I'm Over It

This one is going to be short and not so sweet, because, frankly, I'm sick of the Real Housewives of New Jersey. All of them. Get ready folks, and get your glasses, because I am about to READ!! And by the way, the grades are all the same this week: FAIL.

And as for the Housewives Husband Huddle, what a bunch of BS. Chris - if someone is talking about you and your businesses, just call them out on it and call it a day. Joe Gorga - return the man's tools. Joe Giudice - you are NOT perfect and your attitude sucks. Richie - decide whether you're the peacemaker or the potstirrer, because you can't be both.

Caroline: You were WAY out of line with your comments about Teresa's marriage. Now, your observations may not be totally inaccurate, but it was the way you expressed yourself and the look of almost pure joy on your face that worries me. I get that Teresa is annoying, and so is Joe Giudice, but do you have to look so happy while you curse their marriage? I know you have to talk about Teresa and Joe Giudice because you're on the same show and in the interviews/confessionals they ask you your opinion on them, but I definitely feel you could have controlled yourself and not gone to such an ugly place. The truth is, you don't like these people. We get it. But, you're supposed to be the mature, rational one, and you're just making things worse with comments like that. On the other hand, you say it like you mean it. Doesn't mean it's right, though. I just think about how you defend your own marriage and your family and fight so hard when people say negative things about you. Why attack someone else who's already got a target on her back? You did the impossible. You made me feel a smidge of sympathy for Teresa. You have to get over this hatred for her because it's making you look completely nuts.

Jacqueline: I am really tired of all the tabloid talk. I want you to never read one of those magazines again. Seriously. At the time this was taped, I do think you missed Teresa and wanted to be her friend again, but unfortunately, you and Teresa do not live on the same planet emotionally. You have to LET IT GO. I'm sick of seeing you cry for a friend that is clearly fine without you. It happens! Get over it! I hate to be so harsh, but damn! This storyline is so irritating now! I almost want you to blow up and get it over with, because this whole mad/sad/mad/sad business is maddening.

Kathy: I don't think you meant any harm with the cookie comments, let's face facts, they're FAMILY recipes. And you are related. You should know by now who you're dealing with. So, next time, just say "nice book" and get the hell out of dodge. It sucks that when you say ANYTHING even remotely not-kiss-assey to Teresa, she takes it as an insult. As her cousin, you know Teresa, and you know that she is a spoiled brat. Treat her like the child that she is, and be done with it. Please. No more nicey nice, no more awkward small talk, just be as civil as possible. She doesn't appreciate effort. She doesn't appreciate nice. So, treat her like an acquaintance. Some people like to be treated like sh*t - I know these people. The minute you ignore them, that's when they want to kiss your ass.

Melissa: The photo shoot was ok, but I would actually love to see you spend more time on your vocal training. I'm serious. If you worked half as hard on your voice as you do your looks, there would be no questions from anyone about your vocal abilities. Just saying. I have no problem with you wanting to pursue singing. I just think you need to take the SINGING part more seriously. We need to see you work with a vocal coach, we need to see you doing warm ups, we need to see you practice your breathing. If this is your career, you need to treat it as such, and not just a fun game you're playing. Do you know how many people are dying to have a chance to perform on tv? At Beatstock? Have their song on iTunes? Do better, Melissa.

Teresa: I'm getting on everyone this week, so do not be surprised that I'm coming for you right now. First of all, you need to know that not everything is about you all the time. So what Kathy said the cookies in your book were her mom's? You wrote the book! You know whose recipes they are! And is it really so hard to understand that your mom and her mom have the same recipe? Listen to Kathy's tone, it wasn't accusatory at all. Now, let's move on to your comments about Skinnygirl. So you don't like the way it tastes? Fine. Did you have to name it by name in your confessional? NO. Totally unnecessary. The Fabellini business, OMG, I was embarrassed for you. Why did you even bring Joe Giudice along? Nothing but negativity pours out of his mouth, and it's like you can't get enough. I'm tired of you being so defensive about everything. I'm tired of you projecting all of your bullsh*t onto everyone else. I'm tired of this storyline and I'm tired of you. Woman up! You spent the entire episode being mad. Is this how you want to live? And by the way, showing your toddler how to put money in her "bubbies" isn't helping you on this show either.

I am really tired of all the immature, high school idiocy that is happening on this show. If it continues, I cannot watch anymore. Next season better have a revamped cast, and honestly, I don't care who goes or stays at this point. Just fix it, because the show is dark, mean, and almost unwatchable. And I'm through.

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Ridiculosity

This week's Real Housewives of New Jersey was basically a diagram of opposites. Beautiful wedding vs. selling stories to magazines for money. Love and happiness vs. looking like you want to tear someone's throat out. I'm not going to lie. Travelling with people you don't like sucks. Hard. I know first hand. But, sometimes you do have to just grit your teeth and get through the whole thing, especially if a celebration is taking place. The wedding was gorgeous and very emotional - and I liked that everyone was truly happy for Jaime and Rich. I love that we had that moment of all-around positivity, however brief. Oh, and Joe Gorga's impression of Joe Giudice made me laugh out loud!

But the show isn't all love and light (shout out to Danielle Staub - remember her?), so let's get into the cattiness, bitchiness, and sheer ridiculosity of this episode.

Teresa: I'm going make this short. I think it's wrong that you let a magazine write whatever they want around an interview with you and in essence, let the magazine misrepresent you in exchange for money. I think it's wrong that you won't even consider the idea of therapy. I think it's not such a great idea to listen to Joe Giudice about not going to therapy - because he probably knows that if you do go to therapy, you'll become a much more self-aware person and maybe not put up with as much bullsh*t from him. Just saying. I also think it was in poor taste to announce your book being on the best seller's list and then thank a bunch of people that you said some not so great things about in the book for their "support". I'll reserve the rest of my thoughts until I see your complete meltdown next week. And it's not going to be nice. So, get ready. Teresa's grade for the week: N/A (no grade needed because I want to wait until next week so I can really let loose).

Caroline: When people criticize you for being holier-than-thou and superior, I see where they're coming from. Let's be real. You looked like you wanted to jump out of that bus anytime Teresa and Joe Giudice spoke. Not that I blame you. But, I think you could definitely not let people get under your skin as much. If I were you, I would have paid for a separate car to take to the wedding. And who cares what anyone would have thought of it? You're the groom's sister and you want to take your own car, so what?! And by the way, where was Al? I though it was odd that your husband wasn't at the wedding. Did I miss something? Anyway, I think you gave way too much thought and energy to the tabloid article that came out about Teresa that day. At this point, you shouldn't even read them or be surprised by them. You know what it is. Your speech was very nice, but I would have picked something completely different for you to wear. Not that it matters. I'm just saying. The previews for next week are crazy, and I'm not sure how I feel about you crashing Jacqueline and Teresa's conversation. We'll see how that plays out. Caroline's grade for the week: D+ (because I liked her speech but she was WAY too grumpy for my taste).

Melissa: I didn't think you said anything out of line this week. You've been surprisingly calm throughout this whole Teresa-tabloid-mess. I say you're smart to play it cool. Others see it differently, but we can all agree to disagree. I don't know anything about you all except what I see on the show and what I occasionally read online, and I base my opinions on that. On the show, you're alright with me. I don't know if I like the new song, but I'm willing to listen to the finished product and give it a whirl. Melissa's grade this week: B (for not blowing up about the article and playing it cool).

Jacqueline: The fence is getting narrower and narrower and next week, we'll finally see you jump off of it. I've been waiting all season for this. Not that I'm happy about your friendship with Teresa ending, but it really is the turning point and it'll answer a lot of our questions. In this episode, you're still teetering on top of the fence. I think you're right to question Teresa's character. She's told you she gets money for being on the magazines, and she's told you she doesn't want to go to therapy - two things that are directly related to the problem not getting resolved. Then she tells you she doesn't hold grudges (which we all know she does). All of it is like white noise now. And I don't blame you for being frustrated. I thought you tried to help her see that therapy is a viable solution to her problem, which she promptly dismissed. If I were you, that would have been my breaking point. I would have had Buddha as my witness that I was done talking about this and that I couldn't take this bullsh*t anymore. I think we all need to watch what happens next week to see the actual fault lines open up between you and Teresa once and for all. Other than that, I thought you were on that fence long enough, and it's about time you picked a side. It really didn't matter to me which one you chose. I was just tired of seeing you trying to please everyone, meanwhile, you're completely exhausted. Jacqueline's grade for the week: C- (because she was still trying to get through to Teresa while having all of these doubts, and it's time to just put her cards on the table).

Kathy: You were having a blast at that pool party! I love seeing all of you have a good time. And Rosie was hilarious, as always. I can see how hurt you are about the articles, and how much you wish things were different. But we can all see that you are capable of honest communication. I love that Richie was helping Joe Gorga reach out to Teresa again. That was great. I really don't think anyone can knock you or Richie this season. You've done a lot to try to help the situation, but those tabloids are just making things worse. And you're right, those articles are trash. Now, I totally understand why you don't actively seek Teresa out because every time you do, it's a problem. And you don't need that kind of aggravation. Kathy's grade for the week: A (because what she said about the articles is absolutely 100% right on).

What did you think of the episode? Tweet me!

Therapy is Your Friend!

My apologies for this blog being so late, but things have been a little crazy, so forgive me. The latest episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey was so sad. It's so frustrating when it's so clear what the problem is to the audience (most of us), but the person/people on the show just don't get it. Is that what comes from becoming a reality tv star? Do you become so detached from real life that you honestly believe you can do no wrong? In that case, I'll make sure never to be on a reality show. I want to remain self aware, thank you very much. But let's get right into the episode, kids.

Kathy: I'm sorry the pool party turned out to be a dud. Except for Rosie and the kids having fun together, it was sort of a disaster. I understand being upset that certain people didn't show up, that's always disappointing, even if they have valid reasons for not coming. It takes a lot of effort to plan, organize, and execute a party - even a backyard BBQ, and your efforts didn't go unnoticed. I love that you love to entertain. Hopefully, your parties in the future will not be as depressing as this one was. And it wasn't even anything you did! Richie was right to have the kids not invite their school friends. He knew what was coming. Unfortunately, you can't have Teresa over without her making a scene. And Joe Gorga made one, too. So it was even worse. Do the kids a favor, next year, just have a school-friends party. I admire you wanting everyone to get along, and be the "glue", but you have to step back at some point and see the situation for what it is. As long as Teresa has rocks for brains, which is apparent and evident, there is nothing you can do. Focus on the rest of your family, and enjoy yourself. Maybe Teresa will see that and decide that it's finally time to change her ways. Kathy's grade for the week: A (for effort and for staying positive).

Melissa: I am so glad you didn't get into it with Teresa at the pool party. You were playing with all of the kids and socializing, which is what you're supposed to do at a family function. Good for you. And props to you for not getting involved in your husband and Teresa's conversation. That right there shows that you respect their relationship enough to stay out of it and let them have their time together. I honestly do not believe that you are this gold-digging horsey-faced tramp, which you were so eloquently called by Joe Giudice. I was skeptical of you at first when you came on the show last season, but I can clearly see that you're not what Joe Giudice says you are. And if for any reason you haven't been 100% honest with the audience, and you are those things, then you deserve an Oscar, an Emmy, and a Tony for pulling the wool over my eyes. Which is not easy. I have to address all the rumors about you and your past. First of all, we all have made mistakes, and if you learned from them, that's all that matters. I'm not even that interested in your past. But, it would take the wind out of certain people's sails if you would admit to whatever it is that they keep bringing up about you - if it's true. We all know what's coming - the infamous Posche fashion show - and the allegations and supposed people from your past coming forward. Like I said, I like you and I think you're being very rational this season, so hopefully all this foolishness will subside and the truth prevails. Just make sure you're on the right side of the truth, that's all. Melissa's grade for the week: A (for acting like a grown up, but Joe Gorga gets an F, I'll explain later).

Caroline: I thought the anniversary gift and festivities were sweet, and it was nice to see you and Al reminisce about your years together. That's a wonderful blessing, and I can see that both of you appreciate each other immensely. However, I need you to stop talking negatively about your body. Talking about your turkey neck and cellulite is not necessary, and I have a feeling that's where Lauren gets her screwed up ideas about body image. Just stop criticizing yourself and maybe Lauren will, too. I don't blame you for not going to the pool party, because it was going to be a Teresa-fest, and I hope you let Kathy know exactly why you didn't show up. It isn't Kathy's fault that Teresa ruins every function she attends. I can see that you have nothing but animosity towards Teresa - and you may be completely right about her. I actually agree with you that she is insane, but saying that Melissa is a younger, better version of Teresa may be a tad bit over the line. I say, take all that animosity and turn it into something productive. I mean, you can only hold on to so much anger towards Teresa for so long. Let it go and channel that energy into a new project. Maybe a book of your own or a podcast or another radio show? And for the record, I'm so jealous of the Jaguar. But I'll get mine someday, too. I want a black one, though. Caroline's grade for the week: C (because she can do better at this point).

Jacqueline: The scene with Ashlee was a little hard to watch, because Ashlee was in a bad mood and the attitude crept back in. But the conversation ended on a positive note with some "I love you"s, so that was good. I was a little bit bummed that you didn't go to Kathy's pool party, but after watching the Teresa-and-Joe-bomb go off, it was for the best. You would have been in the middle and that's not a good look for you anymore. I liked the scene where you tried to relate your experience with Dina to Teresa's, and her reaction was priceless. Deflect, deflect, deflect. I swear NASA needs to look into what Teresa's skull is made of because that thing is impenetrable. In your blog this week, you clarify that your trainer was dealing with alcoholism at the time of shooting the episode, and she even contributed to your blog and told her story. I'm glad she had an outlet to explain her journey, because it was jarring to see this trainer go off and sneak sips out of a flask during a workout. But, hey, she got help and she's better for it now. Maybe others can learn from her story. I also want to thank you for being up front and honest in your blog and on Twitter. I know it's not always easy, but your candidness is appreciated. And all this happened a year ago! Reliving it probably doesn't always feel great. So thanks for keeping it real. Jacqueline's grade for the week: B (for working on her issues with Ashlee and trying to get through to Teresa).

Teresa: I left you for last for a reason. I'm not going to treat you with kid gloves anymore. I was disgusted with you and your husband this week. You do not listen to anyone, ever. I take that back. You listen to Joe Giudice, which is much, much worse. When a grown man calls another man's wife a tramp and says he knows who she's been with, whether it's true or not - it's out of line. I know Richie jokes about you and says you're a pea brain, but he has never talked about you in a sexual connotation. Joe Giudice spoke about Melissa in a sexual context and that is not right. You cannot spin that one. And like I said, even if it is true, number one - it's none of his business, and number two - if it was true, it was in the past, and she's a wife and mother now. I'm sure Joe Giudice made mistakes in his past, and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't appreciate someone bringing them up over and over. His current mistakes are out in public, and he's all butt hurt that people talk about them now. And then, for you to LAUGH as he calls Melissa all those horrible names, calls Kathy a frog face, and calls Rosie a BUTCHIE BOY??? Really?? Did Joe Giudice learn NOTHING from his F-word debacle? Joe Giudice is the worst kind of assh*le - he's proud of it. And apparently, so are you. Because you laughed at it, and you participated in it. Joe Giudice's motive becomes clear when he yells: "YOU DON'T NEED ANYBODY". So that's it. You don't need friends or family, because you have him. I wish I could pry your eyes open to see how f*cked up that man is. And you defend him in your blog, saying that he's old school. I'm sorry. That's not old school. That's psychotic. But enough about Joe Giudice. Let's address some of the things YOU said this week. Such as, Gia didn't like Melissa at first and kids have great intuition. Well, let's see. Kids take their cues from their parents, and you obviously didn't like Melissa (EVER), so that mystery has been solved. Then, you tell your brother that you're never going to tell him anything ever again, because he told Melissa about your comment regarding Melissa leaving your brother for a richer man. From now on, I'm calling it the "richer man" comment. To save time. Be real, Teresa. You tell your husband everything. It was proven during your lovely conversation mentioned earlier. So, don't be surprised that your brother tells his wife whatever he wants. And even if you have a problem with it, it's none of your business. He is married. He is a father. That is his primary concern. You are always going to be siblings, but he has to put his wife and kids first, just like you do. What the eff is so hard to understand about that?? Now, your brother was wrong for a few things - first, he should have left Joe Giuidice out of the conversation all together. Second, he should not have said he was "an angel", because let's face it, none of us are. Third, he should not have said that "God will punish you", because that was way out of line. You two definitely are related, because you both fight dirty. I will also let you know that calling Melissa the C-word probably hurt your case more than anything else. Your true feelings are out there, now, honey, so now, you have to DEAL WITH IT. No fake magazine apologies, no more vague blame-shifting blogs. OWN IT. Be the b*tch and stand by what you say. If you would just own your sh*t, people would at least give you credit for being honest. But you try to act like you have no idea why people are upset with you and it's all their fault. PLEASE. PLEASE be REAL. I know this all happened a year ago, but I swear, if you show up to the reunion with the same batsh*t attitude you had at the last reunion, you lose. You become the villain( you kind of already are), but you have time to turn it around. And if you don't believe me, just ask Danielle Staub and Jill Zarin how being the psycho villain worked out for them. Teresa's grade for the week: F (obviously).

Final thoughts: At this point, that therapy session needs to happen with Teresa and her brother STAT! No more one on one conversations, because neither of them are any good at those. THERAPY is MADE for people like this. Therapy will do wonders for them. Joe Gorga - you were so wrong for calling your sister a f*cking b*tch. That was not okay. Just as wrong as what she called your wife. No matter how upset you were, there was no excuse for that. Rosie, you are amazing and wonderful and if you want to have short hair and wear cute caps, DO YOU, like I know you will. You're beautiful just the way you are. Lastly, any Teresa fans that can explain how she's right for any of this craziness, please tweet me. If you can rationally and logically explain it, I will quote you in next week's blog.

There you have it, kids, you know what to do. Tweet me!