Wednesday, July 25, 2012

I'm Over It

This one is going to be short and not so sweet, because, frankly, I'm sick of the Real Housewives of New Jersey. All of them. Get ready folks, and get your glasses, because I am about to READ!! And by the way, the grades are all the same this week: FAIL.

And as for the Housewives Husband Huddle, what a bunch of BS. Chris - if someone is talking about you and your businesses, just call them out on it and call it a day. Joe Gorga - return the man's tools. Joe Giudice - you are NOT perfect and your attitude sucks. Richie - decide whether you're the peacemaker or the potstirrer, because you can't be both.

Caroline: You were WAY out of line with your comments about Teresa's marriage. Now, your observations may not be totally inaccurate, but it was the way you expressed yourself and the look of almost pure joy on your face that worries me. I get that Teresa is annoying, and so is Joe Giudice, but do you have to look so happy while you curse their marriage? I know you have to talk about Teresa and Joe Giudice because you're on the same show and in the interviews/confessionals they ask you your opinion on them, but I definitely feel you could have controlled yourself and not gone to such an ugly place. The truth is, you don't like these people. We get it. But, you're supposed to be the mature, rational one, and you're just making things worse with comments like that. On the other hand, you say it like you mean it. Doesn't mean it's right, though. I just think about how you defend your own marriage and your family and fight so hard when people say negative things about you. Why attack someone else who's already got a target on her back? You did the impossible. You made me feel a smidge of sympathy for Teresa. You have to get over this hatred for her because it's making you look completely nuts.

Jacqueline: I am really tired of all the tabloid talk. I want you to never read one of those magazines again. Seriously. At the time this was taped, I do think you missed Teresa and wanted to be her friend again, but unfortunately, you and Teresa do not live on the same planet emotionally. You have to LET IT GO. I'm sick of seeing you cry for a friend that is clearly fine without you. It happens! Get over it! I hate to be so harsh, but damn! This storyline is so irritating now! I almost want you to blow up and get it over with, because this whole mad/sad/mad/sad business is maddening.

Kathy: I don't think you meant any harm with the cookie comments, let's face facts, they're FAMILY recipes. And you are related. You should know by now who you're dealing with. So, next time, just say "nice book" and get the hell out of dodge. It sucks that when you say ANYTHING even remotely not-kiss-assey to Teresa, she takes it as an insult. As her cousin, you know Teresa, and you know that she is a spoiled brat. Treat her like the child that she is, and be done with it. Please. No more nicey nice, no more awkward small talk, just be as civil as possible. She doesn't appreciate effort. She doesn't appreciate nice. So, treat her like an acquaintance. Some people like to be treated like sh*t - I know these people. The minute you ignore them, that's when they want to kiss your ass.

Melissa: The photo shoot was ok, but I would actually love to see you spend more time on your vocal training. I'm serious. If you worked half as hard on your voice as you do your looks, there would be no questions from anyone about your vocal abilities. Just saying. I have no problem with you wanting to pursue singing. I just think you need to take the SINGING part more seriously. We need to see you work with a vocal coach, we need to see you doing warm ups, we need to see you practice your breathing. If this is your career, you need to treat it as such, and not just a fun game you're playing. Do you know how many people are dying to have a chance to perform on tv? At Beatstock? Have their song on iTunes? Do better, Melissa.

Teresa: I'm getting on everyone this week, so do not be surprised that I'm coming for you right now. First of all, you need to know that not everything is about you all the time. So what Kathy said the cookies in your book were her mom's? You wrote the book! You know whose recipes they are! And is it really so hard to understand that your mom and her mom have the same recipe? Listen to Kathy's tone, it wasn't accusatory at all. Now, let's move on to your comments about Skinnygirl. So you don't like the way it tastes? Fine. Did you have to name it by name in your confessional? NO. Totally unnecessary. The Fabellini business, OMG, I was embarrassed for you. Why did you even bring Joe Giudice along? Nothing but negativity pours out of his mouth, and it's like you can't get enough. I'm tired of you being so defensive about everything. I'm tired of you projecting all of your bullsh*t onto everyone else. I'm tired of this storyline and I'm tired of you. Woman up! You spent the entire episode being mad. Is this how you want to live? And by the way, showing your toddler how to put money in her "bubbies" isn't helping you on this show either.

I am really tired of all the immature, high school idiocy that is happening on this show. If it continues, I cannot watch anymore. Next season better have a revamped cast, and honestly, I don't care who goes or stays at this point. Just fix it, because the show is dark, mean, and almost unwatchable. And I'm through.

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Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Live and Let Learn

Part 2 of the Real Housewives of Orange County reunion aired on Monday night and I think it was a fitting conclusion to the season. There's still a Lost Footage episode, which I believe airs July 24th. Let's get right into it because there were several bombshells dropped, accusations thrown, and eyes rolled. Oh, and creepy Brooks was there, too. But, thank heavens for Briana! (Congratulations on the wedding and the baby, Briana!!!) Can she be on every reunion? She was able to make sense of the whole Tamra vs. Vicki and everyone vs. Brooks thing. And she spilled the tea on Vicki and Brooks' emotional affair while Vicki and Donn were still married. Awkward!

Vicki: Let's just start with you to get it over with. You want to live your life and make your own mistakes - got it. But what you're not going to do is shit all over everyone else, then decide that it's ok to live and let live. Because that's exactly what you're doing. I'm all for learning things the hard way (believe me), but you can't judge others while you're doing that. Briana was absolutely right - just own it and don't project your stuff onto other people or deflect it by pointing out what other people do. At one point, you were throwing everything back at Gretchen, asking her if she was perfect, if she's never been hypocritical, if you admitting things makes her feel better, etc. It's not about Gretchen, it's about YOU. And speaking of taking responsibility, I hadn't even noticed that Brooks was using certain catchphrases and keywords from seasons passed. It all makes sense now! He's even more creepy than I thought! When he was sitting there, defending himself, I just couldn't take any of it seriously. I hope it doesn't take him cleaning you out for you to realize he's a scumbag. And the fact that you won't even listen to your own daughter's concerns really scares me. But, here's to learning the hard way. Just make sure when you do learn the lesson, you're humble enough to own it. I'm not even going to get into the alleged one night stand that Tamra revealed, because who knows how true that is. However, the emotional affair you had with Brooks while you were married is not ok just because Donn was cheating. It's sad that he did that to you, but why stay married during that? I would think you would be done with Donn as soon as you found out, not 20 years later? Something about that is very, very wrong. Vicki's grade for the week: D (for being stubborn, good luck with that).

Gretchen: Thank you for finally telling the real story behind the Fox 5 madness. I totally believe that you are being honest about it. I hope that Alexis can see that no matter what, you have tried your best to protect her feelings and not hurt her. Your back and forth with Vicki was long overdue, and I wish she could have just apologized for hurting your feelings the last couple of years, but hey, what's done is done. Overall, you did a great job on the reunion. You stood your ground and I think it paid off. Gretchen's grade for the week: A (for having proof to back up her story with Alexis).

Alexis: I hope you meant it when you said that you're working on becoming a better person, and I hope that you take all of the criticisms (constructive or not) and use them as a jumping off point for that very purpose. The discussion with Gretchen about Fox 5 was necessary, and I'm glad you saw the emails from that time frame - so you could see that Gretchen was not lying at all. She wasn't trying to sabotage or hurt you. You're right, she could have told you in a different way, but then again, maybe you two were just growing apart. But I really don't think she was being malicious towards you. Hopefully you two can be friends again in the future. But for now, just work on you. I don't think you're a bad person at all, I just think you can get to know yourself better and drop some of the facade that you have going on right now. Only good can come from being true to yourself. Alexis' grade for the week: C (for being defensive, but I think she can learn a lot from this whole experience).

Tamra: I don't like that you blurted out some dirty laundry about Vicki (although it was entertaining), because it really was uncalled for. I knew you were trying to make a point, but damn, you went for the jugular. And it really wasn't necessary, because let's face it, Vicki was already down - you didn't have to kick her. You know? As for the Brooks stuff, we already knew where you stood, so no surprise there. I know you play to win, but I think in the future, you might want to back off a little because you're coming across very Mean Girl, and I thought you were trying to get away from that. Unless you're cool with being the Mean Girl. In that case, go ahead, but already you know the hate/haters you'll get as a result. Tamra's grade for the week: D (for making good points, but being too hard with Vicki).

Heather: Good job, again, on being a voice of reason and articulating yourself in such a clear manner. There's no twisting of words or being defensive with you. You just tell it like it is. I thought you did a wonderful job on the reunion overall. And I like that you're still "Fancypants"! Heather's grade for the week: A (for keeping it real).

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Hello, kids! This post's title comes straight from Momma Dee's ridiculous mouth, while speaking to Erica on this week's Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. This episode gave me everything! I am falling more and more in love with this show, and no, I won't apologize for it. At this point, I don't even care if some of it is scripted/staged/rehearsed (some of it is). The entertainment value is through the motha-effin' roof. Don't judge me.

Erica: I am SO on your team right now. First of all, Scrappy had an asthma attack because he wasn't taking care of himself. Second, you made arrangements for him to get to the hospital. Third, HE HAS ANOTHER CHICK! Your responsibility to be "emotional" and "affectionate" is automatically NULL and VOID due to his having Buckey on the side. I'm sorry, but I don't feel not one ounce of sympathy for Scrappy - partying and doing whatever he wants, and then demanding love and affection from you. You're taking care of business and taking care of your child. That's what you should be doing. If he wants love and affection, then he needs to give that, and moving out of the house and rubbing up on his "best friend" isn't the answer. (I won't even go into the fact that he left you alone when you lost the baby because it's just too sad and terrible.) I think you're absolutely right - he needed an excuse to break up, and he chose the asthma attack incident. You're better off without him, to be honest. You're smart, confident, and most of all, responsible. You were totally right to tell Scrappy off at that lunch/meeting. And he walked away, once again. I just hope he tells you about  his "friend" before you find out from someone else. As for Momma Dee, you know the deal. Scrappy can do no wrong and everything is your fault. Like I said, you're better off walking away from both of them. Let's talk about your conversation with Joseline. I'm so glad she admitted she was wrong about you. I understand why you left it at that, because you two really don't need to be friends, but at least you were vindicated. Erica's grade for the week: A (for saying goodbye to Scrappy - let's hope it's for good!)

Karlie: Just ... wow. Seriously? Ok, let me back up. While I don't think you're a "senior citizen" or 50 years old, you're certainly no spring chicken. I'll get back to that later. I thought it was odd that you told Joseline, "I explained my affiliation" (or something to that effect) when Stevie J said you were with Cash Money. Turns out you tweeted that you're not with Cash Money, yet you let Stevie J say it (in front of you) and you didn't correct him. Again, odd. Moving on, you and Benzino's scene looked totally scripted and totally fake. Period. On to the K. Michelle confrontation - and here's where your age comes back into play - that whole thing was so over the top. Are you really trying to emulate Evelyn Lozada right now? ("Everytime I see you!") I'm sorry, but so much about you is not coming across as real. You're doing way too much and it just looks like you're playing a part. Now, I wanted to know if Joseline and K. Michelle were right about you being 40/50 years old, so I googled you, I IMDB'd you, and all I could come up with was this interview where you say you're 29. Um ... if you're 29, I'm 22 (I'm not). Once again, you're not telling the truth! If Mimi and the other cast members can tell their age, why can't you? There is NO WAY you're 29. Just saying. And I even googled your alias Karlie Lewis from your Scream Queen days. No date of birth to be found. At least you covered your tracks well. I spent way too much time on you already so I'll leave it there. Karlie's grade for the week: F (for being Fake with a capital F, and I really don't care how old you are).

K. Michelle: I had no problem finding your date of birth, incidentally! Sorry, just had to throw that out there. You were full of one liners and jokes on this episode, and I loved it. You're definitely funny - which I thoroughly enjoy - but I can see where some people may see that as hating. You throw most of the shade at Karlie Redd (and with good reason). Let's just say she's most definitely older than you. And I have to say I laughed out loud when you said you would chop her in her "trach-ula" instead of trachea. LOL! Now, if you know anything about me, you know if you can make me laugh, I'll forgive almost anything. So, K. Michelle, you have a free pass with me right now. I also loved the scene with you, Rasheeda, and Erica - that rang true to me and felt genuine. K. Michelle's grade for the week: A (for making me laugh and coming across as real).

Mimi: Congratulations on getting off the Stevie J roller coaster! I'm so proud of you for taking a stand and leaving that relationship. One thing I will say is, don't fall for his apologies or his nice words, because you know where that leads. And listen to Ariane - she's speaking truth. You were a pretty good mediator between Karlie and K. Michelle but it got out of hand before anything got resolved. I just love how calm you were. And your face was priceless when Karlie was acting a fool, talking about how they're gonna have to arrest her. You were like, Girl, please. Amen. Mimi's grade for the week: A (for getting rid of Creepy J!)

Ariane: Good friend, all the way. If this is the role you'll be playing, I fully support that, but I won't grade you every week anymore. Ariane's grade for the week: A (until further notice).

Rasheeda: I love the fact that you're close with Scrappy but you can still be supportive of Erica. That's a good friend. You aren't necessarily taking sides, you're just hearing Erica out and helping her through this break up. And I'm sure you know it's probably for the best. In the previews, it looks like your business relationship with your husband is crumbling, and that's a shame. We'll have to see how that plays out. Rasheeda's grade for the week: A (for being impartial when it comes to Scrappy and Erica).

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Monday, July 16, 2012

New Attitude

First, I have to make a correction to my last Real Housewives of New Jersey blog. I referenced a scene that I had watched on that didn't air in last week's episode - the scene in Teresa's kitchen where she's getting her hair/makeup done for Beatstock and Gia makes a crack about Melissa - that was a preview that I had seen online, and accidentally lumped it together with last week's episode in my mind. So, my apologies for that. However, it did air this week, so now, it's fair game. Feel free to tweet me and scold me. I promise I will refrain from watching previews online until AFTER I've written my blog from now on.

On to this week's episode. I have to say it was entertaining. Except for Chris Manzo puking his guts out - ain't nobody got time for that! (Sweet Brown voice.) Seriously, if I hear, see, or smell vomit, I get sick myself, so I was not a happy camper during that little escapade. Now, about Albie. Why am I not surprised he'd pick his family over his girl? Boy, please, have several seats. I'm just saying, you're not ready for any kind of relationship when you're living for someone else's approval. Point blank period. And I have to shout out Greg again this week. I loved that he was so starstruck with Ms. Patti LaBelle. I mean, who wouldn't be?! She's the Godmother! And I loved how nice she was. I just wish she could have met everyone on the cast and gotten them together. Because Ms. Patti READS, honey. She needs to read that whole cast to filth. And if you don't know what reading is, look it up, and while you're at it, look up shade, too. You'll thank me later.

So let's jump right in.

Jacqueline: You were hardly in the episode! I'll skip you this week and wait till I see you in Napa next week.

Caroline: The menopause is messing with your moods again! But at least you weren't on a warpath this week. What you said (about wanting to disinvite the Giudice's but not being able to) wasn't even that bad. It's just a matter of fact. We've all had to deal with people we're not particularly fond of. I'm just gonna ask you again, don't start nothing in Napa, won't be nothing in Napa (and yes, I know the show's already filmed but I like to give my advice as if it's happening now). On another note, I like how you were supporting both blk and the Brownstone sauce at the expo (or whatever it was called). Caroline's grade for the week: B (for working it at the expo/food fest).

Teresa: I was happy to see you have a semi-nice conversation with Melissa after the Beatstock performance.  Although, it did look a little staged/rehearsed, I'm going to give both of you the benefit of the doubt and say that you were both TRYING. Which is great! And Gia's performance at Beatstock was awesome. She is very talented! Now, I have to address Gia's comments about Melissa. Like I said last week, she got that whole lipsynching thing from someone. And if it wasn't you, I'm guessing it was Joe Giudice. My thing is, a child shouldn't be allowed to make fun of an adult - especially a relative. Gia mocking Melissa was in poor taste and inappropriate. Instead of telling her so, you did nothing and Joe laughed. When Milania said, "Melissa stinks", same thing. If you really want the family to get along, you HAVE to let your kids know that it's not ok to belittle, make fun of, or talk bad about their aunt. They have to be told that doing so is disrespectful and mean. Here's a sincere question: do your kids know they're on tv? Because if they do, and they did that in front of the cameras, they must know it could be on the show and eventually Melissa would see it. That's where you come in, as a mother, and tell them, "Ok, you said that about Aunt Melissa and she's going to see it. It may hurt her feelings. So, you need to apologize to her for saying that because it was disrespectful." I'm just saying, my mom is old school and we were NEVER allowed to make fun of our aunts and uncles like that. Maybe you had a talk with the girls or chastised them for that and we just didn't see it. I'm just saying, it was wrong, and it made you look like you really didn't care what they said about her. And that's in direct conflict with the progress that you're trying to make. And it makes you look two-faced. There. I said it. I hope I'm wrong, though. I definitely like you better when you're having a good time and being nice to people. Teresa's grade for the week: C (because I can't prove that she didn't tell the kids to stop making fun of Melissa, but it definitely was not appropriate for them to talk like that).

Melissa: Now, don't think that just because I was hard on Tre, I'm gonna be a softie with you. Like I told Teresa, your conversation looked fake and forced, but I have no idea if it was just the awkwardness between you or what. So, like I said, I'm giving you both credit for talking and being civil with each other. I think there was way too much sex talk with you and Joe Gorga and frankly, it was gross. I don't need to hear any more about poison, thanks. So, please, no more sexy time scenes. I'm begging you. Your Beatstock performance was good, and it was nice to see your family there to cheer you on. And I loved that you hugged Gia at the end. That must have been an awesome experience to share with her. (Despite her comments about you.) Melissa's grade for the week: C (for being civil with Teresa, but I'm over the Gorga love scenes, ick).

Kathy: I'm proud of you for pursuing your culinary dreams - and seriously, those cannolis looked amazing. Richie's big mouth may get you into trouble, though. Maybe he feels like since it's a neighborhood company (the ice cream company), it's less formal, but really, it's still a business meeting. Hopefully, you told him to keep his comments to himself for the next time. I think you still have good intentions on getting along with Teresa, and you haven't done or said anything to jeopardize it. So, I'm still Team Kathy. Just reel Richie in a little bit, ok? Kathy's grade for the week: B (for focusing on her business, but Richie needs to watch his mouth).

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Friday, July 13, 2012

Feel Her Hair!

Part 1 of the Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion was SPEC-F*CKING-TACULAR. I am so glad this reunion is as dramatic and loud as it is. I needed this!!! And let's just say the birds weren't the only ones launching attacks on the set (which were hilarious), each of the ladies got to fire their missiles at each other. The main targets were on the same couch, coincidentally, Vicki and Alexis. No surprise there. It is kind of sad that Tamra and Vicki hate each other now, but isn't that the way it always goes? You can only team up against other people for so long until you turn on each other. Any Housewives/Basketball Wives/Mob Wives watcher knows this. So let's jump in, oh and make sure to tease your weave and gloss your lip implants!

Alexis: Here's the thing. You know you're fake. Just like you know you say words incorrectly, you know how you behave. Just own it! Be that bitch, and say, "Yes, I like talking about my things and I do think I'm the sh*t." Then, at least, people could say you're real about it. But you want to have it both ways, and it doesn't work. And I don't doubt for one second that you are rude to the crew and to anyone else you consider beneath you. I found it very telling that you would "out" Gretchen's weave and lip injections just to make yourself look more real. Gretchen never outed you on anything - she pointed out things that people were already saying about you. You need to get yourself together, Alexis. You are in desperate need of a reality check and I'm here to give it to you (not that you'll listen). Stop trying to play like you're not a bitch who's full of herself. Because you are. The worst part is how childish you are about it: "Don't call me fake! Look! She has hair extensions and she's been lying about it!" Please. That's not the kind of fake we're talking about. Although that was good shade. I'll give you credit for that. Alexis' grade for the week: D- (she gets credit for the shade, but that's it!)

Heather: You are my friggin' hero this week! You got Alexis together! I agreed with everything you said and you said it perfectly. We all heard you, too bad Alexis didn't. You tried with her multiple times. You did your part. Now, it is what it is. I hope the other Housewives are taking notes. You were prepared, you were eloquent, you were logical. THIS is how you do it, ladies. I can't imagine anyone being able to find a flaw in your arguments. For those who say you were being mean, I don't think so at all. You have to state your case and get your points out there and that's exactly what you did. I thought you did great on this part of the reunion. Can't wait for next week. Heather's grade for the week: A+ (Awesome job!)

Vicki: I have to say I do feel sorry for you - not because you're a victim, but because you're on the receiving end of what you used to dish out to other people. The fact is: you had no problem judging others and putting others down. That's the truth. It sucks that your former BFF is now judging you and putting you down. It really does. And I'm not even saying it's right. But you do have to admit that what goes around comes around. If you would just say, "I treated people badly in the past and now I know how it feels", I guarantee you people would lay off. I swear. But, you get more and more defensive and try to minimize what you used to do. But we remember! Gretchen remembers! You were not nice to her! Now, I give you credit for telling Brooks to pay his child support, but that's no different than what Gretchen was/is doing with Slade. YOU and TAMRA both accused Gretchen of supporting Slade's decision not to pay child support, which we now know is false. But to hear you tell it, you're in a totally different boat. And you're not. I can't wait to see Briana on the show next week, and I hope you listen to what she has to say. She's your daughter, for crying out loud! Vicki's grade for the week: F (because what goes around, comes around, unfortunately for Vicki).

Gretchen: Thank you for trying to be the voice of reason on this first part of the reunion. Too bad it didn't really work out. But you tried! I agreed with pretty much everything you said, especially what you said to Alexis. And gurl, that was not right of her to throw you under the bus about your weave and lip injections! I thought Andy was going to jump up and feel them both! You really handled it well, though. You really didn't get mad about it, which was the best thing because Alexis just wanted a reaction. My only question is, why not tell us about the extensions/injections in the first place? That I just don't understand. We wouldn't have judged you for it, you know. I'm just curious as to why you didn't want to share it, that's all. Gretchen's grade for the week: C (for giving us straight talk, but what's with hiding the enhancements from us?)

Tamra: I, personally, don't think your hair was that heinous, but hey, I like big hair. Now that we've settled that, let's talk about your performance on part 1 of the reunion. I was glad to hear you say you missed Vicki. I know you do. I think you're just not willing to have the same type of friendship with her anymore. Where you both just hate on people. You have a different life now. My advice to you now is to drop the whole Brooks thing. If you keep going after Vicki, you're going to look majorly crazy. You have to let it go and wish her well. That's the only way to keep your sanity at this point. Look at how you've had to apologize to Jeanna and Gretchen for going after them in the past! Stop the cycle! Just realize that while you may be outraged about something that someone else is doing, it's their life. Focus on yours. Hopefully, Vicki will learn her lesson and you two can build your friendship back up again. I am glad you and Gretchen are still cool. It shows you can put the past behind you. Tamra's grade for the week: C (because she's right about Vicki, but she doesn't need to go after her so hard).

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This week's Real Housewives of New York left me completely exhausted. With a couple of exceptions, all of the scenes were pretty maddening. Now, I know all of the Housewives shows are catty and obnoxious (that's why I love them), but something about this group takes the cake. They take the cake, throw it in each other's face, then smear it all over each other, essentially. You get where I'm going with this. Sometimes it's just TOO MUCH. The only saving grace is that Jill isn't there to join in. I don't even want to picture how she'd be behaving with this crew right now.

Back to the episode. The ladies are in London, well, most of them are, and it's ... a disaster.

Luann: Do you ever get tired of tooting your own horn? Because I'm sure as hell sick of it. Carole's right. Everything someone else does, you've done bigger and better. Now, maybe you're just carrying on a conversation the only way you know how, but this is not the first time people have said this about you. I did enjoy you breaking your own etiquette rules and eating some of your dinner before the other ladies came back to the table. You rebel, you! (Sarcasm) Anywhoo, in addition to calling people Pumpkin Head and Groucho Marx (how are either of those endearing, by the way), you still have this superiority complex that I just can't wrap my head around. I can't believe you really buy into the Countess thing, after all these years, so what the hell is it? Do you really think you're that much better than everyone else? Luann's grade for the week: F (because if she called me Pumpkin Head, I would have popped her in her Pineapple Face).

Sonja: I usually love your free spirit but you were kind of annoying on this London trip, too. Did the plane ride make you go kookoo? (Shout out to Kellamity Bensimon!) But seriously, you were all over the place. I know if I was there, it would have driven me nuts. Oh, and give Carole a break! You and Luann were giving her the business the whole episode. What gives? Not to mention Heather's glasses. Not cool. Sonja's grade for the week: D (for being almost as annoying as Luann).

Heather: If I have to hear friggin' Yummy Tummy one more time, I swear on my glasses ... seriously. I'm glad your business is doing so well and I love that you have all these international partners (including a wonderful Queen), but it's becoming overkill at this point. If you're not talking bad about Ramona, you're shoving Yummy Tummy down our throats. I really didn't even care that you made people stand up at the dinner and introduce themselves. If I was on the trip, I would have eaten as soon as I got off the plane. That's just me, though. I did think it was lame that some of the ladies were complaining at your function. That wasn't cool. And as you read before, I think it was harsh to call you Groucho Marx. Please tell me you caught that shade! And why didn't you give it right back to Sonja and Luann??? Where was your "Holla!" then??? Heather's grade for the week: C (because she should have put Sonja and Luann in their place when they threw that shade at her).

Carole: You have my utmost sympathy for going on a trip with quite possibly the most irritating people on Earth (I've been there). You handled it well, though. Every time Luann one-upped you or Sonja made a comment about you not wearing a bra, you were cool and calm. And believe me, it drove them nuts. I can't wait till next week, though, when you crack a little and give Luann some of her own medicine. That is going to be fantastic. I understand why you didn't want to stand up during the dinner, because it wasn't what you signed up for. Sure, Luann had to rub it in by making a show of standing up right after you, but you don't follow the crowd. You do your own thing. It's why you're the coolest Housewife. Carole's grade for the week: A (because she handled that group better than I would have).

Aviva: I also felt a little sorry for you this week - for having to deal with Ramona. And you know, I love me some Ramona. But you handled it like a pro. Maybe because you're a mom, you went into mommy mode, and chances are you can calmly explain the whole prosthetic leg thing in your sleep by now. It must be tiring to have to explain it over and over to everyone who asks. Or maybe it's the kind of people who demand an explanation who are tiring. Either way, you were great with Ramona even though she was over the top about the whole thing. I can see where you and Ramona are going to drift apart pretty soon. Although I'm not particularly happy about it, I definitely understand it. Aviva's grade for the week: A (for not smacking Ramona upside the head like I would have wanted to).

Ramona: You are just out of it this season! What the eff??? I can't condone your over the top behavior with Aviva. I mean, come on. I can't believe you've never seen a prosthetic before (on tv or in person). And in Giuseppe Zanotti? A crime to behave that way. I would never. As for your Learning Annex appearance, you really went overboard. They're getting the damn table! What's so hard to understand about that? Like I said, exhausting. I would tell you to have some Pinot and relax, but I won't. Instead, how about a Xanax? Ramona's grade for the week: F (for being even more over the top than usual).

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Thursday, July 12, 2012


This week's Love and Hip Hop Atlanta was explosive. I was really blown away by a lot of the drama on the show, and I mean that in the best way possible. Yes, this show is trashy, but I like it. And if you're reading this, you do, too! I'm definitely not saying I agree with the shenanigans on the show, but damn, it is entertaining. So let's get right into it.

Mimi: It was so good to see you tell Stevie J where to go and how to get there, but I'm just hoping you stick to your guns. Do not fall for his BS again. Especially after watching the show, you know he's not all about you and your daughter. He made it clear, his first love is money. That should tell you everything you need to know. Listen to K. Michelle and Ariane. Let him go for good. Do your own thing business-wise. You don't need to be mixed up with him - all you have to do is co-parent with him. You're so much better off without him. Mimi's grade for the week: A (for finally seeing the light!)

Joseline: I'm not going to get into how I feel about your choice to have an abortion. I just have one question: If your career takes off, and you become bigger than Beyonce, does it justify that decision? I really want to know. Because I have a bit of a problem with how casually the abortion was mentioned. It was sort of just ... understood. Like I said, it was your choice. I'm just wondering if in the end, it will really be worth it. It reminds me of Lauryn Hill's song To Zion. That's all I'm going to say about it. Now, your role in the Lil Scrappy/Stevie J/Erica fight. You were dead wrong for getting involved. You put something out there that wasn't true just to get a rise out of Erica and get in the mix. Wrong, wrong, wrong. You even admitted the information was wrong, but you're so insecure about who else Stevie J is messing with, you put it out there anyway. That insecurity is YOUR problem, no one else's. And the fact that you're still messing with Stevie J is YOUR problem as well. Joseline's grade for the week: F (because I just don't see where she gets her logic from).

Rasheeda: I love that dinner you made for you and your husband! It shows you really care and that you were listening to him. Good job. Rasheeda's grade for the week: A (I like her a lot!)

Erica: My condolences. Seriously. Your relationship with Lil Scrappy died this week (at least, to me, it did). I was really rooting for you guys. After reconnecting last week, we see what Lil Scrappy had on the side this whole time. Really??? Bucky from Flavor of Love??? Now, I'm not judging, but damn. Erica, you are too good for this BS. Just like Mimi. Cut him loose, co-parent, and call it a day. Your mom was so right. As for the fight with Joseline and Stevie J, Scrappy was defending you as "baby mama" and you went after Stevie J and Joseline hard. I don't condone the fighting, but you were way classier about it than Joseline, which is not that difficult, let's be real. Just realize that he's not fighting for you as his woman, his love, or even his girlfriend. Your role has been decided. Now, take that information and move on. Erica's grade for the week: C (for fighting for something that isn't even there anymore).

K.Michelle: I just love you on this show and I can't wait for your showdown with Karlie next week!! Last week, you came at Karlie (lopsided ass LOL) and I was loving it. I loved that you had a breakthrough of sorts last week, as well, about how your last record deal ended. Learn from it and move on. Your showcase was really great. K.Michelle's grade for the week: A (that's my girl!)

Karlie: Um, the fact that you are trying to steal producers from people on the same reality show as you is what's making me not like you anymore. You aren't a tell-it-like-it-is type girl like I thought you were. You're just loud. And I can't wait for K.Michelle to give you the business next week. Karlie's grade for the week: F (in advance!)

Ariane: Still the ever-present best friend, and a good one, at that. I want to see more of what you've got going on besides consoling Mimi, though. But I will say, you called this whole Stevie J thing from the beginning. Ariane's grade for the week: A (because I value a good friend).

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Milania is THE TRUTH!

I'm back, kids! Sorry I haven't been blogging. I took full advantage of the few days I had off and did absolutely nothing. Well, except for fun stuff, of course. I hope everyone is staying cool in this heat, too. Today it's going to be 107 in my neck of the woods. Brutal!

Let's jump right back into the latest Real Housewives of New Jersey episode. There was a lot of laughter, which I loved. Everyone is making progress in their own way. And some more than others. I really wasn't too impressed with the episode overall, maybe because there was no over the top exciting moments. It was just an ok episode. But you need those from time to time.

Can I just say, I love me some Greg. I know some people don't like him. But he makes me laugh and that's that.

Caroline: I like that you and Lauren are in business together. Family businesses are kind of your specialty, so it makes sense. I agree with Lauren that the name Cafface is a little off-putting at first, but once you explained it, it did sound like a good idea. I want to see the shop now! Hopefully, your vision came to life and Lauren is happy with the results, although it seems like it takes a LOT to make her happy. I definitely want her to come on the reunion and show us her new slim figure and (fingers crossed) a new attitude? Lauren is a cool chick but damn, is she negative sometimes. I like Albie's girlfriend, and I think you were very nice to her, as was Lauren. Except that little cheerleader dig in your interview. What was that about? I can see where people would think you would be tough with your boys' girlfriends. You're known for being tough! I think Chris' online dating profile experiment was hilarious - but seriously, a guy with a sense of humor will never have trouble finding a date. At least, that's my opinion. I'm glad to see you having fun on the show, Caroline, so keep that up. And let me just beg you right now. Do NOT fight with Teresa in Napa. I forbid it (but hey, who ever listens to me?). Caroline's grade for the week: B (because she was positive for MOST of the episode).

Jacqueline: I really didn't think your encounter with Teresa was all that awkward. You were nice, she was nice. End of story. I know you're hurt by Teresa - the fact that she made you feel like you couldn't say certain things to her - but this is the reality: people do what they want to do. I think you finally realized that Teresa is not the kind of friend you made her out to be in your mind. No matter how much you begged Teresa to not fight with her family, if that's what she wanted to do, she was going to do it. You got way too invested in her, to be honest. So, you learned your lesson. Be nice and keep it moving. I know you feel like you have to call her out on her shit, but really, her shit is obvious. She is right 100% of the time, she doesn't need help, and she doesn't want you asking her any questions. Period. That's Teresa. We all see it. So, in Napa, keep it light and cool, and do NOT fight with her. Do you hear me??? Jacqueline's grade for the week: B (because she was polite and civil and didn't start anything with Teresa).

Teresa: I am so proud of you - and I'm not being sarcastic. You went to Antonia's birthday party, you were nice to Melissa, and you didn't even get feisty when she made that sprinkle cookie comment. Maybe you are making progress. Now, about your comments about Melissa singing acapella/solo - if you want to hear her sing, just ask her. It's not that uncommon for people to lipsynch or sing to a back up track when they perform nowadays. Especially when it's a dance record. Just ask Kim Zolciak. Melissa is no Mariah Carey. We all know that. We all get it. Message received. But kudos on the excellent throwing of shade. I did, however, have a problem with how Gia was talking about Melissa. Gia is still a child and she really shouldn't be criticizing an adult, much less her aunt. And she heard that lipsynching crap from you. So, all I'm going to say is, keep your shade to yourself and other adults. Not the kids. Shade is not for kids. I hate that you put down therapy, but really, you weren't truly open to the experience. So, I'm glad you're not going back, because it would have been a huge waste of time. You're the kind of person who likes to deal with things on your own, good or bad. I understand that now. No therapist in the world was going to be able to get through to you, because that's not what you want, and it's not what your brother wants, either. All you have to do is listen to Milania. Milania is THE TRUTH! The look on Joe Giudice's face when Milania spit hot truth all over that kitchen was priceless. In fact, your face was priceless, too. Milania knows what's up. And I know you're not going to listen to me, but I'm going to say it anyway. Be nice in Napa. Be cool in Napa. Don't start any shit in Napa. Ok? Teresa's grade for the week: C (because she doesn't know how to control her shade).

Melissa: I saw that shade you threw with the sprinkle cookie comment, so don't think it went unnoticed. You know you can't joke around like that with Teresa. She filed that one away for later, you know that, right? But seriously, just be nice. No jokes needed, ok? The birthday party for Antonia was awesome, and I'm glad everyone had a good time. And Greg's birthday was a kiki (look it up). I must say, though, it was a little obnoxious of you to not only ask them to play your song, but also to get up on the table ... that was a little much. I'm just saying. Unless Greg asked you to play your song. In that case, no harm, no foul. And Joe Gorga was being kind of annoying. I'm all for having a good time, but jeez louise, if I was at that party, he would have been exhausting. I enjoyed your scene with Chris Judd. No shade (but shade), you have a lot of work to do on your choreography. You can definitely dance, but Mr. Judd definitely needs to create something amazing for this Beatstock thing. On another note, I'm just going to ask you to be cool in Napa. Just be cool. Melissa's grade for the week: C (for being kind of annoying).

Kathy: I thought that family dinner scene was really nice. Until ... Richie and his ... not so appropriate comments. Um, first of all, not cool and second, why??? I know Richie's a ball buster, but come on. I know you probably cringed when he made some of those over the top statements. You, on the other hand, are lovely. I still like you a lot and I'll ask you the same favor as the rest of the ladies. Be cool in Napa. But, I'm sure you won't have any problems doing that. Oh, and I totally forgive you and Rosie for forgetting Brianne's name - I know people who are just bad with names, too. And it really is nothing personal. Kathy's grade for the week: A (because I still like her, so there).

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