friend. I have to address the rumors on Twitter - gurl, are you already married??? Adriana's grade for the week: B (the fact that she apologized gets her points in my book, but if she's already married that's kind of a fail for this season).

Marysol: I loved it when you said no one steals your pictures online! LOL! But seriously, I loved that you were supporting Alexia and telling us how much she picked everyone else up when Frankie was in the hospital. Also, it was great that you clarified that everyone in Bimini - including Lea - said it was the right thing to ask Lisa if it was ok to bring up the picture of Rodolfo to Karent. I'm sure the ladies did want it to be in private, but it just ended up being a totally different scenario. Regarding Lea, I was glad you confronted her about the green card comment because she did say it a few times and did imply that your marriage was fake - joke or no joke. And it did make an impression on people. So, I'm very happy that you got to tell her to her face that her joke had an effect on your life. She needed to hear that. You say you sucked as a wife, but the viewers will never know what happened in your marriage, so I say - I'm sure you did your best. Don't be so hard on yourself. You stood up for yourself to Lea and you said what you needed to say, so I think you accomplished a lot. We know you don't like confrontation but a little bit goes a long way. The part where you had to stop the reunion to go to the bathroom was hilarious, by the way. You said at the end of the episode that you're doing good, and we can see it. Marysol's grade for the week: A (she said what she came here to say and she put everything on the table, and I respect that).

Ana: You had plenty of ammunition left for Lea and Karent in this episode, but I wish Bravo would let us see what you really had with you (the big ass manila folder). Can you convince them to release it somehow? We need to see that footage! Anyway, you allege that Joe Francis was Lea's prop at the lingerie party and that Lea knew he would stir up drama because he told you they thought it would be "fun". If he said that, then he needs to attest to it and prove you right - maybe on Watch What Happens Live? - so that it's put to bed once and for all (no pun intended). I will say, the jokes about Lea being old got a little ... well, old ... but maybe that was your way of showing Lea that all of her recycled jokes get old, too? Maybe. So, let's move on to Karent. You say Rodolfo called her "Fatal Attraction" and that he told you she followed him to Mexico. Again, I want to see Rodolfo confirm this! Can we get a special edition of Caso Cerrado up in here? Regarding Bimini and the Karent conversation, you told Lisa that you all followed her into the house when she was about to talk to Karent to make sure she told the whole story - but I think you all wanted to be there because, let's be real, this was the moment that Karent was supposed to open her eyes about Rodolfo and maybe drop the facade. That's just my take. And yes, you were vindicated because it's been proven that you are not the Ana he was texting. Furthermore, according to you, rumor has it Rodolfo is gay! (When Andy asked if he was single, I died laughing!) At the end, you talked about Robert and it was very sweet but I want to know about who you're currently dating. So if you come back for season 3, let's hear about that guy. Ana's grade for the week: B (she stayed on her mission and didn't back down, but it's a shame we didn't get to see everything she brought to the reunion).

Alexia: Your fire and spark are everything - it's like home for me. I already explained how Latin Female Rage is one of my specialties in my last RHOM blog, but I think it warrants repeating - I speak this language. I know that rage. But I digress, you stuck it to Karent as much as possible, and although I don't think it was totally necessary, it was hilarious to watch. I'm sorry if that offends anyone, but come on, that shit was funny. Now let's talk about the serious stuff. Frankie is doing great, which is awesome, and I'm so happy about that. Peter acted out and hit a homeless man and posted it on Facebook, allegedly, but since this is a current legal matter, you couldn't go into much detail. You didn't excuse it, but of course, you're going to support your son and make sure he learns from his mistakes and follows through with the consequences of his actions. Watching you break down in tears was heart breaking. Not only because you've been through so much this year, but because the struggles aren't over yet by a long shot. It's obvious that you will continue being the rock of your family, and that's got to be a tough position to hold. I think you will do whatever it takes to keep your family together and I cannot blame you not one bit. I will say that it may be time to forgive Karent and let that negativity go. I would love to see you put all of that in the past on season 3, if you choose to come back. Alexia's grade for the week: B (she's staying strong and even though she ripped Karent a new one, she made me laugh, and you know that if someone makes me laugh, they pretty much get a free pass. Sorry 'bout it!)

Lea: I'm confused. Are you the lawyer? Because you had legal jargon and courtroom terminology coming out of your ears on this episode! Can we say rehearsed??? Anyway, you were right about a couple of things. No one should attack anyone without proof. No one should throw out careless accusations. However, you have to take responsibility for throwing out the green card comments about Marysol's marriage not once, but quite a few times, and it was hurtful to her. Also, you proved that you are shady when Marysol went to the bathroom and you WHISPERED to Karent that it's because she drinks too much. I'm sure that was just a "joke", right??? Well, Lea, I defended you and liked you in the past, but in that moment, you were SHADY. If you had something to say, you should have said it out loud and let Marysol hear you so she could respond. You were aware that you were still mic'd, right? So isn't that a "gratuitous accusation" and "character assassination"? All I'm saying is, practice what you preach. Of course, at the end of the reunion, you gave your closing statement (see, I know legal stuff, too) about how things said about you were unfounded and you forgive, but you don't forget, but your forgiveness is quantified ... blah blah blah. Seriously? Lea, you messed with the wrong one. Ana may not have brought the drama during the season, but you woke a sleeping giant when you talked about her kids and she's got you in her sights. This is one cast member who's not afraid to go toe to toe with you. I'm not saying anything Ana is saying is true, but your reactions to her just make it look like you're scared - like you do have something to hide. Lea's grade for the week: D (a lot of her responses sounded rehearsed and she was way too reactionary - somethin' ain't right).

Karent: I feel you were vindicated as much as some of the other ladies because it's been confirmed that you did not say the things in the infamous article, plus, you got an apology from Adriana. So, I say, take that and be glad about it. With Alexia, you can't win at this point. She has something against you and whatever you did to support her, it obviously wasn't enough or maybe it wasn't to her liking. Maybe she's team Rodolfo. Whatever. You don't need any of the ladies' approval, especially on this show. You're at your best when you're doing your own thing and not playing sides. When you and Joanna were mocking Alexia for crying, that wasn't you - that was Joanna's influence and you should be very careful with that. It's so not worth it to keep trying to prove that you and Rodolfo were really a couple - that is totally irrelevant now. No one cares about Rodolfo. We want to see you succeed and find love and bond with the rest of the cast. Karent's grade for the week: C (she is letting Joanna influence her and that is not the way to go).

Lisa: I totally agree that everyone disrespected you at your lingerie party with their antics. I loved how you stood up for yourself but you didn't lose your cool during the reunion. Even when you called bullshit on Alexia, it didn't bother me because you were being honest with how you felt. At one point you had to tell Alexia not to treat you like a child and you had to yell over everyone in order to finish your thoughts. Welcome to Housewives Reunions! I'm glad you're not giving up on having kids, and hopefully we'll see that journey in season 3. Lisa's grade for the week: A (I like her spunk and sass, especially because she's just being real).

Joanna: Thank you for saying you regret the fight with Adriana. We all do. So I hope now we can put that in the vault and never speak of it again. You admitted that part of that fight was caused by you drinking too much, and I agree. You say you don't associate with criminals, but Joe Francis gave you a job and you took it, so I'm just wondering - you would work for a criminal but not date one? Anyway, it doesn't matter what happened with Joe Francis. You could have avoided all this drama if you hadn't asked Karent to find out if he was talking about you. It was a stupid move on your part and it makes me wonder if you didn't do it on purpose to stir the pot. I am very sorry to hear your pictures were stolen and used for other websites, and I'm actually proud of you for taking legal action. About the stuff you did when you were 19, I really could not care less. It is what it is. I was happy to hear you say you weren't accusing Alexia's husband of being gay - you were just saying that it was a rumor you had heard - but it had no real place in the conversation, just like 90% of everything you say. I did not enjoy you making fun of Alexia for crying and it just shows that you are still immature and shockingly selfish and painfully insensitive to others. If you come back for season 3, please GROW UP. Joanna's grade for the week: D (only because she copped to the fight with Adriana but she has a lot to work on).

Elsa: I am grading you for the first time ever because you read these girls the house DOWN! Joanna IS disrespectful. You are 100% right. I'm glad you told Lea that what is going on between her and Marysol is hurtful to you. You were open and honest about your surgery that went wrong and I think people can shut up about it now. But, you did call Obama an animal - so you should have at least admitted it. You are still fabulous as ever - of course, you're Cuban after all! And I still love you. Thank you for telling these girls like it is and for letting us know Andy (AKA Dandy) has "secrets"! Interesante ... Elsa's grade for the week: B (a Bravo treasure).

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Shahs of Sunset - Get on the Party Bus

This week's Shahs of Sunset was actually really positive and fun, which was a nice change of pace. We saw Reza and MJ make up, and I hope they're still on good terms. When Reza was on Watch What Happens Live a few weeks ago, he was not speaking too fondly of MJ. Let's hope they've reconciled by now. I don't know about you, but MJ and Reza fighting was just too painful to watch. We also saw MJ's fantastic birthday celebration. And who knew Reza and Asa were the official birthday song choir? Too funny! And I gotta shout out Mike showing his ass (literally) on the party bus!! Wowza!! But let's get into the grades before I ramble on anymore. And remember, I'm only grading the key players this week, so if your fave isn't here, sorry 'bout it!

GG: Ya gotta quit with the day drinking, sweetie. That scene when you were on the phone with MJ was brutal. I really hope you have slowed down with the drinking in general because it just makes you look completely nuts. I have a question, though. Were you pissed that Omid went to MJ's party? Or were you cool with it? GG's grade for the week: C (I can see why she was pissed that she was excluded from MJ's party but the drinking has got to stop).

MJ: I was really happy for you on this episode. You looked genuinely happy and you had fun at your party, as you should. I loved the idea of giving up the gifts and encouraging people to bring eligible bachelors. That's actually a great idea. And it could work for anyone who wants to meet new friends - bring cool people to mingle and talk and socialize with. I think you could start a trend! The best part of the episode, of course, was you and Reza finally hashing out your differences. You quickly apologized and took responsibility for fraternizing with GG after she said those things about Reza. I think you were being honest about your intentions and you were trying to deal with being in the middle. Unfortunately, it blew up in your face. But, like I said, you owned up to it and I respect that a lot. About your phone conversation with GG - by the way, how many times did she hang up on you? LOL - you could have invited her but you knew what would have happened because there was going to be alcohol involved, and we know what happens when GG and alcohol and Asa mix. So I can't fault you for that. I gotta say, the Lilly/welfare line comment was out of line, but only because Lilly is a career girl and has never been in anyone's welfare line that I can think of. But, she's just not your cup of tea. If I were you, I wouldn't even talk shit about her because it just makes you look like you're continuing the bad blood - same thing when she talks shit about you. It's unnecessary. Question: Are you still seeing George? MJ's grade for the week: A (she was happy this week, and that's how I like to see her).

Reza: Although you had some hesitations, you made up with MJ, and it was great to see you two reconnect. I think you were very sweet to MJ at her party - but the cougar comment may have rubbed some people the wrong way. I don't mind it, I actually thought it was funny, but hopefully it didn't offend MJ. The scene with your mom was super cute, she is so sweet. And I am still loving you and Mike as a dynamic duo! Reza's grade for the week: B (he was open and honest with MJ, but it wouldn't be Reza without the jokes and comments, which don't bother me, but may bother others).

Lilly: Your situation with your boyfriend is really heartbreaking. I mean, ten years is a considerable amount of time and you obviously love him. I am truly hoping he moves to LA and puts a ring on it, but we'll see! Lilly's grade for the week: A (I love this girl - what can I say?)

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RHOA - Spoiled Plotlines

I know, I know, I'm late with this blog. But in all honesty, this episode was nothing to write home about. So, this blog is going to be short and not so sweet. Come on, Bravo, we understand where you're going with all of these plotlines. Never mind the fact that Phaedra and Apollo announced they're expecting another baby this week - CONGRATULATIONS, by the way! - we know they're not breaking up. And the Kenya/Walter storyline is officially ruined. You should have re-edited the whole rest of the season after Walter spilled the beans. There's no suspense left in this show! Everything has been revealed and put out there, pretty much. However, we did get some laughs, which I'm thankful for. So, I'll just be addressing the key players in this episode. Sorry if your fave doesn't get a grade this week.

Kenya: I have to give you credit where credit is due. You knew your stuff when you met with Phaedra and Apollo about the workout dvd. However, how dare you call Phaedra unprofessional! How professional is it to ask a married couple, IN THEIR PLACE OF BUSINESS, if they like to role play? Sit down, hun. I have to talk about how you shut Porsha down at the Moscato party. First of all, you should be able to speak to someone in a calm and polite manner and listen to what they're saying without being condescending and rude. You could have resolved things that very night, but instead you chose to shoot Porsha down and not even hear her out. Believe me, she didn't want to be your BFF, she just wanted to be able to be cool with you. But now, you can pretty much kick rocks. And I am sick and tired of all this Walter nonsense. Even if the relationship wasn't fake, this is just stupid. You should have picked a better actor, because the scenes with you and Walter are painful to watch. Kenya's grade for the week: D (the little bit of good I saw this week was completely overshadowed by the inappropriateness, the mean girl attitude, and the idiocy of her relationship with Walter).

Cynthia: You are going to get so much flack for saying your marriage will outlast some other marriages. I'm sure you meant it as a joke, but anytime you make a broad statement like that, people are going to be up in arms. I also wanted to address how bothered you were by Kordell at the Moscato party - you have to realize he was intoxicated and probably sick of hearing about Kenya, and maybe that's where the shushing and talking over Porsha was coming from. We'll have to watch and see if he's the same way when he's sober. About the strip club you picked, you know you did that on purpose! LOL! I could see that your intentions were to make sure everything was ok with Phaedra and her husband and although you had no problem talking about what you had heard, you didn't jump to conclusions and you wanted to meet with them and find out for yourself. Cynthia's grade this week: B (I like that she's speaking up and in the middle of everything this season, but some of her jokes may be offending some of her cast mates).

Phaedra: You were too funny at the strip club - shouting out your Alma Mater! I loved it! I think you handled the Apollo outbursts well, and we know he's not going anywhere. Whatever people said about your marriage, you and Apollo going strong and have another baby on the way. CONGRATULATIONS again!! I am really happy for you. And the dvd looks great! You definitely worked out whatever differences you and Apollo had regarding the workout and what the content of the dvd would be. I actually can't wait to try it. Speaking of the dvd, your conversation with Kenya was actually really positive. Even though you didn't have all the details ready for her, you still managed to have a pretty productive meeting. Like I mentioned before, you handled all of Apollo's comments about your marriage really well. He's still very young and has no filter when tequila is involved, apparently. As long as you know that and can reign him in when needed, I don't think you two will have any major blow ups. Just don't do the whole make-out-in-front-of-people-with-sound-effects thing ever again. Phaedra's grade for the week: C (took points away for all that nasty sloppy kissing in public, gross).

Porsha: Good for you for trying to clear the air with Kenya. Too bad she was too immature to make things right with you, but hey, you tried. About Kordell, unfortunately the camera caught him talking over you and shushing you, not a great look, but I think it was the shots, to be honest. Porsha's grade for the week: A (she tried with Kenya and that's more than I would have done, so good for her).

That's it for this week's blog! What did you think of this episode? Tweet me!