Friday, February 1, 2013

Y'All Can't Handle Me - Roxxxy Andrews - RuPaul's Drag Race Season V

Hello, my lovelies! It's Friday and you know what that means! I'm so happy RuPaul's Drag Race is back. There is something so magical about this show, I'm telling you. It brings me so much joy to see what the queens come up with for the challenge and also for their runway looks. Not to mention the SHADE OF IT ALL! Ah, the shade is magnificent. Glorious, really. But I digress. Let's talk about the premiere episode for just a moment. The queens had to do an underwater photoshoot with the YUMMY Mike Ruiz. I'll mention the specifics later when I rate the queens individually, but it reminded me of season 1 when the girls got doused with hoses while washing cars in the first episode. Memories! The main challenge was super cute - a tour bus ride through Bev Hills (complete with a cameo from Camille Grammer, HOLLA!) followed by dumpster diving for fashion. The gurls mopped everything they could get their hands on returned to the workroom to turn their trash into red carpet couture.

I have to talk about this season's cast - SUCH A FUN GROUP!! I love most of the personalities, all of the drama, and I get to be in awe of all the fishiness. There's something for everyone - there are serious queens, mean queens, annoying queens, funny queens, kooky queens, and of course, drama queens. I honestly love each and every one of them. So, I won't be giving grades, but simply assessing whether or not I think they'll last in the competition. Once we get down to a smaller number of queens, the more traditional grades will be handed out.

This week's guest judges were Camille Grammer and Mike Ruiz, which Mike should just be on the panel permanently (Santino can go, sorry not sorry). And my mutha Michelle Visage was radiant this week, as always. I love her speaking Spanish, too! Que bella, indeed!

RuPaul, as always, was a delight. I can't tell you how much I love RuPaul for bringing us this show, so I'll just leave it at - Ru is EVERYTHING. Enough said.

In alphabetical order:

Alaska (Thunderfuck): Personality-wise, you made a great impression in my opinion. You were personable, you poked fun at yourself, you were the first one naked (and per Coco, you're well endowed, so points for that), and you pulled it together for the runway quite nicely. The one thing that bugged me was when you gave up in the tank. That pissed me off, as did your whining. How dare you give up like that??? At that moment I was like, disqualified! BUT, you proved that you're still in this thing. Just don't ever quit like that again. If you focus up, you will most likely stay in the competition. I'm predicting at least top 5 for you.

Alyssa Edwards: Well, you certainly bring drama and intrigue, that's for sure! I was not impressed with your runway look, but I'm hoping you have more to show us as the show goes on. I don't doubt you have major performance skills so I'm looking forward to seeing that, too. The whole thing with Coco is already getting old, so you might as well bite the bullet and have the big argument and get it over with. Delaying it isn't gonna help anyone. As far as you taking from the other girls' styles for runway, it didn't really bother me that much, surprisingly - I'm guessing you were nervous and kind of panicked and tried to incorporate everything you could so you would make it through. Just don't make a habit out of it. I'm predicting at least top 10 for you.

Coco Montrese: You cracked me up on this episode. You had awesome one liners and very clever quips, which as everyone knows, if you make me laugh, I'm pretty much gonna love you. I loved your runway look because it was one of the more off beat looks of the bunch. The tension with Alyssa needs to be resolved right away so we can see other storylines develop throughout the season. You are obviously a talented queen, so I'm predicting at least top 7 for you.

Detox: Definitely one of the best queens of life, much less this show. Your resume speaks for itself and I am a fan. I love your looks and your attitude - even though it can be shady, I love it. I want to see shade, I want to see claws coming out, and that's exactly what you're giving me. Your runway look was great, but I know you will be showing us major glamour all season. I cannot wait. You were the winner of the mini-challenge, which was no surprise because that pic was flawless. I'm predicting top 3 for you.

Honey Mahogany: I fell in LOVE with you on this episode! I LIVED for your entrance look (and even though Detox said it wasn't polished, I think it was). Your runway was great and your underwater photo was very good. I know you can give us more and I'm just hoping you excel above and beyond because I'm just in awe of you at this point. I'm predicting at least top 4 for you.

Ivy Winters: Can I just say, the way Ru says your name is EVERYTHING!!! Now, you are the Mistress Seamstress this season. Please use that to your advantage! I don't want to see you get lost in the crowd, but I'm super afraid that it's going to happen. Come hard next week, lady! I'm predicting at least top 12 or you.

Jade Jolie: You made a big impression on the premiere for sure. Not only did you shut it down with Serena, but your runway look caused a lot of ruckus with the judges. I love your bubbly personality and your bluntness when it comes to stating your opinion, but I want you to stay focused on getting as far as you can in this competition. You don't want to be known for going back and forth with Serena - you want to be known for giving us eleganza extravaganza! I'm predicting at least top 8 for you.

Jinkx Monsoon: My GURL! I am LOVING you this season!!! I was so proud of you for surviving the underwater photoshoot even though it was clear you couldn't swim AND you lost BOTH of your contacts. You are so friggin' likable, it's crazy. I love that you're so open with your narcolepsy because it is part of your life and you're honest about it. Again, likable! I cannot wait to see you doing Edie from Grey Gardens in Snatch Game - I can already tell you're gonna hit it out of the park. Your runway look wasn't super exciting, but I'm hoping you have better looks coming. I'm predicting at least top 9 for you.

Lineysha Sparx: My Puerto Rican Queen!!! You are living up to all the standards set by your sisters Nina Flowers, Jessica Wild, Alexis Mateo, Yara Sofia, and many more. I am loving everything you're bringing this season. Your underwater photo was sickening and your runway look was gorgeous. The personality is there and the shade is there. You are the total package, just like the judges said. I predict top 3 for you!

Monica Beverly Hillz: With a Z! LOL! I am really looking forward to seeing you blossom this season. You have great style and of course, great face, but there is something holding you back. I want you to kick whatever doubts you have to the curb and give us everything. I believe in you! I'm predicting at least top 11 for you.

Penny Tration: I was so sorry to see you go first, but I know you had a lot more to give us. It's a shame that things went down like that. But, you showed us a lot of personality and style and we love you for it. The runway look was harsh in some ways and your padding was a little off, and in all honesty, I know in my heart you could have done better. We just don't know why you made some of the choices you did for your runway look. Hopefully you can come back a la Shangela? You made it to the show and that's awesome because so many more people got to know you. You were gracious and humble and your attitude as you were leaving is one of the best we've ever seen.

Roxxxy Andrews: You are giving me face, FACE, FACE! And I love it! You also gave me this week's title, so thank you! LOL! Your makeup dress is fab, hunty, and don't you let these bitches forget it! I'm so excited to see what you give us every week. I haven't been this taken with a queen since probably Yara Sofia. Honestly. You are stunning. The runway look - bangin'. And the side cut-outs, super hot. I loved the makeup, and I'm not a big fan of black lips, but your mug was beat for the gods. I'm expecting big wins from you from now on. I'm predicting top 3 for you, my dear.

Serena Cha Cha: Well, you didn't give us much to enjoy about you, but you are super young. So, congrats on getting here at the tender age of 21. That is a huge accomplishment. Your attitude, not so much. You came across as full of yourself and to be frank, disrespectful. The erratic and annoying behavior in the workroom was very unnecessary. I don't know what actually led to you screaming/singing, but it was not cute, hun. Your runway look was not as great as it could have been. And your underwater photo was just your legs (I think Mike called them "frogs legs" - not good). I hate to be negative, because your face is so pretty, but I don't think you will continue after next week. I may be wrong.

Vivienne Pinay: Gorgeous! And fierce! I really loved your Bettie Page entrance look, which worked amazingly well with the underwater photo. And your runway look was really cute. I loved that you gave it to Serena and let her know exactly what you were thinking about her behavior. You have an amazing look and I really can't wait to see what you do in the upcoming challenges. I'm predicting top 6 for you.

So, there you have it! Here's the list in order of my rankings:

Roxxxy Andrews - Top 3
Lineysha Sparx - Top 3
Detox - Top 3
Honey Mahogany - Top 4
Alaska Thunderfuck - Top 5
Vivienne Pinay - Top 6
Coco Montrese - Top 7
Jade Jolie - Top 8
Jinkx Monsoon - Top 9
Alyssa Edwards - Top 10
Monica Beverly Hillz - Top 11
Ivy Winters - Top 12
Serena Cha Cha - Top 13

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