RHOBH - I'm Closing for Jennifer Lopez - Paris Hilton

Happy Friday! Now, let me know if you disagree, but wasn't this week's RHOBH really boring? This show is going downhill fast. I will go ahead and give them grades, but I feel like we've already talked about all this stuff before. So it's just getting really repetitive to talk about the same bullshit every single week. We need to move on, ladies! And gentlemen! Can I just shout out Paris Hilton and her "closing" for J.Lo? Yeah. She actually said that. Here are the grades!

Kyle (and Mauricio): Thank you, Kyle for telling Mauricio to can it at the dinner. Were you tipsy, Mauricio? That's the only reason I can think of that you wouldn't just shut up after all the chaos died down. Kyle, you were actually pretty tame this week, but I was disappointed you didn't make one Mannequin joke the whole time you were at that store. LOL! At the gallery, you definitely werked that headband/hippie look. I'm not saying it was the best fashion choice you ever made, but you werked it. Mauricio, I liked the bottle of gin as a peace offering, but you are too damn sensitive! Lisa made it clear they had to leave and it had nothing to do with you. It was awkward because you and Kyle are clearly on Adrienne and Paul's side - but you chose that side! You can't be mad when you get a little static because of it. Kyle and Mauricio's grade for the week: C (Kyle was alright but Mauricio got on my last nerve).

Lisa (and Ken): I loved that you both were so unbothered by the whole Mauricio thing, to the point where his bottle of booze barely registered! Hilarious! But still, it was a nice gesture so maybe a bigger thank you was in order. You two just make me laugh and I love that you defend Brandi but you also back off when necessary. You two have bigger things to worry about than this drama. Lisa and Ken's grade for the week: A (I love them, so sue me!).

Adrienne (and Paul): It's hard to really relate to you (both of you) right now because of the secrecy, because of the divorce, and because of the whole dating Rod Stewart's son thing. I'm just saying. But based on the brief appearance you made on this episode, you're standing united against Brandi's statement, which we still don't know what that even was, but ok, you're not going down without a fight. We get it. It's just hard for me to sympathize with people who won't even give us the story from their own perspective. How am I supposed to be on your side when I don't know what your side is? Adrienne and Paul's grade for the week: Pass (I can't grade them because I feel like there's too much I don't know).

Brandi: Thank you for finally getting up and walking away from that shit show of a dinner. You had to put a stop to all the back and forth about something that is ultimately your move to make. You are speaking to your lawyer - who is talking to Adrienne's lawyer. End of story. At the gallery, I liked how you were being very friendly to everyone and inviting everyone to Vegas. Nice gesture, absolutely. About Marisa, I can see where you're coming from, but you have to stop blurting out what you think about other people's relationships. It's ok to not state every single opinion you have (says the blogger who hands out imaginary report cards to reality stars every week). Brandi's grade for the week: B (she has to be careful with expressing herself and maybe work on getting a filter as soon as possible).

Taylor: Taylor, Taylor, Taylor. You always have to make it about you. Put down the wine and pick up the phone and call your therapist. This is just getting crazy. You have such animosity towards Yolanda because you can't stand that she has her shit together. How dare you comment on her marriage, which you know nothing about, and furthermore, who are you to imply anything based on David's marriage to your friend? That whole scene was ugly and you came across as a crazy, jealous nutcase. Please, focus on yourself and do not spout off your sob story to get the spotlight back on you ... with that said, you were totally fine at the gallery where ... you were drinking water! Stick with water, hun. Taylor's grade for the week: D (she made a complete ass out of herself at the dinner but was ok at the gallery).

Yolanda: It takes a certain kind of person to work so well with their ex, so I give you lots of credit. I have to bring this up, even though I know you won't care, but your comment to the construction guys at Mohammed's house was a little out of line. You aren't the first to say they need to learn English, and you won't be the last, but let's be real. It's not for you to tell anyone what they need to do. You're in California (so am I) and the whole bilingual thing is a sore subject that maybe you're not aware of. A lot of these guys just want to go to work, do a good job, and leave it at that. They're not trying to get approval or English lessons from you. In a sense, who are you to tell them what to do? They're doing their job. And if you want English speaking workers, that's who you should hire. Just saying. I loved the finished product, by the way. Yolanda's grade for the week: C (her comments about learning English didn't sit well with me, but that has more to do with my background and history than it has to do with what she said).

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RHOBH - "Shut the Fuck Up" Part 2 - Brandi Glanville

Happy Friday, kids! Just letting you know, all blogs will be posted on Fridays from now on, so start your weekends with me and my judgmental grading system for reality stars! Cool? Cool! Now, let's get into this week's RHOBH. There was a Moroccan dinner which turned into a shouting match, big surprise with that was Mauricio and Ken getting into it, which I'll dissect a little later. And Kim and Kyle had a really nice moment there, which was lovely. Brandi is still the center of attention/controversy and Taylor did her best to change that - didn't work but, nice try. And shout out to Marisa for wearing the same dress as Kyle does in her confessionals! Holla! It's time to hand out the grades ...

Taylor: What exactly was your point at the dinner? Because it went from your lawsuit, to your finances, to Adrienne, to dating, then back around to not walking away and you sort of rallying Brandi and Camille to join you in an army of ladies who aren't married at the moment ... it was all sort of bizarre. And what's with you calling Lisa "Leeeza"??? I'm just confused. Taylor's grade for the week: D (I couldn't make sense of anything you were saying!).

Lisa: That swing set area was ADORABLE!!!!! I friggin' love Ken!!!! I loved that you reminded everyone that Adrienne came after you and no one had anything to say about it when it was you being attacked. However, you stood up for yourself and didn't blurt out any personal business of hers so she really couldn't go after you much after that. And good for you for reigning Ken in because he was about to spill some more tea on Adrienne and Paul, which we would have loved, but wouldn't be good for you and Adrienne going forward and being civil with each other. Lisa's grade for the week: A (I loved how you stated the facts and left it at that). 

Brandi: I don't think you were saying that you couldn't talk to Adrienne, I think you were saying you FELT like you couldn't because she got lawyers involved. I would be scared, too, shit! And you may not want to keep talking about how Adrienne started it if you're not going to spill all the tea about everything she's done and said, because at this point, I'm ready to hear it. Tell us everything, or don't say anything. I can see why you got upset with Mauricio, because he was really spewing out unsolicited advice, and you just really didn't want to hear it. You're dealing with it your way and it wasn't his place to tell you what to do. And honestly, it's too late anyway. Ken was sweet to defend you, and I think he did that because he knows you and knows that you already admitted you were wrong, making the whole lawsuit thing unnecessary. You probably shouldn't have let Mauricio get to you so much, but I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't have gotten pissed off if I were you in that situation. Brandi's grade for the week: C (you keep talking about this stuff with Adrienne but then you get pissed off when people weigh in on it - you have to just stop talking about it).

Kyle: You're still disappointed with Kim, although you two had a really great moment at dinner before Mauricio started his manifesto about what Brandi should do about Adrienne. I don't blame you for staying quiet while Mauricio said what he needed to say but damn, you could have told him to wrap it up a lot sooner. It really was unnecessary for him to get all worked up about it. About Kim, I've told you this a million times, when you stop expecting so much from her, you can just appreciate what she does do. She showed up, she apologized, just be happy with that. Kyle's grade for the week: C (the stuff with Kim is getting so old).

Kim: I was dying when you kept saying in your confessional, "when was I supposed to go to your house?" LOL! You clarified on Watch What Happens Live that you never had definite plans with Yolanda, but let's be real, you could have just blown off whatever plans you two had. Which isn't a crime! But we all know you're not good for keeping appointments. I loved that you apologized to Kyle but you two have a long way to go. Maybe you two need some distance because whenever you get too close, you start to provoke each other. You have a lot of issues piled up between you and your sobriety is the most important thing for you right now. But it was nice to hear you say on WWHL that you and Kyle are doing good right now. Your advice to Brandi was accurate - she shouldn't blurt out stuff about people - so I'm not mad at you for contributing to the discussion in that way. Kim's grade for the week: A (I loved the lifecoach, I loved the apology, and I wasn't mad at your candor at the restaurant). 

Yolanda: You're so out of place with these lunatics, but yet, you tell them exactly like it is. "Drink this juice." "Do this cleanse." "Call her." "Keep calling her." It's very school teacher and I like it! It just makes me laugh that you try to help these ladies out when they couldn't be more inclined to do the exact opposite. You get this week's Honorable Mention! 

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RHOBH - We're All Human

Hi, friends! I finally watched RHOBH and ... it was just ok for me. I don't know if I'm just growing out of it or if we're just in reality tv slump, but this episode wasn't super entertaining to me. I'm sure next week will have a lot more excitement, including a blow up between Ken and Mauricio. So, I will cool my proverbial jets until then. In the meantime, let's hand out some grades. Again, if your favorite lady didn't get a grade, she didn't make enough of an impression on me one way or another.

Lisa: I thought it was very nice of you to make sure Brandi was ok after leaving Kyle's dinner, and then you orchestrated the sit-down with Scheanna to a T. I think your role in this episode was pretty much to introduce us to Sur and your new show Vanderpump Rules, and you succeeded. Lisa's grade for the week: A (she was a good support system for Brandi in this episode).

Kyle: I appreciated the fact that you didn't necessarily take sides at your dinner between Faye and Brandi. You let Brandi leave but you showed her you were worried about her, and then you joined the rest of your guests. I will say, watch out for Faye. She wants the spotlight and she chose your dinner to show out and embarrass Brandi. Don't think she won't do it again. About Kim being at a cigar bar, you know, you can't really react to it. All you can do is ask her about it and hope that she's honest with you. You're still hurt about not being invited to Kim's son's birthday, which is understandable, but not surprising. We are talking about Kim here. I really liked the scene with you and Marisa doing yoga - you both were really funny together. Kyle's grade for the week: B (she handled the dinner party as best she could in spite of Faye).

Taylor: I know you got a lot of heat for this week's episode, but - you're gonna be shocked - I wasn't at all bothered by your behavior this week. You got upset about settling your lawsuit with some of your possessions, which I can sort of understand. My only issue is, if you're that hard up for money, meaning you thought you had a trust and it was empty, wouldn't you sell some of your possessions just to survive? I've never been in your situation, but when I was extremely broke at one point, I pretty much sold every piece of jewelry I had, which I totally regret now. But I had to do what I had to do. So, it's a little hard for me to feel sorry for you when you say you have no money, yet you have designer bags and probably a lot more in the way of tangible assets that you could use to live. Does that make sense? I'm just saying, if I were you, I would have sold all my shit a long time ago to pay for bills and settle lawsuits, and the only tears I would have shed would have been grateful tears - grateful to have the good fortune to have all that good shit to sell in the first place. Again, I'm just saying. Taylor's grade for the week: C (she's doing what she thinks is best even though I don't understand it).

Yolanda: It was great to see you with your family, but ... you gotta watch what you say. I'm sure you got flack for the lesbian comment. I understood what you meant about sports changing your daughter's body and that probably wouldn't be good for her modeling career. No problem there. But to say that you thought she was a lesbian because she wore basketball clothes to school everyday was not cool. In my experience, sometimes girls wear clothes that cover up their changing bodies because they're still not comfortable with what's happening physically. It certainly doesn't mean they're lesbians. And if she were a lesbian, I'm sure you wouldn't have a problem with it. Your comment was an off the cuff joke of sorts and I can see where you were going, but as you probably already know, some will rake you over the coals for that kind of statement. Yolanda's grade for the week: C (I don't think she realizes how some of the things she says come across to viewers).

Adrienne: It was nice to see you and Paul working on your skin care line. It was a nice scene overall, with the typical bickering we've come to expect from the two of you. When you said you were taking a break from the "girls" I honestly thought that was a great move on your part. It looked like you were focusing on your family and letting the smoke clear before jumping back in to the drama. And I believe you when you say the comments Brandi made stirred up trouble in your marriage. However, the trouble was there all along. Adrienne's grade for the week: B (she's laying low this week, which is smart).

Brandi: I thought it was cool of you to talk to Camille before meeting with Scheanna, since you both had similar experiences with ex-husbands. And Lisa was there for you in a major way, which I love as well. The talk with Scheanna was actually very productive and almost uplifting. I'm sorry that you had to find out some not so pleasant things about people that you thought were your friends, but honestly, they were probably covering for Eddie and thinking they were somehow protecting you. Or they just didn't want to get involved. I was proud of you for showing Scheanna a little kindness at the end by touching her shoulder - it showed you're not a vindictive person. It was almost as if once you heard her side and she acknowledged what she did was wrong, you could see her as a person and not this monster that ruined your life. She was human, finally, in that moment and you could really just communicate with her and leave the past behind. Brandi's grade for the week: A (she had the conversation no one wants to have and ended it with class).

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RHOBH - Careful What You Ask

Happy Thursday, kids! I know this is SO late, but I wanted to hurry up and blog about RHOBH before another week slips by. Thanks again for being so patient with me, by the way. I'm back in the swing of things, and excited to share my opinions about what's been going on with the Beverly Hills ladies.

First, let's talk about these husbands, shall we? I felt so bad for Ken when he went into his surgery, but I was happy to see he made a great recovery - and had a good time bugging Lisa in the meantime. Mauricio's business is a huge success, I mean, some of those numbers he was throwing around blew my mind. That is so great. I know I could never be in real estate, I just don't have the sales gene, but anyone who is in real estate and makes a career out of it has my utmost respect. Congrats, Mauricio! Paul - well, he didn't come off so well these last few episodes. From back hair to calling Brandi a bitch at Mauricio's event, let's just say this isn't exactly Paul's finest hour.

For the record, this blog will cover the last three episodes (Episode 5, 6, and 7). So, I wanted to touch on the rest of the girls' Ojai trip before we get into the grades. Can I just say, that whole spa towel fight would have driven me crazy. I know that would have pissed me off if I was there. I get it, they were being playful and it was all in good fun. But if we're having a spa day (and this is just me), I want a friggin' spa day. We can play Capture the Flag later. I was so happy that the trip ended on a positive note and the only negativity after the Shut-the-Fuck-Up incident was on the party bus ride back to Beverly Hills. Otherwise, the drunken arm wrestling matches and gymnastics were pretty harmless - except to Yolanda's sleep that night. That would have pissed me off, too. Aren't they in a huge mansion? Why the hell couldn't they have partied in some other wing of the place? They have to do it directly above Yolanda's room? I don't understand ...

I also want to welcome Marissa Zanuck to the mix!!! I really like her!

I was going to grade Faye along with Kyle, but I want to keep Faye separate. Um, Faye, sweetheart, you went to Kyle's dinner knowing exactly what you were going to say to Brandi. Let's get that out of the way first. Now, I'm not saying you were wrong with anything you said to Brandi - but it wasn't your place to come out swinging like that. In all honesty, I think Brandi does say outlandish things and exaggerate sometimes. But you weren't at the tasting, and you weren't in on any of the conversations Brandi had with Adrienne that lead to all this. You really are just guessing and speculating. So, this is all your perception of Brandi. Which is fine, but you can't sit there and judge her when you don't really know her and you haven't really ever had interactions with her for yourself. You're taking other people's word for it, and while you say you know Adrienne and she's not a liar, that's just your experience with her. Brandi seems to have a different experience. Lisa has a different experience. But you are right, Brandi is probably going to talk about you because you've now inserted yourself in a situation that had nothing to do with you. So, congrats, I guess? Oh, and I almost died when you said "send an orchid". Bitch, really?! LOL!

Alright, now let's get down to brass tacks. I'm going in order of least controversy to most, so the first few grades are going to be pretty self-explanatory.

Yolanda: I loved seeing your playful and competitive side in Ojai, and I'm completely in awe of your healthy routine. Yeah, I woke up at 5:30 am to watch RHOBH when I should have been working out. I am a mess. Back to you. It was hilarious when you told the ladies at the table to talk like normal women - um, newsflash, this is normal to them. And we finally got to hear you say that there's nothing more classless than a drunk woman, or something to that effect. Um, bingo! LOL! You do realize you're on a Housewives franchise, right? You'd lose your shit if you were on RHOOC, just saying. We didn't see much of you on Episode 7, except for more working out - so, kudos to you, and I still really enjoy you on this show. I want you to keep giving us that playful, competitive edge so you don't become the one on the sidelines. Yolanda's grade for the week: A (she's shaming me into wanting to work out, that's a big deal).

Camille: I am so glad we finally got to see your boyfriend! But again, we do not need to hear about how he stacks up against your ex. In any way, shape, or form. It's annoying. Anyway, you were there for Kim and Kyle after Paul and Adrienne confronted Brandi at Mauricio's event, but you really didn't take a definitive side. You seemed to be letting Kim vent to you - maybe to be a buffer for her and avoid her having to face Brandi? That's just what I'm thinking you were doing. In fact, you were pretty close with Kim in Ojai, too. It was also interesting to see your reaction to Taylor comparing that situation to what happened between you two last season. I would've laughed in her face, but you were very polite about it. And I appreciated the fact that you talked about your surrogacy experience and how you can't really relate to some of the ladies on that front. Camille's grade for the week: B (no more ex talk, let's focus on that hot Greek piece!).

Taylor: Despite your best efforts, you really didn't piss me off that much over these last three episodes. I mean, you really tried it when you were "meditating" at the dinner table when Brandi announced her book deal. Two words: passive aggressive. Oh, and seriously, her divorce and your situation are two totally different things - and your book was out immediately after we learned about your late husband's suicide. You have to recognize that there is a difference there. Brandi did criticize you about it, and you took SO much offense to that, but it's ok for you to turn around and do it to her? Sounds like a hypocrite to me. Anyway, you got over it pretty fast because next thing you know it's a slumber party and you and Brandi are buddy buddy. Not sure what changed but hey, I'm fine with it. Cut to Mauricio's business event and Paul confronting Brandi. Now, hun, you know you tried it. You wanted some attention so you got all upset and flustered. I get that it was an ugly scene but you were very much trying to get the spotlight on you - not to mention you had to tell Camille that this group likes to bring up private issues in public - referencing the whole intervention the ladies had with you last season. Here's the difference. That was a private meeting of all you ladies because you were in a bad place and Camille was the only one who had the balls to come out and say what everyone already knew and what you wouldn't admit to on camera. What Paul did was at a public social event for someone's business. Again, two totally different things. I think you just like to compare everything to your own experiences because it's a chance to talk about yourself. Narcissistic much? I did appreciate you asking Brandi if she was ok after Paul left, though. That was nice of you. Taylor's grade for the week: C (because she does bring everything back to her, but at this point it's harmless).

Lisa: I don't know about anyone else, but I don't have a problem with you defending Brandi. I think you are a motherly figure to her - for example, at Shut-the-Fuck-Up-Gate, you told Brandi to apologize over and over again. I think you see something in Brandi that most people don't, and regardless of what anyone else thinks about it, you two have become close and you're going to defend her when you see fit. I don't have any issue with that. It will get you into trouble with the other ladies, but I'm sure you don't care. I'm so glad Ken is ok after his surgery and the scenes with you having to cater to him were hilarious. I love how you and Ken are with each other - the love is so easy going. There's no forcing it or anything. Which I find really comforting. I thought it was very smart of you to tell Scheana that she could not stay to talk to Brandi. No good would have come out of Brandi showing up to your house and having Scheana standing there. It would have appeared that you orchestrated it, so good for you for telling her to leave. The tasting looked like a dream. It was so beautiful and the food looked amazing. I wish you would have told Brandi to put a cork in it when she went on her Adrienne rant, but then again, maybe you did and we just didn't see it. The way it was edited made it seem like Brandi had the floor and no one told her to stop. So, that's all we have to go on - what we see on the show. As for Kyle's dinner party, I understood what you were trying to say. Kyle just wouldn't let you say it or finish your thought. That was a little disturbing, and it was even more disturbing when she brought up your problems with Adrienne. I think you handled it well, though. You didn't blow up, you just simply stated that you have moved on from your problem with Adrienne, which you have. Lisa's grade for the week: A (Lisa's been pretty fair with everyone and even though she defends Brandi, she tells her when she's wrong as well).

Kim: You were so great in Ojai, like, really great. I was hoping you would carry that peaceful, cool attitude throughout the season but I guess I was wrong. WTF? Ok, let me back up. I get that you were thrown by Brandi's anti-Adrienne PSA and big secret revelation at Lisa's tasting. I get that you wanted to give Adrienne a heads-up. I totally understand all that. But if you were so concerned, you should have called Adrienne that same day. You don't wait until she and Paul arrive at Mauricio's event and immediately tell her before she's even had a chance to sit down or have a friggin' hors d'oeuvre. That was your bad, Kim. How did you think Paul and Adrienne were going to react? It just blew my mind that you thought that that exact moment was the time and that that exact venue was the place. You clearly didn't think it through. Then, when Kyle tells you the truth, that you were wrong to do that, you snap at her. Really? I really don't care about the whole Vegas thing because whether you did invite Kyle or not - I just really don't care. I think you know that going to Vegas is a bad idea and it's bad for your sobriety but you're going to do it anyway for your son. Who, by the way, probably should have taken your whole just-got-out-of-rehab situation into account before inviting you to Vegas. Just saying. Kim's grade for the week: F (I gotta give her an F, not the time or the place, and she was so wrong to think otherwise).

Kyle: I would have been just as pissed at Kim if I were you, so I'm with you there. That's that. I'm so happy that Mauricio's doing so well. That's awesome. And I'm not mad at your daughter's new car! A Mercedes at 16 ... must be nice. But I'm not mad! LOL! You had a lot of fun in Ojai and I was happy for that, but you really gave Lisa the business for defending Lisa. Which we now know is going to be a trend with you. At the tasting, you were the one who asked Brandi what her problem was with Adrienne. So, some might say that you lit the match on that one (cough cough Kim cough cough). I don't really know what possessed you to ask Brandi that, especially if you don't want to keep the drama going. Were you asking for your own personal knowledge or was it for the cameras? I understand that when you're on a reality show, sometimes you have to discuss things on camera to facilitate the storyline at the time. It's not exactly stirring the pot, but it's just getting the conversation to go to the issue at hand. I have no problem with that if that was your intention. However, Kim is right, we all know that Brandi will say what's on her mind if you ask her. And you asked, and she told - more than anyone ever thought she would. It's definitely not your fault that she said what she said, but some would ask why you even brought it up in the first place. Moving on to your dinner party, I said before that I found it disturbing that you would bring up Lisa's problems with Adrienne. I mean, of all the things to bring up at that point. I just think it would have been better to drop the whole Adrienne topic in general. Obviously, Lisa is defending Brandi because she sees some merit in Brandi, and for some reason, that burns you up. Then, Faye gets involved, partly because you fed her your perception of the story beforehand. It's a lose-lose situation you've created. I'm glad Adrienne didn't show up to the party, but she might as well have been there because she was all over that conversation - and for no reason, really. People who like her, like her and those that don't, don't. No one is changing anyone's mind about her. But, it was disheartening to see you shut Lisa down the moment she wasn't going to chastise Brandi along with you and Faye. And it just seemed so unnecessary. Again, I don't care about the whole Vegas thing because you wouldn't have gone anyway, and if you had, you would've complained the whole time. Kyle's grade for the week: D (I don't know why she's fanning the flames between Adrienne and Brandi, or why she's so worried about Lisa defending Brandi, but it doesn't look good at all).

Adrienne: I don't know what your secret is and I don't want to know. All I need to know is what I saw - your reaction. It could have been the reaction of someone who has just been lied about or the reaction of someone who has something to hide. You tell me. It was interesting that you immediately started accusing Brandi of being a bad mother, a drug addict, and sleeping until 3 pm. Don't you think that's a little telling? Kind of like you were trying to get the spotlight off of you? We'll come back to this later. I think you were trying to draw attention to Kim at the restaurant in Ojai - I think you were signaling the other ladies to attack Brandi for making Kim cry - which was your perception of what was going on. But it backfired. I think you were enjoying Taylor's meditation bullshit at that same dinner because you wanted everyone to see Brandi as this annoying person who warranted someone having to meditate to deal with her. Did that make sense? I hope so. Anyway, I also feel that you brought up your book deal to try to one up Brandi - that's how it sounded to me. Let's go back to Mauricio's event. Now, when Kim told you and Paul what Brandi said, you both had two choices. Make a scene or don't make a scene. I think you didn't want to make a scene at first because you were laughing it off. Paul was the one who said, within Brandi's earshot, "that bitch" on purpose so she would hear. Paul was the one who set that whole fight in motion with his reaction. I don't know what Brandi said, and I don't care - Paul wanted to make a scene. I honestly don't think you wanted to, until Brandi and Paul were already screaming at each other. I totally understand you stepping in at that point, of course, because that's your husband. Where it falls apart for you, in my opinion, is when you make all these allegations against Brandi in the middle of this heated argument (about her telling this lie/secret/whatever). Isn't the "crime" here that she is accusing you of something? So your response is to accuse her of something worse and then say you're going to sue her? All I know is, your response seemed to be one of someone who has something to hide. That's all. Adrienne's grade for the week: D (I can't make heads or tails of this whole secret thing, but her reaction spoke volumes and she had been gunning for Brandi for quite some time).

Brandi: Well, you've certainly become the centerpiece of the show, haven't you! Not that it's all wine and roses, but hey, you are the hot topic. Now, I will say you should definitely have not used the F word in Shut-the-Fuck-Up-Gate. We all agree on that. You apologized and it seemed to be over. On the bus ride back to Beverly Hills, you were smart to not tell the group all the details about why you were upset with Adrienne. And I can't for the life of me remember who asked you about your issue with Adrienne? Was it Kyle? Honestly, someone tell me because I can't remember. Anyway, you held your tongue at that moment. At the tasting, though, you let it fly. I just want to know if your tirade was worthy of the hilarious fade in/fade out treatment that the Bravo editors gave it. How long was it? 10 minutes? 20? Just asking. Anyway, you said what you said and you felt like it was justified in order to prove that Adrienne is a liar. You asked about her birth experiences in Ojai and for some reason, it made it into the show. Was it just so Camille could tell us about how she can't relate because she had a surrogate? Or does that have something to do with this lie/secret/whatever? There's theories and rumors about what it is but I'll wait and see what ends up coming out on the show. At Mauricio's event, you really were a sitting duck. I think you could see the storm brewing and were absolutely powerless to stop it. Kim was spilling the beans right in front of your eyes. And you reacted to Paul's reaction. That's what happened. You took Paul's (and then Adrienne's) attacks for exactly what they were. I have to say, you could have done a lot worse. You ended up having a verbal altercation and yes, it was embarrassing. But you didn't call them out when Paul was in your face. You said "you don't want to know", which, to me, showed at least a shred of restraint on your part. And Taylor was nice enough to ask if you were ok, so there was another unexpected surprise. At Kyle's dinner party, again, you were asked about the whole Adrienne situation and you answered. Of course, Faye had to give you her analysis, which I'm sure you didn't appreciate. It was unsolicited and unnecessary! I thought it was interesting that you talked about Adrienne wanting you to take her side at last season's reunion. That does sound accurate based on what ended up happening. I truly want to know what Paul and Adrienne have done to you besides ask you to do things and say things for them. Have they threatened you? We saw the article they allegedly put out about you after Mauricio's event. But I just want to know if there's anything else that would make you so furious that you would go after them so vehemently. You were right to tell Faye that it was none of her business, by the way. You're right, you don't have to explain yourself to anyone, but you have opened the door with everything you're saying about Adrienne. So now, you are subject to the same kind of scrutiny you're putting her through. What's good for the goose and all that ... I'm anxious to see how this all plays out. Brandi's grade for the week: C (she's gotta make sure this secret/lie thing is big enough to justify all this drama she's creating but I think she definitely knows something).

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RHOBH - Oh Hi, Ojai!

I hate these kinds of episodes, because you know they're just ramping up the the real drama that's gonna happen next week. It's all the setting up before the big party, you know? Anyway, Monday's RHOBH was a lot of prep work, not so much pay off. I mean, we did get the rest of Adrienne and Lisa's talk, which was good and we got the drama at dinner at the end. But it was a whole lot of filler in between. And these ladies know about filler. But, let's get to it. And from now on, I'm only addressing the key players in the episodes, so if someone isn't mentioned, they didn't make the cut. 

Let's grade these HW's!

Kim: This trip to Ojai was totally your idea, which is great, because in other seasons you were very anti-social. So, seeing you get everyone together was very refreshing to watch. You were an awesome hostess and you kept it together even when some of the girls were bitching about the bedroom situation. You looked calm and happy. I'm really happy for you. The moments with you and Brandi talking at dinner were really touching. You recognized that even though she's not your favorite person, you had to make an effort, and you did. When you two really came together in this totally genuine private moment, you got emotional, which is totally natural. Kim's grade for the week: A (I like her a lot and I think she's come a long way).

Kyle: You kind of got slammed by Lisa at dinner for imitating her. Here's what. It probably got old, and she told you so in her way. I don't know what it is about you and Lisa this season, but there's definitely a change. You being in the middle of the whole Adrienne/Lisa thing isn't working. And I have to point out that you do an awful lot of commenting about Lisa to Adrienne and the other ladies. Not sure what that's about. Why did you feel like you had to speculate about how Lisa felt about sharing a room with Brandi? I do agree with you about Brandi telling Adrienne to shut the f*ck up at dinner. You're right, she should have said something else. Kyle's grade for the week: C (I'm not sure why she feels like she has to imitate Lisa (or mock her) and then crack jokes about her, it's making her look like a crappy friend).

Brandi: Congratulations on the book, but that title is no bueno. I think you could come up with something much better. And unless your book is about cancer, you shouldn't put the word "cancer" in the title. That's just my opinion. I do like the idea of the book, though. You're telling us how you got through all the mistakes and ups and downs in your life; and I'll probably read it just because I do like how you tell it like it is. No matter the words you choose, you do tell it like it is. I loved your photo shoot for Beverly Hills Lifestyle magazine - you looked gorgeous, thumb wrinkle and all! But seriously, you can't be so hard on yourself when it comes to your looks. I really appreciated how sincere you were with Kim at dinner on the trip and I think you two were genuinely bonding at that table. When Kim got emotional, it was real. So, I understand why you were upset when Adrienne announced it to everyone. I don't agree with the way you said it, but you were almost protecting Kim in a way. You knew what Adrienne was doing by pointing out that Kim was crying and you weren't having it. Brandi's grade for the week: B (she says it like she means it, but I wish she could choose her words more wisely!).

Lisa: I loved that you thanked Adrienne for the flowers during your sit down. I just think you're super classy, and again, you can adopt me whenever you want. I get your humor. So when you say that you didn't mean to make Adrienne that nervous or refer to the whole "hoof" thing, I know you're making light of the bullsh*t because it's so ridiculous, how can you not make fun of it? But some people will take offense to it and say that you're mean. I think you can see the humor in those incidents and laugh them off. Your conversation with Adrienne was a success for you because you got the apology you wanted (finally). And I don't blame you for not wanting to be BFF with her again, or for keeping your distance. You accepted the apology and that's that. It helps you two be civil with each other, that's all. The trust was broken and it's probably never going to be repaired. But at least you're not at war - for now. I like your friendship with Brandi and the way you encourage her. It was so generous and nice of you to have her pose for Beverly Hills Lifestyle magazine - such a sweet gesture on your part. Now, as for the trip to Ojai - you did look perturbed about the roommate situation. And you are a little bit of a diva, that's why we love you! At dinner, you snapped at Kyle, which I wasn't really expecting. But when I stopped to think about it, I would be irritated by the whole accent thing too after a while. Lisa's grade for the week: A (she has her guard up with certain people, but I don't blame her, and she seems genuine to me).

Adrienne: I applaud you for apologizing to Lisa. You knew it was the right thing to do and you did it. I don't think you really meant it, though, because you had to remind us that Lisa didn't apologize to you. She didn't apologize because she didn't spread a vicious rumor about you, she made some stupid jokes that you took way too seriously. Unless I'm wrong, in which case, please correct me. And then in Ojai, you had to make a point of saying you're getting a "better bedroom" than Lisa. Petty, petty, petty. Do you hear Lisa talking about you like that? No, because she's an adult. Why are you constantly trying to prove how much better than Lisa you are? Let's talk about the dinner. You see Kim crying and immediately announce it to the group. Why? What were you really trying to accomplish by doing that? Were you trying to imply that Brandi must have done something wrong to make her cry? But you weren't counting on Brandi actually being on Kim's side and telling you to shut the f*ck up. So you ended up looking stupid. Because you inserted yourself into a conversation that had nothing to do with you and you made it awkward for everyone. It's time for you to focus on yourself and why you feel like you need to tattle on Brandi and one-up Lisa - because it's not about them, it's about what's going on with you. Adrienne's grade for the week: D (she is looking so childish right now).

Taylor: You say Brandi is toxic because you never know what she's going to say or do. Pot, meet kettle. Taylor's grade for the week: F (you better check yourself before you wreck yourself, gurl).

Camille: Give it a rest about Frasier Crane's privates, already! (No grade, I just wanted to tell her that!)

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RHOBH - It's Not Always About YOU

Monday's episode of RHOBH was actually very tame, and I don't mean that in a bad way, by any means. Tame is good sometimes! There was plenty of talking behind people's backs which will definitely affect future episodes. Paul and Mauricio walked at a domestic violence event as a favor to Taylor, which was super fun to watch. Portia's birthday party was a success, and Kyle did a great job putting it together. Of course, there was static between some of the ladies, but they had the decency to not let it get out of control. But I gotta admit, I can't wait to see what happens when Adrienne and Lisa meet up next week.

But the shade of the week goes to Bravo for telling us (via caption) who Dana was ("Taylor's friend") when she showed up to Portia's party! LOL! I got my life from that! If they did the same for Camille, let me know, because I probably missed it from laughing so hard.

It's report card time!

Yolanda: Your daughter is gorgeous! I mean, wow. I think you are a little bit of a stage mom, even though you try to control it. But you are gonna get backlash for the "Chinese eyes" comments. I know you were describing the shape of the eye makeup, but it was not the best choice of words. You will learn that the hard way. It was nice of you to send Portia a birthday gift, by the way. Yolanda's grade for the week: C (because she has to learn to not use some of those phrases anymore).

Taylor: Every time I want to like you, you make me mad. You really didn't have to sit there at Portia's party and tell Adrienne and Kim about Brandi's joke at the Villa Blanca party about sleeping with everyone in Beverly Hills. I'll give you a pass for not saying hi to Brandi when you clearly saw her sitting there, but come on. As soon as she leaves, you're talking sh*t. I don't care if you like her or not. A kid's birthday party wasn't the place for you to talk about some third-hand-gossip. And correct me if I'm wrong, but was your speech slurred at Portia's party? Mmmm hmmm. Taylor's grade for the week: D (for being stank for absolutely no reason).

Kyle: You did an awesome job with Portia's party and I have to commend you for not participating in the sh*t talking. You were totally right to try to get Brandi to stay and enjoy the party. I can see why you would want the ladies to be able to be civil and take steps toward resolving their issues. Especially, because the party was a neutral place. But, you can't force people, either. I was happy to see you and Kim getting along! I think when you sit back and relax and let people do their own thing, you're free to give your opinion without looking pushy. Kyle's grade for the week: B (because she was a great hostess, and she stopped pushing the ladies to make up just in time to not look controlling).

Brandi: It was nice of you to go to Portia's party. I think Kyle really appreciated that. And I think it was a smart move to try to stick it out even though Taylor made you feel uncomfortable. I wish you would have ignored it and had a good time instead of leaving early, though. I know why you left, don't get me wrong. And I really appreciate the fact that you didn't start any nonsense at the party. Brandi's grade for the week: B (because she did her best to be friendly, and when she got annoyed, she took herself out of the situation instead of letting it get worse).

Kim: You showed up to Portia's party, which was really nice. But I would have gotten so annoyed with all the boyfriend questions. You handled it nicely. And you do look really good. I'm proud of you. Kim's grade for the week: A (because I definitely see improvement!).

Camille: I was so happy to see you on this week's show! I think you were a very positive presence at Portia's party and you got along with everyone. But you were a little heavy on the questions with Kim. Kick back! Anyway, I hope we see you again on the show soon. Camille's grade for the week: B (because she is fun overall).

Lisa: I LOVED your outfit at Portia's party!!! Those green sunglasses were everything! And the llama scene was hilarious. You are so lucky that llama didn't tinkle in Kyle's house. I believe you did have a meeting to go to, and even if you didn't, it's no one's business. I just happen to think that you were telling the truth. But we don't know and really, it doesn't matter. You showed up for Portia and that's all that matters. Lisa's grade for the week: A (because she was delightful this week).

Adrienne: I need for you to tell Paul to get off of Lisa's jock! Well, you can't anymore, but I'll say it. Paul, get off Lisa's jock! Seriously. Paul was asking about Lisa more than anyone else. Am I the only one that sees a problem with this? Anyway, Adrienne, I really think you need to stop taking everything Lisa does or doesn't do so personally. Lisa doesn't want to speak to you because she's over you. It's not that serious. And the fact that Kyle doesn't want to get involved doesn't mean she's protecting Lisa. It means she doesn't want to get involved. Period. And Lisa wasn't at the party because she wasn't at the party. It's not always about you. It's not high school of Lisa to not be there, it's high school of you to think that she's not there because of you. Self-obsessed much? It is not always about you. You need to stop. Adrienne's grade for the week: D (because she is doing way too much with this Lisa thing).

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RHOBH Season 3 Premiere - Frenemies Strike Back

Well, my dear readers, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is back! And I couldn't be more ready. After a summer of the East Coast, I'm excited to see my West Coast ladies with all their extravagance and opulence. This is how I like to see my 'wives. Filthy rich! LOL! Besides the money, Beverly Hills has a very different tone than the other series, not better, not worse, just different. It's a great change of pace, and actually, a very nice compliment to Real Housewives of Atlanta. With Atlanta, I get my life from all the shade, and with Beverly Hills, I get my life from all the quiet, reserved tension. With RHOBH, it's what's unspoken that creates the storylines. Except for Taylor's friend who read Adrienne for filth about the flowers! That was hilarious!

Let's get right into it - and hand out some grades!

Lisa: Disclaimer: I love you. I have always been Team Lisa. However, with this whole Adrienne situation, I'm going to wait and see what the season holds before making a final decision. I said last season that I don't think you would ever sell stories to tabloids, and I still don't. I mean, it took seconds for a "source" to rat on Teresa from RHONJ for selling stories, so if you had, I'm sure we would have heard about it by now. And, Villa Blanca is YOUR restaurant. You can invite or not invite whomever YOU want to the party. It's really your decision. And I understand, after all the accusations Adrienne launched at you on the reunion last season, why would you want her around? You haven't spoken since then, so there is no real resolution to the issue. That's why I'm not mad at you for not inviting her. Now, let's talk about your friendship with Brandi. As much as I despise her joking about having sex with your husband, I'm glad you and Brandi are closer now. It's good to see you joking and laughing with her. But at some point, the whole "I want your husband" thing has got to get old. Could you convince her to knock it off? I thought the Villa Blanca party was absolutely fantastic. I peeked inside the restaurant when I was in Beverly Hills earlier this year and it is amazing. We didn't stop and eat because, frankly, we were underdressed and when I go to Villa Blanca, I want to look stunning. When in Rome. Back to this episode. I thought you handled the flower (tree?) delivery from Adrienne well. You said nothing negative. You did not share the card with anyone (but you should have taken it with you). The nosy looky loos read it on camera (not cool). Bottom line, I don't see any malice from you, but you don't want to be close to Adrienne ever again. Understandable. And by the way, your new house is gorgeous. Lisa's grade for the week: B (because I'm waiting to see what happens, but I can't help it, I love me some Lisa).

Brandi: You grew on me last season and I ended up really liking you. However, this season, you're starting off on a not-so-great note with me. I still like you, but you gotta stop the sexual jokes. At least about other people's husbands. I mean, we all know you wouldn't ever act on it, but it's just ... uncomfortable to watch you tell Lisa all this stuff about Ken. The gifts were a nice gesture, and I think your friendship with Lisa is genuine. I think she understands you now, so that's really good for both of you. I will say that I think your competitiveness when it comes to being Lisa's friend is coming from a little bit of insecurity and a little bit of desperation. It's this need to be liked. You want to "win" at being Lisa's friend. Relax! She already likes you. You don't have to be in competition with anyone. And if so, who exactly are you competing against? It may have been a flippant comment on your part, but it spoke volumes to me. Let's talk about the Villa Blanca party. I understand that you want to try to fix things with Kim and Kyle - but they have their own stuff going on, so you have to just let them come to you. Except with Kim, she may not ever come around. You have to just accept that. Don't take it personally. Yolanda wasn't amused with your joke about how small Beverly Hills is, but she knew you were kidding. Like I said, the raunchiness isn't for everyone. And why did you have to bring up her ex??? I never understand why people have to bring up the one awkward/sensitive subject that the other person clearly doesn't want to talk about - at a party, no less. Who wants to talk about their ex at a party? I'm not saying you should change who you are, but you could tone it down in order to not offend people - at least when you first meet them. As for Taylor, I don't think you two will ever see eye to eye, and you did tell her about herself on the reunion. So that's a done deal. I'm interested to see how you make your way through this season. Brandi's grade for the week: C (because she's a nice girl, but she has no filter and it's already gotten her in trouble - it's barely the first episode!).

Kyle: First off, that Maserati is everything. So jealous. Second, you and your sister need to just agree to play nice. I can't go through another season of you two fighting. And I know you don't want to. So, stop with the 20 questions about her daughter and the boyfriend and all the other crap and just let her be. I get it, you're concerned about her, but you get into it when you try to tell her what to do. She's a grown up. You gotta let go. The scene with Portia was so adorable. She's such a doll. I thought it was nice of her to ask the ladies to her party. And you were quite gracious with Brandi, even though the look on your face told another story. All I'm saying is, if Brandi has two faces, then so do you. Because you were not happy to invite her, but you did it anyway to be nice. It is what it is. At the Villa Blanca party, you got into it with Kim again, and in your confessional, you talked about the fact that you still feel tension towards her even now that she's sober. Here's why. You never resolved the real issues. Yes, her addictions contributed to her behavior that hurt you in the past. But you never recovered. So now, she's sober and you're still mad. Again, let it go. That tension isn't hurting anyone but you. Kyle's grade for the week: C (because she's still trying to micromanage Kim and it's gonna get her nowhere).

Adrienne: It was a little strange seeing you and Paul on the show like nothing was wrong, now that we know you two have split. There's always been tension between the two of you and it comes through on the show every season. You were able to laugh it off in the past, but this season, it's no longer a laughing matter. This week, while you're having dinner with Paul, Taylor spills the beans about Lisa's party. Now, here's where we disagree. You think that just because you've been friends with Lisa for years (and you're still friends with her friends), you should have been invited. I think the only way you would have been invited is if you two had hashed out the whole selling-stories-to-tabloids thing, which, I'm assuming from what we saw on the show, never happened. So, how do you figure that Lisa would still invite you? It doesn't make sense. I know it sucks to be left out, but were you really that surprised? If someone had accused you of something pretty terrible, would you invite them to your next dinner party? Without some sort of sit-down? I think not. You and Lisa never resolved the issue, she moved, and the friendship is pretty much over. Until both of you can sit down and communicate about it. I have to talk about the flower arrangement. Part of me thinks it was a sincere gesture and you meant what you said in the card. But another part of me thinks you did that to highlight the fact that you weren't there and that you picked the most hideous thing you could find to send to the party. Because that arrangement was a holy terror. What in the world were you thinking? If you really wanted to extend an olive branch, you could have called Lisa and wished her well. Or just sent a card to her house. It was the presentation of this monstrosity that really makes it look like this was a dig. We'll have to see how you play it this season, but it's not looking good so far. Adrienne's grade for the week: C (because she is wrong to be surprised that Lisa wants nothing to do with her and that plant/flower arrangement was crazy!).

Yolanda: I like you a lot already. You're definitely an interesting addition to the cast. I love that you don't brag about your money (cough cough Dana cough cough) and you seem to be interested in the more important things in your life like your kids and husband. The part where you and your husband were talking about the love notes won me over completely. You're my kind of girl. At the Villa Blanca party, I was glad to see you buddy up to Kim. She needs a solid friend like you for sure. And you mentioned Brandi's joke, but quickly added that you knew she was kidding. Just don't take everything Brandi says to heart. And don't get caught up taking sides with the other ladies' drama. Yolanda's grade for the week: A (I think she's great so far!).

Kim: I'm glad you're doing well after rehab. You look a lot better. You even sound better! I think you just avoid Kyle (and her calls) because you don't want her to lecture you, which I can understand. But you have to speak up and let her know that. And not in a bickering way. You can use what you learned in rehab to communicate better with Kyle, and not run away from every uncomfortable situation, like when you ran away from Brandi at the party. It's time for you to stand up for yourself. Be assertive about what you want and what you don't want. Kim's grade for the week: C (because she needs to work on communicating and not falling back into the bickering pattern with Kyle).

Taylor: It's good to see you in such good spirits on the show, but, as you recall, I said last season that you shouldn't come back. But here you are, so I hope you make the best of it. I was not surprised when you told Adrienne about Lisa's party because, frankly, you have a big mouth. And you tell everyone everything! That's what you do. However, I was concerned when you were trying on clothes at the store with Adrienne. You kept saying you gained ten pounds and that certain clothes were more flattering, as if you were overweight. Which you're not. This kind of language is odd coming from you. I really don't know why you're concerned about clothes being forgiving - because you have nothing to "forgive", essentially. I'm keeping my eye on you, Taylor. I don't think you're well enough to participate in this show. Taylor's grade for the week: C (for referring to her weight in a negative way for absolutely no reason).

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Vicious Circle

Part 3 of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion should have been called The Kim Show. Seriously, I couldn't believe how long and tedious that interview with Kim and Kyle was. Am I the only one? Okay, no worries. We did get to see Dana defend herself, not to mention Mauricio's untanned ass a little bit.

Sweet, right?!

Dana: I will start with you this time since I've given you the business all season long. Finally, you seem like a real person and not some fake wannabe hanger-on! Where was this girl all season??? I still don't like that you want to brag about how much you pay for things (or how much they cost, there is a difference), but now I understand why you do it. You're proving yourself to every person who's ever looked down on you. You're standing up and saying to the world that you've built an awesome life for yourself and that you're proud of it. But, think about how much more profound that message would be if you just sat back and let people see it for themselves instead of ramming it down their throats. Just a thought. I thought you did well defending yourself against the criticism, and you owned all of the iffy behavior you displayed this season. One thing I will say for you, you say it like you mean it, and I appreciate that. Dana's grade this week: B.

Taylor: You gave us some more insight into the abuse your late husband put you through, and apparently others as well. I can't comment on this since there really is nothing else to say. Your book is out, you want people to buy it. We get it. For those who want to read all the horrific things he allegedly did to you, that's great. I'm just not interested. Taylor's grade for the week: C.

Adrienne: We didn't hear from you too much, and I think that was a smart move on your part after making a fool of yourself on part 1 and part 2 of the reunion. Paul is a great guy, but I see why you two are the Bickersons. He's a character, but then again, so are you, so it works. Adrienne's grade for the week: A (because I wasn't appalled by anything she did/said on this episode.)

Lisa: You and Ken are the cutest. I don't know if I'd laugh off Brandi's comments about wanting to sleep with him, though. Unless you are certain she's joking. Even then, it's just not funny. But you're classy enough to not flip out over it. I just think you came out looking the best after all was said and done. Bravo, Lisa. Lisa's grade for the week: A.

Camille: Didn't hear from you much either this week, so I'll give your grade based on the vibe you were giving off, which was great. Camille's grade for the week: A.

Brandi: You got into it with Dana a little bit, but it's nothing you can't handle. I think you've redeemed yourself to the point where we know that you are, if anything, honest. Just because you don't see things the same way as Dana doesn't mean you're not telling the truth. Again, I wish you wouldn't joke about Ken the way you do. You're lucky Lisa is cool about it. Brandi's grade this week: B.

Kyle: You were the supportive sister in the interview with Kim and I thought it was great how candid you were about the whole situation. You didn't hold back, especially when you were talking about how frustrating it was to deal with Kim's roller coaster behavior. I felt for you big time. On a much lighter note, we saw Mauricio's ass or at least the top of it, and yeah, that was fun. You lucky girl. Kyle's grade for the week: A.

Kim: I don't think you're 100% better, but I'll take any progress I can get with you. You're still not making complete sense, but I'm thinking you have a long way to go until you're completely sober and in recovery. I just hope you stay focused on your health and sobriety. Keep it up and don't give up on yourself. And be nice to Kyle, ok? Kim's grade for the week: B+.

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A Hot Minute

Part 2 of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion was deee-licious! A satisfying, savory meal we could all really sink our teeth into. Brandi joined the ladies on the Lisa and Camille side of the room, and the claws came out (even more than on Part 1). The gloves were definitely off in this round, so let's talk about who scored and who didn't.

Brandi: I'll admit I wasn't too fond of you when you were first introduced to us on the show. But one thing I will say about you is that you're not a liar. Sometimes you give us way too much information, but all of it is true. I appreciate that. That's why I'm certain you're telling the truth when you say, for example, that Adrienne doesn't like Lisa and that Lisa doesn't speak badly about the other ladies. I may not always agree with everything you say or do, but at least you're yourself 100% of the time. I commend you for saying what so many of us are thinking when it comes to Taylor (why did she write that book so soon?) and not backing down to Kyle (like when she told you to give it a rest). I don't condone slashing tires, but that story is pretty funny. Except, if it were me, I wouldn't have told the bastard not to ride his motorcycle after I did it. Just kidding! I hope you come back next season just so you can be the bane of Adrienne's existence. Oh and I love that you and Lisa are friends. The most surprising friendship of the season, by far. As far as I can tell in the previews for Part 3, you're still joking about wanting Lisa's hubby - do me a favor and quit saying that. It's not funny. Brandi's grade for the week: A-.

Lisa: You didn't have to say much this week, mostly because everyone else was busy proving your points for you. You had to defend yourself all throughout Part 1, so it must have been nice to sit back and relax while the rest of the ladies had to answer for some of their actions this season. It probably hurt like hell to hear that Adrienne doesn't like you - not to mention the fact that she didn't deny it, she just said it wasn't "nice" for Brandi to tell you that - but seriously, what do you need Adrienne for anyway? She seemed like a good friend at first, but now it's really not worth it to even bother with her. If she's going to be pissed off at every little thing and then talk bad about you behind your back, let her go. You're better off without her. As for the rest of the ladies, I truly hope you can salvage a friendship with Kyle once she's off her high horse and I'll advise you to stay supportive of Taylor but don't get too close. It's better to just be a friend from afar with her. You were pretty much vindicated on Part 2, and I can only hope you'll come out looking like the Queen Bee that you are on Part 3. Lisa's grade for the week: A.

Camille: Your favorite curse word is probably "revenge", but you're working the good-girl persona, so I'll let you have "poopystink" or whatever it was you said. I think you came clean about changing this season, I mean, let's face it, you're a lot happier now, so of course, your behavior is going to reflect that. You weren't intimidated by anyone this season, you spoke your mind, and you had fun. So I say job well done. Hopefully you'll be back next season and give us some more positivity and straight talk. And I agree with Andy, as soon as you can, go back to using the surname Donatacci. It is magnificent. Camille's grade for the week: A.

Kyle: While you were explaining yourself this week, I couldn't help but be a little skeptical. When the clip was shown of you criticizing Lisa and Brandi's new friendship, it suddenly dawned on me. You are a little jealous. You're one of those girls who wants your friends to stick with you and throw shade on the girls you don't like. Let's be real, we've all been that girl at one time or another. The reality is, Lisa's not your pet or your child. She has a mind of her own. And if she chooses to be cool with someone you don't care for, you gotta be secure enough to be ok with that. I realize you're a bit of a control freak, and believe me, I can relate, but it really is better to just step back and let people do what they want to do. I know you and Brandi aren't actual friends yet, but you two could be pretty good friends if you gave it a chance. I think part of the problem is, you're so busy protecting people like Kim and Taylor, you maybe don't know what it's like to just be a friend to someone who doesn't need you so much. Let me tell you, it's awesome. Please take my advice for next season. You were a favorite on season 1 for a reason. Don't let us down. Kyle's grade for the week: C-.

Adrienne: Again, what a disappointment. I have no doubt in my mind that you really did say you didn't like Lisa. But here's the thing, who cares??? Why not just come out and say it? Just say, "Yeah, I said that because I was upset at the time." Don't say, "Why would you tell her that? That's not nice." Really??? I mean, what happened here? I was asked why I thought you were jealous of Lisa after last week's blog and the answer is - you want her spot. You want to be the favorite. You want your dog to be popular. You want people to respond to you the way they respond to her. So what do you do? You trash her and accuse her of shitty things and make it sound like she has to butter people up in order for them to like her. Let's just say you were telling the truth, your delivery sucks. The way you throw these accusations at her makes you look like the fool here. Please, talk to whoever helped Camille this season and get yourself together for next season. I'm begging you. We want to like you, but you're making it so difficult!! Adrienne's grade for the week: F.

Taylor: A lot of hurt feelings came to the surface this week. The fact that you wrote a book (and promoted it) so soon after your late husband's suicide put people off. The blogs are buzzing that your book may not be totally honest. Your motivation for writing the book is being questioned. Here's what I think. I think you must have done some journaling in therapy because that's what most therapists make you do. So, I'm with you there. I think you, of all people, probably know the statistics on domestic violence, since you are a survivor and you worked with a domestic violence charity like we saw on season one. However, I think your greatest motivator at this point is money. You said you're being sued because of your late husband's actions, you no doubt have massive legal fees, and you have a young daughter to support. I don't blame you for wanting to make some cash. And I'd like to know when you got your book deal, because more than likely it was before the tragedy even happened. Unless it was some fast track kind of deal which I doubt. I've said before, I'm gonna take it easy on you in light of all you're dealing with. But you have to be honest with us, the viewers, first and foremost. Because believe me, you need us. I still only want the best for you and your daughter. Brandi touched a nerve with you but she's only saying what so many of us are thinking. Taylor's grade for the week: D+.

Kim: We'll get to you on Part 3!

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Character Assassination - UPDATED!

Part 1 of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion left me so flabbergasted, it was unreal. I really could not believe the way some of the ladies were behaving. There's a lot of controversy about certain 'wives conspiring against others, and I'm sure all will be revealed soon enough. Let's focus on part 1 for now, shall we?

Lisa: You got the brunt of the criticism on this episode. I really don't understand why. I guess we should break it down: the tiara - your daughter wanted you to wear it. No problem. The "Maloof Hoof" comment. I thought it was funny. Obviously her shoes are beautiful, they don't actually look like hooves. And it was a play on words. The "fat little shoe" comment didn't go over too well, but I honestly don't think you were trying to be malicious. You have an awesome sense of humor, but it's definitely not for the more sensitive (or petty) people out there. I've said this since day one - I don't believe you would ever sell a story to a tabloid. I just don't believe that. Adrienne seemed to want to pin that on you, and she was way too hard on you for someone who is only basing their claims on hearsay. The Vegas trip - it was Pandora's choice, not yours. Bottom line, Pandora probably didn't want any drama on her bachelorette weekend, and she's made it no secret that she doesn't care for some of your cast members. Kyle went after you for some of the things you said on the show, however, these ladies said some not so nice things about you in their interview segments, as well. Does anyone remember how bitchy everyone was to you on the Colorado trip? Apparently not. You were the whipping boy (or whipping lady, I should say) for some reason, but don't be surprised when they start to turn on each other. I hate seeing you getting ganged up on. Brandi revealed that Adrienne told her you would be her target on the reunion, and that really upsets me. You're the last person who should be in this position. I really feel for you. But you never back down, you take responsibility for what you've said and done in the past. You even apologized for hurting Adrienne and Kyle's feelings. Now, just let it go and be the fabulous lady you are. Lisa's grade for the week: A.

Adrienne: So disappointed in you it's not even funny. Even if you didn't actually tell people you were going to go after Lisa, your fixation on her and what she did or said was just sad. You seriously need to get a grip. What's the problem here? What are you really mad about? I think you're upset that Lisa is the fan favorite over you. Are you pulling a Jill Zarin here? I really don't understand why you would pick the dumbest things to be mad about. You could have laughed off Lisa's jokes and even threw some barbs back for good measure. You should know that jealousy gets magnified on these shows, and fans can smell it a mile away. Drop the bullshit and quit being so competitive. Everything doesn't have to be about you, your businesses, your casinos, or your shoe line. Sometimes people are just being themselves and it has nothing to do with you. Get a clue. You've taken a nosedive in my book, and that is really a shame. Adrienne's grade for the week: F.

Kyle: Although you weren't as malicious as Adrienne, you certainly had an ax to grind with Lisa. I understand you didn't enjoy the comment she made about you wanting attention, but you said some hurtful things too. You and Lisa discussed it, and I'm sure at the end of all this you all are still friends. I don't know why you're so tense at this reunion. Did Adrienne tell you to gang up on Lisa, too? I guess in a way you complied - you aired your grievance with her - I'm just glad you didn't go over the top and start bringing up stupid things like Adrienne. Please don't let Adrienne include you in her idiotic quest to take Lisa down. That's so not a good idea. Thank you for updating us on Kim, by the way. I hope your relationship with her has improved. Kyle's grade for the week: C.
UPDATE: I was reminded of your less than stellar comments to Lisa about how you think she's essentially calculating/manipulative. A chess player, I believe you called her. Well, Kyle, I hope your allegiance to Adrienne is worth it. But per Twitter it looks like you and Lisa are still friends. So, I gotta ding you for the way you dissed Lisa (and also let Adrienne railroad her without defending her at all). It pains me to do this, because I do like you and like I said, you and Lisa are ok now ... but after reconsideration, your grade for the week is a D+. 

Camille: I love how much you've improved since last season. I know I say it all the time, but it is so true. You're truthful, but not hurtful. You're choosing your words wisely and not making drama out of nothing. I like that you were backing up Lisa in a way, since she had no idea she was going to get ambushed that day. Thank you for being honest, even when some of the other ladies aren't happy with it. Like I said before, the fans can sense when someone is trying to pull the wool over our eyes, and you're totally real with us. Or you're doing an awesome job at faking it. Either way, thumbs up to you. Camille's grade for the week: A.

Taylor: You were calm and collected this week. You weren't dodging questions or being evasive. I appreciate you answering the questions. Even though I'm not your biggest fan, I do sympathize with you. The tragedy you've had to endure - all while raising a young daughter - is just so awful. But you're getting through it as best you can under the circumstances. I still think you should say goodbye to the show, at least for next season. But I don't see that happening. Whatever you do, stay strong and healthy for your daughter. She needs you more now than ever. Taylor's grade for the week: A.

Brandi: I don't always agree with what you say, but damn, are you funny. I used to get irritated with you but I think I finally get you. You're a little off, but you're not a liar. That's why I believe you when you say Adrienne told you she would be attacking Lisa on the reunion. I commend you for not participating, and I even applaud you for being your own person, no matter what. Sometimes you're a nutcase, of course. I just don't have that much of a problem with it anymore. See what being honest does for you on these shows? Brandi's grade for the week: B.

Kim: You finally admitted your alcoholism, and that's all we ever wanted from you. Now, get well. Kim's grade for the week: A.

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Million Dollars!

Watch What Happens Live is on five nights a week, and I'm so loving it, it's not even funny. The only thing that sucks is when a guest is annoying. And this is where Sunday's show comes in. Sherri Shepherd (The View) and Yvette Nicole Brown (Community) were the guests. Sherri was kind of irritating. Yvette was a doll. I honestly fell in love with Yvette - she was so fun and nice. Sherri was the exact opposite. She was rude, arrogant, and just plain off-putting. I'm familiar with her from The View and her work on 30 Rock and Everybody Loves Raymond back in the day. I never had a problem with her before (even when she said she didn't believe the Earth was round on The View a while back), but her attitude is just ... ugly. She ruined the whole show for me. The guest bartender was a Production Assistant named Omari and he seemed like a really cool guy. The After Show was alright, but like I said, Sherri stunk up the joint. Sorry ... just callin' it like I see it. Check out clips and the After Show here.

Monday's show was exponentially better than Sunday's - in part because Lisa Vanderpump and Brandi Glanville were really good guests. They were funny, fun, and honest with their answers to Andy's questions. That's what guests are supposed to do! Brandi spilled the tea on her fling with Gerard Butler, Lisa said Kim needed a makeover, and the adorable dog from the movie The Artist made an appearance. The bartender for the night was my boyfriend Kevin Lee!!! Ah! I love him! The After Show was a lot of fun, check out all the goodness here.

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Drink to That!

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills finale was last night and it was pretty much the story of Pandora's wedding, which was absolutely gorgeous! And my boyfriend Kevin Lee was on, too, so it was a perfect finale - shi shi shi shi SHI!!! Since it's the end of the season, I'll be giving the ladies an overall grade for the season.

Let's go!

Kyle: You looked amazing at the wedding, first of all. I love your style! On this episode, you were the best girlfriend ever to everyone, which is a great side of you. Throughout the season, you've had ups and downs, mostly caused by Kim, so it was nice to see you relaxed and celebrating with everyone on the finale. Your get-together with everyone at your house was so sweet and lovely - I think it was perfect for bringing the ladies together to bond after all the craziness this season. I give you credit for being an awesome friend and sister - even when it blows up in your face. Kyle's grade for the season: B+.

Adrienne: I could have done without the enema/colonoscopy scene, but I understand why it was part of the finale - comic relief. Too bad it wasn't that funny. But that's not your fault. You seemed to have a great time at the wedding, although your hair went through a few incarnations that night. This season you've been cautious, observant, and almost suspicious, but I totally understand why. You had had enough of Taylor's back-and-forth, and your patience was almost gone. You stood up for what you believed in no matter what, and I always admire that in a person. Adrienne's grade for the season: A.

Camille: You win the award for Most Improved Compared to Last Season. Seriously. You're so much more likable, warm, and sane! Whatever you did, it totally worked. You made the right choice to wear that great black number to the wedding. I'm glad to see that you and Taylor are back to being friends. Oh! And I'm so happy for you and your Greek hunk!! Get it, gurl! Camille's grade for the season: A.

Lisa: The wedding was spectacular! You looked SO beautiful. Everything was just gorgeous. I'm so happy for Pandora - an absolutely stunning bride - and Jason. They are such a cute couple. Ken's speech actually made me tear up a little! You were the voice of reason this season, without a doubt. Some of the ladies were rough on you in the beginning of the season, but you won them over in the end. No surprise there. Lisa's grade for the season: A.

Taylor: You looked like a new woman at Kyle's house on this episode. I love that you're calm and spending time with your girls. You definitely had a hard time of it this season. From the drinking to the crying to the screaming to the arguing, but you had some good moments, too. Not to mention Russell's behavior and his subsequent suicide. It's almost too much to even try to comment on, so I'll leave it at that. It's a little sad to hear that you've been off the rails with your drinking lately (according to the tabloids). Take care of yourself and your daughter, above all. Taylor's grade for the season: C.

Now for the ladies that didn't make it on the finale:

Kim: I'm so glad you got the help you so desperately needed. Hopefully this season was a wake up call that you had lost your way. I think you should focus on getting sober and helping others do the same by writing your memoirs. Oh and you should get back into acting! Kim's grade for the season: D.

Brandi: I was surprised that you weren't on the finale at all, but then again, you're not a full-fledged "housewife" yet. You started out on my bad side but your personality grew on me - except some of the slutty talk and the Xanax/alcohol cocktail induced behavior. When you're sober, you're actually kinda cool. Brandi's grade for the season: C.

Dana: You tried so hard to be the diva of the group, however, it just didn't end up working out for you. I do think you're a loyal friend, though. But that's not enough to make it on a reality show. Viewers don't like you or your $25,000 sunglasses or your million dollar lollipop holder. It was nice knowing you. Dana's grade for the season: F.

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Sur Crashers

This week's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was full of drama - and the backdrop for all of it was the exquisite Sur Lounge launch party. There were a ton of people there, including everyone's favorite, RuPaul, and everyone's least favorite, Cedric. It was certainly an emotional episode, so let's get started.

Lisa: First of all, Sur is gorgeous. I love every inch of it (what they showed on tv), so congratulations. I have to say, again, that I still love your relationship with your husband. He's such a sweet man, and he adores you. Hope you gave him that cuddle after all! It was nice to see you joking back and forth with Brandi - you two are fun to watch together. And it was awesome when you asked Brandi's ex's ex to leave. Who knew Beverly Hills was THAT small? In her defense, the ex's ex couldn't wait to leave. I'm glad she left willingly. The most hilarious scene was when Bernie, Adrienne's chef, was SO awkward with you, and you didn't even recognize him! And then, Cedric had to show up. I thought you handled it beautifully. Who knows why he was there (cameras), or why he wanted to speak to you (cameras), but it wasn't appropriate. He wasn't invited! Seriously, that guy's got nerve. You and Ken were right to send him away. Sur was packed with people, and yet, you showed your friends that you were there for them no matter how huge an affair you were hosting at the time. You demonstrated genuine interest in Kyle, Taylor, and even Kim. Lisa's grade for the week: A.

Kyle: This was the episode that proved you were right about Kim all along. You may have overreacted at times during the season, but that's probably because you're sick of the roller coaster that is Kim. You had a lot on your mind at Sur, mostly because you could see right through Kim's "everything's fine" facade. Your talk with Kim outside confirmed all of our fears about her and Ken - but the bond between the two of you seemed to start to rebuild at that very moment. I'm really glad you're standing by Kim now as she continues through recovery. Now, let's talk about Cedric. What was the deal with him asking if you're scared of Lisa? Crazy! The look of shock on your face when he came in was too much. When Taylor sat down with you and the ladies, there was a very apparent divide - those who felt no apology from Taylor was necessary, and those who felt they deserved an apology from her. You told Taylor she didn't need to apologize - but I think you meant that YOU personally didn't need one. Obviously a couple of the ladies felt otherwise. You've always been a good friend to Taylor, so it was no surprise that you'd be so supportive and kind to her. Kyle's grade for the week: A.

Taylor: I know some will criticize you for bringing your psychiatrist to a party, but who better to help you make amends with your friends - which is the whole reason you went to the party (at least that's the only reason that makes any sense to me). You admitted that you've been acting like a crazy person, and you used your lid analogy again, which I won't knock you for since it's pretty accurate. When Adrienne and Camille weren't as quick to forgive and forget, you didn't throw a fit, you heard them out and apologized. Good for you. You should take that Dr. Sophy with you everywhere you go from now on. You've had a rough season. I really hope you slow down and take some time to rebuild your life. With the book, the show, the crazy behavior lately all happening at the same time, people are worried about you. Taylor's grade for the week: B.

Adrienne: The party at Sur was more like a therapy session for you. You had to get Kim to talk to Kyle, which ended well, and you were present for Taylor's mea culpa to the group, which also ended on a positive note. I'm glad you pushed for an apology from Taylor, since you were a lot more worried about the legal implications that Russell had been threatening than some of the other ladies. I also appreciated the fact that you told Taylor how confusing it is to hear one thing from her one day and then see something totally different the next. You were obviously sick of the lies and all the pretending, and you just wanted her to know how frustrated you were. Ultimately, you showed your support for Taylor and commended her on leaving Russell for good. Oh and you handled seeing Paul's ex with humor and grace. I swear, Beverly Hills is one small town, am I right? Adrienne's grade for the week: B.

Camille: Bravo for speaking up about your issues with Taylor and Russell, because I believe you were the catalyst for Taylor making her decision to do something about her marriage. With Adrienne by your side, the  matter was put out on the table at Sur, and you ladies were able to come together at the end of it. I hear rumblings that you won't be on next season, which would be a shame. You were a lot more likable this season, so hopefully your fans will make enough noise so that Bravo invites you back. Camille's grade for the week: A.

Kim: Wow. Where to begin? The rifling through the purses and luggage, blatantly telling people you don't want to talk to your sister, playing with the "buttons" and baggies in the limo, seriously, I'm SO glad you went to rehab. Your talk with Kyle was way overdue. You should have never brought Ken to Hawai'i - that would have been the perfect opportunity to talk to Kyle about his control issues, which he most certainly has. Ken is a classic example of an abusive guy - all nice and calm in the beginning, then he turns into a controlling, mean bully. Just be glad you're not with him now. I'm assuming the pregnancy scare turned out to be nothing, since you're not with child now. Just focus on your recovery, and do yourself a favor and don't come back next season as a regular. Drop in from time to time, and that's it. Kim's grade for the week: D.

Brandi: You made me laugh a lot on this episode, and you won major points in my book for calling Ken a gay bull mastiff to his face. And then, when he doesn't get the joke, you just laugh in his face. That's what the a-hole gets. Good for you. I like how you handled the waitress/ex's ex thing - you mentioned it but you didn't go crazy about it, so that was cool. And you made sure everyone knew that you didn't invite Cedric, which I believe you didn't. You wouldn't do that after becoming so close with Lisa. If you can keep the fun going, I'd like to see you next season. Brandi's grade for the week: A.

Best line of the night goes to, of course, RuPaul, who pretty much summed up the entire season with this statement: "You're born naked and the rest is drag ... This room is FULL of drag queens."

Next week, the finale! The wedding! And my boyfriend, Kevin Lee!

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Losing It

Lanai is full of beautiful scenery, fun activities, and tense dinners on last night's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Kim and her boyfriend Ken show up - a day late - and all hell breaks loose during Mauricio's birthday getaway. Back in Beverly Hills, Taylor and Dana spend some quality time together. 

Now that we're all up to speed, let's dish!

Taylor: Let's start with you. I liked your scene with Dana, although some of it seemed a little staged. I'm thinking you may have had to tape some scenes after the fact to have some continuity in your storyline for the show. I'm glad Dana was there for you - she seems very loyal. I don't blame you for being bummed that your BFFs were in Hawai'i while you were going through such a tough time, but I'm sure Kyle and Lisa wanted to be there for you more than anything. Taylor's grade for the week: A. 

Dana: I liked the softer side of you that we saw this week. You were supportive, kind, and loyal. Keep that up, and you'll win back a lot of Housewives watchers. Dana's grade for the week: A. 

Brandi: You toned down your flirting and took the time to actually hang out with the girls. You made Lisa laugh, so you just got 1,000 extra points in my book. I liked that you were more careful with your choice of words regarding Kim, and you didn't engage her at all, which was the best thing to do in that situation. Brandi's grade for the week: B.

Camille: I love that you throw yourself into every situation on the show. Snorkeling? Sure! Shots at dinner? Why not! You've proven that you're much more than the slightly kookoo Camille from season one. I think you're a great friend to the ladies on the show, and you know how to have a good time. Camille's grade for the week: A. 

Adrienne: I really enjoyed seeing you and Paul be affectionate with each other on this episode. We don't see that much - we usually see you two acting like the Bickersons - it was really nice to see you two being lovey dovey. I wish Ken hadn't come up on your totally innocent conversation with Kim, which was completely uncalled for, but you and Paul handled it well. Adrienne's grade for the week: B.

Lisa: You had fun on this episode and bonded with Brandi, of all people! Who'd have thought?! I'm glad you were there for Kyle with the whole Kim situation, and you're 100% right - Kim needed to learn her lesson. More on that later. I thought your advice to Kyle was "spot on", as the Brits like to say. Lisa's grade for the week: A. 

Kyle: I can't even imagine how frustrated you must have been throughout the entire Lanai vacation. Kim certainly knows how to get under your skin, and you let her do it to you every time. What would happen if you just not invite her to anything? I know she's out of rehab now, but hypothetically, at the time that you were planning Mauricio's birthday vacation, what would have happened if you just didn't invite Kim? I'm guessing you have a lot of guilt when it comes to her - that's why you feel the need to baby her and take care of her. But Kim's a grown woman who's making her own choices. I know there's more here than meets the eye. You don't like to be disrespected and you kept feeling like Kim was doing just that. And Ken wasn't helping. I say now that Kim's out of rehab, give her some space, don't take on the mother role, and resist the urge to include Kim in all of your functions. Especially if timeliness is a factor. Kyle's grade for the week: C. 

Kim: I know you've just gotten out of rehab, but I just want to reiterate what was so irritating about your behavior on this episode. Granted, you were drinking (I saw at least one beer), so you obviously weren't in the best mindset on this trip. First of all, why even show up? I think you know how Kyle is by now, and even if you weren't aware of how upset she was that you were late, were you not paying attention to the million and a half calls that went on between you two just the day before? Why would you come in and act like everything is ok - better yet, not even acknowledge Kyle at all when you arrived? Then, you make some stupid excuse for not getting to the island sooner, and then you get mad because people see right through your lies. Wow. And Ken. Ken is not a winner. More on that later, but just so you know, I'm so glad you're not with him anymore. Kim's grade for the week: D. 

Mauricio: Your toasts and roasts of Kim and Ken were understandable, but they didn't quite accomplish what you probably were hoping. Instead, Kim and Ken rallied together and dug their heels in. I, personally, wonder if it would have been better to send them packing as soon as the lies started the first night. But maybe you didn't want to uninvite two different couples in one season. Mauricio's grade for the week: C. 

Ken (Kim's Boyfriend): Seriously, Ken? I'm sure you had good intentions, but you are one creepy S.O.B. All I can say is: I'm glad that you don't care about hurting anyone else's feelings (re: your comment to Kyle at dinner), because we couldn't care less about you. Especially when your paranoia kicks in. Have fun on match.com. Ken's grade for the week: F. 

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Welcome to Lanai

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was full of ups and downs this week, just like we like it, so let's get right to it.

Lisa: You are still my favorite this season, and in this episode, your sassiness was so adorable. I love your relationship with your husband, Ken, and for the record, he'd be a fool to even look at any other woman. You showed real sincerity when Taylor called with the news that her marriage was over. I'm glad you mended your friendship with her when you did. In Hawai'i, you handled the Brandi situation a lot better than I would have. You were firm and straight forward, and you did it with a sense of humor. Lisa's grade for the week: A.

Kyle: You made sure everyone had a good time at the White Party after the Taylor/Russell fiasco, and I commend you for that. Even though you were so upset, you were a good hostess, which says a lot about you in my opinion. I had to laugh when you were shooting daggers at Kim and Ken on the dance floor, though. Speaking of Kim, I felt for you when dealing with her inconsistent behavior in this entire episode. It has to be frustrating, especially when you're more aware of her issues better than anyone else. I wasn't surprised that Kim essentially bailed on you and didn't show up to the airport, but I was surprised at how much you let it bother you. This is your hot husband's birthday trip to Lanai! Don't let her ruin this for you! You seemed to have a better time as the trip went on, despite Brandi's antics, and you proved you're a true friend to Taylor when she called you on the beach. Kyle's grade for the week: B.

Kim: I can't kick you when you're down, Kim, so I'll just say: Rehab was a good choice. I hope when you watch these episodes you see how your behavior affects other people. It's not fun dealing with someone who's got substance abuse issues. I really hope you're getting better, and it was awesome to hear from Kyle on Wendy Williams today that you're no longer with Ken. He was no good for you. Kim's grade for the week: D.

Camille: You're the ray of sunshine this season, which is such a 180 from my reaction to you last season. You should give lessons to some of the other housewives on how to repair a terrible image. Believe me, you'll be a busy lady. Anyway, you clarified that your lawyers didn't want you around Russell, but you didn't make a huge deal out of it at the White Party. I respect that. You had fun in Hawai'i, and you weren't all over anyone else's husband, unlike your friend Brandi. I know you find her funny, but you should probably try to keep her from doing that kind of thing in the future. I'm not even mad at you for strutting your stuff in your bikini. Camille's grade for the week: B.

Brandi: I really want to like you, but frankly, you're drunk on practically every single episode, and then you tell us you used to roofie yourself. What?! Let's move on, shall we? I'm actually not going to hate on your barely there bikini, but I will say that you definitely like male attention. And there's nothing wrong with that, it's just that maybe you shouldn't drape yourself over someone else's husband - especially when you talk non-stop about the fact that your husband very publicly cheated on you with a famous singer ... I don't know, maybe not the best idea. I say, lay off the pills and booze for a few episodes. Brandi's grade for the week: D.

Adrienne: I love how diplomatic you are - in the middle of all the chaos, you have this inner calm which makes me wonder if you're actually some kind of yoga guru or something. When Brandi makes some idiotic comment about guys who drive red Ferrarris, you hold back instead of telling her she's a complete idiot. You're a stronger woman than I am, that's for sure. You didn't say much on this episode, but sometimes, silence is golden. Adrienne's grade for the week: A.

Taylor: Your struggle was never more apparent than in this episode. I truly thought you were going to break down in the limo when Russell kept insisting that Camille was lying about your marriage. The therapy session scene was probably your best scene this entire season, because you let down your walls and actually got real with us. You admit that the picture perfect marriage you and Russell are trying so hard to portray was just an illusion. When you call Lisa and Kyle and tell them that your marriage is over, you sound like a new woman. No one could have guessed that things were going to turn out so tragically. Taylor's grade for the week: B.

Dana: You were on the show for approximately 2 minutes. Dana's grade for the week: Not Applicable.

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