Wednesday, October 12, 2011

The Final Throes

This season of The Real Housewives of New Jersey ended with a bang, or should I say, a book. But we'll get to that mess in a minute.

First, let's get the Ashley stuff out of the way. We see her tattoos, yawn. Chris' brother Jaime comes to visit and literally lights up the room. This guy is a star! More, please! I'm officially a fan.

Next, Victoria goes to formal and she looks beautiful. Richie was hilarious. Even though he's trying to intimidate Victoria's date, he's being funny about it. I loved the whole ceremonious way the kids had to leave for the dance, it was like a party before the party. With their parents, I mean. So that was fun.

The Giudices and the Gorgas get together for a family portrait and I have to say it was a pleasant scene. I'm not sure why Papa Gorga was giving Joe Gorga serious side eye during the photo shoot, though. Is he mad he wore a hat or something? I would hope Papa Gorga would be a little bit nicer to his son, but who knows, maybe he was annoyed with the KOO KOO photographer. OMG what was her deal? Fart jokes? Lady, this is a proud family who writes cookbooks but can't even say the word "ingredients" correctly. Show some respect. I also enjoyed all of the children either looking bored or absolutely miserable. Ah, family. Looks like the portrait turned out great. By the way, I thought it was funny that Melissa's stylist said Teresa told her not to work with Mel. Is anyone surprised by this? Because I'm not. Teresa is nothing if not consistent. Consistently immature and petty.

Oh and I just want to point out that Teresa has her own cookbook on a mini-shrine in her kitchen. Yeah.

Now, for the moment we've all been waiting for, cookbook-gate. I love that the Manzo kids make the joke about this group and books. So I don't have to. Moving right along, Lauren spills the beans about the introduction of "Fabulicious" and how Teresa basically trashes Caroline for laughs. However, I'd like to ask how seriously can you take a book entitled "Fabulicious"? That's not even a word. Anyway, Caroline takes the insults in stride and doesn't flip out (like Teresa would if the roles were reversed, come on, she came undone every time Kathy spoke). My favorite insult was the one about Caroline frying her meatballs, and how that's somehow incorrect according to Teresa. Um, I say fry em up! Who cares? I'm sure there's a million valid ways to make a friggin' meatball. Shut up, Teresa. Kathy made a great point when she said Teresa probably dished the dirt in her "cookbook" to boost sales. Here's a newsflash, Teresa, the dummies who buy your books were going to buy them regardless of what you "wrote". Even Jill Zarin's book sold a few copies. Your fans are your fans. You don't have to play dirty to make money. Jacqueline valiantly tries to explain to Teresa how some of her "jokes" might be hurtful, but Teresa just gets defensive and mean. Big surprise. Jacqueline looks like she's ready to bop Teresa upside the head with the book at this point.

Let me just pause here to address Gia talking smack about Melissa - you KNOW she didn't come up with that by herself.

Caroline is more upset that Teresa would direct a dig at her son, Christopher, and his stripclub/carwash idea from SEASON ONE!! Who does that?! Oy, Teresa, puh-lease, stay current, at least.

Needless to say, Teresa was wrong to throw Caroline under the bus. Nobody cares if she included a nice picture of Caroline in the book. That doesn't make it ok.

I almost died when Teresa said everyone says she's so funny, like Lucille Ball. I will only say this once. Teresa, you are Lucille Ball like I'm Kate Middleton. That means you're NOT.

I cannot WAIT for the reunion. I hate that Jacqueline didn't show up. I wish she would have gone just to have her voice heard and give Tre one last parting shot. Then she could have quit the show with the audience's blessing. I sincerely hope Jacqueline goes on Watch What Happens Live and gives us her side of the story. Make that happen, Andy.

I'll just blog about Watch What Happens Live now, since Melissa and Joe Gorga were on. I think they are so much more likable now. Although I can't believe Mel couldn't spell "ciao". Tre texted Andy that everyone is reading her "stories" wrong and making them negative when they're meant to be funny. Here's what - if your "stories" are getting that kind of reaction, there's a reason for it. Take responsibility for YOUR OWN WORDS. And I love the fact that Melissa didn't get Andy's Georgia O'Keefe joke about her shoes at all. Wikipedia that one. The Gorgas were fun on the After Show, although I can't say it was very exciting. You can watch Part 1 and Part 2 for yourself.

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