Tuesday, January 17, 2012

The Descendants and The Artist

Long story short, this year's Golden Globes were terribly boring. It wasn't anyone's fault, it just wasn't entertaining. I'll just give you my highlights.

Ricky Gervais started the show by reading the rules for the night: no profanity, no innuendo, no libel, no Mel Gibson jokes. He eluded to the movie Jodie Foster did with Mel, and she takes the jokes like a champ. They cut to Elton John at one point and gurl is not amused.

Christopher Plummer wins best Supporting Actor for "Beginners", beating out Albert Brooks and Jonah Hill. I can't look at him without thinking about Sound of Music. Then he calls Ewan Magregor a "scene stealing swine".

Rob Lowe and Julianne Moore experience technical difficulties with the teleprompter, so Julianne is given a card to read to announce this year's Miss Golden Globe, who turns out to be Andie McDowell's daughter.

Ricky Gervais telling the room that the show is already 5 minutes over time. He demands that the stars only thank God and their agents, who have exactly the same amount of input in his career. He introduces Melissa McCarthy as the one who defecated into a sink in the movie "Bridesmaids", which he says is less demeaning than what most of those in the room have done to get into showbiz

Jimmy Fallon and Adam Levine present the awards for best song and best score moves, but first, Jimmy does his signature Mick Jagger moves, which is always a crowd pleaser.

Kate Beckinsale, sporting a cream-colored, beaded, strapless gown with a trumpet skirt, presents the Best Actress in a Comedy or Musical with Seth Rogen who can't help but express his ... excitement ... to be standing next to her. Michelle Williams wins and gives a touching speech in which she thanks her daughter (with the late Heath Ledger).

Ricky commending the audience, saying they're better than last years audience - adding that they had a stick up their ass.

George Clooney comes out with a cane, poking fun at bestie Brad Pitt.

Awesome couple, William H. Macy and Felicity Huffman sing their introduction to the nominees for Supporting Actress in a TV Series, Mini Series, or TV Movie. Too cute.

Ricky introduces Madonna as "Queen of Pop", then tells Elton John he's not referring to him. Ricky then says she's "just like a virgin" - with an eye roll. Madonna responds, "If I'm just like a virgin, come over here and do something about it ... I haven't kissed a girl in a few years - on TV."

Tina Fey and Jane Lynch's girl-power inspired presenting for Actor in a TV Series - Comedy or Musical.

The winner for Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture - Drama went to the amazing Octavia Spencer. I loved her acceptance speech. After some winking and posing, she gets serious, quoting Martin Luther King, Jr.: "All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance." Then she added, "thank you for recognizing that with our film".

Robert Downey Jr. looking scrumptious. He is so friggin' hot.

Ricky complaining that he can't understand a f*cking word Salma Hayek and Antonio Banderas say, as he introduces them. Antonio responds by speaking Castilian Spanish, which Salma clarifies she can't understand either. They present the award for Best TV Series - Comedy or Musical to the Modern Family cast and crew. Sofia Vergara and Steven Levitan accept, with Sofia giving her speech in Spanish, and Steven "translating", taking some creative license in the process.

The winner for Best Actor in a Motion Picture - Comedy or Musical is Jean Dujordin from "The Artist". He is super charming, saying (in a thick french accent) that his agent said, "You'll never do movies. Your face is to expressive, too big." This gets a big laugh since "The Artist" is a silent film, and his face is essentially what got him the award. He adds, "I fought for my dreams, and I thank him for letting me prove him wrong."

Ricky hates on Colin Firth - saying critics love him, women love him - but what people don't know if that he's a racist who punches blind kittens. Colin comes out, shakes Ricky's hand and mock-kicks him.

George Clooney wins for Best Actor in a Motion Picture - Drama. George gets a standing ovation. He gives Michael Fassbender credit for doing full frontal nudity this year, then says Michael can play golf with his hands behind his back.

Best Picture - Drama goes to The Descendants, and Best Picture - Comedy or Musical goes to The Artist.

Ricky closes the show by saying, "Thank you, that's it." He congratulates the nominees and winners, then says he hopes they like the goodie bags, "that should take your mind off of the recession."

What were your favorite Golden Globes moments? Tweet me!