Friday, May 18, 2012

Therapy is Your Friend!

My apologies for this blog being so late, but things have been a little crazy, so forgive me. The latest episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey was so sad. It's so frustrating when it's so clear what the problem is to the audience (most of us), but the person/people on the show just don't get it. Is that what comes from becoming a reality tv star? Do you become so detached from real life that you honestly believe you can do no wrong? In that case, I'll make sure never to be on a reality show. I want to remain self aware, thank you very much. But let's get right into the episode, kids.

Kathy: I'm sorry the pool party turned out to be a dud. Except for Rosie and the kids having fun together, it was sort of a disaster. I understand being upset that certain people didn't show up, that's always disappointing, even if they have valid reasons for not coming. It takes a lot of effort to plan, organize, and execute a party - even a backyard BBQ, and your efforts didn't go unnoticed. I love that you love to entertain. Hopefully, your parties in the future will not be as depressing as this one was. And it wasn't even anything you did! Richie was right to have the kids not invite their school friends. He knew what was coming. Unfortunately, you can't have Teresa over without her making a scene. And Joe Gorga made one, too. So it was even worse. Do the kids a favor, next year, just have a school-friends party. I admire you wanting everyone to get along, and be the "glue", but you have to step back at some point and see the situation for what it is. As long as Teresa has rocks for brains, which is apparent and evident, there is nothing you can do. Focus on the rest of your family, and enjoy yourself. Maybe Teresa will see that and decide that it's finally time to change her ways. Kathy's grade for the week: A (for effort and for staying positive).

Melissa: I am so glad you didn't get into it with Teresa at the pool party. You were playing with all of the kids and socializing, which is what you're supposed to do at a family function. Good for you. And props to you for not getting involved in your husband and Teresa's conversation. That right there shows that you respect their relationship enough to stay out of it and let them have their time together. I honestly do not believe that you are this gold-digging horsey-faced tramp, which you were so eloquently called by Joe Giudice. I was skeptical of you at first when you came on the show last season, but I can clearly see that you're not what Joe Giudice says you are. And if for any reason you haven't been 100% honest with the audience, and you are those things, then you deserve an Oscar, an Emmy, and a Tony for pulling the wool over my eyes. Which is not easy. I have to address all the rumors about you and your past. First of all, we all have made mistakes, and if you learned from them, that's all that matters. I'm not even that interested in your past. But, it would take the wind out of certain people's sails if you would admit to whatever it is that they keep bringing up about you - if it's true. We all know what's coming - the infamous Posche fashion show - and the allegations and supposed people from your past coming forward. Like I said, I like you and I think you're being very rational this season, so hopefully all this foolishness will subside and the truth prevails. Just make sure you're on the right side of the truth, that's all. Melissa's grade for the week: A (for acting like a grown up, but Joe Gorga gets an F, I'll explain later).

Caroline: I thought the anniversary gift and festivities were sweet, and it was nice to see you and Al reminisce about your years together. That's a wonderful blessing, and I can see that both of you appreciate each other immensely. However, I need you to stop talking negatively about your body. Talking about your turkey neck and cellulite is not necessary, and I have a feeling that's where Lauren gets her screwed up ideas about body image. Just stop criticizing yourself and maybe Lauren will, too. I don't blame you for not going to the pool party, because it was going to be a Teresa-fest, and I hope you let Kathy know exactly why you didn't show up. It isn't Kathy's fault that Teresa ruins every function she attends. I can see that you have nothing but animosity towards Teresa - and you may be completely right about her. I actually agree with you that she is insane, but saying that Melissa is a younger, better version of Teresa may be a tad bit over the line. I say, take all that animosity and turn it into something productive. I mean, you can only hold on to so much anger towards Teresa for so long. Let it go and channel that energy into a new project. Maybe a book of your own or a podcast or another radio show? And for the record, I'm so jealous of the Jaguar. But I'll get mine someday, too. I want a black one, though. Caroline's grade for the week: C (because she can do better at this point).

Jacqueline: The scene with Ashlee was a little hard to watch, because Ashlee was in a bad mood and the attitude crept back in. But the conversation ended on a positive note with some "I love you"s, so that was good. I was a little bit bummed that you didn't go to Kathy's pool party, but after watching the Teresa-and-Joe-bomb go off, it was for the best. You would have been in the middle and that's not a good look for you anymore. I liked the scene where you tried to relate your experience with Dina to Teresa's, and her reaction was priceless. Deflect, deflect, deflect. I swear NASA needs to look into what Teresa's skull is made of because that thing is impenetrable. In your blog this week, you clarify that your trainer was dealing with alcoholism at the time of shooting the episode, and she even contributed to your blog and told her story. I'm glad she had an outlet to explain her journey, because it was jarring to see this trainer go off and sneak sips out of a flask during a workout. But, hey, she got help and she's better for it now. Maybe others can learn from her story. I also want to thank you for being up front and honest in your blog and on Twitter. I know it's not always easy, but your candidness is appreciated. And all this happened a year ago! Reliving it probably doesn't always feel great. So thanks for keeping it real. Jacqueline's grade for the week: B (for working on her issues with Ashlee and trying to get through to Teresa).

Teresa: I left you for last for a reason. I'm not going to treat you with kid gloves anymore. I was disgusted with you and your husband this week. You do not listen to anyone, ever. I take that back. You listen to Joe Giudice, which is much, much worse. When a grown man calls another man's wife a tramp and says he knows who she's been with, whether it's true or not - it's out of line. I know Richie jokes about you and says you're a pea brain, but he has never talked about you in a sexual connotation. Joe Giudice spoke about Melissa in a sexual context and that is not right. You cannot spin that one. And like I said, even if it is true, number one - it's none of his business, and number two - if it was true, it was in the past, and she's a wife and mother now. I'm sure Joe Giudice made mistakes in his past, and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't appreciate someone bringing them up over and over. His current mistakes are out in public, and he's all butt hurt that people talk about them now. And then, for you to LAUGH as he calls Melissa all those horrible names, calls Kathy a frog face, and calls Rosie a BUTCHIE BOY??? Really?? Did Joe Giudice learn NOTHING from his F-word debacle? Joe Giudice is the worst kind of assh*le - he's proud of it. And apparently, so are you. Because you laughed at it, and you participated in it. Joe Giudice's motive becomes clear when he yells: "YOU DON'T NEED ANYBODY". So that's it. You don't need friends or family, because you have him. I wish I could pry your eyes open to see how f*cked up that man is. And you defend him in your blog, saying that he's old school. I'm sorry. That's not old school. That's psychotic. But enough about Joe Giudice. Let's address some of the things YOU said this week. Such as, Gia didn't like Melissa at first and kids have great intuition. Well, let's see. Kids take their cues from their parents, and you obviously didn't like Melissa (EVER), so that mystery has been solved. Then, you tell your brother that you're never going to tell him anything ever again, because he told Melissa about your comment regarding Melissa leaving your brother for a richer man. From now on, I'm calling it the "richer man" comment. To save time. Be real, Teresa. You tell your husband everything. It was proven during your lovely conversation mentioned earlier. So, don't be surprised that your brother tells his wife whatever he wants. And even if you have a problem with it, it's none of your business. He is married. He is a father. That is his primary concern. You are always going to be siblings, but he has to put his wife and kids first, just like you do. What the eff is so hard to understand about that?? Now, your brother was wrong for a few things - first, he should have left Joe Giuidice out of the conversation all together. Second, he should not have said he was "an angel", because let's face it, none of us are. Third, he should not have said that "God will punish you", because that was way out of line. You two definitely are related, because you both fight dirty. I will also let you know that calling Melissa the C-word probably hurt your case more than anything else. Your true feelings are out there, now, honey, so now, you have to DEAL WITH IT. No fake magazine apologies, no more vague blame-shifting blogs. OWN IT. Be the b*tch and stand by what you say. If you would just own your sh*t, people would at least give you credit for being honest. But you try to act like you have no idea why people are upset with you and it's all their fault. PLEASE. PLEASE be REAL. I know this all happened a year ago, but I swear, if you show up to the reunion with the same batsh*t attitude you had at the last reunion, you lose. You become the villain( you kind of already are), but you have time to turn it around. And if you don't believe me, just ask Danielle Staub and Jill Zarin how being the psycho villain worked out for them. Teresa's grade for the week: F (obviously).

Final thoughts: At this point, that therapy session needs to happen with Teresa and her brother STAT! No more one on one conversations, because neither of them are any good at those. THERAPY is MADE for people like this. Therapy will do wonders for them. Joe Gorga - you were so wrong for calling your sister a f*cking b*tch. That was not okay. Just as wrong as what she called your wife. No matter how upset you were, there was no excuse for that. Rosie, you are amazing and wonderful and if you want to have short hair and wear cute caps, DO YOU, like I know you will. You're beautiful just the way you are. Lastly, any Teresa fans that can explain how she's right for any of this craziness, please tweet me. If you can rationally and logically explain it, I will quote you in next week's blog.

There you have it, kids, you know what to do. Tweet me!