Friday, January 20, 2012

He's My Soul

Jersey Shore is full effect! We're three episodes in, so that means we're in the swing of things, the tone has been set, and it's just a roller coaster ride from here on out. Vinny went home at the end of the last episode to work on his anxiety issues, leaving the rest of the roommates with heavy hearts. It also happens to be Pauly and Mike's birthday weekend (who knew their birthdays were a day apart?), but Pauly ends up getting all the love in the house. This makes Mike even more depressed than usual.

Now that we're all caught up, let's chop it up!

JWOWW: I feel like you're fading into the background a lot. Your scenes this week were taking care of drunk Deena and being lazy at work. I need to see you do more than be the mom of the house and dance at da club with a drink in your hand. Have fun with the girls! Have Roger come over! Do something! Hopefully you'll bring some more of that JWOWW fun as the season goes on. JWOWW's grade for the week: C.

Sammi: Your facial expressions are friggin' priceless. When the Bosnian wouldn't take the hint that she either had to put out or get out, you were like, "He ain't kiddin'!" LOL! I really like how you're being so calm and relaxed and really just having a good time this season. Ronnie recently said in an interview that you and he are just friends now, and it made me kind of sad, seeing you two get along so well this season, I thought maybe you two could make it work? Anyway, you're a doll. You give some good dish on the hook-up this week, too. Sammi's grade for the week: A.

Deena: I felt so bad for you when the girls (and Pauly) were literally ripping your extensions out. Oy. That's gotta hurt. You explained on the hook-up that you had gone swimming on Meatball Day, and your clip ins got tangled up in your fused extensions, which had already gone through the ringer in Italy. Could MTV not give you guys a week to get yourselves together between Italy and Jersey?! Bastards! Anyway, you were hilarious on this episode, as always. Speaking of Meatball Day, I think you and Snooks should limit it to like Meatball Luncheon or Meatball Evening from 7 to 9 pm. That day drinking is just not a good look for either of you. Just saying. You got a tad bit emotional over Vinny leaving, but he's your good guy friend, so I'm not judging. I like that you care that much about people. Not many people are that invested in their friendships anymore. Deena's grade for the week: B.

Snooki: You avoided another "Unit" disaster thanks to a brawl in da club without even knowing it. Mike and his friend were planning on ruining yet another night with Jionni for you, and I, for one, am glad that their plan was foiled. I like you and Jionni together. But what was with you telling Jionni you weren't going to cheat on him when he was leaving the house? Was it because it was going to be Meatball Day and he was suspicious you and Deena were going to have a repeat of the infamous Riccione trip? I felt like that was so out of the blue for you to say, especially when you two have been getting along so well lately, despite Mike's best efforts to break you guys up. At any rate, Meatball Day seemed like a blast, at least your hair wasn't a hot tangled mess, anyway. But I want to give you the same advice as I gave Deena: no more day drinking. I'll leave it at that. You were saddened by the news of Vinny leaving, but you held it together, and assured Jionni that Vinny's your friend, nothing more. You can't blame Jionni for asking. Snooki's grade for the week: B.

Ronnie: Thank you for not being scary this season. I'd much rather enjoy happy, funny, joking around Ronnie, which is what we got this episode. I loved the prank on Mike at the restaurant (who falls asleep at a restaurant anyway?). But I will say, you and Sammi need to have some romantic date nights this season. We need to see this love story through to the end, even if you aren't together now. I felt bad for you at the Shore Store - since you said Mike and Jenni don't do anything - but hey, we all have coworkers like that. You should use RonRon Juice as an incentive. If they don't do their share at work, no RonRon Juice. That might work. And rumor has it RonRon Juice will be in stores soon! Congrats! Ronnie's grade for the week: A.

Vinny: We got to see you go home on this episode, which I have to admit, was bittersweet. Your mom is such a great lady, though. It was like she was assessing how you were feeling just by looking at you. Can't wait till you come back to the Shore house. Oh and the gang goes to Staten Island next week to kidnap you, only it looks like you're not home. Bummer! Vinny's grade for the week: N/A.

Pauly: I think you need an eye exam. You're bringing home THE WORST girls this season. Not that I condone your promiscuity or anything. But damn. First the klepto, then the busted tattoo chick, now, the weirdo who won't leave but won't do the damn thing, either. #PaulyDproblems! Anyway, your birthday weekend was quite the celebration. Your whole family came to Seaside, including your "bah-buh" (barber), which I thought was a great gift from your mom. You with your hair soft and not blown out is a sight to behold. Amazing. Please tell me you'll let us see that again this season. I can only imagine how awkward it must have been to have such a great birthday while Mike is staring daggers at you because no one is paying attention to him. It's not your fault he's burned all his bridges. Pauly's grade for the week: B.

Mike: First of all, I have to address your severe martyr complex you got goin'. Here's a reality check. When you push everyone away, stir up trouble with everyone, and burn all your bridges with people, THEY AREN'T GOING TO WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND ANYMORE!!! Seriously, are you that delusional that you don't understand that? You whine about no one celebrating your birthday with you, but you take no responsibility for ruining your friendships with them in the first place! You say you're the bad guy and cry about it, but you purposely meddle in other people's lives and call yourself the villain - laughing and smiling the whole time. So which is it? Because if you're really the villain, you won't care about people not liking you. So figure it out. Oh and you're "leaving" is a bunch of bullsh*t, too. Did you even pack a bag? Ugh. Mike's grade for the week: F.

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