Sorry this blog is so late, but I couldn't not give my two cents about this next-to-last episode of our Jersey Shore in Italy ... so here goes ...
We pick up where we left off, Snooks is confessing to Jionni having sex with Vinny in her drunken after-break-up haze. Jionni doesn't blow up, he just says he can't call Nicole his "girlfriend" right now, and tells her he doesn't know how they're going to get through this. I'm proud of the kid for not freaking out, and handling this in a mature way. Nicole does deserve to be broken up with, and Jionni isn't going to just let this go without letting her know how much she's hurt him. Sometimes you have to take yourself out of the equation for the other person to realize that their actions have consequences. Point for Jionni.
On to the next dysfunctional relationship in the house, Deena's unrequited love for Pauly. She's been after him since day one. And she hasn't been subtle about it. This is the girl who screamed "Do you like the boobs?" on the Jersey Shore to a total stranger. Yes, yes we do. Now put them away. Pauly is trying desperately to spare Dee's feelings, since, as Vinny puts it, Pauly's not into "Meatballs". If it's just a matter of personal preference, and he's truly not sexually attracted to her, he should just be up front with her and tell her that he doesn't have those feelings towards her, but he loves her as a friend. Their friendship is pretty amazing. They obviously get along and make each other happy as friends. It's normal for a girl to take that and want to turn it into a romantic relationship. The line between the two gets all kinds of blurry for girls all the time. But it takes a man to tell his friend that he loves being her friend, but doesn't want to take it to the romantic level. It's the least he can do for a true friend. Pauly avoids Deena's advances, but that doesn't stop her from embarrassing herself a few times. When Deena drinks, the verbal gold just pours out of her mouth. In her words, she has no shame. Again, this is why I love Deena.
Snooks and Deena drown their sorrows in beer and wine in Florence, dressed like Jersey Housewives' little sisters. At 11 am. They pretty much terrorize Florence for a couple of hours. Jersey Turnpike lessons? Check. Dancing on the bar in daylight? Check.
We have to talk about Mike using the hairy toothbrush. On second thought, maybe we don't. Gross.
The kids go out for the last Saturday night in Italy, and it may just be me, but it sounds like they just want to get it over with. Like this entire trip. No one is more done with this than Jenni. At da club, she's clearly fed up with Snooks and Deena's antics. Then, she and Sammi bond over playing mommy to Team Meatballs. Who'da thunk?
Mike gets the crowd to chant something derogatory to him and puffs up his chest and acts like he's going to take on the entire mob. Of course, there are security guards protecting him the whole time.
The kids leave da club, and Team Meatballs decides to hit up another club, only this one is full of creepy dudes who just stand 2 feet away staring at them dance. Not a good time. Then, the bartender (of all people) starts throwing ice at Snooki and Deena! How unprofessional is that? Dude, you can't hate these ladies that much to screw yourself out of a hefty tip. Team Meatballs goes on the offensive and starts pushing over bottles. You know what, that's what that moron gets for being rude to our girls. All he had to do was make nice with them, and they would have left peacefully. Aren't bartenders supposed to be nice to everyone? Maybe that's just here in the U.S.
Angry Deena comes out and it is absolutely amazing. She's probably the angriest we've ever seen her. She storms into the house screaming, meanwhile Snooki explains what happened. Jenni and Sam try to calm them down, but the irritation is palpable. Team Meatballs decide to unwind in the hot tub (which is hot). In her interview, Snooki gives us one more catchphrase: "Meatball Problems!" and a trending topic is born. Team Meatballs goes out again (still drunk), dressed like Jersey streetwalkers. They're loving it! And so are we. Snooki sums up the entire season in one sentence: "We're so out of our element, it's sick." They go out for drinks again - mimosas this time. Everything is going well, until they fall asleep at the restaurant. Also not a good time. They finally get kicked out and go home and pass out. Meatball Problems!
Ron burns the barbeque (and puts the fire out, prompting Ron to call himself a firefighter ... ummm, YEAH!!), so he and Sammi go grocery shopping together. And they don't fight! Awesome! While preparing dinner, Jenni asks Deena to do the dishes. She declines. Mike - who isn't even helping either - decides to berate Deena and scream at her to do the dishes and "be a woman". Ugh. Deena freaks out, chucks a spatula at Mike and tells him to shut the eff up. When Mike says he's going to go "low blow", which I'm assuming means that he's about to say something terribly inappropriate, Deena torpedoes Mike by screaming "You're gonna call me fat? That's what you call every woman! I can lose weight for free, but you need about 10 grand to fix your f*cking face!" BOOM! That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you win an argument. Mike can't even respond, he walks away like the coward he is.
Everyone is sick of Mike, now. Including Vinny, who makes the awesome point that when everyone in the house hates you, you must be doing something wrong.
Jenni and Sammi laugh about how they're friends now. See? There are nice moments in this show.
Last Sunday dinner goes pretty well. But all they can talk about it going back to Jersey. Vinny puts a damper on the mood by claiming "his" room in Jersey already. Sammi wants a "compromization" (LOL), but Vinny won't budge. The underlying issue is that NO ONE wants to room with Mike. The tension takes over and Sammi is starting to freak out. Snooki says they should just put Mike in the garbage can, then tells the group that she doesn't want Mike around. Mike says he's not going to Jersey, to which Snooki squeals, "Bye!' Seriously, Mike, you know where you're not wanted, so just take it like a man, and leave. Mike says he doesn't know how to take the high road. Big surprise.
Mike creates drama because he's bored and wants attention, whether it's good or bad. He doesn't care. He loves the attention and he loves to play the victim. This is very common in reality stars. What is Mike going to do? Go to Jersey? Not go to Jersey? Guess we'll have to stay tuned to find out.
Everyone basically agrees that Mike needs to change, and won't. So it's a lost cause at this point.
Vinny and Pauly semi-consummate their bromance. Sweet.
In the most hilarious turn of events ever, Mike gets himself locked in Deena's bathroom. After a few laughs, Ron lets him out. Aw! Mike should have stayed in there and pondered his life's purpose.
Everyone goes to da club and has a great time, except Mike. He picks a fight because he's unhappy with his situation (forgive me). So he picks a random fight with a random dude so he can feel good about himself. No one is there to back Mike up. He truly is alone and it hits him like a ton of bricks. He goes home, defeated, talking to himself, calling himself the "bad guy". Someone help this guy, please. Whoever handles Kelly Bensimon would probably be best qualified to handle this basketcase.
Next week is the season finale ... can't wait to see how Mike antagonizes everyone once again. What are your thoughts on this episode? Tweet me!
