Monday, October 1, 2012

RHONJ Reunion Part 1 - Leave the Parents Out of It

The Real Housewives of New Jersey kicked off a three part Reunion on Sunday, and I'm going to preface this blog by saying this: All of these women need professional help. All of them. 

Let's move on. Caroline's daughter Lauren was the only guest in this first installment, but she definitely made an impact. From calling Teresa a "dickhead" to asking her to spell "napalm", Lauren definitely came in with her guns blazing. Entertaining? Yes, very. But don't get me wrong, Lauren gets on my nerves, too. I just had to laugh when she unloaded on Teresa because, let's face it, that shit was funny. Teresa's reaction to Lauren was a mixture of shock, embarrassment, and disbelief (because she clearly did not know the definition or the spelling of the word, which had appeared in her blog), thereby all but confirming something I posted months ago - Teresa doesn't write her own blog. Which isn't a crime, by the way! Lots of reality stars don't write their own blogs. But that was a perfect moment for Teresa to say, "I have someone take my notes and write out the blog for me, in this case, she used an analogy (napalm) that I'm not familiar with." Done. But no ... more on Teresa's lack of communication skills later. 

The piece about Jacqueline's son's autism made me cry. The fact that he has regressed is very, very sad. I love that Jacqueline is now an advocate for finding a cure for autism, and I hope she puts all of her energy behind this cause. It's a much more rewarding endeavor than proving how terrible of a person Teresa is. I like Jacqueline, but she does go a little overboard on Twitter, as Andy pointed out on Sunday night. Which I found hilarious. All jokes aside, Nicholas is a beautiful child and I truly wish him and his entire family the best, as well as all families dealing with autism.

Now, let's get to the grades ...

Caroline: You gave as good as you got on this episode, and I have to say, you may have won back some viewers. You owned everything you did (which I appreciate), and you said point blank that you were a bitch. I wasn't following the whole menopause/non-menopause segment, but that's ok. You took Teresa's insults and let her know her words are irrelevant. You clarified that you were thin when you were Lauren's age and that's why you couldn't relate to her specific situation, since you gained weight later in life. Also, you weren't on a reality show in your early 20s, so there's that. I couldn't really get behind you calling Teresa's dress a Christmas pageant dress, partly because that dress was fabulous! And my favorite color! So, points off for that. But seriously, you pounced on Teresa for making the Nicholas segment about one of her daughters, and that would have pissed me off, too. I just would have found something else to reference (not the dress). You were there for Jacqueline in every sense, even when she didn't need you. But I gotta ask you to let her talk. You shouldn't speak for her - especially with all the bully accusations. Jacqueline is a big girl and she knows what she's doing. I kind of loved how you were trying to get through to Teresa when she sat next to you, but Rosie sort of stole the show at that point. We'll see how it plays out next Sunday. Caroline's grade for the week: C (because she stood her ground and owned everything she's done this season but points off for insults). 

Jacqueline: I have no doubt that you have treasure troves of information on Teresa, and while that is an advantage in a reunion situation, you don't have to put it all out there so quickly. I mean, we were ten minutes in, and you were throwing out accusations like crazy. I have no idea whether your information is accurate, so I won't comment on that. I just wish you were a little more subtle with it. At least in the beginning. When you scream across the room at Teresa with this barrage of things she's supposedly done, it just makes you look like the crazy one in the room. Just calm down, and when the right moment comes, drop a bomb, then another, then another. Kind of like how Danielle used to do, am I right? Anyway, that's the only time you'll ever catch me telling you to emulate Danielle in any way. But seriously, she knew how to hint at what she knew and let the other person know she had one up on them. And for the record, not a good look telling Teresa she's going to hell. Just saying. Again, keep going with your autism research and focus on that. If you do, I might say you should come back next season as a full-blown autism advocate and continue to educate the ladies and the viewers on the fight for a cure. Jacqueline's grade for the week: D (because she should have kept calm and presented her case without getting so loud).

Teresa: My offer still stands. I want you to know that. I also want you to know that I'm not going to hold back. (Teresa fans, please don't attack me. What I'm about to say is the truth.) While I appreciate the fact that you go to these reunions knowing you're going to get ganged up on, your behavior on Sunday night really didn't help your case. You were absolutely wrong to attack anyone's looks and/or weight. I'm sorry, but that's just not ok. Please notice, I did not like Caroline making fun of your dress (by the way, I loved it). You probably shouldn't have told the story about Nicholas being boyfriend and girlfriend with your daughter, no matter how cute the story was, because that segment was about Nicholas' battle with autism. So, yeah, that story was totally unnecessary. Now, as for the blog/napalm segment. This is where you need my help. Just say you don't write your blog. Just say it. Because seriously, you don't. I knew you didn't write it and now it's all but confirmed. Your face said it all, especially when you wouldn't even spell it. Now, it's no problem that you don't know how to spell it or what it means. But it pretty much catches you in a lie. Which is what you want to avoid. So, just say that someone writes your blog for you, or you could even say they "help" you write it. I have to address the eyeshadow comment. Teresa, what the f*ck are you doing? Do you not hear yourself? That is the weakest argument that Melissa is a copycat in the world. And, it was proven that she wore the same exact eye makeup look to last year's reunion. I could get into the color palettes used, but I won't. Here's where I'm going to side with you, so pay attention (puh-lease - sorry, I couldn't resist). I don't blame you for being so upset with Kathy for talking bad about your parents. Your parents should have never been mentioned at all. I don't think it was a great idea for you to then talk about her father, though. The parents should have been left out of it all together. But I know you reacted in the heat of the moment, not that it's right. I know the rest of the reunion will be more of the same, but I am begging you, Teresa, listen to me. Unblock me and read my blog. I don't hate you, but gurrrl, you're  in trouble. Teresa's grade for the week: C- (for not really listening to anyone and continuing to throw blame at everyone else). 

Melissa: You didn't get to say much, but when you did, you were hellbent on provoking Teresa. From the looks of the previews, you have a lot more to say. As for this week, you had your sights set on Teresa, which is not a surprise at all. Like I said before, you've been found not guilty of stealing Teresa's eye shadow look. I can't really even grade you this week because nothing you said made an impact on me. I'll have to wait till next week. 

Kathy: I don't mind your new nose and lips but I agree with Andy, no more plastic surgery. Also, you were totally right when you alluded to the fact that Teresa thought you were coming on HER show. RHONJ has NEVER been one person's show. It's an ENSEMBLE cast. So it still doesn't really make sense that she would be so possessive about it. Now, I was with you until you called Teresa's parents out. Oh my God. What were you thinking??? Even if Teresa's mother lied about you and Richie getting a divorce, you know there's a better way to say it than, "Your mother is a liar!" I couldn't believe it was you saying that, to be honest. Then you go after her dad? It just wasn't like you at all, or at least the you that we know. I've always liked you, but dammit, Kathy, I did not like you talking sh*t about Teresa's parents. See? This is why I'm saying y'all need PROFESSIONAL help. Because, although I love Andy, he is not the person that's going to help you patch things up. You went to a really dark place the moment you called Teresa's parents names. I can't condone that. And  then, when Teresa retaliated, you and Rosie reacted like anyone would when someone attacks their parent(s). See a pattern here? You hurt each other and no one wins. I thought you knew better, Kathy. Kathy's grade for the week: D (because she took it to a whole other level with the parents thing). 

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