Johnny Depp, Ahoy!

Well, this trip to St. Bart's is certainly different than any other we've seen on the Real Housewives of New York before! All I can think of is how hilarious it would be if Jill Zarin showed up and asked to use the bathroom. (You RHONY fans know what I'm talking about!) So, the trip is off to a rip-roaring start. Ramona and Sonja are apparently a couple, Carole invites her boyfriend over and Ramona tries to contain her rage, the girls have a wild night dressed up as Pirate Wenches, and Luann brings a Johnny Depp look-alike home. Oooh-weee!!!

Let's get into this episode without any further adieu (that's pretty much as French as I can get)!

Luann: You make yourself look SO bad. I know you say "nothing happened" with Tomas, but the fact that you lied, covered up, and schemed like a high school girl trying to sneak back into the house after a night of partying is just pathetic! Own it! You brought the man back to the house! It's a fact. Now what you did with him is a totally different story. I really don't care. It was completely inappropriate. And then you lied about it. It's not ok for a woman in a committed relationship to bring a man home who she's clearly lusting after. You do the math. Gurl, please. Luann's grade for the week: F (but it should be C for CHEATER!)

Ramona: I'm really getting tired of your tipsy antics this season. Turtle Time was fun, but it's time to cool it (wow just had deja vu with my advice to the Jersey 'Wives). I will say, you're having fun and that's what vacay is all about so ... I guess I can't fault you too much. Oh, and nice job trying to get the details out of Tomas. Ramona: C (because she's enjoying her vacation, but I'm over drunk Ramona).

Sonja: I hope you find a real relationship soon because this whole Samantha Jones thing you're working right now isn't working at all. It's coming across as sad and uncomfortable. Everything is sex with you. But not in a funny, naughty way, like it used to be. Time for a new routine, hun. Sonja's grade for the week: D (because I'm sick of her talking about sex all the time).

Heather: I felt so bad when you smacked into the glass door (the same thing happened to my Dad recently). I can just imagine how embarrassed you were. Now, about the Luann thing. You should NOT lie for her. I'm so glad you aren't perpetuating her BS story about all these Italian friends coming over. I don't blame you for talking about it (everyone else was), but I also understand why you didn't blow up Luann's spot, either. She's the one that's lying, not you. Stay out of it. Heather's grade for the week: A (because she's telling the truth).

Carole: I love your relationship with Russ! I was really happy to see him sort of rescue you from the craziness at dinner. Once again, you were spot on with all of your observations this week (duh, Luann, Tomas was speaking French, not Italian). And who knew you dated George Clooney? More cool points for you! Carole's grade for the week: A (I'm starting to think she's our new Bethenny in the commentary department - in a good way).

Aviva: I am not looking forward to seeing the blow up between you and the Pinot twins next week. On the other hand, it looks like you put them in their place, so it could be quite entertaining! Aviva's grade this week: N/A (I'll wait to see how it all plays out next week).

What did you think of this episode? Tweet me!

Un-f*cking-necessary

Ok, so I just finished watching last night's Real Housewives of New Jersey episode, and I'm pretty much livid. With one Joe Giudice. Here's the thing. We get that you're "rough around the edges", we even get that you say some inappropriate things and get drunk and chip your tooth while doing gymnastics in the living room. You're an odd duck! We get it. But you were either so drunk, or so careless (I don't know which is worse) that you took that call WHILE WEARING A MICROPHONE AND WHILE BEING FILMED. You're an idiot. You're rude, insensitive, selfish, and mean. You're miserable and you use alcohol and insults to cover it up. Well, the cat's out of the bag. It's officially out there. And I never want to see you on my television ever again. Now, let's address the ladies.

Caroline: I was really happy for you when the kids were toasting you for your birthday. That was really sweet and it was a very nice surprise dinner. Any mom would love that kind of celebration. I wasn't too crazy about how you kept harping on the whole Teresa thing with Kathy and Jacqueline. The bottom line is: Teresa was on the trip and everyone was dealing with her in their own way. Like Chris said, you choose not to have anything to do with her. Fine. It's time to stop talking about it. But, of course, you don't stop and next week we get to see round 2 between you and Teresa. Not that I'm looking forward to it. Also, the Giudices, Wakiles, and Gorgas should have never been at the business meeting in the first place. It was Chris' mistake to ask them to come. If it was really a business meeting, then it should have been only for those who were involved in the business part of the trip. To be honest, Caroline, I think you're done on this show. Think about it. You can't get past this hatred you have for Teresa, and for the record, you are completely free to hate her, it's your business. But this show is never going to get out of this dysfunctional cycle because there is just too much animosity between you and Teresa. And it sucks. It pulls the whole show down. For example, Teresa's toast. It's ok to be upset about it for Kathy's sake, but you were overly outraged about it. It's almost as if you take any excuse to be mad at Teresa and just run with it, even if it has nothing to do with you. It's frustrating because I think there's a lot of great sides to you. But all we're seeing now is the side that hates Teresa. And that's a drag. I've said it before. This show isn't for you anymore. Caroline's grade for the week: D (because she's allowing her feelings toward Teresa turn her into something we don't like).

Jacqueline: We didn't hear much from you on this episode, so I'll keep it brief. I must say, you really thought you were getting back to a good place with Teresa. It sucks to know exactly how your friendship with her actually ends up. Damn Bravo for filming so soon and airing the season so late. I'll never forgive them for this jacked up season. I liked seeing you laugh and have fun, and if you do come back next season, that's exactly what I want to see from you. The scene where you were doing Teresa's hair felt like we were back in season one. Jacqueline's grade for this week: A (because at this point, she was doing her part and keeping things in a good place).

Kathy: You know I love you, but when it comes to Teresa - you cannot take her seriously. In this case, I agree with Richie, what comes out of her mouth most of the time is complete nonsense. I really don't think she meant to leave you out of the toast intentionally, to be honest. I think she just wanted to acknowledge a few people at the table. It would have been different if she said something about every single person and then decided to not say anything about you. Would it have been nice if she had said something nice to you in her toast? Absolutely! But that's giving Teresa way too much credit. We all know Teresa is all about Teresa. And what was in her head at that moment was exactly what she said. End of story. I really don't think there was any malice behind it. I will say, you handled it well. You didn't throw a fit, you didn't turn and scream at her, you just went on about your business. Which is the best way to handle Teresa. Because you know if you would have started a fight, she wouldn't have listened to a word you said. So, you're smart to be the bigger person. However, like I said before, I don't think she did it on purpose. But it hurt your feelings and you have a right to feel how you feel. Now, next week, I hope you don't let her put her hands on you ... you better stand up for yourself and let her know where she can go. Kathy's grade for the week: C (for keeping calm at the table but she should not have let Teresa's toast get to her).

Melissa: You were shady this week! You were throwing shade left and right! And I enjoyed it, to be quite honest. It made me laugh, sue me. I could tell you were joking about the sex tape thing, but I can see how comments like that don't win you any points with Teresa. Granted, you were absolutely right about her giving interviews in magazines and then being shocked when people ask her about her personal life. But the sex tape/fame whore comment was a low blow (no pun intended). Teresa's definitely hustling to make money and capitalizing on her small degree of fame, but what you said wasn't cool. Joke or no joke. And let's be real, no one wants to see that. Ever. Melissa's grade for the week: C (for the excellent shade, but she went too far with some of her comments).

Teresa: First of all, I'm so sorry you have to see your husband's phone conversation on this week's episode, I can't imagine how devastating that was to watch. His comments about you were completely unnecessary and out of line. I can't believe he would speak about you that way to anyone. I truly feel for you right now. And what makes it even worse for me is that you tried to seduce him in the vineyards after that and he called you a whore. To your face. I don't know how that's supposed to be ok, because it's not. I hate the way he talks to you. I can see you trying to force him into being happy - you're asking him to smile for the picture, telling him to make love in the vineyard, etc. He's not happy, Tre. He's miserable. And you don't have to take it. In your blog this week, you seemed really sincere (it actually sounded like you), and you say that you didn't know about the phone conversation until you saw the episode. You also say Joe has apologized. But, he didn't tell you about it - you had to watch the show to find out. You know what Joe is sorry about? He's sorry he got caught. He's sorry he forgot he had a mic on when he called you a bitch and that other disgusting name and he's sorry you found out about it. Worse, he's sorry you heard him obviously talking to another woman and he's sorry you saw him lie to your face about it. Teresa - you know I'm not your biggest fan, but as a woman, I am begging you. Get out. Immediately. You don't need this bullsh*t. And I've told you in this blog more times than I can remember that Joe Giudice is the biggest problem in your life. He is the poison in your life right now. You can obviously get along with people and forgive and forget. Look at the progress you made with Melissa. Now, it's time to stand up and walk away. That's how I see it. As for the toast, I don't think you meant to leave Kathy out. Like I told her, I think you were focused on certain people at the table and that was the extent of it. I do think you're selfish and I do think you're all about yourself. And truthfully, that's not even always a bad thing. The problem is, you're on the defense with Kathy (and still bringing up the recipe bullsh*t) and you're on the defense with Caroline. It's time to stop fighting, Teresa. And the first step is getting away from the person who encourages you to fight with everyone. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe the reason Joe encourages you to fight with people is so that then you'll be too distracted to catch him doing his dirt? Just saying. Teresa's grade for the week: N/A (because at this point, I feel like Teresa is drowning and just trying to stay above water - in an ocean full of negativity called Joe Giudice).

What do you think of this episode? Tweet me!

Loyalty, Betrayal, and Accusations - Mob Wives Season 1 Finale Episode

First of all, wow. I mean, WOW! What a finale! I'm a day late with this blog because I just watched it last night, so please forgive me.

I have a lot of opinions about the finale, so let's start with Drita's discovery about Lee cheating. I was mistaken on my last Mob Wives-related blog, by the way. I thought Karen told Drita something about Lee - which I thought was the cause of the fight. Not the case. We now know that Drita found out Lee was cheating from the beauty salon owner. My first reaction: Drita's going to go visit Lee in jail and give him a knuckle sandwich. I expected her to take his next call and verbally rip him a new one, similar to the phone call we saw earlier in the season. But she doesn't. She's hurt and crushed - completely humiliated. I don't think we've seen her this sad before. She turns to Carla, who I've grown to like more and more, and says she doesn't want to give him the satisfaction of even hearing her voice. Wow. Honestly, my heart broke for Drita. What a kick in the head, to know that the man you're waiting for, defending, and standing up for betrayed you all those years ago and you had no idea. That's the part that would hurt me the most, to go on for years like everything was ok, just to find out in an instant that it was all a lie.

Drita talks to a lawyer about her options, should she decide to file for divorce. Looking somewhat terrified of Drita, the Santa Claus look-alike tells her she has MULTIPLE grounds for divorce. Ya think? You don't need to be a lawyer to figure that one out. Drita's been through so much with Lee, if she did decide to divorce him, I don't think anyone - not even Lee - would blame her. Drita tells the lawyer Lee is "tricky" and might not sign the divorce papers just to spite her. Lee's image is just getting better and better. What a catch. I honestly hope Drita moves on and finds someone else. Just the fact that he was with someone like Karen for 7 years would be enough reason to never talk to him again.

Speaking of Karen - Miss Loyalty-is-Everything, turns out she is an admitted cheater! OMG, Karen, I had no idea! Cheating is so not a big deal! Making out with other people's boyfriends is ok! Ugh. I can't stand women like this. Seriously, this is why Drita and Karen can never be friends again. Think about it. Karen's perspective is so warped that she doesn't see anything wrong with betraying other people - she just can't take it when she thinks someone else is betraying her.

Karen's argument is that Drita was her "girl" and no matter how much time passed without talking or hanging out, Drita had an obligation to tell her that she was with Lee. Here's the problem. Karen admitted to cheating with multiple men while she was with Lee. She broke up with Lee to be with David, who she was cheating with for quite some time. The way Karen describes the break up, it was anti-climactic to say the least. She told Lee about David, and that was that. Karen doesn't feel the need to be loyal or faithful to anyone but herself. As long as it's convenient for her, she's good.

Karen is the definition of a self-centered person. When you feel that you can do whatever you want with no conscience or remorse or consequences, but you are constantly claiming other people are treating you badly - guess what: You are the problem. Karen needs to read a book instead of write one at this point. Gurl, get it together. You are not the victim. You created all of this with your actions. And here's another newsflash, you're not the only one who makes mistakes. A little compassion would be nice once in a while. And Drita is no angel, either. She's got some things to work on as well (like not throwing decorative candles at people's heads), but at least she tries to be rational before she flips out. The conversation didn't get out of control until Karen stood up and lunged at Drita (Renee stopped Karen and held her back). More on the rooftop brawl later.

Let's take a moment and remember how Karen started this season, shall we? She was the outsider coming back to the old neighborhood to write her book. And who was there for her when no one else was? Drita. Now, once Karen squashed her beef with Renee, she started talking about how she's still hurt over the Lee situation. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: WHY DIDN'T SHE TALK TO DRITA ABOUT IT FROM THE BEGINNING? Why did she wait until she was cool with Renee to do it? Because she needed someone on her side before she could take on Drita. It's so obvious.

Carla made an excellent point in her interview when she said that Karen probably thought she and Drita were closer than they really were. That's why Drita was under the impression that since they didn't talk for a year, they were no longer friends. Now, we've all been there. You're close with someone, you hangout all the time, and then you don't. So are you still friends or not? It's honestly a toss-up. I tend to think that if you haven't talked to someone for over a year, and there was no falling out with that person, but you just lost touch over time, then you're more acquaintances than anything. But that's just me.

Renee's view on it is that Karen  and Drita's friendship is BS. And she's right. It's sad, because we know Karen took Drita in and had her living in her house at one point. We know they were close. But sometimes friendships aren't built on a strong enough foundation to last a lifetime. It really depends on what their friendship was based on. If it was partying, then that isn't a very strong foundation. You can't be surprised when you grow apart from people that you didn't have much in common with from the beginning anyway. I hope they'll shed some light on this on the reunion, which airs July 10th - hosted by none other than Wendy Williams! Sweet!

So the last scene of the finale takes place on a rooftop lounge. This scares me. Renee says somebody better have an umbrella just in case they need to pull a Mary Poppins. LOL! Say what you will about Renee, she's funny. And who else noticed she was a little too eager to see Drita and Karen fight??? Hmmm. Anywhoo, the conversation starts out calmly enough. Drita is definitely agitated when she gets there. But she has a lot on her mind. She just found out Lee cheated. She's contemplating divorce. She's not in any mood to have Karen try to test her. Karen can't help herself and gets an attitude, thereby firing Drita up even more. I'm not condoning Drita's behavior. In fact, what she should have done was let Karen spill the beans about her past and let the truth come out. The looks that Carla and Renee were giving when Drita called Karen out on being a cheater were proof that they're not particularly impressed with Karen's past.

Drita let her rage take over, and she shouldn't have. In her interview, she says she blacked out. I believe it. I think she really lost her mind there. Karen, on the other hand, knew exactly what she was doing. She was prepared to fight with Drita and she knew how to push her buttons. She knew that she could get a rise out of her and she did. And Renee was literally stuck in the middle, and got hurt in the process. Let's see how eager she is to see a fight next time! That's what she gets. Stay out of it from now on, Renee.

I'm looking forward to the reunion, of course. I hope they talk about Karen's book - when is it coming out? Did she only finish that one chapter? (I'm kidding!) I want to know how Carla's kids are doing and if their dad is spending time with them, and did he find a place to live? I would like for Renee to update us on her job and whether she's spoken to Junior or not. And I want to know if Drita is divorcing Lee, and how she feels about Karen now that some time has passed. I know Karen was blasting Drita on Twitter for a while, but I haven't seen anything about that recently.

And lastly, I want to say to VH1 - when you tell people to go to VH1.com to see the rest of the fight, please have the courtesy to actually have the video on your site. I looked for almost 30 minutes and didn't find it. All you had there was the footage that aired on the show. Not what you promised - UNSEEN footage of the aftermath of the fight. Just saying.

Until the reunion, my friends!!