Friday, July 13, 2012


This week's Real Housewives of New York left me completely exhausted. With a couple of exceptions, all of the scenes were pretty maddening. Now, I know all of the Housewives shows are catty and obnoxious (that's why I love them), but something about this group takes the cake. They take the cake, throw it in each other's face, then smear it all over each other, essentially. You get where I'm going with this. Sometimes it's just TOO MUCH. The only saving grace is that Jill isn't there to join in. I don't even want to picture how she'd be behaving with this crew right now.

Back to the episode. The ladies are in London, well, most of them are, and it's ... a disaster.

Luann: Do you ever get tired of tooting your own horn? Because I'm sure as hell sick of it. Carole's right. Everything someone else does, you've done bigger and better. Now, maybe you're just carrying on a conversation the only way you know how, but this is not the first time people have said this about you. I did enjoy you breaking your own etiquette rules and eating some of your dinner before the other ladies came back to the table. You rebel, you! (Sarcasm) Anywhoo, in addition to calling people Pumpkin Head and Groucho Marx (how are either of those endearing, by the way), you still have this superiority complex that I just can't wrap my head around. I can't believe you really buy into the Countess thing, after all these years, so what the hell is it? Do you really think you're that much better than everyone else? Luann's grade for the week: F (because if she called me Pumpkin Head, I would have popped her in her Pineapple Face).

Sonja: I usually love your free spirit but you were kind of annoying on this London trip, too. Did the plane ride make you go kookoo? (Shout out to Kellamity Bensimon!) But seriously, you were all over the place. I know if I was there, it would have driven me nuts. Oh, and give Carole a break! You and Luann were giving her the business the whole episode. What gives? Not to mention Heather's glasses. Not cool. Sonja's grade for the week: D (for being almost as annoying as Luann).

Heather: If I have to hear friggin' Yummy Tummy one more time, I swear on my glasses ... seriously. I'm glad your business is doing so well and I love that you have all these international partners (including a wonderful Queen), but it's becoming overkill at this point. If you're not talking bad about Ramona, you're shoving Yummy Tummy down our throats. I really didn't even care that you made people stand up at the dinner and introduce themselves. If I was on the trip, I would have eaten as soon as I got off the plane. That's just me, though. I did think it was lame that some of the ladies were complaining at your function. That wasn't cool. And as you read before, I think it was harsh to call you Groucho Marx. Please tell me you caught that shade! And why didn't you give it right back to Sonja and Luann??? Where was your "Holla!" then??? Heather's grade for the week: C (because she should have put Sonja and Luann in their place when they threw that shade at her).

Carole: You have my utmost sympathy for going on a trip with quite possibly the most irritating people on Earth (I've been there). You handled it well, though. Every time Luann one-upped you or Sonja made a comment about you not wearing a bra, you were cool and calm. And believe me, it drove them nuts. I can't wait till next week, though, when you crack a little and give Luann some of her own medicine. That is going to be fantastic. I understand why you didn't want to stand up during the dinner, because it wasn't what you signed up for. Sure, Luann had to rub it in by making a show of standing up right after you, but you don't follow the crowd. You do your own thing. It's why you're the coolest Housewife. Carole's grade for the week: A (because she handled that group better than I would have).

Aviva: I also felt a little sorry for you this week - for having to deal with Ramona. And you know, I love me some Ramona. But you handled it like a pro. Maybe because you're a mom, you went into mommy mode, and chances are you can calmly explain the whole prosthetic leg thing in your sleep by now. It must be tiring to have to explain it over and over to everyone who asks. Or maybe it's the kind of people who demand an explanation who are tiring. Either way, you were great with Ramona even though she was over the top about the whole thing. I can see where you and Ramona are going to drift apart pretty soon. Although I'm not particularly happy about it, I definitely understand it. Aviva's grade for the week: A (for not smacking Ramona upside the head like I would have wanted to).

Ramona: You are just out of it this season! What the eff??? I can't condone your over the top behavior with Aviva. I mean, come on. I can't believe you've never seen a prosthetic before (on tv or in person). And in Giuseppe Zanotti? A crime to behave that way. I would never. As for your Learning Annex appearance, you really went overboard. They're getting the damn table! What's so hard to understand about that? Like I said, exhausting. I would tell you to have some Pinot and relax, but I won't. Instead, how about a Xanax? Ramona's grade for the week: F (for being even more over the top than usual).

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