Tuesday, October 16, 2012

RHONJ Reunion Part 3 - Mystery Solved

Well, kids, the Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion is officially over, with only a Lost Footage episode remaining. I don't know if I'll even bother watching it. Unless it's full of funny scenes we didn't get to see in this God-awful season. Speaking of God-awful, Part 3 of the Reunion was - for me - a waste of time. Nothing was really resolved, and no one came to any grand realizations. Big surprise. However, there were some moments of clarity, so it wasn't all bad. But most of it was ... really bad.

Did anyone else notice how Joe Giudice would never look Andy Cohen in the eye while answering questions? That's odd, no? It's just me? Ok.

The Husbands joined the ladies (and Joe Giudice) on the set for Part 3. I know I'm going to get raked over the coals for this, but I think Richie and Chris did a great job. They did what they were supposed to do, defend their wives. But what struck me about Richie is that, no matter what you think of his personality or his humor, he tells it like it is. I believe what he says. He may say it in an inappropriate or exaggerated way, but he's usually making fun of the situation and making light of it by making these wild comments. The essence of what he says, usually, is the truth. I did not enjoy Joe Giudice and Richie arguing, at all, though. That whole segment was pointless and annoying. Just like a conversation with Joe Giudice himself. Seriously, I have to just get this off my chest. Joe Giudice said on that set: "We don't need help from you people, thank you." He's absolutely right. They (Teresa and Joe) don't need help from friends or family. They're great on their own. Here's the problem: YOU'RE ON AN ENSEMBLE REALITY SHOW, DUMBASS!!! If you don't interact with these people, you're out of a job. Period.

I could go on and on about Joe Giudice's shitty attitude and profoundly irritating behavior, but I won't. I'm sick of talking about him and I will never again watch a show that features him. Ever. Mark my words.

Another thing that made me think was the fact-checking and research that everyone apparently did before the show. Jacqueline, I gotta call you out because you were like mother-f*cking CNN, constantly interrupting and pulling out little factoids ... are you in any way related to Joe Biden? Just asking. Anyway, there was a whole lot of tea spilled about everyone, but, as a viewer, there is no way to know what's true and what's not true. Was Jacqueline ever a stripper? Did Teresa say Melissa was a stripper? Did Caroline say Jacqueline was a stripper? Did Chris tell Joe Giudice he met Jacqueline when she was a stripper? You know what?? NO ONE CARES!! How about this: how about everyone just assumes everyone was a stripper at one point and gets the f*ck over it? All in favor, raise your hands. *Raises both hands*

Kim D. We have to talk about Miss Posche Fashion Show herself. Who showed up to say absolutely nothing. Teresa knew SOMETHING was going to happen, but she didn't know what. Great. Thanks for cracking the code on that one, genius. I swear, Kim D was about as useful on this episode as I am at a construction site - meaning I have absolutely nothing to offer anyone and I shouldn't even be there in the first place. Then, Jacqueline declines to name the person she was texting at the fashion show because they're still friends with Teresa. Some friend that mystery person is! Show your face, mystery friend! I want to know why you would reduce yourself to being Jacqueline's informant for this totally anti-climactic, humongous waste-of-time, alleged set up. Because, again, the set up was a total let down. There was no set up at all.

And that's another thing I'm mad about. They're talking about this set up like Teresa was Michael Corleone grabbing the gun out of the toilet or something. NOTHING ACTUALLY HAPPENED. Some idiot said some idiotic bullsh*t and everyone's having a conniption over it. This is why I'm done with this show if the same cast returns.

Andy, my darling Andy Cohen, listen to me. Let Teresa go have a cooking show somewhere. I'm begging you. I don't even care what you do with the rest of the cast. But if I have to see another season of Teresa vs. The Universe ... actually, no. I REFUSE to watch another season of Teresa vs. The Universe.

I have to address Melissa and Joe Gorga now. Joe, you seemed genuinely hurt about this whole thing with Teresa. All I can say is that if you want things to get better, go back to therapy with your entire family. If you honestly think Teresa took your parents' love or attention away from you, you have to figure that out with them as a family. Melissa, you told Teresa you're done, so my advice is to be done. Don't engage in the verbal tit-for-tat that we saw on this reunion. Don't bring anything to the table for discussion with her. Maybe, if and when Teresa and Joe are back on good terms, you can begin to repair your relationship with her. But you can't do any of that until your husband and Teresa are ok again.

As for Caroline and Kathy - thank you for not adding to the craziness in this episode. I think I speak for all sane, level-headed fans when I say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. This isn't what we signed up for. I now realize I love every single woman on this show: Teresa, Caroline, Melissa, Jacqueline, and Kathy - I love all of you. I love you enough to tell you that I cannot watch you all go at it again for another season. Let's stick a fork in this season and never speak of it ever again.

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