How to Lose a Guy in 10 Hours

Snooki continues to be the main attraction on Jersey Shore. She single-handedly dominates this week's episode with such ease, the rest of the cast should take note. This is how you remain relevant on a reality show.

First, the accident, which turns out to be nothing more than a fender bender. Snooks and Deena are carted off to the police station only because the boys take too long to get to the scene. After all the hubbubb, Snooks is prohibited from driving in Italy and has to pay a fine and just like that, Team Meatballs is free to roam Florence again.

Snooki can now focus her attention on Jionni's upcoming visit. She tells us that she can't wait to ... spend time with him ... in the biblical sense. We get it, Snooks, you want to jump his bones, got it. Unfortunately, Jenni's boyfriend Roger can't come to Italy with Jionni as planned because he has to work. Now, Roger is older than most of the roommates, I believe Mike is the only one in the house in his age bracket, so I chalk it up to him just being a mature, hardworking guy. Jenni is crushed, but she understands that if Roger could be there, he would, but he can't. Bravo on being mature about it, Jenni!

Jionni finally arrives, and Nicole greets him at the front door in tears. It's so touching to see them actually getting along. They immediately go upstairs and argue because Jionni wants to take a shower before going to the smush room. Calm down, gurl, you have, like, 7 more hours with the kid.

In a deleted scene on mtv.com, we see that Nicole and Jionni have a wonderful dinner together before they hit da club.

Now, things get interesting. Mike is paranoid and inexplicably talks about kicking Jionni in the face for no reason. Apparently, Mike is hallucinating an unspoken, totally invisible fight happening between he and Nicole's beloved. Deena gets a point for calling him "kung fu panda", good one Dee! Anywhoo, at the club Mike tells Nicole that he's ready to fight Jionni, in so many words, and she tells him to relax. Yes, Mike. Chill. Nobody cares about you anymore.

Snooki then takes Jionni onto the dancefloor and starts to dance for him. At least she thought that's what she was doing. According to him, she's just embarrassing him. She did pull her dress up and show off her underwears, as Deena would say. Jionni takes off, rather dramatically, I must say. Everyone including Snooki runs after him. I gotta say, Snooki is nothing if not determined. She was not going to take his tantrum lying down, well, except for her falling in the street.

Snooki is obviously drunk, so I really can't say I'm surprised she got crazy in da club. Jionni shouldn't be surprised either. On the hookup on mtv, the roommates make a great point: Jionni needs to understand that when he gets into a relationship with Nicole (sweet, sober, and sane), he's also getting into a relationship with Snooki (crazy, drunk, and crazy). I feel sorry for both of them, honestly. Hear me out.

Snooki is perfectly consistent. Since day one of season one, she's been the same girl. Yes, the clothes and the hair have changed, but the craziness and silliness has always remained. This is why we love her. Now, maybe we haven't seen the fighting side as much as we do this season, but it's not surprising. Snooki has always stood up for herself, and maybe she's under more pressure or stress this time around because she actually loves this kid and there's a lot of chips stacked against this relationship right now. Back to the episode at hand.

Snooki is not in her right mind, and she's lashing out at everyone because she can't lash out at Jionni since he won't stop running away from her. She's been waiting for this visit for weeks, and in a matter of hours, it's ruined. I think she knows exactly what went wrong, and maybe she feels guilty for it, but she can't express that right now. All she can do is cry, scream, sob, and teeter down the cobblestone streets and hit taxis with her purse. She even yells at Jenni, who is stepping up big time and searching for Jionni with Snooks and Ronnie. Ron actually catches up to Jionni, who basically says he's done and he's ok with it.

I honestly thought Jenni handled Snooki the best way she could. It has to be frustrating dealing with someone who is so intoxicated. Sammi and Deena finally get Snooki into a cab to go home. Jionni is hanging out by some random fountain, presumably thinking, "My passport is at my now-ex-girlfriend's house." He comes to the house and walks right by Snooki, which infuriates her. They have a somewhat brief exchange consisting of her asking him why he's doing this to her and him recounting her less than lady-like acts at da club. Snooki denies the whole thing, even though Jionni was right there and saw her flash everyone her undies. But let's be fair, at least she was wearing undies.

Jionni tells Snooki they're done and to leave him alone. She goes to bed, crying. This is so sad. Unlike Sam and Ron's fights, I actually feel sympathetic towards these two. Again, let me explain. Jionni seems like a pretty nice guy, until he's made to feel embarrassed or exposed in any way. He projects that onto Snooki and constantly berates her for embarrassing him. I have no doubt that they love each other, but they may not be compatible, at least not right now. He needs to get over his insecurities and quit worrying about what other people think if he's going to be with Nicole/Snooki. If he can't, then he's with the wrong girl(s).

One of the best scenes is when Jionni and Snooki are fighting and Sammi finally gets how uncomfortable it is to have a fighting couple in the house, and apologizes. Lightbulb moment!

While Nicole is in bed crying, Jionni gets his bag and leaves. Snooki runs after him but she's too late, the taxi is long gone. Next week, we'll see the aftermath of the Snooki/Jionni breakup, including Mike's latest attempt at professing his love (?) for Snooks.

What did you think of this episode. Let me know by tweeting me at my twitter page.

Insert Inspirational Title Here

Greetings from Humor & Spice!!!

For the past few years, I've been reading autobiographies, more specifically, celebrity autobiographies. Most of them have the same format: how to come from humble beginnings and achieve success. Some of them are full of funny stories and behind the scenes dish. Some focus on some philosophy the celeb has decided to endorse. But they all have one thing in common. That inspirational, come-listen-to-my-story, if-it-happened-for-me-it-can-happen-for-you title.

Believe me, some of these books are laughable, and some are actually worth reading. But I can't help but imagine if we all sat down to write our own autobiographies and get them out there for the world to see (aren't we already doing that in some sense with blogs, facebook, and twitter?). I think we'd help each other out, actually. All of us are on different paths, and we all got here in a unique fashion. So what's stopping us from telling our own stories and imparting the wisdom we've acquired?

Mine would go something like this:

Happy childhood with dreams of being the next Paula Adbul
Doing absolutely nothing to actually achieve a singing career - unless you count singing in the shower
Becoming obsessed with comedy and all things comedy related, including Saturday Night Live
Getting through high school and graduating thinking I was on my way to becoming a teacher
Not becoming a teacher after all
Working, working, and working some more
Writing this blog

Ha! That was easy! Look out New York Times Bestsellers List!

I'm joking of course, but I would have some valuable advice for my readers. Such as:

1. Don't give the young person in your office a hard time. They're probably doing their best. Be patient and professional with them. They're not trying to overthrow your workplace with their young'en/whippersnapper ideas.

2. Make sure you thank everyone who has ever done anything for you. A thank you goes a long way. Gratitude is something you'll always need, and if you don't have it, chances are you'll be miserable.

3. Try not to criticize people. We're all just doing the best we can. If you have constructive criticism that might actually help the person, go ahead and give it to them, but make sure you're gentle and sincere in your delivery.

4. Four way stops are not that difficult to comprehend. If you're there first, you go first. If not, you wait. If you get there the same time as someone else, the person on the right has the right of way. See? Easy!

5. Express yourself. Don't be afraid to sing, paint a picture, start a blog, or write in a journal. The more you express yourself, the more you get to know yourself. And you're awesome! Who wouldn't want to get to know you?!

Wow! I feel so accomplished! What would YOUR autobiography look like?

Tweet me @humorandspice and let me know!

Sandra Bernhard is a Genius, and so is Andy Cohen

Hey again, and thanks for coming back to check out Humor & Spice!

Last Thursday, I was watching Bravo's Watch What Happens Live (as I do every Thursday, Sunday, Monday, whenever it happens to be on), and I was so excited to see Sandra Bernhard was in the clubhouse with Andy Cohen! (At this point I should tell you I have a huge crush on Andy, and yes, I know he's not interested. But I enjoy him and his show all the same.) Sandra Bernhard, for those of you who don't know, is a comedian/singer/actress/performer. Do your research, you'll be glad you did. She's truly one of a kind.

I'm so grateful for a show like Watch What Happens Live. It brings together the most interesting, surprising, and at times, odd pairings of guests. And at the wheel is Andy, with his trademark smirks and smiles, and sometimes a furrowing of the brow. He is our voice, as he asks the questions that we, the viewers, really want answered. Now, that doesn't mean we always get an answer, but he asks, nonetheless.

So, back to Sunday night. The guests were Sandra Bernhard and Sonja Morgan from Real Housewives of New York. On Housewives, Sonja has been pushing her cookbook of toaster oven recipes, and has been labeled (I have no idea by whom) as a "lifestyle expert." Also, she shows a lot of skin. But she's fun and bubbly (for the most part), although this season she has been particularly salty towards a few of the other castmates.

All of this is important because on Watch What Happens Live (or WWHL), Sandra pretty much sauteed Sonja with some well executed barbs about her toaster oven/lifestyle expertise. She was positively brutal, but hilarious. Sonja took it in stride and even laughed at herself, which I'm pretty sure she doesn't have a problem doing. She seems to be aware of how silly she can come across on Housewives. That's why she's a tad more likeable than certain other housewives who don't know how to take a joke. Sandra then won over another little piece of my heart when she shouted out Lisa Lampanelli, another of my favorite funny ladies.

Then there's the Aftershow, which is an online show taped just after the tv show airs. Sometimes it's a gem - a million times funnier and looser than the tv broadcast. Other times, it's ... not. But I always watch because you never know. This time, it was. Sandra belted out a Love Hangover-esque ditty over the Aftershow theme music, which is almost always my theme song in my head. She then discussed Gaga and Madonna, poked fun at them, and showed them some love at the same time. Andy asked her what fashion trends she's feeling, and her answer was pretty amusing, and spot on, by the way.

And I can't go without mentioning her glorious use of the yiddish language. I'm not Jewish. But someone in my family tree must have been. I have such an affection for all things Jewish and Yiddish, it's not even funny. Maybe another blog on that soon. Mazel.

If you want to experience the magic that went down, you can check out http://www.bravotv.com/watch-what-happens-live/season-4/sandra-bernhard-and-sonja-morgan, or as Andy says, "Click around Bravotv.com."

Oh I will, Andy. I will.

Humor & Spice - What's It All About???

Good question!
For many of us, our opinions, thoughts, and feelings go mostly unnoticed. Isn't that why people blog, tweet, and facebook? To get their voices heard? Well, guess what. I'm jumping on the bandwagon.

But this blog won't be all about me, by any means. It will be an open ended, free flowing discussion with you about everything we experience every day. We all read celebrity gossip on the internet, even if we aren't really interested. We all watch tv. We all listen to music. What if we stop and analyze (or in some cases, overanalyze) what we're consuming? We'll find that our reactions reveal who we are and how we feel about ourselves.

For example, on the last season of The Real Housewives of New York, you were either Team Bethenny or Team Jill. Both sides had compelling arguments about why the friendship ended the way it did, whose fault it was, and if it could ever be repaired. However, no matter which team you were on, the fact that you had an opinion said more about you than it did about Jill and Bethenny. It said that friendships are important to you. And your reaction to that friendship falling apart probably reflected how you felt or will feel about a lost friendship in your own life.

That's just a small example of what the conversation here will be like. And it will be a conversation. Agree or disagree, it's all good. I'm going to speak my mind about my favorite and not so favorite things. I want to hear from you. Hopefully, you'll tweet me @humorandspice. I tweet about the shows as I watch them most of the time.

Welcome to Humor & Spice!!!