Tuesday, October 30, 2012

RuPaul's All Star Drag Race & Untucked - Smile Now, Cry Later

This week's RuPaul's All Star Drag Race and Untucked were really great this week. This show just gets better and better. If you don't watch, or haven't watched, number one: what's wrong with you, and number two: it's gonna be ok. Just click here. This week, the queens participated in a newlywed game called In Da Butt Ru (LOL), a Gaff In (think Laugh In), and a swingin' 60's runway extravaganza. I'll get into Untucked later. The guest judges were the hilarious Vicki Lawrence and the adorable Busy Phillips.

Let's talk about how the teams are holding up.

Team Shad: Chad and Shannel werked it on In Da Butt Ru. Were they ever more than just friends? From the looks of it, maybe! I kid, I kid. As for the Gaff In, I loved Chad's Bette Davis! Spot f*cking on!! And I really liked Shannel's Lucille Ball. I thought Shannel had the mannerisms and voice down. I'm not sure why some of the judges weren't impressed, but I was. Their runway looks were great, although I was wondering what has up with Shannel's contouring. Was it just me or did it look way too dark? Anywhoo, Team Shad is safe and they are on the upswing for sure. On Untucked, Chad's father, who she hasn't spoken to in 25 years, sent her a video to say he loves her and is proud of her. Tears of joy! This prompted the other ladies to talk about their own dads. It was emotional and made us viewers love these queens even more.

Team Latrila: After realizing they don't know much about each other on In Da Butt Ru, they had a nice conversation about their backgrounds. Who knew Manila was thisclose to marrying a girl? But that girl is the greatest, because she forced Manila out of the closet and because of that, Manila met Sahara. It was so nice to see Sahara's beautiful face on the show. So, for Gaff In, Manila was Madonna (dead ringer) and Latrice was Oprah (not so much). But they're jokes worked for the most part. Latrice was clearly nervous - which reminded me of the sitcom challenge back in Season 4. But they pulled through and did great on the runway in their 60's inspired looks. I thought Manila's look was campy, but Michelle clocked her over-use of white liner. I loved how Manila laughed it off, though. As I said before, Untucked was extremely emotional, as we found out that Latrice has a very painful past with her father. Team Latrila was in the bottom 2, and Latrice did the lipsynch for her team and pulled out the victory. Latrice, Manila, you two better werk next week!!

Team Rujubee: These two Season 2 queens won In Da Butt Ru which is no surprise, these two really are sisters. The prize? Pies in the face! I love it! Raven decided to be Bea Arthur for Gaff In, which I was totally psyched for, and Jujubee was Fran Drescher. Fran turned out to be the better choice, and Bea was less than stellar. I was so disappointed. Their runway looks were flawless, though. They looked SO adorable. I am still Team Rujubee and I can't wait for these two to own the next challenge. Step it up!!!

Team Yarlexis: Coming in probably a close second on In Da Butt Ru, Yara and Alexis showed that they are super duper close. I love their dynamic. They chose to be Charo (Yara) and Shakira (Alexis). Now, I didn't like the shade Alexis threw at my girl Shakira (goat voice, really?), but hey she's not the first or the last to hate on her. Alexis really did a great job on the look, but for all the talk about the voice, she didn't bring it to Gaff In at all! Yara, on the other hand, did Charo the house down! The look, the voice, the energy, everything. It was spectacular. And their jokes hit the mark. As for the runway, they looked like a sort of mother/daughter a la Hairspray Edna/Tracy Turnblad - but much slimmer, of course. Yara was the fun, flirty 60's party girl, while Alexis was the elegant, buttoned up Jackie O type. They won the main challenge, which I was very happy about. These two may just give Rujubee a run for their money. On Untucked, Yara had a breakdown thinking about her father and the fact that her family doesn't really talk about or acknowledge her lifestyle. Stay strong, Yara, we love you.

Team Brown Flowers: Tammie was in rare kookoo form this week. She and Nina were deliciously out there during In Da Butt Ru, and it didn't stop there. They didn't know who each other's celebrity was for Gaff In, which was not a good sign. Nina was Latin legend La Lupe  which I absolutely loved (and she did such a good job!). Tammie was none other than Tammy Faye Bakker/Messner, and although she had the look down, that was pretty much all she gave to the character. Not sure why Tammie didn't go bigger with the impersonation. On the runway, Nina gave us a classic look from Season 1 that worked very well for this challenge, and Tammie wore ... a red dress. There was nothing 60's about it! Except maybe the bell sleeves? I don't know. Michelle Visage critiqued Tammie, and as we saw on Untucked, Tammie fought back. Quite aggressively, I might add, clocking Michelle's makeup application. I know it must be hard to be judged challenge after challenge, but I think Tammie just wants to do her own thing and doesn't like to hear any critiques about it, period. Which is fine, but you're on a competition reality show. So, that really doesn't work. It was no surprise when Team Brown Flowers landed in the bottom 2. Tammie did the lipsynch with Latrice and could not win against her. I was so happy to see Nina and Tammie did not have hard feelings about going home and their bond seemed stronger than ever. Love you Nina and Tammie! You are both legends!!

What did you think of this episode? Tweet me!

RHONY Lost Footage - Where's The Drinks?

I have to say, the Lost Footage episode of Real Housewives of New York was kind of ... boring. I'm being honest, so I have to tell it like it is. It wasn't that great! There were no particularly special moments, but there were a few that were just ok. If anything, they fleshed out some storylines, but that's about it. I think these Lost Footage episodes should be reserved for only the craziest/most controversial moments that we don't get to see the entirety of in the regular season. For example, show the entirety of the Aviva shouting match in St. Barts. That's a perfect example, since that scene was chopped and diced up on the original episode.

Anywhoo, let's get to the scenes. I don't have much to say about them, so don't be mad at me for being brief (for once in my life).

Scene 1: Aviva tells Ramona about her prosthetic leg in front of Sonja and Carole. I thought we saw this already? I guess not, but Ramona gave us the same exact reaction as we saw in the shoe store. Nothing new here.

Scene 2: Carole with her neighborhood mail guy, Lenny. This scene was SO Sex & The City/Carrie Bradshaw to me. Carole is Carrie Bradshaw here and I loved it.

Scene 3: Sonja's date with Richard. Um, barf. The whole thing was one big gross out for me. Don't get me wrong, I like that Sonja is flirty and fun, but there's something about the guys that she goes out with that just ... doesn't agree with me. Richard seemed like a nice enough guy, but did he really have to talk about how cute their kids would be? I think not. I did love it when Sonja told him she has to keep some things behind closed doors and then proceeded to tell him she was going to shit her pants. Classic Sonja.

Scene 4: Reunion clip about Harry Dubin. Why are we still talking about this guy? And why is Sonja so upset that Heather said he told her he slept with her and Luann? It's the truth and Luann and Sonja both said it, so why is it so unbelievable that Harry said it. And to be fair, Heather heard Harry tell someone else that. Bottom line, the words came out of his mouth. Who f*cking cares?

Scene 5: Luann's meeting with the apparel company. Did you do any preparation for this meeting at all, Luann? Seriously! You were stuttering and stammering like you had no idea what you were doing there. Nothing was accomplished at this meeting and you still don't have an apparel line in stores. Enough said.

Scene 6: Aviva confides in Carole about her mom's alcoholism. I really think this should have been part of the actual season, because it sets up Aviva's aversion to Sonja and Ramona's partying. She explained most of this on the reunion, but it could have given insight during the season as well. Carole was right when she said Aviva's history with her mom explains all the phobias and controlling behavior.

Scene 7: Speaking of Aviva, we're back on the reunion talking about George getting 86'd from Ramona's charity event. Heather was totally right when she said Aviva should have just sent in the check, and George should have never showed up there. And it's true there were no security guards escorting him out, it was a waiter - and it was actually Carole who walked him out after all. Aviva maintains that she never would have treated any of the other ladies' family members that way, but really, when is that ever gonna happen? But, nice sentiment, though.

Scene 8: Sonja has Ramona meet with her business partner. Ramona takes over the meeting and bulldozes the business partner. No surprise. This poor man was completely taken aback, probably because Ramona didn't give him a chance to get a word in until the very end. By then, he was clearly dizzy from being on the Ramona-coaster too long. There's no doubt Ramona is business-savvy, but the professor of Business 101 to Infinity (her words)??? I don't know about that one.

Scene 9: Carole on the phone talking about her book. I love that apartment. That's where I want to live when I move to New York (wishful thinking, I know). The characters in her book sound like so much fun. I actually can't wait to read it.

Scene 10: Ramona's Pinot Grigio appearance. She meets with the fans and actually is very good with them. Spoiler alert: She brings her own wine glass ... yup, you read that correctly. And we get another Ramona-ism: Water off a duck's ass.

Scene 11: Luann with her kids, and those kids couldn't be more annoyed with her. I'm leaving that one alone.

Scene 12: Ramona packs for St. Barts with Sonja. These two could debate about what color the sky is. Doesn't mean it's entertaining for me. Next.

Scene 13: At the Reunion, Andy asks Luann about her persona and whether or not it's a true reflection of who she is. Luann says she's many different women. Really? Or is it that you just change depending on who you're around? Not that there's anything wrong with that! But just once, I would love for Luann to admit that she plays up the Countess bit when it's convenient/makes her money, but she's truly a party girl at heart, which is what she really is.

Scene 14: Luann gets stood up at the park by Sonja and Ramona. Why did we need to see this?

Scene 15: Ramona unpacks in St. Barts. Another unnecessary scene. Loud as f*ck. Annoying.

Scene 16: Luann bonds with Cat's parrots in St. Barts. I thought this was actually a cute scene. But Luann's island accent is as bad as her French.

Scene 17: Heather talks about being friends with the likes of Sean Combs (AKA Diddy, AKA P.Diddy, AKA Puff Daddy, AKA Puffy), Beyonce, JLO and Carole talks about her friend Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy. I would have liked to have heard more about their friendships, but this was a very short clip.

Scene 18: Aviva apologizes for the 8,000th time on the reunion. But I love that she prefaced it by telling Andy (re: Ramona), "She's so f*cking rude, I can't take it." LOL! Ramona brought up the fact that Aviva has said some not so nice things in her blog and on Twitter but as I've said before, in my opinion, if Aviva is explaining how she felt at the time, it's not going to be rainbows and unicorns. Simple as that. Aviva called herself ungracious and trashy on the show, which prompted Sonja to say that she is too hard on herself. Which surprised me, because Sonja was attacking Aviva the entire reunion. But, Sonja continued to tell Aviva to love herself in order to love others (which reminds me of RuPaul's famous line: "If you don't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an Amen in here?"). Words to live by.

Scene 19: Discussion at the reunion re: best and worst of the season.

Ramona's best was St. Barts with most of the ladies, and her worst was her tea date with Aviva.
My best moment for Ramona was at Luann's Christmas party because she was super funny on that episode and my worst moment for Ramona was "TAKE A XANAX, CALM DOWN!" for obvious reasons. 

Sonja says her best was becoming friends with Heather, and her worst was making Heather feel unappreciated.
My best for Sonja was her tolerating George's advances and being a good sport about it, and my worst for her was all the falling-down-drunk (literally) moments. 

Luann's worst moment was her issues with Jacques and her best was the fact that she has a strong relationship with him.
Ho, please. Your best was making peace with Ramona early in the season and your worst was your "Italian friends" trainwreck of an alibi. 

Aviva said the best thing about the season was reaching people that need prosthetics, and the worst thing about it was her behavior in St. Barts.
I say her best was her charity events, including the soulcycle class and giving the little boy his prosthetics. And the worst, besides St. Barts, was her hammering the ladies with her complaints about Ramona and Sonja's behavior after St. Barts. 

Carole's best was the fact that her memoir got back on the best seller list and her worst was getting up early to film.
My best moment for Carole was actually a montage of all her hilarious interviews/confessionals, and the worst would have to be her tension with Luann because even though it was hilarious, it was unnecessary.

Heather's best was the platform the show gave her for organ donation awareness. The worst for her was not being able to solidify a business plan for Sonja, oh and the broken nose.
I say her best was the way she handled Sonja and put her in her place and the worst was not inviting Ramona to London. I know it was a business trip, but it rubbed me the wrong way and caused a lot of tension in the group for no reason. Plus she was the new kid and that was the wrong move at the time, in my opinion. 

And that's a wrap! In Ramona's words (seriously), "Where's the drinks?" Here's to not being an alcoholic!

What did you think of this episode? Tweet me!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

RuPaul's All Stars Drag Race Premiere Episode

I am SO HAPPY RuPaul's Drag Race is BACK ON THE AIR!!!!! I NEEDED THIS!!!! After RHONJ and RHONY I needed my real divas back in my life, and that's exactly what I got. This season, it's All Stars, so that means the best of the best queens are back to duke it out for the title of America's Next Drag Superstar. But really, they're already Superstars. This is just a fun way to make them compete and give us DRAMA, darling!

Can you tell this show is everything to me? From the wigs to the makeup to the attitudes to the runway to the jokes to ... most importantly, the shade. You know how I love me some shade.

And can i just take a moment to say how much I love RuPaul? I love RuPaul! Thank you, Ru, for this show. It gives me so much joy.

Now, let's talk about the season premiere episode. The twist in this season is that the queens are competing in teams of two. So if one royally f*cks it up, they both go home. This is going to make the season go by super fast, and also create lots of drama. Because it forces the queens to make sure their partner is turning it out, which takes their attention away from themselves! Gasp! Is this possible?

Let's talk about the teams:

1. Chad Michaels and Shannel: Apparently, they're homies from way back. Chad was on Season 4 and Shannel was on the very first season, so it's cool to have them team up. They both drip with class and opulence, so they're going to be fun to watch. They didn't fare too well in the first episode, but only because they ran with their own ideas of the photoshoot instead of sticking to the instructions. Chad SLAYED in the lipsynch and won her and Shannel another day in the race. I am SO glad Team Shad, as they're known on the show, is still in the running. We need to see more from them!

2. Alexis Mateo and Yara Sofia: Two of my most favorite girls and my Puerto Rican sisters! I'm glad they're a team because they work well together and they're already BFFs since they were both on Season 3. They did well in the half-baked photoshoot, but not so well when it came to the opposites-attract one. I loved their concept, but maybe it was too complicated for the challenge. They looked beautiful on the runway together. I love their team name: Yarlexis! Oh, and Alexis got Mimi Imfurst together!! "Act a fool, gurl" - instant catch phrase. I need these two to stay on the show!!

3. Manila Luzon and Latrice Royale: I am so happy Manila and Latrice won the challenge. I loved when they told Ru they each needed what the other has. Manila was on Season 3 and Latrice was on Season 4. They really appreciate each other. And they worked it out this week!! What a great first episode for them - and I'm so happy they acknowledged Sahara Davenport at the end of the episode. We're all rooting for you, Manila. We love you! And Latrice, just do what you do! These two are definitely the front runners. Go Team Latrila!

4. Raven and Jujubee: These two gurls from Season 2 have got to be my pick for fiercest bitches in the game. I actually am declaring my endorsement for them to win this whole thing. Mark my words. They nailed the half-baked photoshoot and the opposites-attract photoshoot. Raven and Jujubee are good partners - some similarities along with some contrasts - that no matter what they come up with, it's going to be beautiful and interesting. Now, they got the drama started this week, and I know this is only the beginning. They are going to READ, hunty! Read ya ta filth! YAAASSSS!!! I'm officially Team Rujubee!!

5. Nina Flowers and Tammie Brown: I love these two queens SO much. Both from Season 1, Nina is still a fierce competitor. I love how she rocks her signature style with so much sass! Tammie is a wonder and a treasure - I just hope she can adapt to the challenges as needed. I want Team Brown Flowers to make it to the top 4 teams. I think they can really shine if they stay focused and kill the challenges.

6. Mimi Imfurst and Pandora Boxx: This was not the pairing anyone had in mind. Now, we saw the controversy around Mimi being on the show in the first place. I'm not a mathematician, but if Mimi found a way to cheat the system and get on the show by cheating, they should bring Pandora back with a new partner. I could see her tearing up the stage with any number of queens! But, sadly, I don't think that's going to happen. I love Pandora and I loved her line at the end, though, "I was an All Star before, and I'll be an All Star after." That's right, Pandora. You are an All Star. But I have to ask: WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU LIPSYNCH?? And why didn't you push the button to take over the lipsynch??? You could have potentially saved your team! Mimi was trying to give her all to the competition, and I respect that. However, the combination of no team chemistry and too much bad blood really clouded any chances she had of redeeming herself. Team Mandora, you were the first to sashay away off of RuPaul's All Star Drag Race.

I have to take a moment and talk about Ms. Michelle Visage. YOU ARE EVERYTHING. That is all.

What did you think of this episode? Which team are you on? Tweet me!

RHONJ Lost Footage - Finally! It's Over!

Happy Wednesday, kids! Please forgive my absence the last few days. I'm working on something really exciting for me, personally, and once it's all worked out I'll definitely share it with you. Suffice it to say, it's something I should have done a long time ago, and now I'm going for it. Turning 30 has really put a fire under my ass to accomplish everything I've ever wanted to do, and I'm excited to see where that takes me.

But let's get back to the ladies of New Jersey and the lost footage episode. I was happy to see some lighter moments and some emotional ones, too. I was less than thrilled to see more ugliness from the reunion. At this point, I think I may have PTSD (just kidding). So I'll take it scene by scene. Join me?

Scene 1: Joe Giudice doesn't apologize for saying Greg has a loose butthole. Seriously. This was a conversation actual adults had on national television. Joe Giudice says that he and his friends used to call each other the f word (derogatory term for homosexuals) and it wasn't bad because they knew they weren't gay. Um, ok. Not really digging yourself out of the hole with that, Joe. I will say Jacqueline was becoming a nuisance with her commentary throughout this whole scene - and it was unnecessary. Anyone can plainly see Joe thinks he said nothing wrong, even when Andy pointed out that it might have been offensive. Joe claims his gay friends thought it was hilarious. Whatever you say, Joe. I'm done with you. Teresa was defending her husband, no surprise, but I would hope that she's as tired as I am of having to hear this same conversation every reunion. Gay slurs are not ok. Ever. No matter who tells you it's funny. It's not.

Scene 2: The Tank Pull Fiasco. This whole scene annoyed me. Teresa can't shut up about wanting to win and Caroline fed right into the stupidity and got a bunch of Army guys to be on their team. With the sole purpose of beating Teresa. At least Caroline said that was her goal. In a way, I get it. Sometimes it feels really good to make the sore loser lose just to shove their face in it. It shuts them up for a few minutes. But it was definitely childish. I got so mad when Teresa told the Wakile kids they didn't need to pull because she had a bunch of people on her team already. WTF!! I was so glad Rosie told her that the kids were gonna participate. Jeez Louise, I can see being competitive, but shutting your cousin's kids out because you think you have better people to do the job? Come on! Teresa's team lost, but I don't think it was because the Army guys "pull tanks all the time". I think the universe was sending Teresa a message: "Be Humble". This was for charity! For crying out loud!

Scene 3: This segment from the reunion was all about the kids. Milania got some special recognition for her antics on the show. The kid is funny. And of course, so are the rest of the kids. Milania just has a way of grabbing the spotlight with the things she says. I'd venture to say, Teresa isn't happy about some of the stuff that comes out of her mouth, like "Daddy's sleeping in his own room" and "You're not a cooker, you're a hooker", for example. Teresa stated at the reunion that she never said the word "hooker" in front of Milania before, so she has no idea where she heard it. (Maybe her father? Just saying.) Jacqueline, right on cue, decides to scoff at this and says she's tired of listening to Teresa lie. She says that Teresa is trying to paint this perfect picture for the show, but she's not buying it. Well, Jacqueline, again, we get it. We don't exactly need a play by play from you, but thanks for thinking of us. Andy asks about Jacqueline writing in her blog that Milania acts out to get attention, and Jacqueline stands by her statement. Then the room agrees that all kids do that, so that whole conversation was pointless. Melissa decides to tell us that Joey is her problem child and he's got all the "Gorga" characteristics. I was half expecting Teresa to accuse Joey of copying Milania, but no such luck there. Chris Laurita reflects on the Manzo boys acting up on the business trip, but says they're more professional now, and adds that he acted the same way when he was their age.

Scene 4: Bookstore Drama. Teresa can't figure out why a specialty bookstore doesn't carry her books. Because. They're. A. Specialty. Bookstore. The cashier was clearly annoyed with Teresa and her badgering him to order the book. Ain't gonna happen, Tre. Stick with the chain bookstores.

Scene 5: Teresa's Magazine Apology. At the reunion, Andy brings up Teresa's apology in In Touch magazine, citing a source who said she was paid $6,500 to do the story. Teresa says the magazine asked her if she wanted to a story ABOUT apologizing and she said yes. She also said she wasn't paid. I highly doubt Teresa did all of these magazine photoshoots and articles and interviews for bupkiss. I believe she was paid. Just my opinion. It's also my opinion that she should OWN IT and say, "YAAASSSS BITCHES! I got paid to talk shit about you then I got paid to apologize to you! Welcome to 2012!" But again, just my opinion. However, I did find it interesting that Jacqueline said that Teresa never returned phone calls or texts, but had no problem addressing "letters" to each cast member in a magazine. Caroline interjected that Lauren did a story about herself, not bashing anyone else, to which Teresa proceeded to bash Lauren for not losing weight naturally. Here's what on that. How people choose to lose weight is their business. Teresa should have absolutely nothing to say about it. Period. Caroline was getting very upset at this point and that's when she told Teresa to shut her goddamn mouth. And Teresa squeaked out a "Wow". I'm thinking this is after she lost her voice?

Scene 6: A very nice scene between Jacqueline and Chris in Chicago. Very sweet, but kinda boring. No shade, but shade.

Scene 7: Jacqueline looks for wedding dresses for her fake wedding picture. I'm almost certain this is the fake wedding picture she was thinking of doing for a magazine then eventually decided against. Am I right? Either way, this is a fun scene. Just seeing Jacqueline joke around and be silly was awesome. She really is a kooky lady, and given the right setting, is a lot of fun to watch. I'm glad she decided not to do the fake wedding picture. It felt wrong and unnecessary.

Scene 8: Father's Day Festivities. The Giudices have a nice Father's Day, wherein Teresa gives Joe a ring, and he says, "I don't wear rings much, but it's nice." So, yeah. He doesn't wear a wedding ring very often, I'm guessing. Am I the only one who got super sad when Teresa said the rumors in the magazines about Joe cheating have really gotten to Gia? That broke my heart. I can only imagine Gia sees the magazines at the store or maybe at school? But I'm just saying, Gia and her sisters need to be protected from all of those articles. Honestly, they shouldn't even be featured on the covers of those magazines ... just my opinion. Back to the scene at hand. The Wakiles and Gorgas get together to remember Kathy and Rosie's dad and also Melissa's dad, who have passed away. It was a touching scene with lots of emotion. I liked that they were all together supporting each other, on what must have been a tough day.

Scene 9: Kim D's commentary backstage at the reunion. Oy vey. This woman is nuts.

Scene 10: Napa Trip Cook Off. Some friendly competition between all the RVs - Manzos, Wakiles, and Gorga/Giudices - resulted in the most amazing cook off ever. All of the food looked fantastic. Teresa and Melissa won, and it was nice to see them celebrate their victory together as a team. I didn't like that Teresa had to point out in her interview that Melissa's family doesn't cook. There's nothing wrong with not cooking. Or maybe I'm just saying that because I don't ... whatever.

Scene 11: Dina Returns. At the reunion, Dina is brought up once again. The fact that Teresa went to Dina after the fight on Jacqueline's deck is a big deal for Caroline and Jacqueline, because they feel that Teresa's intention was to have Dina on her side against them. Which is plausible, but Dina's a grown ass woman, and if she's going to choose her friend over her sister, there's gotta be more there than just Teresa. There are definitely more issues there than meets the eye. Teresa maintains she was talking to Dina about the fight as a friend just like she would with any other friend, and for the record, I believe her. I don't think she thought twice about venting to Dina. To her, it was the most natural thing in the world. I'm not sure she had a malicious intent behind it. It was good to hear Caroline admit that Teresa isn't the entire cause of the rift, but maybe just a part of it. That seems a lot more accurate. Now, here's where we have to talk about Jacqueline's issues with Dina. I have to point out that Teresa has a big mouth. So when Jacqueline accused Teresa of telling Jacqueline what Dina was saying about her and vice versa - which could have only made things worse. My question is: Why wouldn't Jacqueline OR Dina wake up and realize that it would be so much easier to TALK TO EACH OTHER? Take Teresa out of the equation completely and handle the situation between the two of them? I guess that would have to mean that both parties were willing to talk. If Dina refused to engage in a conversation with Jacqueline or Caroline, that explains the stalemate. When Teresa claims she never said bad things about Caroline to Dina, I have to laugh. Of course she did. Believe me, we know how women are, don't we ladies? And it doesn't help that Teresa did throw Caroline's problems with Dina in her face at the Season 3 reunion.

I am so glad this season is over. It was too long and too depressing. What did you think of this episode? Tweet me!

Friday, October 19, 2012

RHONY Reunion Part 2 - Honesty is the Best Policy

I am so sorry it's taken me this long to write my RHONY Reunion Part 2 Blog! But, as I said in my Jill Zarin blog, I wanted to give you a thorough account of what I thought of the episode, not a half-assed blog. You all deserve the best, plus if I half-ass it some of you call me out on it! But I love it, because you lovelies keep me on my toes. So, thank you, for pushing me to give you my best.

Now, as for the episode, well it was certainly eye-opening! I'm glad we got some resolution and some clarity. Of course, some grudges will be held but that's to be expected. RHONY is so different than other Housewives entities, the poise, the grace, the digs. Ah, those subtle digs are everything.

Get out your report cards, because I'm about to hand out some grades!

Luann: You gave us your story about Tomas NOT spending the night with you and I have to say, it doesn't make too much sense, but I'm gonna let it go. Whatever you did or didn't do, it's on you. And I'm glad you admitted that you panicked and lied about it. Because it was totally obvious and totally unnecessary. As for your "franglish" phone call with Cat, hey, I don't speak French, so I don't know the difference. But I think you meant a lot more than you let on with that, "I never change" line. It would be nice for you to own the fact that you may be a bit of a freak, but that's for you to decide. You've made your Countess bed, and you've chosen to lie in it. I am happy that you and Jacques are still together, though. Mazel. I found it hilarious that you have such a distaste for Carole. Despite what your ego is telling you, she's not out to get you. It's called a sense of humor. Look into it. You took me back to the days of seasons 1 and 2 when you and Ramona were threatening to out each others' deep, dark secrets - I say, you both spill the beans and get it over with. Neither of you are innocent angels, so why not? And your comment about Ramona being able to hold more wine than anyone was classic Luann - a compliment-covered-insult. Ah, can't you just taste the shade? I thought it was nice of you to back Heather up regarding Toaster-Gate, by the way. You didn't annoy me as much on this episode, and if you do come back next season, I say let the real Luann loose - just not around any Pirates. Luann's grade for the week: C (because she owned her mistakes (the ones she admitted to), but she still needs to be less sensitive and get a thicker skin).

Heather: You did a superb job on this episode, once again! I was so happy that you didn't allow Sonja's ridiculous props get the better of you. We all saw the work you did for her. And as I've said before, I think there was a true miscommunication between you and Sonja about what she was actually asking for. I think you gave her way more than a brandstamp. You gave her a campaign to use as a jumping off point. Which she didn't appreciate at all. You were right to not comment on the designs Sonja brought in from the viewers. By the way, there's nothing wrong with getting designs from the viewers. It was just not the right place or time. That's why you did the right thing and told her to go do whatever she wants. It's not your product or your business. If she wants to work with someone else, so be it. You're absolutely right about Sonja being in her own way - and you can't help her with that. I loved it when you said Sonja wouldn't know hard work if it bit her in the ass, and although we don't know if that's true or not, it was a great line. The point is, you win the Toaster-Gate war, hands down. And I'm so glad you set the record straight on Ramona and Sonja partying in St. Bart's. Of course they partied! They flaunted it! Why are they trying to say they were home at midnight? Lies! Heather's grade for the week: A (for serving Truth with a capital T).

Ramona: First of all, thank you for giving us season 1 and 2 realness with your not-so-subtle digs at Luann and her secret-slutty ways. That was priceless. However, we know you're not so innocent yourself. I love how you get so offended with Andy for asking about your drinking, or with Aviva for being mad at your behavior in St. Bart's and for throwing her dad out of your charity event, but you have no problem basically throwing Luann under the bus about Tomas. The truth is, you weren't there. None of us were, so you have no idea what happened between Tomas and Luann. I don't believe Luann, either, but she's sticking to her story, so we have no choice but to drop it. I say, if you're going to go after Luann so hard, do not be so up-in-arms when people come for you. You should have the balls to take whatever Aviva, George, Andy, and anyone else has to say about you. I just hate when you get that clutching-your-pearls look on your face. And seriously, what Aviva said to you and Sonja is nothing compared to what you've said to some of your castmates over the years. Real talk. Plus, you came for Aviva at the end of this episode when you dropped the bomb about her alleged prenups! So, please, don't play the victim and then attack like that. Anyway, I don't believe you and Sonja are lovers (barf) but you are mighty touchy-feely. Which really doesn't bother me, but it raises eyebrows with some for some reason. Now, regarding George - no matter how old he behaves or how inappropriate he is - he's Aviva's blood. Of course she's going to defend him. You are totally right when you said Aviva has a double standard for you, Sonja, and her father. BECAUSE THAT'S HER FATHER! That's the man that stood by her side while her leg was being chewed up by a machine. Is it really that surprising that you asking him to leave your event would upset Aviva so much? And yes, George grabbed your arm and wouldn't shut up about Aviva, I agree with you there. No one is disputing that. You just shouldn't have been so shocked that Aviva would have a problem with it. Here's another problem: Aviva claims she spoke to you and asked you if it was ok to bring Reid to St. Bart's and you said yes. If this is true, then, I'd say you pulled a Jill Zarin and purposely fought with Aviva to secure your place on the show. Which is always a bad move. If you want to come back next season, drop the victim act and make sure you can take it while you're dishing it out. Oh and that lipstick scene was hilarious. Do you ladies not bring makeup artists to the reunions? The Jersey girls do! Ramona's grade for the week: D (for throwing Luann under the bus and throwing shade at Aviva while playing the victim at the same time, not a good look).

Carole: I don't think you have a malicious bone in your body, but it was hilarious when you called out Luann for bringing Tomas home. It's true! Maybe it wasn't your "turn" to say anything but in all honesty, she needed to be called out. And you're all there to discuss the show, so it's fair game. I never understood why some of the Housewives get all upset when a castmate has something to say about something that happened on the show. It's a reunion! You're supposed to participate! Whatever. You gave us some great lines this week, but your portion of the reunion had already been addressed in Part 1. Except for the George Clooney part. I'm impressed you two are still friends. Again, cool points for you. I definitely hope you come back next season, but you'll have to make sure you tell these ladies - to their faces - all the snarky comments you'll be making in your interviews so they don't get offended *sarcasm*. Carole's grade for the week: A (because she gets how hilariously ridiculous this show is and doesn't take it, or herself, too seriously).

Sonja: I'm so glad we got a straight answer on the whole Tomas/garden situation, oh wait, we didn't. That's right, no one cares. You flirt, we get it. It's just not entertaining to me. Some people think it's cute. I just don't care for it. No problem. I do think that shirt Andy gave you was super cute. That "Stir the Drink" line is probably what you should go with, not the toaster oven/cookware line. Speaking of the toaster oven, you know you were wrong for bringing those designs out. What in the world did you think that would accomplish? Just let it go. Why keep beating that dead horse??? All you had to do was thank Heather for the work she did and then go do whatever you wanted (like Bethenny did with Alex). Please, let's never speak of Toaster-Gate again. I liked that you said that George wasn't coming from a bad place and that you went along with the setup for Aviva's sake. That's the Sonja we love, the one that goes with the flow and has a good time with people. No one ever expected you to seriously date him. Not even Aviva, I imagine. I'm glad things are better with your ex and that your financial situation is getting resolved. And please accept my condolences for Milu. I think we can all relate to a pet becoming a family member, especially after 18 years, and losing him must have been tragic. It was no surprise to me that you would have Ramona's back, and hey, you're her bestie, that's what besties do. I actually like that you're so loyal to her. I honestly wish you the best with your cooking appliance/accessory line and if you do come back, we want to see you working hard as well as partying hard. Sonja's grade for the week: C (despite her bringing out those designs, she let us know she's doing better and that was nice to see).

Aviva: I loved how you opened up even more on this episode and let us know why you had such a visceral reaction to Ramona and Sonja in St. Bart's. Aside from the allegation that Ramona knew ahead of time that Reid was coming, you explained that your mother passed away from a burst ulcer caused by alcoholism and that you are extremely sensitive to "partying". You openly admitted that you overreacted and apologized again for yelling at Ramona and Sonja. When you said that when you were yelling at them you were actually yelling at your mother, that really made an impact on me. The fact that your mom isn't with you anymore and that you reacted that way shows that you're still in a lot of pain. I can relate to the overreacting and it makes me realize that we all have triggers that can make us take our pain out on the wrong person. I appreciate you telling the truth about this. It doesn't make what you did right, but at least we know why it happened. You're maybe the most honest Housewife this franchise has ever seen. I don't think we've seen a castmate be as open about her flaws. I, for one, appreciate it immensely. And on a lighter note, I'll take the "we vacay differently" as a shout out because I said that in my blog! Shout out! I think it was smart of you to tell Ramona that she needs to quit with the "verbal abuse" schtick because it's getting old, and as I stated before, she really has no room to talk. And thank you for putting her in her place about the prenup business. It was shady of her to even go there with you. You were so right when you said that when you and Ramona and Sonja were getting along, you kept a lot bottled up, and when you stopped getting along, you exploded all over them. It was your chance to get it all out. So, if you come back next season, which I hope you will, just deal with things as they happen. Don't let them bottle up. And choose your words wisely. Aviva's grade for the week: A (for being totally honest and taking responsibility, while at the same time not letting anyone disrespect her).

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Thursday, October 18, 2012

Watch What Happens Live - Jill Zarin's Pity Party Tour

First, I just want to say that my Real Housewives of New York Reunion Part 2 blog is coming soon! I need to actually watch it again, because the first time I watched, I was distracted. So, I need to watch it again and take notes because I realize that I owe you kids the best of the best of me. I wouldn't give you a half-assed blog unless there was some really good reason behind it. But I won't do that with RHONY, I won't do that to you.

Now, let's get into Jill Zarin's appearance on Watch What Happens Live. This was a mess. I am so glad Andy Cohen gave Jill Zarin 22 minutes to remind us why she's not on RHONY anymore. Let's break this down, shall we?

1. Jill thinks she was the voice of reason (when she said Heather was her replacement). Um, no, Jill. You were the pushy, but funny, crazy person who had a beef with almost everyone all the time. Every episode of every single season, you were either lecturing someone, arguing with someone, bashing someone, or ignoring someone. You were NEVER the voice of reason. You were the voice of unreason.

2. Jill believes Andy sided with Bethenny. Um, duh! We all did! (With the exception of Jill's fans, of course.) But seriously, it was a landslide in favor of Bethenny, because Jill was horrible to her. And here's the kicker! Jill admits she thought it would be great for the show! She sat there and told Andy that she thought they would fight and eventually make up on the show and it would be great for ratings. And you wonder why Bethenny wants nothing to do with you, Jill??? What kind of psycho does that? Even Jill admitted that Andy told her it was a bad idea to fight with Bethenny for ratings, and according to Jill, she immediately tried to make up with Bethenny, but by then it was too late. That's what we call karma, Jill. You should have made up with Bethenny because you really wanted to, not because, in your mind, it would be good for television.

3. Jill says Heather was brought on the show to replace her, but she can't replace her because she hasn't converted to Judaism. Wow. I'm just gonna let that sink in. Heather is NOTHING like Jill. Heather actually became MORE likable as the season went on. Enough said.

4. Jill doesn't understand why she was fired. Big surprise. Here's why you were fired, Jill. You became a fame-crazed maniac. You sabotaged your friendships to secure your place on a reality show and it came across as desperate and fake. The majority of the viewers were not on your side, and they made their voices heard. Bravo realized you were a liability, and that's why you were not asked to come back to the show.

5. Jill says the worst part of being fired was that she never got to say goodbye. Well, neither did DeShawn Snow, Lisa Wu Hartwell, Sheree Whitfield, Kelly Bensimon, Alex McCord, Cindy Barshop, Danielle Staub, and a slew of other ladies that weren't asked back on the show. This isn't All My Children. You don't get an exit storyline. You're off the show, and that's that. It's pretty presumptuous of you to want to say goodbye when none of these other ladies got that opportunity, either.

6. Jill wants to be friends with Bethenny again. Never gonna happen. Next.

7. Jill says she doesn't pay for Twitter followers. And that she didn't even know you could do that. Um, I'm not on a national television show and I even know that you can buy followers. Please.

All in all, it was disturbing to watch this woman whine about something that happened a year ago. And was I the only one who noticed she was drinking from a Jill Zarin wineglass? I mean, seriously, Jill, if your shapewear/clothing/bedding/jewelry line is doing so great, why in the world do you have to sell yourself SO HARD? You're coming on too strong! But that's the Jill Zarin way, isn't it?

You're determined and strong-willed and that's why we did like you in spite of yourself in season one. But once you let your ego take control of your behavior, we couldn't condone that. You self-destructed, Jill. It wasn't Bravo, it wasn't Andy, it wasn't Bethenny, and it wasn't the "haters". It was you.

I honestly wish you the best of luck, and I hope you got the closure you needed out of making a total ass of yourself on Andy's show. Now, focus on the future and like Heather says, "Keep it movin'".

What did you think of Jill's appearance on WWHL? Tweet me!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

RHONJ Reunion Part 3 - Mystery Solved

Well, kids, the Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion is officially over, with only a Lost Footage episode remaining. I don't know if I'll even bother watching it. Unless it's full of funny scenes we didn't get to see in this God-awful season. Speaking of God-awful, Part 3 of the Reunion was - for me - a waste of time. Nothing was really resolved, and no one came to any grand realizations. Big surprise. However, there were some moments of clarity, so it wasn't all bad. But most of it was ... really bad.

Did anyone else notice how Joe Giudice would never look Andy Cohen in the eye while answering questions? That's odd, no? It's just me? Ok.

The Husbands joined the ladies (and Joe Giudice) on the set for Part 3. I know I'm going to get raked over the coals for this, but I think Richie and Chris did a great job. They did what they were supposed to do, defend their wives. But what struck me about Richie is that, no matter what you think of his personality or his humor, he tells it like it is. I believe what he says. He may say it in an inappropriate or exaggerated way, but he's usually making fun of the situation and making light of it by making these wild comments. The essence of what he says, usually, is the truth. I did not enjoy Joe Giudice and Richie arguing, at all, though. That whole segment was pointless and annoying. Just like a conversation with Joe Giudice himself. Seriously, I have to just get this off my chest. Joe Giudice said on that set: "We don't need help from you people, thank you." He's absolutely right. They (Teresa and Joe) don't need help from friends or family. They're great on their own. Here's the problem: YOU'RE ON AN ENSEMBLE REALITY SHOW, DUMBASS!!! If you don't interact with these people, you're out of a job. Period.

I could go on and on about Joe Giudice's shitty attitude and profoundly irritating behavior, but I won't. I'm sick of talking about him and I will never again watch a show that features him. Ever. Mark my words.

Another thing that made me think was the fact-checking and research that everyone apparently did before the show. Jacqueline, I gotta call you out because you were like mother-f*cking CNN, constantly interrupting and pulling out little factoids ... are you in any way related to Joe Biden? Just asking. Anyway, there was a whole lot of tea spilled about everyone, but, as a viewer, there is no way to know what's true and what's not true. Was Jacqueline ever a stripper? Did Teresa say Melissa was a stripper? Did Caroline say Jacqueline was a stripper? Did Chris tell Joe Giudice he met Jacqueline when she was a stripper? You know what?? NO ONE CARES!! How about this: how about everyone just assumes everyone was a stripper at one point and gets the f*ck over it? All in favor, raise your hands. *Raises both hands*

Kim D. We have to talk about Miss Posche Fashion Show herself. Who showed up to say absolutely nothing. Teresa knew SOMETHING was going to happen, but she didn't know what. Great. Thanks for cracking the code on that one, genius. I swear, Kim D was about as useful on this episode as I am at a construction site - meaning I have absolutely nothing to offer anyone and I shouldn't even be there in the first place. Then, Jacqueline declines to name the person she was texting at the fashion show because they're still friends with Teresa. Some friend that mystery person is! Show your face, mystery friend! I want to know why you would reduce yourself to being Jacqueline's informant for this totally anti-climactic, humongous waste-of-time, alleged set up. Because, again, the set up was a total let down. There was no set up at all.

And that's another thing I'm mad about. They're talking about this set up like Teresa was Michael Corleone grabbing the gun out of the toilet or something. NOTHING ACTUALLY HAPPENED. Some idiot said some idiotic bullsh*t and everyone's having a conniption over it. This is why I'm done with this show if the same cast returns.

Andy, my darling Andy Cohen, listen to me. Let Teresa go have a cooking show somewhere. I'm begging you. I don't even care what you do with the rest of the cast. But if I have to see another season of Teresa vs. The Universe ... actually, no. I REFUSE to watch another season of Teresa vs. The Universe.

I have to address Melissa and Joe Gorga now. Joe, you seemed genuinely hurt about this whole thing with Teresa. All I can say is that if you want things to get better, go back to therapy with your entire family. If you honestly think Teresa took your parents' love or attention away from you, you have to figure that out with them as a family. Melissa, you told Teresa you're done, so my advice is to be done. Don't engage in the verbal tit-for-tat that we saw on this reunion. Don't bring anything to the table for discussion with her. Maybe, if and when Teresa and Joe are back on good terms, you can begin to repair your relationship with her. But you can't do any of that until your husband and Teresa are ok again.

As for Caroline and Kathy - thank you for not adding to the craziness in this episode. I think I speak for all sane, level-headed fans when I say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. This isn't what we signed up for. I now realize I love every single woman on this show: Teresa, Caroline, Melissa, Jacqueline, and Kathy - I love all of you. I love you enough to tell you that I cannot watch you all go at it again for another season. Let's stick a fork in this season and never speak of it ever again.

What did you think of this episode? Tweet me!

Thursday, October 11, 2012

RHONY Reunion Part 1 - New Girls vs. Veterans

It truly was a war this week on Part 1 of the Real Housewives of New York Reunion. On this side, veterans Luann, Sonja, and Ramona. On that side, new girls Aviva, Carole, and Heather. Can I just say, though, I LOVED the location (Museum of American Finance). It was so ... money. Ah, I could smell the currency through the tv. All joking aside, it was a tense first installment for sure. Not a scream-fest by any means, but definitely full of drama. It was a nice break from the chaos of RHONJ, to be honest. These ladies occasionally let each other finish their sentences! What a concept!

I will be grading the ladies this week, so get your report cards ready!

Ramona: I have to say your leather top/chiffon bottom number was mesmerizing. I wanted you to get up and let me see the dress in all its glory. Maybe in Part 2? Let's talk about your exchange with Heather. You have a big problem with her not telling you to your face that she had a problem with you, but I seem to remember her telling you to your face - several times - how she felt about you, good or bad. Maybe I'm missing something? Hopefully, you two can end up being friendly again, because it was fun to watch when you were getting along. As for you and Luann being cautious of each other, that's probably for the best. I wouldn't trust either one of you as far as I could throw you. And of course, you're both card-carrying members of the throw-people-under-the-bus club. We have to talk about you and Aviva. She apologized about 10 different times and while you have every right to still be hurt and upset about what happened, I don't think you were really listening to her. You took your cues from Sonja who was not budging, and pretty much stalemated the conversation. I understand, she was aggressive towards you, and for you, that amounted to verbal abuse. And you had every right to rake Aviva through the coals for it - once. Not, in your words, again and again and again and again ... and again. It's time to bury the hatchet with her and if need be, just treat her like you do the Countess. I mean, if you can play nice with Luann, I'm sure in time you could do the same with Aviva. You may be right, once Aviva saw the response she got from the viewers she may have decided to make it right. That's none of your concern. You're getting your apology NOW. Regarding the whole blog thing, I would even venture to say that your blogs aren't always complimentary to everyone all the time, either. And my take on it is that you blog about the episode and how you were feeling at the time. So, if Aviva hated your guts at the time that you filmed the episode, it's not gonna be a love-fest, now is it? Not that I condone the insults either in her blog or on Twitter, but let's be real. There is a certain level of thick skin that you have, and you of all people know this. I can't believe you're that hurt over Aviva's words when you have absolutely no problem saying whatever you want (or as you put it "what everyone else is thinking"), no matter how hurtful it may be. So, my advice to you is, forgive and forget and stop being the victim. You give just as good as you get, and there's no reason to drag this out any longer. Ramona's grade for the week: D (because she's being stubborn and hypocritical, especially when she's said and done rude things all season).

Sonja: Wow. You had your aim set squarely on the other couch for the entire episode. And I'm really not sure why. Let's start with your buddy, Harry Dubin (aka Aviva's ex). It's not totally strange that you would side with Harry and not Aviva, but you can't expect Aviva to be happy about it. I think it would be best to not talk about her ex (or anyone else's) from now on. You don't want to be in the middle of someone else's divorce. And for the record, everyone brought Harry up in conversation, not just Aviva. Whether Aviva talked bad about her ex or not, you need to remember, you don't know what really went on in their marriage, just like we don't know what really happened in yours. If you just don't like her, that's fine. But leave the whole Harry thing out of it. You were a bit of a mean girl when you made that comment about Aviva's phobias renewing by the minute. We get it, you don't like her. You and Ramona are both upset by what Aviva has said on her blogs and on Twitter. I'm going to give you the same advice as I gave Ramona. Forgive and forget. No one's saying you ever have to deal with Aviva again, but just let it go. You've told her how you feel about her, and that should be the end of it. I don't want to hear about this grudge against Aviva anymore. You've made it clear how you feel about her, and I think it's time to drop it and move on. Sonja's grade for the week: C (because she said what she needed to say, but she said it in a pretty hateful way. I don't like this Sonja, but at least she got everything off her chest).

Luann: Well, you needed to create a stir to keep you on the show and you certainly accomplished that. The whole Countess vs. Princess thing was so laughable, partly because it was all a big joke to begin with. But we all know that when it comes to you, you have no sense of humor. I'm wondering if you just hate the fact that Carole turned out to be the fan favorite, and maybe you're just jealous? I mean, let's look at the facts. You admitted to doing the whole American Indian thing after Carole asked you not to, just to make her mad. You took offense to the fact that someone may not jump at the chance for you to wear their clothes in such a prestigious publication as LIFE&STYLE, for Christ's sake ... seriously?! Also, let's not forget: you talk about people behind their backs ALL THE TIME! That's all you do! Since Season 1!!!! And you accused Carole of borrowing clothes, when, if we're being honest, you don't know that for a fact and more importantly, it's none of your business. And then you pull the victim card with Heather. You are a grown ass woman, Luann, you don't need anyone to defend you. Heather was giving her opinion, which Andy asked for, and you had to be snotty to her. For no reason. This is why you should leave the show. You have a great story - the Countess thing, Jacques, the baby plans - but you waste your platform on this show by being a DRAG. And not in a good way. Regarding St. Bart's (Barths whatever), you did stir the pot and you did kind of throw the grenade and walk away. You knew Ramona and Sonja were half in the bag when they were saying Reid should stay in a hotel and the only reason you created a diversion was because you had to get the heat off you and Tomas. Fact. And one last thing, what do you really gain by being pissy with Aviva? The whole "I'm sure it was a bad joke" thing was so unnecessary. Way to kick the lady while she's down and defending a comment her husband made, Countess. I always expect you to be the most respectful person in the room, and every single time, you let me down. Luann's grade for the week: F (for being so goddamned sensitive and for not having even a shred of a sense of humor about herself).

Heather: Holla! I actually love the fact that you had to explain to Luann what that means, by the way. Classic. I couldn't blame you for being totally confused by Luann's attitude towards you on this episode, it was nutty. I, personally, enjoyed you point of view as a designer that it's a pain in the ass to lend out clothes. Of course, she jumped down your throat about it, and you very astutely called her out on the fact that she dismisses you if you don't tell her what she wants to hear. I loved how you talked about smiling through it when Ramona was in your face screaming at you this season, that concept is clearly a new one on this show. And it was great to hear you say that now that you and Ramona have a better rapport with each other that you would take her on a business trip in the future. Even though I got on your case about not inviting her in the first place, you made your decision and stuck to it. I can respect that. I really loved when you said that we see what we don't like in ourselves in others. We should all take those personality clashes as a sign that we need to work on something within ourselves. That's so true. Also, you were right about the takeaway: name calling is totally unnecessary and does absolutely no good whatsoever. I hope the ladies (from all the Housewives shows) were listening. Thank you for being one of the few voices of reason on this episode. Heather's grade for the week: A (because she was speaking TRUTH!)

Carole: Someone should have mentioned to you that, since you're the coolest Housewife, you were bound to get static from Luann - who thinks she's the coolest, but really isn't. I think it's laughable that the Veterans would be so offended by your interviews/confessionals. Those interviews/confessionals were A) hilarious, B) YOUR opinions on what was going on, and C) HONEST! There was not one interview where you told some tremendous lie or were out of line in any way. The Veterans have been on reality tv for quite some time, now, and I would think their skin would be a lot thicker than this. Or could it be that they don't like it that one of the New Girls is the It Girl of this season? Whatever the case may be, you win. And not just because I like you. You admitted the fact that you're quiet and you observe and then you gave your take on what happened during filming in the interview segments. Big deal! The fact that you told Luann to her face that you heard she asked to borrow clothes just shows you didn't go behind her back. You confronted her about it and you thought that was the end of the conversation. You obviously weren't planning on her throwing it back in your face. And like you said, she was offering to wear Naeem's clothes in f*cking LIFE&STYLE. "It's not VOGUE, honey" is right! Good for you! I'm glad you didn't fall for Luann's "poor me" bullshit. Aviva said you came across as territorial over your friends Naeem and Ranjana. Well, I should hope you would be territorial over your dear friends with people like Luann just itching to get a little wholesale/free action. I'm just saying. It's not entirely a bad thing to be protective over close friends. I appreciate you saying that nothing you said was meant in a malicious way. We, the viewers, know that. Anyone with half a brain and a sliver of a sense of humor knows that. And I want a GIF of you telling Luann to shut up because that was one of the most glorious moments in television history. I thought you were fair with Aviva when you said she did owe Ramona and Sonja an apology - which has been your stance all along. I think your only diva moment was when Ramona was complaining that it was too hot and you said "lower it by one degree." Burn! Carole's grade for the week: A (because she owned up to everything she said and explained herself when it really wasn't even necessary.)

Aviva: You were the main topic of discussion on this episode, and I'm glad you were able to get a lot off your chest. Let's start with Harry. No one knows what is really going on with your situation with Harry, and it's no one's business. Even if you're on friendly terms with him, it's not Sonja's or anyone else's place to say that you knew what you were getting into or not. I wouldn't have counted on Sonja to take your side, because she has pretty much proven that she'll take whatever side is more convenient for her. And right now, she doesn't like you, so Harry it is. I'm sick of talking about him, so I'll move on. I want to thank you for opening up and telling the world about the day you lost your leg. I can't even imagine the excruciating physical and emotional pain you experienced that day, or even the pain the comes with talking about it in such detail. I can see why you are afraid of getting hurt again, and why you protect yourself so much. Not just physically, but emotionally as well. It was so honest of you to admit that you projected your anxiety onto your castmates this season. You took responsibility for it and apologized for it genuinely and sincerely. Now, this apology was different than the others we saw on the show this season. On the show, you were almost combative with your apology. This time, you said what you had to say and left it there. No demands, no expectations. You just simply apologized and promised never to do it again. Regarding your blogs and Twitter activity, I am of the opinion that when you blog about something that happened almost a year ago, you're essentially letting us in on how you felt AT THE TIME. However, that doesn't mean I condone name calling in the blogs or Reid's comment about "overweight girls gone wild". Those were unnecessary insults, and they did more harm to an already rotten situation. You admitted that during the season, you became unhinged, which is a pretty accurate assessment. With that said, I don't know if I would recommend coming back next season. This may just be too stressful of an environment for you. But I'm proud of you for being open and honest and taking responsibility for your words and actions. Which is really, all anyone can ask of you. Aviva's grade for the week: B (for taking responsibility, no matter what the reaction was, and for apologizing, regardless of whether it was accepted or not).

What did you think of this episode? Tweet me!

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

An Open Letter to Teresa Giudice

Dear Teresa Giudice,

I would like to first congratulate you on all your success, both on Real Housewives of New Jersey and your other business ventures. I admire your entrepreneurship and determination, as well as your ability to persevere through difficult times. On Seasons 1 and 2 of RHONJ, I was a fan of yours and thought you were funny and sweet. With some attitude, which I always enjoy.

However, things started to change when your family members came on the show on Season 3. Your demeanor and attitude changed, but not in a good way. You were visibly upset at the fact that your sister-in-law and cousin had joined the show, and on Parts 1 and 2 of the Season 4 Reunion, you explained that you saw it as an attack on you. Your stance is that they came on the show to destroy you. 

I understand where you're coming from. This is your perception of what happened. And that's fine. My question to you is, do you think you could have handled it differently? I believe you could have. But that's just my opinion.

The reality is, Season 3 and 4 were filled with arguments and fights, with only very few moments of peace interspersed throughout. And now, here we are, at the end of Season 4, and the Reunion episodes are airing. After the first part of the Reunion aired, your blog was the typical your-side-of-the-story blog, which I, as a viewer, enjoy. I happen to want to know what you think of how the episode was edited, what made it on air,  and any explanations you can give for your words and actions. That kind of explanation helps me, as a viewer, to understand your behavior on the show.

After the second part of the Reunion aired, you decided to post tweets and pictures with your captions on them. In your words: "So I went through my Twitter timeline and pulled out the comments that best say what I would say." Therefore, I have to assume that you agree with every single tweet that you quoted. 

Here's where we have a problem. I have been blogging (and tweeting) for weeks (possibly months), that you need a new PR team. You need better communication skills. Hell, I even volunteered to help you. Because your way of constantly blaming everyone else for your behavior is appalling. When you were on Anderson Cooper, you said you called Caroline fat (the infamous "blubber" comment) because she attacked you first. He told you, in so many words, that you were behaving like a 12 year old. He was absolutely right. However, because he realized that he came across as rude, he apologized to you.

Which brings me back to your blog. You didn't explain why you got on your knees in the middle of the set and prostrated about not being friends with Caroline and Jacqueline any more. You didn't explain why you accepted Kathy's apology. You didn't explain whether Jacqueline was telling the truth about your husband and your marriage. You didn't explain why you believe your husband was speaking to a coworker on the phone in Napa. You didn't explain anything. You merely regurgitated what your fans were saying on Twitter. And while that's a nice sentiment (giving your fans a voice on your blog is awesome), you just took everyone's attention elsewhere. 

I believe you posted that blog with the intention of changing the subject. Almost as if quoting your fans will make us forget what actually happened on Part 2 of the Reunion. If this is how you choose to give your side of the story, you can keep it. When I read someone's blog about a reunion show, I want to know what they were thinking and feeling on that reunion show. Not their fans' tweets. With all due respect, that's why I have a Twitter account and follow many different people - Teresa fans, Jacqueline fans, Caroline fans, Kathy fans, and Melissa fans. In all honesty, I had read almost all of those tweets before you posted your blog. 

That blog just proved to me how important it is for you to not have to answer for your behavior - good or bad. You showed me with that blog that you will pretty much do and say whatever you want and if you don't feel like taking responsibility for it that day, you won't. You don't take into consideration how arrogant that makes you look. You have become a caricature and a shadow of the funny, sweet Teresa we met in Season 1. Just think, if you had explained, or even just vented, about what happened on that episode of the Reunion, we would have your side of the story. Did you even watch the episode? If not, then I could maybe understand. But if you did watch, why would you not want to explain yourself? Are you above that?

I understand, you've been through a lot. And you've done an amazing job of making money for your family in the midst of a financial crisis. And as I said before, I respect you for that. But you have to wake up and realize that this new persona will destroy all of your success. Being the mean girl is only cute for so long. Ask Jill Zarin. 

I am only one person, and I only speak for myself. You have disappointed me as viewer, not with your behavior, but with your refusal to own up to it and take responsibility for it. I wanted an explanation from you about the Reunion, and now, I could not care less. I hope you achieve everything you want out of life and I hope you are successful in every business venture you embark upon. But I will not watch another television show that features you after Part 3 of the Reunion airs (I mean, come on, I have to watch Part 3). But in all seriousness, I cannot watch you continue to have blinders on when it comes to your own actions. 

I offered my help before, but I am now withdrawing that offer. I believe you are happy with your behavior and you will continue on this path for as long as it's convenient. One final word of advice: watch Iyanla Van Zant's show on OWN, she's amazing. You can learn a lot from her.

Best of luck to you.


Monday, October 8, 2012

RHONJ Reunion Part 2 - No Victims, No Bullies

Well, hello, kids and welcome back. You should know that this blog will not contain grades, because, frankly, we're waaay past that point, and really, we all know this season is a FAIL. Big time. However, there were some moments of clarity in Sunday night's RHONJ Reunion Part 2. But you know I can't be 100% serious about this stuff. So, proceed with at least a shred of a sense of humor, please.

We begin where we left off, with Rosie. Now, we know from Watch What Happens Live last night that none of the ladies could hear exactly what Rosie was saying backstage, so I'm curious to know what Teresa is saying about her tongue being threatened. (I can't check her tweets because I'm blocked. Have I mentioned this?) Lauren Manzo spoke to Rosie backstage and did a great job of getting her to calm down. I was actually very impressed. Once Rosie was on the couch, she was relatively calm. She and Teresa got into it for a moment regarding Teresa's claims that Kathy was upset about Rosie's sexuality. Now, we all know Teresa isn't good with timelines, or listening, so Rosie had to reiterate a couple of times that Kathy had a problem with Rosie's girlfriend at the time, not the fact that she was gay. I wanted to know more about this wrong path Rosie's girlfriend was leading her towards, but they didn't go into it. Suffice to say, Rosie checked Teresa by saying she was projecting her own point of view onto Kathy. Teresa denied it and said even Joe Giudice invited Rosie to hang out with them, which Rosie denied. Bottom line: I think Teresa accepts Rosie, just like Kathy does. You can see that Kathy and Rosie are close, and like Rosie said, they have a bond no one can break. All in all, that segment ended on a peaceful note.  

Caroline really surprised me in a good way when she put her own problems with Teresa aside and tried to get her to stop going at it with Kathy before Rosie came on the set. She kept saying, "This is wrong!", and she was absolutely right. It had gone way too far, and it needed to stop. Even Andy said they were just trying to hurt each other at that point.

Caroline kept trying to get Teresa to listen, but then Melissa got her big line in: "I'm the victim!" Um, no you're not. No one is. Here's what bugs me. No one put a gun to any of these ladies' heads and made them get on this show. However, they signed on the dotted line and agreed to put their personal business on television because it's a platform and a way to make money. No problem. But when you know things are not good in your family (I'm looking at you, Melissa) and you decide to go on the same reality show as the sister-in-law that you're fighting with, whatever happens happens. You are not a victim. You knew that Teresa was not going to be happy about you being on the show (and it doesn't matter if you told her you were coming on or not). And Teresa, you knew it wasn't just your show. It's an ensemble cast and the producers can cast whoever they want. It's not your deal. You are the breakout star, absolutely. But if you didn't like it, you could have walked off and had your fans follow you to your next venture, which they gladly would have done. So, in my opinion, there are no victims here. I feel that Melissa and Teresa both value their place on this show and the platform it gives them way more than they value their relationship. Neither one will give up their place on the RHONJ cast willingly. And that's sad, because they both need to leave and get professional help immediately.

I don't think Teresa has as much of a problem with Kathy as she does with Melissa. She clearly doesn't get along with Kathy, but it's not an all out war like it is with Melissa. I thought it was a smart move on Kathy's part to apologize for calling Teresa's mother a liar. She knew it was wrong and apologized for it right then and there. I respect that. If you don't, hey, we can agree to disagree on that. I found it interesting how, after Kathy apologized, Teresa started to give her a hard time, then quickly decided against it and went back to the other couch, saying "this means I accept". It was a very intriguing exchange that went on there because Teresa got quiet and sat down and it looked like she had forgiven Kathy, but it wasn't long before they were bickering again.

We learned that Caroline and Dina are still not talking (which makes it a year or so, right?) and Caroline tried to show Teresa the similarities in their situations. Now, Dina was on one episode and she didn't say anything too terrible about Caroline that I can remember. Maybe it was the whole "maybe blood isn't thicker than water" line? If so, that's nothing. The Gorga/Giudice feud has lasted the entire season, plus the season before. So, it really isn't the same, but nice try, Caroline. I don't even think Dina is that angry at you. It just sounds like she doesn't want to bother with you right now. Which is hurtful, don't get me wrong. But you're not flinging insults and accusations back and forth. Be grateful it hasn't gotten that bad yet and stop talking about it. Dina will talk to you when she's good and ready.

Teresa is insisting throughout the whole episode that Melissa and Kathy came on the show to destroy her and/or hurt her. Here's my take on that. Melissa admitted she came on because it was an opportunity and I think Melissa saw it as a way to become famous. If she pisses off Teresa in the process, fine, she's ok with that because there's no love lost there. Now, with Kathy, I honestly don't think she meant to hurt anyone. She tried to make up with Teresa all last season and this entire season, and it was only on this reunion that she's openly fighting with Teresa and not holding back at all. Last reunion, she was trying to reason with Teresa but it didn't work. So now, I guess, it's game on. But, let's be honest, none of us can read minds or hearts so we just go by what we see on TV, which is a fraction of what's really going on in real life. Am I the only one that's kind of embarrassed that we care so much about a show that is literally a thin slice of people's lives that we don't know and will probably never meet or have a cup of coffee with??? ... Moving on ...

Is Caroline a bully? As I stated before, none of these ladies are victims, so the reasonable answer is no. Caroline had enough of Teresa and didn't hide it. It wasn't nice, and it wasn't fun to watch, but in my opinion, it wasn't bullying. Teresa defends herself and fights back, and also, let's not forget, has no problem telling other people off, getting in their face, grabbing their face, screaming at them, calling them names, flipping tables, talking about them behind their back, etc. It's all very unattractive, but it's not bullying. So, when Andy brings it up, Caroline asks Teresa to give her one instance where she bullied her and of course, Teresa can't come up with an answer. Because there is none. Teresa stammers and finally says, the whole season. But nothing specific. So she backtracks and says the viewers have been saying it all season. How's the view from under that bus, viewers??? Teresa then clarifies that magazines have said it, and that Caroline did bully her, but it didn't affect her. She added that Caroline has done a lot of things to her, but again, nothing specific. Teresa finally settles on the fact that Caroline didn't accept her apology. Which, come on, is not bullying. I mean, what about all the lectures and the unsolicited advice?! That's something, at least! The truth is, Caroline wanted nothing to do with Teresa and she said so to her face. Teresa said as much back to Caroline. That's a pretty fair fight. No victims, no bullies. Like I said before, Teresa gives as good as she gets, and in Napa, she and Caroline were equally matched. Teresa went to her room and called Caroline some names, which Caroline was more than happy to bring up on this episode. I did enjoy Caroline telling Teresa to stop being a brick wall and listen - because Teresa does have a wall up. And it's definitely a defense mechanism, but there's a time and a place for a defense mechanism. They're not supposed to be permanent.

Speaking of Napa, let's talk about Joe Giudice. I know, I don't want to, either. But it was a big part of the episode, so we kind of have to. Joe Giudice recited, I mean gave his explanation about who he was talking to in Napa and I still don't buy it. Even after he heard the conversation again (complete with perverted grunting and giggling) he still says it was his coworker. Bullshit. Then, in a real classy move, he thanks Andy for showing the call on TV, and says it cost him a lot. A lot, meaning jewelry for Teresa because, get this: they fought for three days about it. As opposed to ... actually taking responsibility for his actions. So, he essentially said he bought his way out of the problem and Teresa just sits there with a smile on her face. Melissa was right on when she said "and I'm the gold digger?" but I wish she would have said it louder, because Teresa needed to hear that. I'm sorry, and I am not married, but I would be completely mortified if my husband forgot he had a mic on because he was so plastered off wine and called me a C word to his mistress. No amount of diamonds in the world could fix that for me. But, according to Teresa everything is fine. Everything is not fine, Teresa. I have said this a million times. Joe Giudice is the problem. I know it doesn't fit the image you want to put out there, but he is the problem. I'll stop there.

Now, here's where Jacqueline comes in. Andy asks the ladies if they've ever heard Joe Giudice call Teresa names. So, at first, Jacqueline is hesitant but hints at it for sure. And in a classic case of opening a can of worms, Teresa says that Chris cheated on Jacqueline and that's why Jacqueline can't trust him. You can almost see the steam coming out of Jacqueline at that point. It was effective the first time, but Teresa can't help herself so she says it like eight more times. That's when Jacqueline loses it. She spills the tea about Joe cheating numerous times and here's a surprise, Danielle saying she was hanging out with Joe Giudice and he was with a stripper all night. Jeez Louise, for someone who's not on the show anymore, Danielle certainly gets her camera time. I, personally, take everything and anything Danielle says with a grain of salt, but she was right about Melissa being in contact with her, so anything is possible. But let's be real, if Teresa had said the Chris thing once and let it go, Jacqueline probably wouldn't have blown up, but I think Teresa wanted to provoke her. And provoke her, she did. So when Jacqueline started saying how Mr. and Mrs. Giudice enjoy calling each other names and punching each other, my jaw pretty much hit the floor. What the hell is going on here???

This is why I say they need a whole new cast. With this kind of history, how can we ever hope for a show where these women can interact in a social setting without bloodshed??? We can't.

I hate to do this but we have to go back to Melissa and Teresa for a second. The sing-off was one of the lighter-ish moments in this shitshow, so you know I have to talk about it. Melissa has a decent voice and Teresa wasn't terrible, but you could tell she was imitating what she thinks Melissa sounds like. Then, the cookbook scandal - who's cooking those dishes that Teresa tweets a picture of? Again, I'm blocked, so ... you know ... But I have to say I laughed out loud when Melissa said "You want me to sing the whole damn song?" Like, bitch, please! And I knew what Teresa was getting at - sing the whole song so we can hear what you really sound like. I get it. But who really cares? The singing is not the issue and neither are the tweets about meals Teresa's mom may or may not have prepared.

The issue is: Teresa and Melissa love fighting with each other. I can definitely see how much they enjoy it. When Melissa was going after Teresa for talking about her marriage while Joe Giudice was there, she and Teresa were going back and forth and all of a sudden, Melissa says "You wanna play?" in this almost evil voice and it caught my attention. I mean, who says that? I can see Melissa engaging Teresa in a fight right there. And it was totally unnecessary. Then, Teresa does her whole taunting routine where she squeals and smiles and makes herself look like a crazy person. And the "thank God" moment??? Can we talk about this??? Teresa, what were you thinking?! You have to get off this show. You're officially a stunt queen. That whole bowing down thing was odd, and slightly frightening. It wasn't funny and if you thought it was, I just feel awful for you. Because it wasn't.

We have to move on to the arm grab. Teresa was saying Melissa dated Joe Gorga's best friend, and Melissa grabbed Teresa's arm. She didn't pull it out of its socket, but Teresa was quick to say she would press charges. Of course, that prompted Kathy to remind Teresa that she grabbed her face in Napa and no charges were filed. Seriously, ladies? Teresa, you of all people have no place getting upset about someone touching you, since you're the queen of getting inappropriate when you're mad. Melissa, you should have known better than to give Teresa something to use against you. Melissa then stated that Teresa wishes she had a marriage like the Gorgas (um, no thanks). No shade, but shade. Then Danielle was brought up again, regarding when Melissa actually spoke to her. Before the Season 2 Reunion? After? Oh, who cares anymore? She talked to her, end of story. Melissa claims that Danielle did not get her on the show. Which I believe. Because Danielle getting Melissa on the show is like someone getting fired, then hiring their own replacement. But hey, stranger things have happened on Bravo.

And here we are again, the central issue. Teresa will never get over the fact that Melissa and Kathy are on the show with her. The truth is, the thrill is gone, ladies. Teresa, you have a shitload of fans that will support you in whatever you pursue. You say that if the situation were reversed, you would have found a different show to be on ... we'll never know. We just have to take your word for it. As for Kathy saying you have a little team of crazies ... I'll just say this. You have a lot of fans. 90% are lovely people who I have absolutely an awesome time chatting with on Twitter. The other 10% are the kind that will be mean to anyone who doesn't fawn all over you and agree with everything you do. I don't agree with everything you do, and I never will. So, that 10% can continue to call me names on Twitter. I can take it.

I want to briefly talk about Watch What Happens Live last night with my girl, Wendy Williams. I'll just do a lightning round for you:
1. Teresa needs to leave the show - agree
2. Joe Giudice is lying - agree
3. No one will watch Teresa's cooking show - disagree, her fans will follow her, believe that!

And a special shout out to Mustang Sally for calling in to the After Show!!!

I have to make one more point, and that is, I honestly don't think Andy has it out for Teresa at all. Some of her fans believe he's too hard on her and is purposely trying to make her look bad. I don't think this is true. It's not in Andy's best interest to alienate anyone on these shows. It's in his best interest to keep the most entertaining people on the show in order to boost ratings. The decisions regarding casting involve more people than just Andy - he is not the entire network. Don't get me wrong, I am upset with the network powers-that-be that decided to hack up the season and mish-mash it back together again. But Andy doesn't work alone. So, I'm cutting him some slack. Andy and the Bravo team saved RHONY from the brink of disaster, and I'm hoping they'll do the same with RHONJ. But if not, we can always watch something else.

One more Reunion episode to go, kids!

Let me know what you think - Tweet me!

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

RHONY Season Finale - It Is What It Is

Well, kids, here we are, at the end of another season of the Real Housewives of New York. It's kind of funny to think, this particular franchise started out with Jill Zarin, Bethenny Frankel, and Alex McCord. Seems like a lifetime ago, doesn't it? Sigh ... but let's get back to the current crop of New York ladies, shall we? The best thing about this finale is the fact that there were three parties/events back to back. This is how I like my reality TV. One fabulous event after another, no matter who's screaming at each other, just make sure the entertainment is good and the drinks are cold. The finale really didn't resolve anything at all. It's more like a "To Be Continued" and the Reunion is going to be a cliff-hanger where we have to wait till next season to see who's friends and who's not (or who's on the show and who's not).

Enough speculating, let's get to the grades.

Ramona: It truly cracks me up how ADHD you are. Or maybe it's bipolar. Menopausal? Something! Because one minute you're in tears about how George pulled your arm and the next you're apologizing profusely to Heather then you're complaining about Sonja's pictures (which have nothing to do with you) then you have to whine about how dirty the wine glasses but before that you have to talk through the fashion show and berate the poor photographer about a photo shoot you weren't even involved in ... you're behavior is literally a run on sentence. I suggest you take your own advice and CALM DOWN! You're pretty much spinning out of control. I don't even think it's the booze. I think it's you. Slow down and pick your battles. You've said what you needed to say about George and Aviva. Fine. But the Heather/Sonja thing is none of your business. And then you yell at Carole? Saint Carole? Of all people? I am just kidding now, but seriously. You have to get your priorities in check. Ramona's grade for the week: D (because she really turned me off this season, get it together!)

Sonja: I was glad to see you tell Heather that you appreciated her time and efforts with your toaster oven campaign. Maybe you saw the rage on her face and decided it was time to back off and quit complaining? It does seem that there was a lot of miscommunication - logo vs photo shoot, hot guy vs no hot guy, favor from a friend vs being a client - but the bottom line is, Heather did work for you and didn't ask to be paid. You got some great material for your product. It was wise of you to thank her and tell her you appreciated it. Because if I had walked up on your conversation with Ramona and heard what you two were clucking about, I would have lost my shit, too. And from now on, PAY for whatever work you want done, mmmkay? Sonja's grade for the week: C (because she apologized but she should have never gotten Ramona involved in the toaster oven saga).

Luann: You've been sort of in the background after the St. Bart's episodes, and especially in this episode, so I really can't grade you. You've been a good in-between person for all the ladies and I give you credit for that. I'm just wondering if Bravo is diminishing your role on the show on purpose? Just saying ...

Carole: I loved your ping pong tournament and your book shower. In fact, I love the book shower so much, I'm stealing the idea and planning my own (except mine will be sometime in the distant future when someone decides to give me a book deal, you're totally invited, by the way!). As for you being the unofficial referee, you're the best at it. You are calm, rational, and very clear about what needs to happen. I, for one, love your interview/confessional segments because you're telling the truth! Every single time! For example, Ramona and Sonja do draw attention to themselves - fact! I really hope you come back next season, oh, and you're still the coolest housewife, just so you know. Carole's grade for the week: A (because she's real and honest and I have a feeling she'll get some flack for telling it like it is).

Heather: I almost stood up and cheered when you finally gave it to Sonja about the goddamn photo shoot. Holla! Yes, you won me over. It's official. And your fundraiser for the Kellner Pediatric Liver Foundation was awesome. I loved the venue and the fashion show. You really know how to put an event together and your passion for your business and the charity really shone through. I'm glad you accepted Ramona and Sonja's apologies and decided to "keep it movin'" because, really, enough is enough. I would have had a few words with Aviva for not wearing the damn blazer, but that's just me. And your husband is awesome! Heather's grade for the week: A (because she spoke up when she needed to and didn't sweat the small stuff).

Aviva: Well, you didn't wear the jacket and although you looked great, there was a purpose for you wearing it. Namely, to get me (and everyone else watching) to buy it! But hey, Heather is willing to overlook it, so who am I to talk? I didn't enjoy all the Ramona talk but I think you were still riled up from your little sit down we saw last week. The point is, you were right when you said some people just aren't meant to be friends. And it was so interesting how just a few short weeks ago, you were defending Ramona up and down. Funny how things change. But, it is what it is, and you both need to stay away from each other - until the Reunion, of course. If you do come back next season, we want to see more laughs and smiles from you! Aviva's grade for the week: D (because she beat the dead horse till the very end, but I still like her).

What did you think of the season finale? Tweet me!

Monday, October 1, 2012

RHONJ Reunion Part 1 - Leave the Parents Out of It

The Real Housewives of New Jersey kicked off a three part Reunion on Sunday, and I'm going to preface this blog by saying this: All of these women need professional help. All of them. 

Let's move on. Caroline's daughter Lauren was the only guest in this first installment, but she definitely made an impact. From calling Teresa a "dickhead" to asking her to spell "napalm", Lauren definitely came in with her guns blazing. Entertaining? Yes, very. But don't get me wrong, Lauren gets on my nerves, too. I just had to laugh when she unloaded on Teresa because, let's face it, that shit was funny. Teresa's reaction to Lauren was a mixture of shock, embarrassment, and disbelief (because she clearly did not know the definition or the spelling of the word, which had appeared in her blog), thereby all but confirming something I posted months ago - Teresa doesn't write her own blog. Which isn't a crime, by the way! Lots of reality stars don't write their own blogs. But that was a perfect moment for Teresa to say, "I have someone take my notes and write out the blog for me, in this case, she used an analogy (napalm) that I'm not familiar with." Done. But no ... more on Teresa's lack of communication skills later. 

The piece about Jacqueline's son's autism made me cry. The fact that he has regressed is very, very sad. I love that Jacqueline is now an advocate for finding a cure for autism, and I hope she puts all of her energy behind this cause. It's a much more rewarding endeavor than proving how terrible of a person Teresa is. I like Jacqueline, but she does go a little overboard on Twitter, as Andy pointed out on Sunday night. Which I found hilarious. All jokes aside, Nicholas is a beautiful child and I truly wish him and his entire family the best, as well as all families dealing with autism.

Now, let's get to the grades ...

Caroline: You gave as good as you got on this episode, and I have to say, you may have won back some viewers. You owned everything you did (which I appreciate), and you said point blank that you were a bitch. I wasn't following the whole menopause/non-menopause segment, but that's ok. You took Teresa's insults and let her know her words are irrelevant. You clarified that you were thin when you were Lauren's age and that's why you couldn't relate to her specific situation, since you gained weight later in life. Also, you weren't on a reality show in your early 20s, so there's that. I couldn't really get behind you calling Teresa's dress a Christmas pageant dress, partly because that dress was fabulous! And my favorite color! So, points off for that. But seriously, you pounced on Teresa for making the Nicholas segment about one of her daughters, and that would have pissed me off, too. I just would have found something else to reference (not the dress). You were there for Jacqueline in every sense, even when she didn't need you. But I gotta ask you to let her talk. You shouldn't speak for her - especially with all the bully accusations. Jacqueline is a big girl and she knows what she's doing. I kind of loved how you were trying to get through to Teresa when she sat next to you, but Rosie sort of stole the show at that point. We'll see how it plays out next Sunday. Caroline's grade for the week: C (because she stood her ground and owned everything she's done this season but points off for insults). 

Jacqueline: I have no doubt that you have treasure troves of information on Teresa, and while that is an advantage in a reunion situation, you don't have to put it all out there so quickly. I mean, we were ten minutes in, and you were throwing out accusations like crazy. I have no idea whether your information is accurate, so I won't comment on that. I just wish you were a little more subtle with it. At least in the beginning. When you scream across the room at Teresa with this barrage of things she's supposedly done, it just makes you look like the crazy one in the room. Just calm down, and when the right moment comes, drop a bomb, then another, then another. Kind of like how Danielle used to do, am I right? Anyway, that's the only time you'll ever catch me telling you to emulate Danielle in any way. But seriously, she knew how to hint at what she knew and let the other person know she had one up on them. And for the record, not a good look telling Teresa she's going to hell. Just saying. Again, keep going with your autism research and focus on that. If you do, I might say you should come back next season as a full-blown autism advocate and continue to educate the ladies and the viewers on the fight for a cure. Jacqueline's grade for the week: D (because she should have kept calm and presented her case without getting so loud).

Teresa: My offer still stands. I want you to know that. I also want you to know that I'm not going to hold back. (Teresa fans, please don't attack me. What I'm about to say is the truth.) While I appreciate the fact that you go to these reunions knowing you're going to get ganged up on, your behavior on Sunday night really didn't help your case. You were absolutely wrong to attack anyone's looks and/or weight. I'm sorry, but that's just not ok. Please notice, I did not like Caroline making fun of your dress (by the way, I loved it). You probably shouldn't have told the story about Nicholas being boyfriend and girlfriend with your daughter, no matter how cute the story was, because that segment was about Nicholas' battle with autism. So, yeah, that story was totally unnecessary. Now, as for the blog/napalm segment. This is where you need my help. Just say you don't write your blog. Just say it. Because seriously, you don't. I knew you didn't write it and now it's all but confirmed. Your face said it all, especially when you wouldn't even spell it. Now, it's no problem that you don't know how to spell it or what it means. But it pretty much catches you in a lie. Which is what you want to avoid. So, just say that someone writes your blog for you, or you could even say they "help" you write it. I have to address the eyeshadow comment. Teresa, what the f*ck are you doing? Do you not hear yourself? That is the weakest argument that Melissa is a copycat in the world. And, it was proven that she wore the same exact eye makeup look to last year's reunion. I could get into the color palettes used, but I won't. Here's where I'm going to side with you, so pay attention (puh-lease - sorry, I couldn't resist). I don't blame you for being so upset with Kathy for talking bad about your parents. Your parents should have never been mentioned at all. I don't think it was a great idea for you to then talk about her father, though. The parents should have been left out of it all together. But I know you reacted in the heat of the moment, not that it's right. I know the rest of the reunion will be more of the same, but I am begging you, Teresa, listen to me. Unblock me and read my blog. I don't hate you, but gurrrl, you're  in trouble. Teresa's grade for the week: C- (for not really listening to anyone and continuing to throw blame at everyone else). 

Melissa: You didn't get to say much, but when you did, you were hellbent on provoking Teresa. From the looks of the previews, you have a lot more to say. As for this week, you had your sights set on Teresa, which is not a surprise at all. Like I said before, you've been found not guilty of stealing Teresa's eye shadow look. I can't really even grade you this week because nothing you said made an impact on me. I'll have to wait till next week. 

Kathy: I don't mind your new nose and lips but I agree with Andy, no more plastic surgery. Also, you were totally right when you alluded to the fact that Teresa thought you were coming on HER show. RHONJ has NEVER been one person's show. It's an ENSEMBLE cast. So it still doesn't really make sense that she would be so possessive about it. Now, I was with you until you called Teresa's parents out. Oh my God. What were you thinking??? Even if Teresa's mother lied about you and Richie getting a divorce, you know there's a better way to say it than, "Your mother is a liar!" I couldn't believe it was you saying that, to be honest. Then you go after her dad? It just wasn't like you at all, or at least the you that we know. I've always liked you, but dammit, Kathy, I did not like you talking sh*t about Teresa's parents. See? This is why I'm saying y'all need PROFESSIONAL help. Because, although I love Andy, he is not the person that's going to help you patch things up. You went to a really dark place the moment you called Teresa's parents names. I can't condone that. And  then, when Teresa retaliated, you and Rosie reacted like anyone would when someone attacks their parent(s). See a pattern here? You hurt each other and no one wins. I thought you knew better, Kathy. Kathy's grade for the week: D (because she took it to a whole other level with the parents thing). 

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