Part 1 of the Real Housewives of Orange County finale was friggin' epic. There was so much going on, that I was actually sad that it wasn't a two hour episode. And that's saying a lot because there have been some snoozer episodes this season. Heather's naming party was so over the top amazing, I want to change my name to Dubrow, too. Thank you to ImaJustSaying on Twitter for showing us Kara's (Jeana's daughter) nip slip that I totally did not see while watching the show. Crazy! Maybe it was karma for her making such a big deal about being at the same party as Tamra (a poncho? Really?). And let's address Miss Sarah right now. Bitch, you were wrong. And even if your a raging diabetic, there is no reason you had to break of a piece off the cake. No sugar problem in the world warrants that kind of bullshit. Your problem is, you don't like Heather and for SOME reason (ahem, Bravo producers), you went to her party, and you wanted to steal a little of her shine. That was the dumbest, most unnecessary, passive aggressive move I've ever seen. And no, it does not give you Housewife status. So take that off your Twitter name immediately. Sober up and eat that friggin' Oreo Heather gave you, and sit down!
Alexis: You really need to rethink who's on your team. Get as far away from Sarah as possible and make up with Gretchen. I'm glad you wanted to defend Sarah and be a good friend to her, but she was wrong, wrong, wrong. And you telling everyone that it wasn't a big deal was super annoying. Also, if it's such a burden being on this show and dealing with these women, there's the door. Don't let it hit you on the way out. Alexis' grade for the week: F (because I'm sick of her whining all the time).
Gretchen: I loved that you were so happy for Tamra and Eddie getting engaged. That was really nice to see. I think you're a real, genuine friend and unfortunately, Alexis is just a brat who can't take advice. Bottom line, you were there for her enough to be real with her and she couldn't take it. I'm glad you're not in a hurry to get married. You're entitled to have your concerns and you shouldn't do it unless you're ready and all of your issues with Slade are worked out - or at least in the process of being worked out. I can't wait to see you react to Sarah on next week's episode. Get her out of there! Gretchen's grade for the week: A (because I think she's a good friend, regardless of what Alexis says).
Vicki: I don't know where Brooks got that fur coat (gross), but if he can't afford his own dental work, he can't afford a f*cking mink coat. Get real. Now, you're in LaLaLand at Heather's party and I was going to forgive all that, until I saw the preview for next week when you and Tamra have a screaming match. Good God, Vicki. Please do not come back next season. You refuse to listen to what anyone has to say. Your way is the only way. Do you know how frustrating that is to everyone else? I just hope you wake up and see that everyone's perception of Brooks is what it is for a reason. And you don't help matters by being so defensive. I did love how appalled you were with Sarah, though. We're on the same page there. Vicki's grade for the week: D (because she needs to get a grip, fast).
Tamra: I am really happy that you apologized for the wine incident with Jeana. I hope you are able to control your anger better in the future. But, according to the previews for next week, you and Vicki get into it and it's not pretty. I think you are a happier person now that you're with Eddie, but Angry Tamra is still in there. May I suggest therapy? Just a thought. You were also anti-Sarah and I totally agree with you on that. She was so wrong. Tamra's grade for the week: B (for apologizing to Jeana - I can't count next week's preview against her, gotta watch and grade that week on its own).
Heather: Your face was PUH-RICELESS when you were telling the girls about Sarah tearing off a piece of the bow on your cake and chowing down on it. So funny. I know you were pissed, but that was so hilarious to me. I don't think you overreacted at all. She should have apologized. Instead, she wanted to argue. You really should have asked her to leave right then and there and told her to take Alexis with her. Sarah got off easy, in my opinion, and you gave her an Oreo! For her sugar problem! I love it! Your party was gorgeous, by the way. I really hope you come back next season. Heather's grade for the week: A (for her facial expressions alone, you know I love me some facial expressions).
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