Monday, August 29, 2011

Deja Jersey/Miami/Jersey All Over Again

Welcome back, friends! Hope everyone had an amazing weekend and that all of my east coast readers are safe and sound.

Jersey Shore was an absolute MESS last night, but in the best way possible. I gotta talk about the "fight" between Ron and Mike. Um, did Mike actually bang his head against the concrete wall on purpose? Yes, yes he did. And then he said it wasn't the first time he's done that? Yup. Wow, Mike's more of a psycho than I thought. I have to say a small piece of me did feel bad for him when he was crying by himself with his neckbrace on. However, Mike, this is important: You cannot expect people to feel sorry for you anymore. You decided to play the "villain" (your words, Mike, not mine), so now you have to be willing to take it when no one wants to be around you, much less nurse you back to health. You may be a nice person outside of the show, but your actions are what landed you where you are. Take a break from being the house jackass, and just be yourself. I bet you'll get a lot more love from your roommates.

And as for the fight itself ... I think confusing is the best word for it. Let's be real. They didn't really fight at all. They wrestled and threw each other around but that was about it. We know Ronnie can throw a punch (remember: "one shot! one shot", anyone?), but something was a little off about this "fight". Maybe they were really intoxicated and just couldn't land any punches?

Now, the whole reason these two went at it, supposedly, is that Sam finally told Ron that Mike spilled the beans about his little "5 girls" comment. Honestly, I think Sam could have said Mike didn't like Ron's new chain and Ron would have snapped. These two just really can't stand each other. Mix in a little Sam drama and you got yourself a recipe for disaster, and head trauma.

Of course, Sam had to make it all about her, even as Mike was being taken away in a friggin' stretcher. If I have to hear Sam wail "STAAAAAAPPPP-uh!!" one more time, I may have head trauma myself. This girl is truly delusional. It's not always about you, Sam! Yes, you essentially caused the "fight", but at a certain point (when someone is on a stretcher going to the hospital, perhaps), it stops being about you.

Sam and Ron continue to argue and Jenni almost falls to her knees begging Sam to leave the room. But Sam cannot let Ron and Jenni be in the same room together, because ... well ... that's right she has no good reason to not let them speak. Sam hated Jenni for the whole anonymous letter mess, and has always been jealous of JWOWW. Let's be honest here, Sammi. If Ronnie wanted Jenni, he would have pursued her and not you. So, grow up and let the adults speak.

Sam then decides it's a great idea to put all of the gifts that Ron bought her on his bed. You know, because she doesn't want them anymore, because they're "done". Ron sees this and throws everything in the garbage. Sam freaks out ("those are diamond earrings") and takes the stuff out of the garbage. Make a decision honey. Either you want the stuff or you don't. And seeing as how there's always a 50/50 chance you're going to give it another try with this dude, you definitely want this stuff. Sam takes the stuff and sulks in her room like the overgrown baby we've all come to see her as.

Sam - I'm going to be real with you. Your approach to men sucks. You have no idea how crazy you're making yourself look. Seriously. Stop with the whining and the complaining and the crazy accusations and jealousy. No man is going to put up with that forever. Not even Ronnie. Every season, I hope you watch yourself and learn something. And every season, you come back and say you've grown up. But you haven't. For the love of spray tan, get a self-help book, get some self-esteem, and get some therapy.

Oh, but the drama's not over, folks! Ron actually buys this girl roses on his way home from the club with the boys (where Pauly D almost got in a fight! What?!). She immediately asks if he brought a girl home. Um ... really??? I can't with this girl. I said it before and I'll say it again. Sam: you are the new Angelina. Someone please help this girl. The episode ends with Sam fishing the roses out of the garbage, since Ron threw them away in disgust.

There was, of course, more going on in this episode, but not much else, to be honest. What were your thoughts on this episode? Tweet me @humorandspice!