Friday, June 15, 2012

Pinot Filled Ass

This week's Real Housewives of New York was all over the place. I'm really not sure what to make of this season yet. But, I'm still watching and giving it a chance, because I'm loyal like that. Hopefully, I won't regret it. And, yes, I know being "loyal" to a tv show is sad. Please, don't judge me.

I'm jumping right in, so here goes.

Ramona: I think you know exactly what you're doing when you speak to Luann. Because you make sure to get every last bullet out before she ends the conversation. I wish I could do that. I really admire that about you. Not that it's great for Luann, but hey, she can handle it. I thought it was hilarious when you "apologized" because you were denying ever saying anything about Luann's kids. We really don't know. Unless Luann recorded the conversation and pulls a Jill Zarin and plays it for us. I'm thinking you did say something because your defense was that everyone knew what happened at Luann's son's birthday. I'm just curious as to what happened. But that's neither here nor there. The point is, you are clear on what your mission is this season - destroy Luann - and you're not wasting any time. I don't particularly like what you're doing this season, but I must say your tenacity is absolutely amazing. Oh, and I'm hoping you just had a brain fart when you couldn't remember what LGBT stood for. Ramona's grade for the week: D (because she is hell-bent on bringing Luann down, and while sometimes it's funny, it's definitely not right).

Luann: I can't root for you or be on your side because you're still a condescending hypocrite. With that said, I don't condone Ramona saying negative things about your kids. I think you're lining up the new cast members to be on your team for when the real drama starts, because, let's be real, you are that calculating. Regardless, you'll play the role of the "classy" Countess this season just like every other season. But every once in a while you pull out a zinger (clearly rehearsed and pre-meditated), such as "What other tricks are you going to pull out of your Pinot filled ass?" and I remember what Bethenny said so long ago: you have another side to you (maybe the side that slept with Aviva's ex?) and we only see what you put on for the camera. Thanks, but no thanks. Luann's grade for the week: D (because she's right to defend her kids, but she's still as fake as ever).

Sonja: I really don't think you were lounging around while they were calling you to the stage on this episode. Shout out to Manila Luzon and Sahara Davenport! Werk! Anywhoo, you were fun and flirty on this episode, but it was a little MUCH, if you ask me. I'm all for flirting, especially when it's with humor, but that scene with the contractor was cringey. And then you reference your assistant/intern's breasts??? Why??? I couldn't figure that out to save my life! Not cool! I like you, Sonja, but you're going to have to start focusing on making sense and not so much on getting some random guy to think you're hot. Sonja's grade this week: D (for appearing to be late to her speech - who knows how late she really was - and for being inappropriate with the contractor).

Aviva: I still like you a lot. The scene at the vintage shop was a lot of fun, and you looked great in that jumpsuit! But, I totally get what you're saying - it's not like you could wear it and get use out of it, so it might as well go to someone who will rock it more than once a year. I think you're right to be skeptical of Luann and the fact that she told you and Heather and Carole all about Ramona's alleged threats. Keep your eye on the ball, and the ball is anything that comes out of Luann's mouth. Also, about your ex, let's just assume he's slept with about 50% of everyone you know. Then, you won't be surprised when people blurt it out to your face. Awkward! I was kind of taken aback when you said you wouldn't be able to live without your husband, but the more I thought about it, I realized that's a great feeling to have. You obviously love him a lot and you wouldn't ever want to be without him - which is how it should be. Mazeltov. Aviva's grade for the week: A (because I truly think she's a great person, and she's making sense - for now).

Heather: I'm really sorry about your dad's passing. I thought the scene with your family celebrating his life was very sweet. However, I'm afraid your personality is not my cup of tea. That's really all I want to say for now, because I don't want to come off as harsh (this time). Heather's grade for the week: N/A (until I can properly pinpoint what it is I don't like about her).

Carole: The award for coolest Housewife goes to you. I mean, rockstar-sometimes-boyfriend, killer taste in  vintage clothing, and no qualms about going up to gorgeous men and helping them pick out sweaters for their model girlfriends. I mean, at this point, you can really do no wrong with me. Please don't screw it up! Carole's grade for the week: A (by far, my favorite. Call me biased if you want).

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