Thursday, March 1, 2012

The 5 Gs

I had a mini-meltdown when I couldn't watch RuPaul's Drag Race online this week. was down as were other MTV network websites, including VH1. I had been anticipating Snatch Game all season, and of all the weeks for the site to go kaput - Snatch Game week? Really? Well, all is right with the world again. is back up, and I upgraded my cable for $10 more a month. I need my Drag Race, people.

So, as I mentioned before, this week was everyone's favorite, Snatch Game, a takeoff on the classic tv game show Match Game. But first, the mini challenge. Inspired by a very masculine rooster, the girls competed in a series of games to win a call home. Phi Phi won, but graciously gave her call to Chad, since it was his anniversary with his partner. So sweet.

Snatch Game was a hot mess. Sharon had the genius idea of doing judge Michelle Visage, Milan was a loopy Diana Ross, Willam was Jessica Simpson, Latrice portrayed Aretha Franklin, Jiggly took on Snooki, Phi Phi did Lady Gaga, Dida was Wendy Williams, Kenya tried to do a crazy Beyonce, and Chad, of course, was Cher. Now, the only real mistakes in the bunch were Kenya and Milan. Everyone else picked pretty good celebrities to play that had potential for a fun performance. I would have picked Shakira for Kenya and maybe Gayle King for Milan.

The runway look theme was "Dress to Impress", and the gurls turn't it out. Chad won, which I believe she deserved, and Kenya and Milan lipsynched for their lives. Sadly, Kenya was sent home.

I have a lot of opinions about this episode and this week's Untucked, so get your wig glue ready, because I'm going IN!!

Chad: You were PERFECTION again! How are you doing this? These children don't understand how good you are!! Your Cher was SO DAMN GOOD. There were times I really forgot it wasn't her. I'm saving my coins now to see you perform live. I can't believe how much you've impressed me this season. And don't listen to Jiggly when she says you talk about Cher too much. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. You can talk about her all day long because you are what? Sick'ning. And Cher obviously means the world to you. By the way, your runway look was flawless. I loved that yellow against the giraffe print. It was so beautiful. Just keep working hard and turning the party. You could win this whole thing. And I loved the montage of you saying you're a professional on Untucked. Yes, you are. Chad's grade for the week: A+.

Dida: How you DOIN'? I absolutely adored the fact that you paid homage to Wendy Williams. That was smart, and fun. I wish we could have seen more of you on the Snatch Game. I almost died laughing when Jiggly did her "smush smush" thing and you said, "How SHE doin'?" LOL! So good. Your runway look was so cute, it reminded me of Rachel Berry's Gaga look on Glee with all the stuffed animals. I liked your impressions on Untucked as well. You're really funny, and I love that. Oh and ... CHEESECAKE!!! Dida's grade for the week: A.

Jiggly: Real talk, you need to quit being such a hater. Chad loves Cher, the challenge was to impersonate a celebrity, so of course, he was talking about the best way to do that. I thought you were going to be a great Snooki, but you just didn't have it. You didn't have the mannerisms, you were only doing the most obvious catchphrases, and you referenced a South Park episode. It was all over the place. You should have stuck with the Snooki that we see on Jersey Shore - heavy drinking, doing the "Wah!", and talking about guido juiceheads. You almost sounded like a valley girl at one point, and you were whiny the entire time. The only things you did get right were the pickles and the poof. So disappointed in you. If you ask me, you should have gone home this week. Your runway look was cute, though. Jiggly's grade this week: D.

Kenya: Things unraveled for you so quickly this season. You were one of the front runners in the beginning, but your limited English really sunk things for you. I was thinking of past contestants whose first language wasn't English, and the fact is, their English was at least conversational. Yours isn't. It's truly broken. I'm glad you had a chance to compete, but unfortunately, it wasn't your time. I hope Ru considers a Spanish language  version of the show for all the Latina queens. You would KILL it!! I loved your runway look. I think you knew it was going to be your last runway, so you represented Puerto Rico with the boxing outfit/flag cape. I'm proud of you because you were great on the show and your looks were always perfection. In the Snatch Game, your performance was so unhinged, it really put everyone off. When you explain what it was you were trying to do, it sounds good, but sadly, it was all lost in translation. Kenya's grade for the week: D.

Latrice: You were the voice of reason again this week. The shenanigans on Snatch Game were too much for you (and you've gone to prison!). I don't blame you for being over it, but you shouldn't have let it affect your performance. I thought you were great as Aretha, but there was a certain point where you just stopped performing, and I hated to see you give up like that. I thought you were absolutely right to tell the girls how you felt. Some of them just won't grow up, though, just so you know. Jiggly did apologize, which was fine, but I don't think the rest were willing to own up to their part in the Snatch Game fiasco. Your runway look was so beautiful. That royal blue suits you. But why were you nekkid on Untucked??? Were you letting the dress breathe or something? We need answers. Latrice's grade for the week: B.

Milan: I don't know which era of Diana Ross you were doing, but I have never heard the woman talk like you were talking on Snatch Game. That was some kind of foolishness. I really didn't understand why you dressed as Janelle Monae for the runway either. Snatch Game is over! You should have done something glamorous! This was your second week in a row in the bottom, and the gymnastics are NOT going to save you next time. You better bring it from now on. Milan's grade for the week: D.

Phi Phi: First off, condragulations on winning the mini challenge, and I salute you for giving your call to Chad. Very nice. However, I'm disappointed in your Gaga. There was so much more you could have done with her. If you've seen her interviews (I'm sure you have), you know she has a certain rhythm to the way she speaks and has a tendency to give super long answers. You could have mentioned New York, being Italian, and made some references to her lyrics, instead of just talking about Little Monsters. You really had a lot of potential with Gaga - you just didn't use it. Which is a shame, because I loved your look. Your runway look was not as good. And you need to soften up your makeup big time. This is not the time to be complacent. Phi Phi's grade for the week: C.

Sharon: You get my award for ballsiest move of the show so far. Your Michelle Visage was DEAD ON. I loved it! And the best part was RuPaul loved it. There's nothing like making Ru double over laughing. Michelle loved it, too. Of course, you had to exaggerate her a little, but you were smart about it. Your Snatch Game performance is right up there with Pandora Boxx's Carol Channing. Perfection! Your runway look was a little out there, but you looked gorgeous as usual. You got Kenya to open up on Untucked, and you seemed sincere. Sharon's grade for the week: A.

Willam: I think people mistake your humor for attitude. I can see your humor and you actually make me laugh once in a while, but you do have a way of making yourself look very conceited. I thought you did a decent Jessica Simpson, and you look a lot like her. The cardboard cutout was a good idea, too. I didn't quite believe you when you cried on the runway, especially when you said you were sad all the girls would have to go home so you could win. Not cool. You have potential, but your ego is ruining it. To quote Latrice, "Good God, Get a Grip, Gurl." Willam's grade for the week: C.

What did you think of this episode? Tweet me!