RHONJ Lost Footage - Finally! It's Over!

Happy Wednesday, kids! Please forgive my absence the last few days. I'm working on something really exciting for me, personally, and once it's all worked out I'll definitely share it with you. Suffice it to say, it's something I should have done a long time ago, and now I'm going for it. Turning 30 has really put a fire under my ass to accomplish everything I've ever wanted to do, and I'm excited to see where that takes me.

But let's get back to the ladies of New Jersey and the lost footage episode. I was happy to see some lighter moments and some emotional ones, too. I was less than thrilled to see more ugliness from the reunion. At this point, I think I may have PTSD (just kidding). So I'll take it scene by scene. Join me?

Scene 1: Joe Giudice doesn't apologize for saying Greg has a loose butthole. Seriously. This was a conversation actual adults had on national television. Joe Giudice says that he and his friends used to call each other the f word (derogatory term for homosexuals) and it wasn't bad because they knew they weren't gay. Um, ok. Not really digging yourself out of the hole with that, Joe. I will say Jacqueline was becoming a nuisance with her commentary throughout this whole scene - and it was unnecessary. Anyone can plainly see Joe thinks he said nothing wrong, even when Andy pointed out that it might have been offensive. Joe claims his gay friends thought it was hilarious. Whatever you say, Joe. I'm done with you. Teresa was defending her husband, no surprise, but I would hope that she's as tired as I am of having to hear this same conversation every reunion. Gay slurs are not ok. Ever. No matter who tells you it's funny. It's not.

Scene 2: The Tank Pull Fiasco. This whole scene annoyed me. Teresa can't shut up about wanting to win and Caroline fed right into the stupidity and got a bunch of Army guys to be on their team. With the sole purpose of beating Teresa. At least Caroline said that was her goal. In a way, I get it. Sometimes it feels really good to make the sore loser lose just to shove their face in it. It shuts them up for a few minutes. But it was definitely childish. I got so mad when Teresa told the Wakile kids they didn't need to pull because she had a bunch of people on her team already. WTF!! I was so glad Rosie told her that the kids were gonna participate. Jeez Louise, I can see being competitive, but shutting your cousin's kids out because you think you have better people to do the job? Come on! Teresa's team lost, but I don't think it was because the Army guys "pull tanks all the time". I think the universe was sending Teresa a message: "Be Humble". This was for charity! For crying out loud!

Scene 3: This segment from the reunion was all about the kids. Milania got some special recognition for her antics on the show. The kid is funny. And of course, so are the rest of the kids. Milania just has a way of grabbing the spotlight with the things she says. I'd venture to say, Teresa isn't happy about some of the stuff that comes out of her mouth, like "Daddy's sleeping in his own room" and "You're not a cooker, you're a hooker", for example. Teresa stated at the reunion that she never said the word "hooker" in front of Milania before, so she has no idea where she heard it. (Maybe her father? Just saying.) Jacqueline, right on cue, decides to scoff at this and says she's tired of listening to Teresa lie. She says that Teresa is trying to paint this perfect picture for the show, but she's not buying it. Well, Jacqueline, again, we get it. We don't exactly need a play by play from you, but thanks for thinking of us. Andy asks about Jacqueline writing in her blog that Milania acts out to get attention, and Jacqueline stands by her statement. Then the room agrees that all kids do that, so that whole conversation was pointless. Melissa decides to tell us that Joey is her problem child and he's got all the "Gorga" characteristics. I was half expecting Teresa to accuse Joey of copying Milania, but no such luck there. Chris Laurita reflects on the Manzo boys acting up on the business trip, but says they're more professional now, and adds that he acted the same way when he was their age.

Scene 4: Bookstore Drama. Teresa can't figure out why a specialty bookstore doesn't carry her books. Because. They're. A. Specialty. Bookstore. The cashier was clearly annoyed with Teresa and her badgering him to order the book. Ain't gonna happen, Tre. Stick with the chain bookstores.

Scene 5: Teresa's Magazine Apology. At the reunion, Andy brings up Teresa's apology in In Touch magazine, citing a source who said she was paid $6,500 to do the story. Teresa says the magazine asked her if she wanted to a story ABOUT apologizing and she said yes. She also said she wasn't paid. I highly doubt Teresa did all of these magazine photoshoots and articles and interviews for bupkiss. I believe she was paid. Just my opinion. It's also my opinion that she should OWN IT and say, "YAAASSSS BITCHES! I got paid to talk shit about you then I got paid to apologize to you! Welcome to 2012!" But again, just my opinion. However, I did find it interesting that Jacqueline said that Teresa never returned phone calls or texts, but had no problem addressing "letters" to each cast member in a magazine. Caroline interjected that Lauren did a story about herself, not bashing anyone else, to which Teresa proceeded to bash Lauren for not losing weight naturally. Here's what on that. How people choose to lose weight is their business. Teresa should have absolutely nothing to say about it. Period. Caroline was getting very upset at this point and that's when she told Teresa to shut her goddamn mouth. And Teresa squeaked out a "Wow". I'm thinking this is after she lost her voice?

Scene 6: A very nice scene between Jacqueline and Chris in Chicago. Very sweet, but kinda boring. No shade, but shade.

Scene 7: Jacqueline looks for wedding dresses for her fake wedding picture. I'm almost certain this is the fake wedding picture she was thinking of doing for a magazine then eventually decided against. Am I right? Either way, this is a fun scene. Just seeing Jacqueline joke around and be silly was awesome. She really is a kooky lady, and given the right setting, is a lot of fun to watch. I'm glad she decided not to do the fake wedding picture. It felt wrong and unnecessary.

Scene 8: Father's Day Festivities. The Giudices have a nice Father's Day, wherein Teresa gives Joe a ring, and he says, "I don't wear rings much, but it's nice." So, yeah. He doesn't wear a wedding ring very often, I'm guessing. Am I the only one who got super sad when Teresa said the rumors in the magazines about Joe cheating have really gotten to Gia? That broke my heart. I can only imagine Gia sees the magazines at the store or maybe at school? But I'm just saying, Gia and her sisters need to be protected from all of those articles. Honestly, they shouldn't even be featured on the covers of those magazines ... just my opinion. Back to the scene at hand. The Wakiles and Gorgas get together to remember Kathy and Rosie's dad and also Melissa's dad, who have passed away. It was a touching scene with lots of emotion. I liked that they were all together supporting each other, on what must have been a tough day.

Scene 9: Kim D's commentary backstage at the reunion. Oy vey. This woman is nuts.

Scene 10: Napa Trip Cook Off. Some friendly competition between all the RVs - Manzos, Wakiles, and Gorga/Giudices - resulted in the most amazing cook off ever. All of the food looked fantastic. Teresa and Melissa won, and it was nice to see them celebrate their victory together as a team. I didn't like that Teresa had to point out in her interview that Melissa's family doesn't cook. There's nothing wrong with not cooking. Or maybe I'm just saying that because I don't ... whatever.

Scene 11: Dina Returns. At the reunion, Dina is brought up once again. The fact that Teresa went to Dina after the fight on Jacqueline's deck is a big deal for Caroline and Jacqueline, because they feel that Teresa's intention was to have Dina on her side against them. Which is plausible, but Dina's a grown ass woman, and if she's going to choose her friend over her sister, there's gotta be more there than just Teresa. There are definitely more issues there than meets the eye. Teresa maintains she was talking to Dina about the fight as a friend just like she would with any other friend, and for the record, I believe her. I don't think she thought twice about venting to Dina. To her, it was the most natural thing in the world. I'm not sure she had a malicious intent behind it. It was good to hear Caroline admit that Teresa isn't the entire cause of the rift, but maybe just a part of it. That seems a lot more accurate. Now, here's where we have to talk about Jacqueline's issues with Dina. I have to point out that Teresa has a big mouth. So when Jacqueline accused Teresa of telling Jacqueline what Dina was saying about her and vice versa - which could have only made things worse. My question is: Why wouldn't Jacqueline OR Dina wake up and realize that it would be so much easier to TALK TO EACH OTHER? Take Teresa out of the equation completely and handle the situation between the two of them? I guess that would have to mean that both parties were willing to talk. If Dina refused to engage in a conversation with Jacqueline or Caroline, that explains the stalemate. When Teresa claims she never said bad things about Caroline to Dina, I have to laugh. Of course she did. Believe me, we know how women are, don't we ladies? And it doesn't help that Teresa did throw Caroline's problems with Dina in her face at the Season 3 reunion.

I am so glad this season is over. It was too long and too depressing. What did you think of this episode? Tweet me!

RHONJ Reunion Part 3 - Mystery Solved

Well, kids, the Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion is officially over, with only a Lost Footage episode remaining. I don't know if I'll even bother watching it. Unless it's full of funny scenes we didn't get to see in this God-awful season. Speaking of God-awful, Part 3 of the Reunion was - for me - a waste of time. Nothing was really resolved, and no one came to any grand realizations. Big surprise. However, there were some moments of clarity, so it wasn't all bad. But most of it was ... really bad.

Did anyone else notice how Joe Giudice would never look Andy Cohen in the eye while answering questions? That's odd, no? It's just me? Ok.

The Husbands joined the ladies (and Joe Giudice) on the set for Part 3. I know I'm going to get raked over the coals for this, but I think Richie and Chris did a great job. They did what they were supposed to do, defend their wives. But what struck me about Richie is that, no matter what you think of his personality or his humor, he tells it like it is. I believe what he says. He may say it in an inappropriate or exaggerated way, but he's usually making fun of the situation and making light of it by making these wild comments. The essence of what he says, usually, is the truth. I did not enjoy Joe Giudice and Richie arguing, at all, though. That whole segment was pointless and annoying. Just like a conversation with Joe Giudice himself. Seriously, I have to just get this off my chest. Joe Giudice said on that set: "We don't need help from you people, thank you." He's absolutely right. They (Teresa and Joe) don't need help from friends or family. They're great on their own. Here's the problem: YOU'RE ON AN ENSEMBLE REALITY SHOW, DUMBASS!!! If you don't interact with these people, you're out of a job. Period.

I could go on and on about Joe Giudice's shitty attitude and profoundly irritating behavior, but I won't. I'm sick of talking about him and I will never again watch a show that features him. Ever. Mark my words.

Another thing that made me think was the fact-checking and research that everyone apparently did before the show. Jacqueline, I gotta call you out because you were like mother-f*cking CNN, constantly interrupting and pulling out little factoids ... are you in any way related to Joe Biden? Just asking. Anyway, there was a whole lot of tea spilled about everyone, but, as a viewer, there is no way to know what's true and what's not true. Was Jacqueline ever a stripper? Did Teresa say Melissa was a stripper? Did Caroline say Jacqueline was a stripper? Did Chris tell Joe Giudice he met Jacqueline when she was a stripper? You know what?? NO ONE CARES!! How about this: how about everyone just assumes everyone was a stripper at one point and gets the f*ck over it? All in favor, raise your hands. *Raises both hands*

Kim D. We have to talk about Miss Posche Fashion Show herself. Who showed up to say absolutely nothing. Teresa knew SOMETHING was going to happen, but she didn't know what. Great. Thanks for cracking the code on that one, genius. I swear, Kim D was about as useful on this episode as I am at a construction site - meaning I have absolutely nothing to offer anyone and I shouldn't even be there in the first place. Then, Jacqueline declines to name the person she was texting at the fashion show because they're still friends with Teresa. Some friend that mystery person is! Show your face, mystery friend! I want to know why you would reduce yourself to being Jacqueline's informant for this totally anti-climactic, humongous waste-of-time, alleged set up. Because, again, the set up was a total let down. There was no set up at all.

And that's another thing I'm mad about. They're talking about this set up like Teresa was Michael Corleone grabbing the gun out of the toilet or something. NOTHING ACTUALLY HAPPENED. Some idiot said some idiotic bullsh*t and everyone's having a conniption over it. This is why I'm done with this show if the same cast returns.

Andy, my darling Andy Cohen, listen to me. Let Teresa go have a cooking show somewhere. I'm begging you. I don't even care what you do with the rest of the cast. But if I have to see another season of Teresa vs. The Universe ... actually, no. I REFUSE to watch another season of Teresa vs. The Universe.

I have to address Melissa and Joe Gorga now. Joe, you seemed genuinely hurt about this whole thing with Teresa. All I can say is that if you want things to get better, go back to therapy with your entire family. If you honestly think Teresa took your parents' love or attention away from you, you have to figure that out with them as a family. Melissa, you told Teresa you're done, so my advice is to be done. Don't engage in the verbal tit-for-tat that we saw on this reunion. Don't bring anything to the table for discussion with her. Maybe, if and when Teresa and Joe are back on good terms, you can begin to repair your relationship with her. But you can't do any of that until your husband and Teresa are ok again.

As for Caroline and Kathy - thank you for not adding to the craziness in this episode. I think I speak for all sane, level-headed fans when I say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. This isn't what we signed up for. I now realize I love every single woman on this show: Teresa, Caroline, Melissa, Jacqueline, and Kathy - I love all of you. I love you enough to tell you that I cannot watch you all go at it again for another season. Let's stick a fork in this season and never speak of it ever again.

What did you think of this episode? Tweet me!

RHONJ Reunion Part 2 - No Victims, No Bullies

Well, hello, kids and welcome back. You should know that this blog will not contain grades, because, frankly, we're waaay past that point, and really, we all know this season is a FAIL. Big time. However, there were some moments of clarity in Sunday night's RHONJ Reunion Part 2. But you know I can't be 100% serious about this stuff. So, proceed with at least a shred of a sense of humor, please.

We begin where we left off, with Rosie. Now, we know from Watch What Happens Live last night that none of the ladies could hear exactly what Rosie was saying backstage, so I'm curious to know what Teresa is saying about her tongue being threatened. (I can't check her tweets because I'm blocked. Have I mentioned this?) Lauren Manzo spoke to Rosie backstage and did a great job of getting her to calm down. I was actually very impressed. Once Rosie was on the couch, she was relatively calm. She and Teresa got into it for a moment regarding Teresa's claims that Kathy was upset about Rosie's sexuality. Now, we all know Teresa isn't good with timelines, or listening, so Rosie had to reiterate a couple of times that Kathy had a problem with Rosie's girlfriend at the time, not the fact that she was gay. I wanted to know more about this wrong path Rosie's girlfriend was leading her towards, but they didn't go into it. Suffice to say, Rosie checked Teresa by saying she was projecting her own point of view onto Kathy. Teresa denied it and said even Joe Giudice invited Rosie to hang out with them, which Rosie denied. Bottom line: I think Teresa accepts Rosie, just like Kathy does. You can see that Kathy and Rosie are close, and like Rosie said, they have a bond no one can break. All in all, that segment ended on a peaceful note.  

Caroline really surprised me in a good way when she put her own problems with Teresa aside and tried to get her to stop going at it with Kathy before Rosie came on the set. She kept saying, "This is wrong!", and she was absolutely right. It had gone way too far, and it needed to stop. Even Andy said they were just trying to hurt each other at that point.

Caroline kept trying to get Teresa to listen, but then Melissa got her big line in: "I'm the victim!" Um, no you're not. No one is. Here's what bugs me. No one put a gun to any of these ladies' heads and made them get on this show. However, they signed on the dotted line and agreed to put their personal business on television because it's a platform and a way to make money. No problem. But when you know things are not good in your family (I'm looking at you, Melissa) and you decide to go on the same reality show as the sister-in-law that you're fighting with, whatever happens happens. You are not a victim. You knew that Teresa was not going to be happy about you being on the show (and it doesn't matter if you told her you were coming on or not). And Teresa, you knew it wasn't just your show. It's an ensemble cast and the producers can cast whoever they want. It's not your deal. You are the breakout star, absolutely. But if you didn't like it, you could have walked off and had your fans follow you to your next venture, which they gladly would have done. So, in my opinion, there are no victims here. I feel that Melissa and Teresa both value their place on this show and the platform it gives them way more than they value their relationship. Neither one will give up their place on the RHONJ cast willingly. And that's sad, because they both need to leave and get professional help immediately.

I don't think Teresa has as much of a problem with Kathy as she does with Melissa. She clearly doesn't get along with Kathy, but it's not an all out war like it is with Melissa. I thought it was a smart move on Kathy's part to apologize for calling Teresa's mother a liar. She knew it was wrong and apologized for it right then and there. I respect that. If you don't, hey, we can agree to disagree on that. I found it interesting how, after Kathy apologized, Teresa started to give her a hard time, then quickly decided against it and went back to the other couch, saying "this means I accept". It was a very intriguing exchange that went on there because Teresa got quiet and sat down and it looked like she had forgiven Kathy, but it wasn't long before they were bickering again.

We learned that Caroline and Dina are still not talking (which makes it a year or so, right?) and Caroline tried to show Teresa the similarities in their situations. Now, Dina was on one episode and she didn't say anything too terrible about Caroline that I can remember. Maybe it was the whole "maybe blood isn't thicker than water" line? If so, that's nothing. The Gorga/Giudice feud has lasted the entire season, plus the season before. So, it really isn't the same, but nice try, Caroline. I don't even think Dina is that angry at you. It just sounds like she doesn't want to bother with you right now. Which is hurtful, don't get me wrong. But you're not flinging insults and accusations back and forth. Be grateful it hasn't gotten that bad yet and stop talking about it. Dina will talk to you when she's good and ready.

Teresa is insisting throughout the whole episode that Melissa and Kathy came on the show to destroy her and/or hurt her. Here's my take on that. Melissa admitted she came on because it was an opportunity and I think Melissa saw it as a way to become famous. If she pisses off Teresa in the process, fine, she's ok with that because there's no love lost there. Now, with Kathy, I honestly don't think she meant to hurt anyone. She tried to make up with Teresa all last season and this entire season, and it was only on this reunion that she's openly fighting with Teresa and not holding back at all. Last reunion, she was trying to reason with Teresa but it didn't work. So now, I guess, it's game on. But, let's be honest, none of us can read minds or hearts so we just go by what we see on TV, which is a fraction of what's really going on in real life. Am I the only one that's kind of embarrassed that we care so much about a show that is literally a thin slice of people's lives that we don't know and will probably never meet or have a cup of coffee with??? ... Moving on ...

Is Caroline a bully? As I stated before, none of these ladies are victims, so the reasonable answer is no. Caroline had enough of Teresa and didn't hide it. It wasn't nice, and it wasn't fun to watch, but in my opinion, it wasn't bullying. Teresa defends herself and fights back, and also, let's not forget, has no problem telling other people off, getting in their face, grabbing their face, screaming at them, calling them names, flipping tables, talking about them behind their back, etc. It's all very unattractive, but it's not bullying. So, when Andy brings it up, Caroline asks Teresa to give her one instance where she bullied her and of course, Teresa can't come up with an answer. Because there is none. Teresa stammers and finally says, the whole season. But nothing specific. So she backtracks and says the viewers have been saying it all season. How's the view from under that bus, viewers??? Teresa then clarifies that magazines have said it, and that Caroline did bully her, but it didn't affect her. She added that Caroline has done a lot of things to her, but again, nothing specific. Teresa finally settles on the fact that Caroline didn't accept her apology. Which, come on, is not bullying. I mean, what about all the lectures and the unsolicited advice?! That's something, at least! The truth is, Caroline wanted nothing to do with Teresa and she said so to her face. Teresa said as much back to Caroline. That's a pretty fair fight. No victims, no bullies. Like I said before, Teresa gives as good as she gets, and in Napa, she and Caroline were equally matched. Teresa went to her room and called Caroline some names, which Caroline was more than happy to bring up on this episode. I did enjoy Caroline telling Teresa to stop being a brick wall and listen - because Teresa does have a wall up. And it's definitely a defense mechanism, but there's a time and a place for a defense mechanism. They're not supposed to be permanent.

Speaking of Napa, let's talk about Joe Giudice. I know, I don't want to, either. But it was a big part of the episode, so we kind of have to. Joe Giudice recited, I mean gave his explanation about who he was talking to in Napa and I still don't buy it. Even after he heard the conversation again (complete with perverted grunting and giggling) he still says it was his coworker. Bullshit. Then, in a real classy move, he thanks Andy for showing the call on TV, and says it cost him a lot. A lot, meaning jewelry for Teresa because, get this: they fought for three days about it. As opposed to ... actually taking responsibility for his actions. So, he essentially said he bought his way out of the problem and Teresa just sits there with a smile on her face. Melissa was right on when she said "and I'm the gold digger?" but I wish she would have said it louder, because Teresa needed to hear that. I'm sorry, and I am not married, but I would be completely mortified if my husband forgot he had a mic on because he was so plastered off wine and called me a C word to his mistress. No amount of diamonds in the world could fix that for me. But, according to Teresa everything is fine. Everything is not fine, Teresa. I have said this a million times. Joe Giudice is the problem. I know it doesn't fit the image you want to put out there, but he is the problem. I'll stop there.

Now, here's where Jacqueline comes in. Andy asks the ladies if they've ever heard Joe Giudice call Teresa names. So, at first, Jacqueline is hesitant but hints at it for sure. And in a classic case of opening a can of worms, Teresa says that Chris cheated on Jacqueline and that's why Jacqueline can't trust him. You can almost see the steam coming out of Jacqueline at that point. It was effective the first time, but Teresa can't help herself so she says it like eight more times. That's when Jacqueline loses it. She spills the tea about Joe cheating numerous times and here's a surprise, Danielle saying she was hanging out with Joe Giudice and he was with a stripper all night. Jeez Louise, for someone who's not on the show anymore, Danielle certainly gets her camera time. I, personally, take everything and anything Danielle says with a grain of salt, but she was right about Melissa being in contact with her, so anything is possible. But let's be real, if Teresa had said the Chris thing once and let it go, Jacqueline probably wouldn't have blown up, but I think Teresa wanted to provoke her. And provoke her, she did. So when Jacqueline started saying how Mr. and Mrs. Giudice enjoy calling each other names and punching each other, my jaw pretty much hit the floor. What the hell is going on here???

This is why I say they need a whole new cast. With this kind of history, how can we ever hope for a show where these women can interact in a social setting without bloodshed??? We can't.

I hate to do this but we have to go back to Melissa and Teresa for a second. The sing-off was one of the lighter-ish moments in this shitshow, so you know I have to talk about it. Melissa has a decent voice and Teresa wasn't terrible, but you could tell she was imitating what she thinks Melissa sounds like. Then, the cookbook scandal - who's cooking those dishes that Teresa tweets a picture of? Again, I'm blocked, so ... you know ... But I have to say I laughed out loud when Melissa said "You want me to sing the whole damn song?" Like, bitch, please! And I knew what Teresa was getting at - sing the whole song so we can hear what you really sound like. I get it. But who really cares? The singing is not the issue and neither are the tweets about meals Teresa's mom may or may not have prepared.

The issue is: Teresa and Melissa love fighting with each other. I can definitely see how much they enjoy it. When Melissa was going after Teresa for talking about her marriage while Joe Giudice was there, she and Teresa were going back and forth and all of a sudden, Melissa says "You wanna play?" in this almost evil voice and it caught my attention. I mean, who says that? I can see Melissa engaging Teresa in a fight right there. And it was totally unnecessary. Then, Teresa does her whole taunting routine where she squeals and smiles and makes herself look like a crazy person. And the "thank God" moment??? Can we talk about this??? Teresa, what were you thinking?! You have to get off this show. You're officially a stunt queen. That whole bowing down thing was odd, and slightly frightening. It wasn't funny and if you thought it was, I just feel awful for you. Because it wasn't.

We have to move on to the arm grab. Teresa was saying Melissa dated Joe Gorga's best friend, and Melissa grabbed Teresa's arm. She didn't pull it out of its socket, but Teresa was quick to say she would press charges. Of course, that prompted Kathy to remind Teresa that she grabbed her face in Napa and no charges were filed. Seriously, ladies? Teresa, you of all people have no place getting upset about someone touching you, since you're the queen of getting inappropriate when you're mad. Melissa, you should have known better than to give Teresa something to use against you. Melissa then stated that Teresa wishes she had a marriage like the Gorgas (um, no thanks). No shade, but shade. Then Danielle was brought up again, regarding when Melissa actually spoke to her. Before the Season 2 Reunion? After? Oh, who cares anymore? She talked to her, end of story. Melissa claims that Danielle did not get her on the show. Which I believe. Because Danielle getting Melissa on the show is like someone getting fired, then hiring their own replacement. But hey, stranger things have happened on Bravo.

And here we are again, the central issue. Teresa will never get over the fact that Melissa and Kathy are on the show with her. The truth is, the thrill is gone, ladies. Teresa, you have a shitload of fans that will support you in whatever you pursue. You say that if the situation were reversed, you would have found a different show to be on ... we'll never know. We just have to take your word for it. As for Kathy saying you have a little team of crazies ... I'll just say this. You have a lot of fans. 90% are lovely people who I have absolutely an awesome time chatting with on Twitter. The other 10% are the kind that will be mean to anyone who doesn't fawn all over you and agree with everything you do. I don't agree with everything you do, and I never will. So, that 10% can continue to call me names on Twitter. I can take it.

I want to briefly talk about Watch What Happens Live last night with my girl, Wendy Williams. I'll just do a lightning round for you:
1. Teresa needs to leave the show - agree
2. Joe Giudice is lying - agree
3. No one will watch Teresa's cooking show - disagree, her fans will follow her, believe that!

And a special shout out to Mustang Sally for calling in to the After Show!!!

I have to make one more point, and that is, I honestly don't think Andy has it out for Teresa at all. Some of her fans believe he's too hard on her and is purposely trying to make her look bad. I don't think this is true. It's not in Andy's best interest to alienate anyone on these shows. It's in his best interest to keep the most entertaining people on the show in order to boost ratings. The decisions regarding casting involve more people than just Andy - he is not the entire network. Don't get me wrong, I am upset with the network powers-that-be that decided to hack up the season and mish-mash it back together again. But Andy doesn't work alone. So, I'm cutting him some slack. Andy and the Bravo team saved RHONY from the brink of disaster, and I'm hoping they'll do the same with RHONJ. But if not, we can always watch something else.

One more Reunion episode to go, kids!

Let me know what you think - Tweet me!

RHONJ Reunion Part 1 - Leave the Parents Out of It

The Real Housewives of New Jersey kicked off a three part Reunion on Sunday, and I'm going to preface this blog by saying this: All of these women need professional help. All of them. 

Let's move on. Caroline's daughter Lauren was the only guest in this first installment, but she definitely made an impact. From calling Teresa a "dickhead" to asking her to spell "napalm", Lauren definitely came in with her guns blazing. Entertaining? Yes, very. But don't get me wrong, Lauren gets on my nerves, too. I just had to laugh when she unloaded on Teresa because, let's face it, that shit was funny. Teresa's reaction to Lauren was a mixture of shock, embarrassment, and disbelief (because she clearly did not know the definition or the spelling of the word, which had appeared in her blog), thereby all but confirming something I posted months ago - Teresa doesn't write her own blog. Which isn't a crime, by the way! Lots of reality stars don't write their own blogs. But that was a perfect moment for Teresa to say, "I have someone take my notes and write out the blog for me, in this case, she used an analogy (napalm) that I'm not familiar with." Done. But no ... more on Teresa's lack of communication skills later. 

The piece about Jacqueline's son's autism made me cry. The fact that he has regressed is very, very sad. I love that Jacqueline is now an advocate for finding a cure for autism, and I hope she puts all of her energy behind this cause. It's a much more rewarding endeavor than proving how terrible of a person Teresa is. I like Jacqueline, but she does go a little overboard on Twitter, as Andy pointed out on Sunday night. Which I found hilarious. All jokes aside, Nicholas is a beautiful child and I truly wish him and his entire family the best, as well as all families dealing with autism.

Now, let's get to the grades ...

Caroline: You gave as good as you got on this episode, and I have to say, you may have won back some viewers. You owned everything you did (which I appreciate), and you said point blank that you were a bitch. I wasn't following the whole menopause/non-menopause segment, but that's ok. You took Teresa's insults and let her know her words are irrelevant. You clarified that you were thin when you were Lauren's age and that's why you couldn't relate to her specific situation, since you gained weight later in life. Also, you weren't on a reality show in your early 20s, so there's that. I couldn't really get behind you calling Teresa's dress a Christmas pageant dress, partly because that dress was fabulous! And my favorite color! So, points off for that. But seriously, you pounced on Teresa for making the Nicholas segment about one of her daughters, and that would have pissed me off, too. I just would have found something else to reference (not the dress). You were there for Jacqueline in every sense, even when she didn't need you. But I gotta ask you to let her talk. You shouldn't speak for her - especially with all the bully accusations. Jacqueline is a big girl and she knows what she's doing. I kind of loved how you were trying to get through to Teresa when she sat next to you, but Rosie sort of stole the show at that point. We'll see how it plays out next Sunday. Caroline's grade for the week: C (because she stood her ground and owned everything she's done this season but points off for insults). 

Jacqueline: I have no doubt that you have treasure troves of information on Teresa, and while that is an advantage in a reunion situation, you don't have to put it all out there so quickly. I mean, we were ten minutes in, and you were throwing out accusations like crazy. I have no idea whether your information is accurate, so I won't comment on that. I just wish you were a little more subtle with it. At least in the beginning. When you scream across the room at Teresa with this barrage of things she's supposedly done, it just makes you look like the crazy one in the room. Just calm down, and when the right moment comes, drop a bomb, then another, then another. Kind of like how Danielle used to do, am I right? Anyway, that's the only time you'll ever catch me telling you to emulate Danielle in any way. But seriously, she knew how to hint at what she knew and let the other person know she had one up on them. And for the record, not a good look telling Teresa she's going to hell. Just saying. Again, keep going with your autism research and focus on that. If you do, I might say you should come back next season as a full-blown autism advocate and continue to educate the ladies and the viewers on the fight for a cure. Jacqueline's grade for the week: D (because she should have kept calm and presented her case without getting so loud).

Teresa: My offer still stands. I want you to know that. I also want you to know that I'm not going to hold back. (Teresa fans, please don't attack me. What I'm about to say is the truth.) While I appreciate the fact that you go to these reunions knowing you're going to get ganged up on, your behavior on Sunday night really didn't help your case. You were absolutely wrong to attack anyone's looks and/or weight. I'm sorry, but that's just not ok. Please notice, I did not like Caroline making fun of your dress (by the way, I loved it). You probably shouldn't have told the story about Nicholas being boyfriend and girlfriend with your daughter, no matter how cute the story was, because that segment was about Nicholas' battle with autism. So, yeah, that story was totally unnecessary. Now, as for the blog/napalm segment. This is where you need my help. Just say you don't write your blog. Just say it. Because seriously, you don't. I knew you didn't write it and now it's all but confirmed. Your face said it all, especially when you wouldn't even spell it. Now, it's no problem that you don't know how to spell it or what it means. But it pretty much catches you in a lie. Which is what you want to avoid. So, just say that someone writes your blog for you, or you could even say they "help" you write it. I have to address the eyeshadow comment. Teresa, what the f*ck are you doing? Do you not hear yourself? That is the weakest argument that Melissa is a copycat in the world. And, it was proven that she wore the same exact eye makeup look to last year's reunion. I could get into the color palettes used, but I won't. Here's where I'm going to side with you, so pay attention (puh-lease - sorry, I couldn't resist). I don't blame you for being so upset with Kathy for talking bad about your parents. Your parents should have never been mentioned at all. I don't think it was a great idea for you to then talk about her father, though. The parents should have been left out of it all together. But I know you reacted in the heat of the moment, not that it's right. I know the rest of the reunion will be more of the same, but I am begging you, Teresa, listen to me. Unblock me and read my blog. I don't hate you, but gurrrl, you're  in trouble. Teresa's grade for the week: C- (for not really listening to anyone and continuing to throw blame at everyone else). 

Melissa: You didn't get to say much, but when you did, you were hellbent on provoking Teresa. From the looks of the previews, you have a lot more to say. As for this week, you had your sights set on Teresa, which is not a surprise at all. Like I said before, you've been found not guilty of stealing Teresa's eye shadow look. I can't really even grade you this week because nothing you said made an impact on me. I'll have to wait till next week. 

Kathy: I don't mind your new nose and lips but I agree with Andy, no more plastic surgery. Also, you were totally right when you alluded to the fact that Teresa thought you were coming on HER show. RHONJ has NEVER been one person's show. It's an ENSEMBLE cast. So it still doesn't really make sense that she would be so possessive about it. Now, I was with you until you called Teresa's parents out. Oh my God. What were you thinking??? Even if Teresa's mother lied about you and Richie getting a divorce, you know there's a better way to say it than, "Your mother is a liar!" I couldn't believe it was you saying that, to be honest. Then you go after her dad? It just wasn't like you at all, or at least the you that we know. I've always liked you, but dammit, Kathy, I did not like you talking sh*t about Teresa's parents. See? This is why I'm saying y'all need PROFESSIONAL help. Because, although I love Andy, he is not the person that's going to help you patch things up. You went to a really dark place the moment you called Teresa's parents names. I can't condone that. And  then, when Teresa retaliated, you and Rosie reacted like anyone would when someone attacks their parent(s). See a pattern here? You hurt each other and no one wins. I thought you knew better, Kathy. Kathy's grade for the week: D (because she took it to a whole other level with the parents thing). 

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RHONJ Finale and Reunion Previews

Well kids, here we are at the end of another shit-tastic season of the Real Housewives of New Jersey. I have to say the grand finale fell completely flat for me. I kept waiting for the "set up" and, like Kelly Ripa said on Watch What Happens Live on Sunday, it never came. So what, a guy at a party says hi to Melissa and asks if she remembers him. That I know of, he didn't lunge at her and grab the mic and proclaim to the crowd that she was a stripper, did he? Did I miss that part? I mean, when someone says "set up", I'm picturing Goodfellas/Godfather caliber stuff. This wasn't even Goodfeathers. You 90s kids know what I'm talking about.

I hate to even entertain this ridiculous "set up" bullshit because here's what, I have a terrible feeling that this was all some idiot producer's idea. Seriously. It is so convenient that they dug up Angelo the Asshole and partnered him with halfwit Kim D - probably the only two people on Earth stupid enough (or desperate enough for camera time) to agree to this. As for Teresa being in on it, who knows. She looked genuinely confused (not uncommon for her, let's be real) and really didn't seem to enjoy any of this. I do think she should have called Melissa as soon as Angelo talked to her at the salon and warned her that this guy was talking about her like that. With that creepy smile no less. Teresa said all the right things, "Don't talk about my family", for example. But that's really as far as she went with it. I saw her walking around trying to find people to confront, but again, conveniently, they weren't there.

That's why I think this wasn't Teresa's deal. Clearly, if it was, she wouldn't be able to contain her joy over some guy talking bad about her sister in law. Wait, wasn't she already doing that? So, what's the payoff again? Maybe something got screwed up and the plot didn't go as planned. I just want to see the blueprints. Because someone f*cked up.

Moving on to the other ladies (we'll get back to Teresa later), Melissa seemed way too calm when Teresa told her about her conversation with Angelo. Was it just me? Because I think I would have been a little more animated about that. In fact, she seemed almost annoyed that Teresa was sharing this information with her. Maybe because by that time, she had already been embarrassed? I don't know. That whole bathroom scene was so odd to me. I hate to say this, but what if - WHAT IF - Melissa already knew exactly who Angelo was and what he was saying??? Something about her response was so ... prepared. And THEN, she coaches Joe Gorga on what to say to his sister??? SO STUPID!!! I lost a lot of respect for her after that.

As for Caroline, it does not surprise me that she was jumping at the chance to blame Teresa for everything. Honestly, it makes sense. She and Lauren were having a blast reciting all the proof they had as to why Teresa had to have been behind this. And you know what? Fine. If it makes them feel better, go for it. I have no doubt in my mind that Teresa said Melissa was a stripper. She called her every other name in the book, so why not? It's not that far-fetched. However, I'm not sure Teresa is capable of pulling off this whole elaborate "set up". No shade, but shade. I will say, Caroline should have never showed Melissa the texts on Jacqueline's phone. First of all, she says she has no time for drama, but then she becomes an active participant in it by showing Melissa texts on someone else's phone. So, Caroline should actually say, "I choose when and how to be involved in drama". That's more accurate.

Jacqueline should have just come out and read the texts to everyone. I was getting so annoyed with all the texting and looks and little comments. JUST SAY IT!! I don't care who Jacqueline's "source" was, she should have asked them if they intended for the set up to be so goddamn boring. That's what I want to know. I don't know who Teresa pissed off, but it just seemed like it was all orchestrated to make her look like this evil mastermind (which she's not - a mastermind, I mean - evil, maybe). The face off between Jacqueline and Teresa may have been the realest part of the show, because Teresa looked truly bewildered and Jacqueline had already decided that she wanted nothing to do with Teresa. I will commend Jacqueline on not turning it into a full blown catfight, because that's what it really could have turned into. Instead, she stood her ground and Teresa went back inside the party. Now, I can't be sure if the scenes of Teresa smiling and hugging people were filmed before or after the "set up". I don't trust Bravo and their editing anymore. This whole season has been marred by hack job editing. If the fashion show happened before Teresa's Fabellini party, show us that! It makes so much more sense!

A final word on Kim D. Which "big boys" are you talking about? Angelo? Because, he seems like a big nobody, just like you.

I watched the previews of the Reunion and it just made me sad. In a way, I want the ladies to get it all out on the table, no matter how ugly it is so we can all move on. But, on the other hand, I am not looking forward to how ugly it's going to be. Teresa is obviously going after everyone just like last season's Reunion, and they're all coming for her. I would say it's time for all of the ladies to forgive, but that isn't reality. The reality is, they went on a reality show together and it ruined their relationships with each other forever.

I'm begging Bravo, Andy Cohen, and everyone reading this - get new New Jersey Housewives. Let Teresa have her cookbooks and her Fabellinis. Let Caroline have her radio show. Let Jacqueline be an Autism advocate. Let Melissa have her dance songs. Let Kathy have her dessert line. All of these ladies have accomplished something on this show. It's time to say goodbye for good to this cast. We need all new ladies who aren't mired in decades-long grudges, who can have arguments, but come back together and have fun as a group. We need the light to balance out the dark. If it's all dark, it's not entertaining, it's sad. The drama is only good when there's real friendships there to lift us back up. This is the basis of the entire Housewives franchise. Get back to that.

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Fabellini Fallout

This week's Real Housewives of New Jersey was a nice change of pace in the sense that there was no direct fighting, just lots of talking behind each other's backs. Which is more fun, anyway! I loved the scenes of the kids' first day of school. That was really cute, and I loved seeing the Giudices and Gorgas in parent mode. I have to say those were very lovely scenes, probably because they were focused on the kids and not the parents. I also thought the mani/pedi outing with the girls and Melissa was super cute. These light-hearted scenes really help me get through the episode without getting a migraine. Also, the college tour with the Wakiles was nice. I can't believe they didn't recognize the White House, though. Really? Let's get into the real meat and potatoes of the episode, shall we?

Caroline: I really can't understand why you say Teresa is to blame for all the pain in your life at this point and the fact that you and Dina don't talk. It takes two to tango, and if Dina doesn't talk to you, it's because she doesn't want to. I don't buy this whole Teresa-is-driving-a-wedge-between-myself-and-family-members stuff. Teresa can say whatever she wants, if your family members believe it, it's just as much their doing as it is hers. They have a choice in the matter. So, I can't be on your side with this. I say, deal with Dina and get things figured out, and leave Teresa completely out of it. By including her in your falling out with Dina, you keep the bad blood flowing between everyone. It's time to stop. I was really happy for you when you went to do your Sirius radio show. However, it didn't seem like you had specific topics prepared so you went straight for the camping trip, knowing people would call in asking how it went and who you had problems with. I'm assuming you couldn't give details because you were still filming, so why even bring up the camping trip? You had your husband and your kids there, why not talk about running a family business or sibling rivalry (your kids)? Regarding your talk with Melissa, I think you should listen to her. You went after Teresa pretty hard the last night of the California trip, now it's time to let the chips fall where they may and not say another word about it. Caroline's grade for the week: D (because the radio show (what we saw) fell flat and I don't think she's being completely honest with herself about her real problems with Dina).

Jacqueline: I totally understand where you're coming from regarding the Fabellini launch party. You and Teresa had made up, you didn't get involved in the Caroline fight, and you stayed out of Teresa's way when she left. You didn't do anything or say anything to make her not invite you. So, it is confusing that she would purposely not invite you. Not to mention hurtful. You also said she didn't talk to you after the California trip. Could it be because you didn't defend her against Caroline, you were automatically on the outs again? If so, you're better off not being friends with her at all. It seems as if Teresa only wants friends who A) tell her what she wants to hear, B) defend her no matter what, whether she's right or wrong, or C) agree with everything she says and does. Let Teresa be Teresa and you just be you. Your conversation with Melissa pretty much said it all. Jacqueline's grade for the week: B (because at this point she was dealing with her son's autism and that's why she was over all of the drama).

Kathy: I loved the scenes with you and your family discussing Victoria's college plans. It was very cool to see all of you supporting her together. No matter where she goes to school, I have a feeling you won't have to worry too much about her. She's got her head on straight. I was glad to see your conversation with Teresa went well, you vented to her, she vented with you, and no one got hurt. I think you two are improving your communication skills. It just seems like the conversation has to be just the two of you without anyone else around for it to be effective. Don't know how long it'll last, but hey, progress is progress. Kathy's grade for the week: B (for having a decent conversation with Teresa).

Melissa: I'm not sure why you found it necessary to go on a grand tour and talk to all of the ladies about the fight between Caroline and Teresa, but you made some great points along the way. I commend you for defending Teresa (somewhat) with Caroline, but again, I'm not sure why you had to go to everyone's house just to talk about that. Were you trying to make sure everyone knew you were on Teresa's side? I mean, you left with her, so it was pretty obvious. I'm confused ... Melissa's grade for the week: C (because I can't figure out why she's doing all this campaigning).

Teresa: Ok, here we go. Why not invite Jacqueline to your Fabellini party? You had just made up on the California trip and it would have been a great sign of good faith that you were in this friendship for real. If you had doubts about the friendship, you should have said so. Period. As for Dina, I'm glad you are still friends with her. She's an adult and can do whatever she wants. However, it is a little sad that all you talked about (that we saw) was Caroline. Stop talking about it. I told her the same thing. If everyone would just let it go, you'd all be a lot happier. I don't think you mean to hurt anyone's feelings, but you do just blurt stuff out without even thinking how the other person is going to feel when they hear it (they always do). I say, own it. Own the fact that what you said in the cookbook was not cool. I've said this in a million other blogs, so I won't repeat myself. But you know what I mean. Listen to Dina and stop all the fighting. Maybe she's the only one who can get through to you. Teresa's grade for the week: C (because she keeps this stuff going and then acts like she has no idea why things are shitty).

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Enough with the Wine Already

It took me a few days to finally watch the latest Real Housewives of New Jersey, and my lovely Twitter friends filled me in on a few morsels in the meantime, so I was all excited to see some sparks fly in this last leg of the Napa trip. However, the more I watched, the more sick to my stomach I became. This isn't the show I want to see. This isn't what I signed up for. I mean, RHONJ has always been a hot mess (Danielle, anyone?), but at least there were redeeming moments and some silliness to balance things out. Sunday's episode was a disaster. On all levels. Oh, and by the way, my stupid DVR didn't record Watch What Happens Live (Not So Live - Actually, Taped Interviews To Be Exact) with Caroline and Teresa, but I caught a couple clips online, and it was more of the same. We know how Caroline and Teresa feel about each other. I'm actually glad I didn't waste my time watching the whole thing. I read every single cast member's blog this week, just so I could make sure I considered everyone's point of view before writing this blog. Just so you know. 

Let's just get into the episode and get it over with (sorry, but the enthusiasm I once had for this show is completely gone, thanks to all the negativity. You know what they say, it's contagious).

Teresa: I want you to understand that I get where you're coming from. I would hate it for someone (Caroline) to dismiss me and tell me I'm a liar and that I'm this terrible person. No one would enjoy that. However, you were getting a little erratic towards the end of the conversation. It may have been your anger manifesting itself, which is understandable, but you have to understand, it made you look crazy. It may have been the wine, also. In fact, I think everyone on this show needs to cool it with the wine from now on. Fabellinis too. All alcohol, actually. Because that conversation with Caroline was definitely prolonged because of your Joe (who was intoxicated), Kathy (who was also drinking), and you (with the wine glass in your hand the whole time). I get that you're all in "Wine Country", but Good God, put it down and have a sober conversation for once. Now, as far as the magazine articles, you pretty much admitted to getting paid to put the stories out there and even made a deal that no more negative articles would come out about your family members (as long as no more negative articles came out about you). I think this is where we all need to come clean. If EVERYONE is putting out articles, then NO ONE should be upset about them. If this is the way it is, then it comes with the territory, and everyone should do their own thing. No one should be offended or upset. But, if not everyone is doing this, you have to understand how shady it all sounds. I don't know who else besides you puts out articles and I honestly don't care. All I care about is that you came out and said that you do. And your husband confirmed it. I have no more advice for you. You're on your own. You have pretty much exhausted my advice giving abilities. You're going to do and say what you want and no one (not even me) can convince you that you might want to do things differently. Just think about this. If you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting. And can I just say, your squeal when Joe said you were leaving early is one of the most unpleasant sounds I've ever heard. Teresa's grade for the week: N/A (I'm done giving her a grade because Teresa truly believes she is never wrong and she will continue to dig herself deeper and deeper into her own trenches, which is fine for her, but I'm no longer interested or invested).

Caroline: For the life of me, I don't know why you are taking all this Teresa stuff so personally. I am really disappointed to see you go at it with her in this round and round argument. There was no resolution. You two are exactly where you started. So, in essence, that whole blow up was a complete waste of time. I wish you could have just accepted her apology (whether you thought she was sincere or not) and just kept it moving. I say it all the time, there is no getting through to Teresa. So, why even bother asking her point blank questions? Why ask her to tell you what she really thinks of you? Would it really have helped you to hear it from her? No! You wanted her to say it on camera so that you would be vindicated in how you've been acting all season. Not that I blame you. But you have to know that Teresa is never going to admit to any wrongdoing, ESPECIALLY on camera. Again, total waste of time and energy. Can you honestly say you felt better after the confrontation? It may have felt good to blast her and say all the things you've been holding back, but that satisfaction only lasts so long. The hatred you have for her is still eating away at you no matter what. And it's not pretty. Even Lauren got in on it and it wasn't pretty on her either. I'm glad you're drama free now, and part of the reason you are is because you have no contact with Teresa. That should have been your first and only move. Then you wouldn't have had to have any of these uncomfortable moments (Jaime's wedding, the wine tour, your birthday, etc) and you could have just moved on. I don't know how much of what you said about Teresa is true (what you allegedly heard her say), but it really doesn't matter. She's not your problem anymore. Do us all a favor (including yourself) and do not participate in this show anymore. Caroline's grade for the week: F (for even allowing herself to fight with Teresa because it was pointless and stupid). 

Jacqueline: You were smart not to get involved. Period. Jacqueline's grade for the week: A (fake sleep is the new black).

Kathy: I don't think you intentionally instigated the fight between Caroline and Teresa, but you definitely put the bug in Teresa's ear, whether you meant to or not. How many times do I have to say this??? Teresa does not take advice! Teresa will just get defensive! Teresa will not listen to anyone! You should know this better than anyone!!! I do think you had a right to tell her not to touch your face, though. If you don't want to be touched, that's that. And she kept doing it, like that was supposed to make it better??? Kathy's grade for the week: D (for starting this ball rolling, and what a ball it was).

Melissa: You were also smart to not involve yourself. Melissa's grade for the week: A (for keeping her mouth shut). 

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Un-f*cking-necessary

Ok, so I just finished watching last night's Real Housewives of New Jersey episode, and I'm pretty much livid. With one Joe Giudice. Here's the thing. We get that you're "rough around the edges", we even get that you say some inappropriate things and get drunk and chip your tooth while doing gymnastics in the living room. You're an odd duck! We get it. But you were either so drunk, or so careless (I don't know which is worse) that you took that call WHILE WEARING A MICROPHONE AND WHILE BEING FILMED. You're an idiot. You're rude, insensitive, selfish, and mean. You're miserable and you use alcohol and insults to cover it up. Well, the cat's out of the bag. It's officially out there. And I never want to see you on my television ever again. Now, let's address the ladies.

Caroline: I was really happy for you when the kids were toasting you for your birthday. That was really sweet and it was a very nice surprise dinner. Any mom would love that kind of celebration. I wasn't too crazy about how you kept harping on the whole Teresa thing with Kathy and Jacqueline. The bottom line is: Teresa was on the trip and everyone was dealing with her in their own way. Like Chris said, you choose not to have anything to do with her. Fine. It's time to stop talking about it. But, of course, you don't stop and next week we get to see round 2 between you and Teresa. Not that I'm looking forward to it. Also, the Giudices, Wakiles, and Gorgas should have never been at the business meeting in the first place. It was Chris' mistake to ask them to come. If it was really a business meeting, then it should have been only for those who were involved in the business part of the trip. To be honest, Caroline, I think you're done on this show. Think about it. You can't get past this hatred you have for Teresa, and for the record, you are completely free to hate her, it's your business. But this show is never going to get out of this dysfunctional cycle because there is just too much animosity between you and Teresa. And it sucks. It pulls the whole show down. For example, Teresa's toast. It's ok to be upset about it for Kathy's sake, but you were overly outraged about it. It's almost as if you take any excuse to be mad at Teresa and just run with it, even if it has nothing to do with you. It's frustrating because I think there's a lot of great sides to you. But all we're seeing now is the side that hates Teresa. And that's a drag. I've said it before. This show isn't for you anymore. Caroline's grade for the week: D (because she's allowing her feelings toward Teresa turn her into something we don't like).

Jacqueline: We didn't hear much from you on this episode, so I'll keep it brief. I must say, you really thought you were getting back to a good place with Teresa. It sucks to know exactly how your friendship with her actually ends up. Damn Bravo for filming so soon and airing the season so late. I'll never forgive them for this jacked up season. I liked seeing you laugh and have fun, and if you do come back next season, that's exactly what I want to see from you. The scene where you were doing Teresa's hair felt like we were back in season one. Jacqueline's grade for this week: A (because at this point, she was doing her part and keeping things in a good place).

Kathy: You know I love you, but when it comes to Teresa - you cannot take her seriously. In this case, I agree with Richie, what comes out of her mouth most of the time is complete nonsense. I really don't think she meant to leave you out of the toast intentionally, to be honest. I think she just wanted to acknowledge a few people at the table. It would have been different if she said something about every single person and then decided to not say anything about you. Would it have been nice if she had said something nice to you in her toast? Absolutely! But that's giving Teresa way too much credit. We all know Teresa is all about Teresa. And what was in her head at that moment was exactly what she said. End of story. I really don't think there was any malice behind it. I will say, you handled it well. You didn't throw a fit, you didn't turn and scream at her, you just went on about your business. Which is the best way to handle Teresa. Because you know if you would have started a fight, she wouldn't have listened to a word you said. So, you're smart to be the bigger person. However, like I said before, I don't think she did it on purpose. But it hurt your feelings and you have a right to feel how you feel. Now, next week, I hope you don't let her put her hands on you ... you better stand up for yourself and let her know where she can go. Kathy's grade for the week: C (for keeping calm at the table but she should not have let Teresa's toast get to her).

Melissa: You were shady this week! You were throwing shade left and right! And I enjoyed it, to be quite honest. It made me laugh, sue me. I could tell you were joking about the sex tape thing, but I can see how comments like that don't win you any points with Teresa. Granted, you were absolutely right about her giving interviews in magazines and then being shocked when people ask her about her personal life. But the sex tape/fame whore comment was a low blow (no pun intended). Teresa's definitely hustling to make money and capitalizing on her small degree of fame, but what you said wasn't cool. Joke or no joke. And let's be real, no one wants to see that. Ever. Melissa's grade for the week: C (for the excellent shade, but she went too far with some of her comments).

Teresa: First of all, I'm so sorry you have to see your husband's phone conversation on this week's episode, I can't imagine how devastating that was to watch. His comments about you were completely unnecessary and out of line. I can't believe he would speak about you that way to anyone. I truly feel for you right now. And what makes it even worse for me is that you tried to seduce him in the vineyards after that and he called you a whore. To your face. I don't know how that's supposed to be ok, because it's not. I hate the way he talks to you. I can see you trying to force him into being happy - you're asking him to smile for the picture, telling him to make love in the vineyard, etc. He's not happy, Tre. He's miserable. And you don't have to take it. In your blog this week, you seemed really sincere (it actually sounded like you), and you say that you didn't know about the phone conversation until you saw the episode. You also say Joe has apologized. But, he didn't tell you about it - you had to watch the show to find out. You know what Joe is sorry about? He's sorry he got caught. He's sorry he forgot he had a mic on when he called you a bitch and that other disgusting name and he's sorry you found out about it. Worse, he's sorry you heard him obviously talking to another woman and he's sorry you saw him lie to your face about it. Teresa - you know I'm not your biggest fan, but as a woman, I am begging you. Get out. Immediately. You don't need this bullsh*t. And I've told you in this blog more times than I can remember that Joe Giudice is the biggest problem in your life. He is the poison in your life right now. You can obviously get along with people and forgive and forget. Look at the progress you made with Melissa. Now, it's time to stand up and walk away. That's how I see it. As for the toast, I don't think you meant to leave Kathy out. Like I told her, I think you were focused on certain people at the table and that was the extent of it. I do think you're selfish and I do think you're all about yourself. And truthfully, that's not even always a bad thing. The problem is, you're on the defense with Kathy (and still bringing up the recipe bullsh*t) and you're on the defense with Caroline. It's time to stop fighting, Teresa. And the first step is getting away from the person who encourages you to fight with everyone. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe the reason Joe encourages you to fight with people is so that then you'll be too distracted to catch him doing his dirt? Just saying. Teresa's grade for the week: N/A (because at this point, I feel like Teresa is drowning and just trying to stay above water - in an ocean full of negativity called Joe Giudice).

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Napalicious

This week's Real Housewives of New Jersey was kind of like the calm before the storm. Or should I say, the little tiny storm before the huge scary storm. The upcoming episode features Joe Giudice being an absolute jerk to Teresa (again) and the phone call that is supposedly breaking up their marriage. I don't know how true all of that is, but it's definitely going to be a crazy episode. And for once, I'm not looking forward to the drama. I can't stand the sight of Joe Giudice and the fact that he's talking like that about his wife, WHILE HE'S MIC'D AND HAS A CAMERA POINTED AT HIM is just so infuriating. But, let's get back to this week's episode, where a much more friendly vibe prevailed - for the most part.

I gotta talk about Lauren's outburst. Seriously, part of me sympathized with her, because I've been in that spot before. But on the other hand, she's an adult. Not some poor 14 year old being picked on by her mean brothers. In fact, all three of them (plus Gregg) are way too old for this stuff. It can be funny at times when they're ribbing each other but I've officially had enough. GROW UP! ALL OF YOU!

Caroline: I don't have much to say to you this week. At least you're consistent. You're as over-protective as ever, which I'm not even mad at. You did say some not-so-great things about Lauren, and I have to disagree with you. Lauren was not the only one being a bit of an a**hole. All the "kids" (aka grown ass adults who happen to be your children) were being a**holes. Caroline's grade for the week: C (because love her or hate her, she's consistent).

Kathy: I like that you are so up for anything, canoeing, surfing, whatever. It's this positive attitude and energy (for the most part) that keeps me on Team Kathy. I can't wait for next week, though, because it's going to be interesting to see how you handle Teresa excluding you from her toast at dinner. Will you speak up or let it go? Kathy's grade for the week: B (for having fun on the trip and not instigating anything).

Melissa: You are Drama Queen Number 1, but somehow, I don't think that's an insult in your eyes. I mean, you were in a stream for crying out loud. It sounded like a Freddy Kreuger movie when you fell out of that boat. But it was funny, I'll give you that. I'm wondering if all of that was just for show - I mean, were you really that scared? It came off a little phony to me. I did like how buddy buddy you're being with Teresa this whole time, though. Melissa's grade for the week: C (because she's being sweet to Tre but all that screaming was unnecessary).

Jacqueline: I'm not sure why you burst into tears when you were having your heart to heart with Teresa, but the only thing I can think of is that you were trying to really figure out if she was being sincere or not. And you've been confused by this very thing with her before. At this point, you believe she's sincere and you make up. But we all know it's temporary. I honestly don't know whether to applaud you for forgiving and forgetting on this trip, or chastise you for falling for Teresa's words again. The truth is, Teresa wants you to be her backup, which isn't always a bad thing, but you want a friend who can take criticism. Which, clearly, Teresa can not. So in the end, you two are just not meant to be friends. Jacqueline's grade for this week: N/A (because I'm torn here - she made up with her friend, which is awesome, but it turned out to not even matter in the end).

Teresa: I felt for you when you hurt your ankle. I know that pain and it sucks. As for the rest of the episode, you kind of perplexed me a little bit. It almost seemed like you were annoyed with Jacqueline for getting emotional during your conversation, but then you got emotional as well. The point is, you two don't want the same things from a friendship, period. So, you were right to say that you should go your separate ways. But of course, you two decided to make up instead. I'm not sure what's going to happen next week, but I beg of you to listen to me. I've been saying this for months if not longer. Joe Giudice is your problem. The root of all of the petty bullsh*t emanates from him. Look at my old blogs and tell me I haven't told you this all along. He is the reason you can't move forward. Teresa's grade for the week: N/A (again, I can't even grade her because we know that her friendship with Jacqueline is over).

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Middle of Somewhere

This week's Real Housewives of New Jersey was far less infuriating than last week's, for sure. There were still moments of irritating behavior, mind you - we ARE talking about the New Jersey cast, after all. But so far, they're taking my advice (I know they filmed this last year, I'm being facetious) and trying to get along in the great outdoors in California. I don't even really mind that none of them know how to rough it - I'm not an outdoorsey person myself. It was hilarious to see them buy up the whole supplies store (decorations!), though. I do have to clarify that to my knowledge you park your RV in the parking lot, and set up camp nearby, right? That's what you're supposed to do? Like I said, not outdoorsey. But, let's get into the episode without any further ado.

Teresa: I'm starting with you because I'm glad you talked to Kathy and Melissa and played nice with everyone. I'm starting to think you're really trying, which is great. I'm not so sure you're going to be able to patch things up with Jacqueline - but I guess we'll see what happens in the coming episodes. Your reaction to the RV experience was definitely annoying. I think it's not such a great idea to tell your fellow RV'ers that you hate the place that you - and they - are RV'ing. But I could be wrong. The whining was over the top, even for you. The scene on the beach with Melissa was actually really great, because it seemed like you truly listened to Melissa and got all your frustrations out. You essentially blame Caroline for the demise of your friendship with Jacqueline. Fine. Understandable. Now, leave all that "in the past" (your favorite expression) and don't harp on it. But, I have a serious warning for you - be careful what you say in your interviews/confessionals. Those interviews have a way of undermining any progress you're making while filming, which many other 'Wives can attest to. Teresa's grade for the week: C (because she did good with her cast mates, but her whining was too much).

Jacqueline: I appreciate that you gave Teresa credit for being nice on the trip. And I think you really wanted to patch things up with her at this point in the trip. We'll see how it all unfolds. But for now, you were cool on this episode. I like seeing you happy. Jacqueline's grade for the week: A (for having fun on the trip so far).

Kathy: I loved your conversation with Teresa about the cookies - and I'm so glad that case is closed once and for all. I'm glad you're so into the trip and having fun with it. And by the way, I thought that hat in the supply store was cute! Now, about Richie, he's definitely a wild man and he needs to cover up a little more, if you know what I mean! OMG! How many boners can we fit into one episode? Ridiculous. I guess it's a good sign that you and Richie are still frisky with each other. Not all of your cast mates can say the same. Just saying. Kathy's grade for the week: A (because I love her).

Caroline: I am so glad you told Kathy to not let your issues with Teresa interfere with them getting close again. Good for you. But, I have to point out that when Chris and Jacqueline were talking about reconciling with Teresa, you were right there to say that people need to admit to "their wrongs". It's really not your decision what Jacqueline does, and even though what you said is totally right, you should probably stay far, far away from Jacqueline and Teresa's friendship. Caroline's grade for the week: C (because she needs to apply the same logic she has with Kathy to Jacqueline).

Melissa: You certainly looked like you were having fun on this episode! I loved seeing you and Teresa bond - on the beach, in the RV, touching boobs, whatever. Although the whining in stereo was a little off putting, I must say. I can appreciate that you were trying to put on a nice face for the other RV'ers but not long before that, you had been less than kind about the parking lot/RV camp as well. But nice try. I'm so glad you talked to Teresa on the beach. You two walked away looking like friends, which was really nice to see. I think you've learned how to adapt to Teresa and maybe you're one of the few people who can get through to her. I think that's great. Melissa's grade for the week: B (for being nice to Teresa and having a good time with her).

And just so you know I'm fair, the Manzo kids whined too much on this episode, too! But Greg is still my favorite.

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I'm Over It

This one is going to be short and not so sweet, because, frankly, I'm sick of the Real Housewives of New Jersey. All of them. Get ready folks, and get your glasses, because I am about to READ!! And by the way, the grades are all the same this week: FAIL.

And as for the Housewives Husband Huddle, what a bunch of BS. Chris - if someone is talking about you and your businesses, just call them out on it and call it a day. Joe Gorga - return the man's tools. Joe Giudice - you are NOT perfect and your attitude sucks. Richie - decide whether you're the peacemaker or the potstirrer, because you can't be both.

Caroline: You were WAY out of line with your comments about Teresa's marriage. Now, your observations may not be totally inaccurate, but it was the way you expressed yourself and the look of almost pure joy on your face that worries me. I get that Teresa is annoying, and so is Joe Giudice, but do you have to look so happy while you curse their marriage? I know you have to talk about Teresa and Joe Giudice because you're on the same show and in the interviews/confessionals they ask you your opinion on them, but I definitely feel you could have controlled yourself and not gone to such an ugly place. The truth is, you don't like these people. We get it. But, you're supposed to be the mature, rational one, and you're just making things worse with comments like that. On the other hand, you say it like you mean it. Doesn't mean it's right, though. I just think about how you defend your own marriage and your family and fight so hard when people say negative things about you. Why attack someone else who's already got a target on her back? You did the impossible. You made me feel a smidge of sympathy for Teresa. You have to get over this hatred for her because it's making you look completely nuts.

Jacqueline: I am really tired of all the tabloid talk. I want you to never read one of those magazines again. Seriously. At the time this was taped, I do think you missed Teresa and wanted to be her friend again, but unfortunately, you and Teresa do not live on the same planet emotionally. You have to LET IT GO. I'm sick of seeing you cry for a friend that is clearly fine without you. It happens! Get over it! I hate to be so harsh, but damn! This storyline is so irritating now! I almost want you to blow up and get it over with, because this whole mad/sad/mad/sad business is maddening.

Kathy: I don't think you meant any harm with the cookie comments, let's face facts, they're FAMILY recipes. And you are related. You should know by now who you're dealing with. So, next time, just say "nice book" and get the hell out of dodge. It sucks that when you say ANYTHING even remotely not-kiss-assey to Teresa, she takes it as an insult. As her cousin, you know Teresa, and you know that she is a spoiled brat. Treat her like the child that she is, and be done with it. Please. No more nicey nice, no more awkward small talk, just be as civil as possible. She doesn't appreciate effort. She doesn't appreciate nice. So, treat her like an acquaintance. Some people like to be treated like sh*t - I know these people. The minute you ignore them, that's when they want to kiss your ass.

Melissa: The photo shoot was ok, but I would actually love to see you spend more time on your vocal training. I'm serious. If you worked half as hard on your voice as you do your looks, there would be no questions from anyone about your vocal abilities. Just saying. I have no problem with you wanting to pursue singing. I just think you need to take the SINGING part more seriously. We need to see you work with a vocal coach, we need to see you doing warm ups, we need to see you practice your breathing. If this is your career, you need to treat it as such, and not just a fun game you're playing. Do you know how many people are dying to have a chance to perform on tv? At Beatstock? Have their song on iTunes? Do better, Melissa.

Teresa: I'm getting on everyone this week, so do not be surprised that I'm coming for you right now. First of all, you need to know that not everything is about you all the time. So what Kathy said the cookies in your book were her mom's? You wrote the book! You know whose recipes they are! And is it really so hard to understand that your mom and her mom have the same recipe? Listen to Kathy's tone, it wasn't accusatory at all. Now, let's move on to your comments about Skinnygirl. So you don't like the way it tastes? Fine. Did you have to name it by name in your confessional? NO. Totally unnecessary. The Fabellini business, OMG, I was embarrassed for you. Why did you even bring Joe Giudice along? Nothing but negativity pours out of his mouth, and it's like you can't get enough. I'm tired of you being so defensive about everything. I'm tired of you projecting all of your bullsh*t onto everyone else. I'm tired of this storyline and I'm tired of you. Woman up! You spent the entire episode being mad. Is this how you want to live? And by the way, showing your toddler how to put money in her "bubbies" isn't helping you on this show either.

I am really tired of all the immature, high school idiocy that is happening on this show. If it continues, I cannot watch anymore. Next season better have a revamped cast, and honestly, I don't care who goes or stays at this point. Just fix it, because the show is dark, mean, and almost unwatchable. And I'm through.

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New Attitude

First, I have to make a correction to my last Real Housewives of New Jersey blog. I referenced a scene that I had watched on Bravotv.com that didn't air in last week's episode - the scene in Teresa's kitchen where she's getting her hair/makeup done for Beatstock and Gia makes a crack about Melissa - that was a preview that I had seen online, and accidentally lumped it together with last week's episode in my mind. So, my apologies for that. However, it did air this week, so now, it's fair game. Feel free to tweet me and scold me. I promise I will refrain from watching previews online until AFTER I've written my blog from now on.

On to this week's episode. I have to say it was entertaining. Except for Chris Manzo puking his guts out - ain't nobody got time for that! (Sweet Brown voice.) Seriously, if I hear, see, or smell vomit, I get sick myself, so I was not a happy camper during that little escapade. Now, about Albie. Why am I not surprised he'd pick his family over his girl? Boy, please, have several seats. I'm just saying, you're not ready for any kind of relationship when you're living for someone else's approval. Point blank period. And I have to shout out Greg again this week. I loved that he was so starstruck with Ms. Patti LaBelle. I mean, who wouldn't be?! She's the Godmother! And I loved how nice she was. I just wish she could have met everyone on the cast and gotten them together. Because Ms. Patti READS, honey. She needs to read that whole cast to filth. And if you don't know what reading is, look it up, and while you're at it, look up shade, too. You'll thank me later.

So let's jump right in.

Jacqueline: You were hardly in the episode! I'll skip you this week and wait till I see you in Napa next week.

Caroline: The menopause is messing with your moods again! But at least you weren't on a warpath this week. What you said (about wanting to disinvite the Giudice's but not being able to) wasn't even that bad. It's just a matter of fact. We've all had to deal with people we're not particularly fond of. I'm just gonna ask you again, don't start nothing in Napa, won't be nothing in Napa (and yes, I know the show's already filmed but I like to give my advice as if it's happening now). On another note, I like how you were supporting both blk and the Brownstone sauce at the expo (or whatever it was called). Caroline's grade for the week: B (for working it at the expo/food fest).

Teresa: I was happy to see you have a semi-nice conversation with Melissa after the Beatstock performance.  Although, it did look a little staged/rehearsed, I'm going to give both of you the benefit of the doubt and say that you were both TRYING. Which is great! And Gia's performance at Beatstock was awesome. She is very talented! Now, I have to address Gia's comments about Melissa. Like I said last week, she got that whole lipsynching thing from someone. And if it wasn't you, I'm guessing it was Joe Giudice. My thing is, a child shouldn't be allowed to make fun of an adult - especially a relative. Gia mocking Melissa was in poor taste and inappropriate. Instead of telling her so, you did nothing and Joe laughed. When Milania said, "Melissa stinks", same thing. If you really want the family to get along, you HAVE to let your kids know that it's not ok to belittle, make fun of, or talk bad about their aunt. They have to be told that doing so is disrespectful and mean. Here's a sincere question: do your kids know they're on tv? Because if they do, and they did that in front of the cameras, they must know it could be on the show and eventually Melissa would see it. That's where you come in, as a mother, and tell them, "Ok, you said that about Aunt Melissa and she's going to see it. It may hurt her feelings. So, you need to apologize to her for saying that because it was disrespectful." I'm just saying, my mom is old school and we were NEVER allowed to make fun of our aunts and uncles like that. Maybe you had a talk with the girls or chastised them for that and we just didn't see it. I'm just saying, it was wrong, and it made you look like you really didn't care what they said about her. And that's in direct conflict with the progress that you're trying to make. And it makes you look two-faced. There. I said it. I hope I'm wrong, though. I definitely like you better when you're having a good time and being nice to people. Teresa's grade for the week: C (because I can't prove that she didn't tell the kids to stop making fun of Melissa, but it definitely was not appropriate for them to talk like that).

Melissa: Now, don't think that just because I was hard on Tre, I'm gonna be a softie with you. Like I told Teresa, your conversation looked fake and forced, but I have no idea if it was just the awkwardness between you or what. So, like I said, I'm giving you both credit for talking and being civil with each other. I think there was way too much sex talk with you and Joe Gorga and frankly, it was gross. I don't need to hear any more about poison, thanks. So, please, no more sexy time scenes. I'm begging you. Your Beatstock performance was good, and it was nice to see your family there to cheer you on. And I loved that you hugged Gia at the end. That must have been an awesome experience to share with her. (Despite her comments about you.) Melissa's grade for the week: C (for being civil with Teresa, but I'm over the Gorga love scenes, ick).

Kathy: I'm proud of you for pursuing your culinary dreams - and seriously, those cannolis looked amazing. Richie's big mouth may get you into trouble, though. Maybe he feels like since it's a neighborhood company (the ice cream company), it's less formal, but really, it's still a business meeting. Hopefully, you told him to keep his comments to himself for the next time. I think you still have good intentions on getting along with Teresa, and you haven't done or said anything to jeopardize it. So, I'm still Team Kathy. Just reel Richie in a little bit, ok? Kathy's grade for the week: B (for focusing on her business, but Richie needs to watch his mouth).

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Milania is THE TRUTH!

I'm back, kids! Sorry I haven't been blogging. I took full advantage of the few days I had off and did absolutely nothing. Well, except for fun stuff, of course. I hope everyone is staying cool in this heat, too. Today it's going to be 107 in my neck of the woods. Brutal!

Let's jump right back into the latest Real Housewives of New Jersey episode. There was a lot of laughter, which I loved. Everyone is making progress in their own way. And some more than others. I really wasn't too impressed with the episode overall, maybe because there was no over the top exciting moments. It was just an ok episode. But you need those from time to time.

Can I just say, I love me some Greg. I know some people don't like him. But he makes me laugh and that's that.

Caroline: I like that you and Lauren are in business together. Family businesses are kind of your specialty, so it makes sense. I agree with Lauren that the name Cafface is a little off-putting at first, but once you explained it, it did sound like a good idea. I want to see the shop now! Hopefully, your vision came to life and Lauren is happy with the results, although it seems like it takes a LOT to make her happy. I definitely want her to come on the reunion and show us her new slim figure and (fingers crossed) a new attitude? Lauren is a cool chick but damn, is she negative sometimes. I like Albie's girlfriend, and I think you were very nice to her, as was Lauren. Except that little cheerleader dig in your interview. What was that about? I can see where people would think you would be tough with your boys' girlfriends. You're known for being tough! I think Chris' online dating profile experiment was hilarious - but seriously, a guy with a sense of humor will never have trouble finding a date. At least, that's my opinion. I'm glad to see you having fun on the show, Caroline, so keep that up. And let me just beg you right now. Do NOT fight with Teresa in Napa. I forbid it (but hey, who ever listens to me?). Caroline's grade for the week: B (because she was positive for MOST of the episode).

Jacqueline: I really didn't think your encounter with Teresa was all that awkward. You were nice, she was nice. End of story. I know you're hurt by Teresa - the fact that she made you feel like you couldn't say certain things to her - but this is the reality: people do what they want to do. I think you finally realized that Teresa is not the kind of friend you made her out to be in your mind. No matter how much you begged Teresa to not fight with her family, if that's what she wanted to do, she was going to do it. You got way too invested in her, to be honest. So, you learned your lesson. Be nice and keep it moving. I know you feel like you have to call her out on her shit, but really, her shit is obvious. She is right 100% of the time, she doesn't need help, and she doesn't want you asking her any questions. Period. That's Teresa. We all see it. So, in Napa, keep it light and cool, and do NOT fight with her. Do you hear me??? Jacqueline's grade for the week: B (because she was polite and civil and didn't start anything with Teresa).

Teresa: I am so proud of you - and I'm not being sarcastic. You went to Antonia's birthday party, you were nice to Melissa, and you didn't even get feisty when she made that sprinkle cookie comment. Maybe you are making progress. Now, about your comments about Melissa singing acapella/solo - if you want to hear her sing, just ask her. It's not that uncommon for people to lipsynch or sing to a back up track when they perform nowadays. Especially when it's a dance record. Just ask Kim Zolciak. Melissa is no Mariah Carey. We all know that. We all get it. Message received. But kudos on the excellent throwing of shade. I did, however, have a problem with how Gia was talking about Melissa. Gia is still a child and she really shouldn't be criticizing an adult, much less her aunt. And she heard that lipsynching crap from you. So, all I'm going to say is, keep your shade to yourself and other adults. Not the kids. Shade is not for kids. I hate that you put down therapy, but really, you weren't truly open to the experience. So, I'm glad you're not going back, because it would have been a huge waste of time. You're the kind of person who likes to deal with things on your own, good or bad. I understand that now. No therapist in the world was going to be able to get through to you, because that's not what you want, and it's not what your brother wants, either. All you have to do is listen to Milania. Milania is THE TRUTH! The look on Joe Giudice's face when Milania spit hot truth all over that kitchen was priceless. In fact, your face was priceless, too. Milania knows what's up. And I know you're not going to listen to me, but I'm going to say it anyway. Be nice in Napa. Be cool in Napa. Don't start any shit in Napa. Ok? Teresa's grade for the week: C (because she doesn't know how to control her shade).

Melissa: I saw that shade you threw with the sprinkle cookie comment, so don't think it went unnoticed. You know you can't joke around like that with Teresa. She filed that one away for later, you know that, right? But seriously, just be nice. No jokes needed, ok? The birthday party for Antonia was awesome, and I'm glad everyone had a good time. And Greg's birthday was a kiki (look it up). I must say, though, it was a little obnoxious of you to not only ask them to play your song, but also to get up on the table ... that was a little much. I'm just saying. Unless Greg asked you to play your song. In that case, no harm, no foul. And Joe Gorga was being kind of annoying. I'm all for having a good time, but jeez louise, if I was at that party, he would have been exhausting. I enjoyed your scene with Chris Judd. No shade (but shade), you have a lot of work to do on your choreography. You can definitely dance, but Mr. Judd definitely needs to create something amazing for this Beatstock thing. On another note, I'm just going to ask you to be cool in Napa. Just be cool. Melissa's grade for the week: C (for being kind of annoying).

Kathy: I thought that family dinner scene was really nice. Until ... Richie and his ... not so appropriate comments. Um, first of all, not cool and second, why??? I know Richie's a ball buster, but come on. I know you probably cringed when he made some of those over the top statements. You, on the other hand, are lovely. I still like you a lot and I'll ask you the same favor as the rest of the ladies. Be cool in Napa. But, I'm sure you won't have any problems doing that. Oh, and I totally forgive you and Rosie for forgetting Brianne's name - I know people who are just bad with names, too. And it really is nothing personal. Kathy's grade for the week: A (because I still like her, so there).

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Time To Go

Hello, kids! I'm going to jump right into the latest Real Housewives of New Jersey because, let's face it, it was a doozey of an episode. Lots of drama and lots to talk about. I must say that all of this fighting needs to get resolved or else I probably won't watch next season. The reunion should be the last that we hear about all of this foolishness. I suggest bringing on a couple of new cast members who aren't related to any of the current Housewives. Just some new blood to get things going in a different (and hopefully, more fun direction). Just my opinion! Anyway, this week, Teresa made progress with Kathy, Melissa, and her brother, and Jacqueline essentially went off the deep end. I think I've made sense of everything (in my mind), so hold on tight, it's gonna be a windy road through Jersey ...

Kathy: I think you were very sweet to Teresa during your ladies lunch. It was nice of you to keep things on a positive note with her. I understand why you were cautious in your interviews regarding Teresa's motives, because, let's face it - it is kind of convenient that now that she and Jacqueline are not on good terms, Teresa is all of a sudden willing to go above and beyond with you. I say, keep your eyes open but also, embrace Teresa. She does need a friend, and it should be you. I think she can learn a lot from you. I don't have a problem with you being friends with Caroline and Jacqueline while mending things with Teresa. As long as none of them try to influence you against the other, there shouldn't be a problem. You can be a good friend to all of them. Kathy's grade for the week: A (because she's still being a positive influence on Teresa, and I appreciate that).

Melissa: Congrats on the success of "On Display"! And I do love that you and Joe Gorga will take any excuse to have a party. My kind of peeps! I have to commend you for coming clean about talking to Danielle. I'm not saying you had a good reason or anything, but you told the truth and you took responsibility for your mistake. I think you knew all along that it was going to come out eventually, anyway. But I give you credit for being honest with Teresa when she asked you about it. Now, I think you need to quit making comments like "Teresa never tweets me", because stuff like that is just unnecessary. We know who you're dealing with. Teresa is selfish and doesn't really reach out to other people unless it's convenient for her. Got it. Now, let's agree to not talk about it anymore. If you're going to make things better, don't sweat the small stuff. Or in this case, the stuff that always happens and will never ever change because it's pointless to keep bringing it up. Melissa's grade for the week: B (because she told the truth and took responsibility for her actions).

Caroline: I don't know how I feel about you right now. On one hand, your reasoning about not wanting to be around Teresa makes perfect sense. I can even see why you would tell Melissa and Kathy - so they know not to put you and Teresa together any time soon or to avoid any misconceptions about why you're not friends with Teresa anymore. I get that. But there's something about your demeanor that just isn't right. I'm wondering if it's the "change" like I thought before, or maybe just a deep-rooted anger and animosity towards Teresa, but this show isn't good for you. I think this should be your last season. Really, there's nothing really keeping you on the show now. It feels like you're done. We can sense it. So, it's not fun to watch you on the show anymore. Please don't take it the wrong way, but man ... if you're over it, we're over it. Caroline's grade for the week: D (because I don't want to watch someone who's so obviously over being on this show).

Teresa: I will give you credit for: 1) agreeing to go to therapy, 2) having a civil conversation with Melissa about her talking to Danielle, and 3) having a great lunch with Kathy. Now, if you can keep going in this direction, I feel like only good things will happen. I honestly don't care what your motives are. Therapy is going to help you communicate better, be more self-aware, and help you to see things as they truly are. The truth is, you kind of live in a fantasy world (TeresaLand), where everyone and everything is about you. But, that's not the real world. I think you have a long way to go when it comes to interpersonal relationships. I think you need to start empathizing with other people and practice seeing things from other people's perspectives. And I'm saying this to you coming from a good place. I did not like your conversation with Jacqueline at all because both of you had your walls up. Both of you were defensive and it was a waste of time. Granted, you left her alone and she sought you out. She found you and started the conversation. I really want you to be able to see where she was coming from - the anger and the hurt she was feeling over you - because maybe your heart will soften a little. Not now, but a few years down the road, I think you'll look back on this and wish you did things differently. I just want to address your husband for a second: Joe Giudice, I'm sure you're a real nice guy and all, but you're a real dick and you don't have the first clue about how resolve conflict. Oh, and Teresa, you definitely do not write your blog. This week you used the term "Nair and Napalm". If you don't know how to say the word "ingredients", you definitely can't come up with analogies like that. WHO IS YOUR GHOST WRITER??? Whoever it is, you should fire them because it's been really negative lately, and it's not helping you. Teresa's grade for the week: C (because she took positive steps with her family, but the conversation with Jacqueline was a bust, and her blogs have been horrible lately).

Jacqueline: You say you're impulsive and that's why you went to talk to Teresa. Honestly, I think you're a glutton for punishment in a way. You wanted to make Teresa understand your side of things once and for all, and big surprise, it didn't work. You know who you're dealing with here. Teresa isn't going to budge. Maybe it was the drinks that made you think you were going to get through to her, but it ended up making things worse. I believe you did have a major meltdown about the conversation with Teresa at your house, which we saw last week. I don't think you should have gone to Melissa's party at all. You needed space and peace and calm so you could see things clearly. Then, after some time had passed, then you could have possibly had another conversation with Teresa. But unfortunately, you went and the conversation was horrible. It was like you had so much to prove in that moment. You were going to change Teresa right then and there! Wrong! Teresa is not your problem. She never was. I think you're like me, in the sense that you feel a responsibility to care for and about your friends. Even when they don't want you to. Teresa wanted youto only care about the things that she told you. She wasn't banking on the fact that you'd take into consideration ALL of the other things - magazines, gossip, etc - that were floating around. I don't think you're crazy, but you definitely went overboard at the party. Your blog pretty much sums up your reasoning for everything, and I get where you're coming from. It may be time to say goodbye to this show, especially if it's going to affect you like this. Jacqueline's grade for the week: D (for seeking Teresa out at the party when she wasn't in the right frame of mind aka having a breakdown).

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